Survivor: Season Whichever

The pale fellow blew it by talking up how much of a Survivor historian he fancies himself. That never ends well.

So far my money is on the rancher with the cool mustache. In a just world Coach and him will run the table.

A pretty great premiere. Although, Redemption Island also had a fantastic opener. Fingers crossed this one continues to deliver the goods.

It's amazing how much goodwill Coach has built up since Tocantins. In that season I thought he was a total creep - albeit an ironically funny one with a fascinating Jesus complex. Then, he won me over with his medieval-themed appearance on Heroes Vs. Villains. Now he seems like a guy I'd actually want on my tribe. Charismatic, thoughtful and - dare I say it - a promising leader. If he can fight his own egotistic urges, he could have an interesting run. I don't think he can win, but he could go far.

Fuck Ozzy. Never liked him, still don't. He's a physical threat with a douchey attitude and zero mental game. He's got some cool characters on his tribe (Mark Zuckerberg: attorney at law, the jerky pot-dealer, Papa Bear). Hopefully they wise up to the fact he's useless at running the game and boot his ass. They deserve to hang around longer.

Loved Hantz Jr.'s bizarre paranoia regarding the potential temptations of the lingirie football player (who I can't imagine ever having even the slightest interest in him). Nice to see the immature misogynistic apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Also like Russell, he comes across as a trashy, thoroughly unlikeable little twerp. Only without the brilliant knack for strategy, shamelessness and showmanship. And who tattoos their last name on their body TWICE?

On one hand I was kind of bummed they voted out some of their best eye candy tonight.  But, I guess it's better she go than someone who can actually make the game interesting. We don't need a repeat of the last two seasons.

Please, oh please, let this be a return to classic form for Survivor.   

Cochrane needs to go.  Native American chick needs to stay.  That is all.  Stay tuned for further updates.

Friendly Asian cutie (Edna?) is my Survivor girlfriend this season, I believe.  

Okay start.  No one is instantly unlikable yet.  Cochrane isn't long for this season, alas.  Neither is the meltdowny older woman, either.  

Is it me, or is it completely annoying when someone nicknames themselves?  Papa Bear ... wtf ..... did he really just do that?

Clearly Ozzy will make it further then Coach, which is ashame.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jstraw80 

Is it me, or is it completely annoying when someone nicknames themselves?  Papa Bear ... wtf ..... did he really just do that?

No one--and I mean no one--is allowed to assign themselves a nickname.  It flies in the face of God and man and is, I believe, illegal in the lower 48 states.

Man, 'lil Hantz sure is a trainwreck of a player. It's fascinating how similarly he plays to Russell, except without any self-awareness or logic. I'd say he's the most dangerous type of player to keep in  the game. He's impossible to comprehend or predict, and operates on a stubborn weirdo code that's tough to grasp unless you're a mental patient. Coach may be crazy, but his pattern of play makes sense. Brandon is just a cluster bomb waiting to go off.  I'd love to hear Mikaela's reactions to these first two episodes. Foul temptress.

In many ways, this is the ideal situation for Coach. Perhaps the best he's ever had. In Tocantins, he was an unknown quantity and his eccentricities spelled his doom. In HvV, the all-stars were cutthroat and knew to exploit his loyalty and honour schtick to the fullest and toss him when they were done. But here, he's surrounded by people who have no idea what their doing but know he's trustworthy as long as they're loyal to him. For a tribe in such disarray, sticking with him makes a lot of sense. He offers a modicum of stability.  Hopefully, it'll keep him around longer. I'd love to see Coach play a more active role in controlling the game.

Ozzy has an idol. Yup. Interesting that it was hidden in a location that few outside of Ozzy were physically suited to journeying. Think Papa Bear, Cochrane or manic middle-aged lady was going to be scampering up those trees? Not blooming likely.

Next week's Redemption Island duel is going to be rivetting.

Gotta say, though, this was a good episode. I'm liking where this season is going so far. 

I love that the rancher spent pretty much the whole episode keeping mum, just observing, I still don't know his name but he's great.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Arjen Rudd 

God, Lil' Hantz is such a fucking creep. I'm pretty sure this is the first sexual witch hunt in Survivor history, and I wonder if it's really a crazy one-sided as the editing has made it appear. It must be, because they're going with this narrative.

 

That said, I'm not sorry to lose the scowling harridan. That's as it should be. I do feel a bit sorry for her unwitting friend, Older Black Woman.

 

Season looks good. Though I have to admit, it will never be as good as it used to be, back when I smoked pot.

Yeah, that "redemption" story kind went out the window tonight.  I love that his logic was basically, "We need to vote her off, or else I might have to fuck her."

This season is going to be a slow burn.  I have high hopes.

Also, am I the only one who noticed the blurring out of Coach's crotch when he was walking around in his grey Jockey's?

Really enjoyable episode. Unlike the last two seasons, the casting seems really spot-on. Everyone - outside of the two token hot chicks - has a fairly distinct, strong personality. It's not just a blatant Coach and Ozzy show.

Papa Bear had the makings of a good Survivor character. A genuinely fascinating backstory, and some charisma and brains. However, like many one-of-a-kind folks, he never found a foothold in the larger social game. Too bad, but I'd prefer to sacrifice him at the Tribal Council altar than Cochrane.

Semhar provided the best part of the episode with her strangely erotic spoken word hype-up session. I love when odd moments are stretched over uncomfortably extended periods of time. Like the Cook Islands tie-breaking fire challenge where neither contestant could conjure up a flame. Coach rolling his eyes and Probst mugging for all his worth? Gold.

The outcome was pretty much expected - and of no consequence to the game - but I will greatly miss Semhar's two wonderful friends in the weeks to come.

Brandy Hantz once again came with the crazy. His group session where he demanded everyone keep him out of the drama was social eptitude at its finest. Coach would be wise to cut him loose FAST and replace him with someone more stable. Like Mikaela.

Why would Ozzy show anyone his HII? Me thinks Father Fate is going to deal him a similar card as his last go-around very soon...

Team Cochran!

Anyone else kind of digging Sophie?  I think she might go far.  

Brandon seems like a genuinely tortured person.  I actually worry about his wife at home.  Dude has more issues than National Geographic.  

As far as I understand it, Mikayla must have given Brandon a hard on at some point in the first day on the island and with him being the kind of misogynistic Christian dude that he is, it's naturally all her fault.  I'm assuming at some point he's going to make a big deal about his pre-conversion ways and that he slept around a lot and maybe even cheated on his wife.  Never his fault of course.  And though I hope the little turd is incapable of breeding, he's probably got four daughters and his wife is pregnant with twins.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ratty 

Anyone else kind of digging Sophie?  I think she might go far.  

  

Yeah, she has serious potential. The question is whether she'll be targeted as a threat due to her obvious intelligence. If she can make bold moves without intimidating the slower folks, she could be golden.

I'm getting a strong power player vibe from Mikayla. She's getting a major underdog victim edit. I could see her taking Brandon's place in Coach's alliance and really being a competitor.

Not digging the fact I have Edna in my Survivor pool right now...

Another solid - if predictable - episode. This may not shape up to be a series' best, but it's looking like a nice recovery for the venerable show. I'm enjoying what I'm seeing, and that's a genuinely refreshing feeling.

This just in: The Moustache spoke! And it was gloriously anticlimactic. "He, uh, he snores. I dunno." Sweet, man! Keep 'em coming!

Stacey was a smart vote-off tribe-wise, but she was good for soundbites. Her use of the word "bones" 10 times in a single sentence had be roaring. Not a very savvy player, but a fun personality. Plus, she says things like "Blam!" and "Boom!." Can't hate that.

Papa Bear not only got booted but didn't get any Redemption Island face-time. That's cold, Burnett.

Coach was laying the truth down hard. Loved his confrontation with Brandon over Stacey's rumor-mongering. The man came to play, and I really respect that he's quick to admit he fucked up the last two times. He can't win, but I love that he's trying to change and play a different game. Unlike Ozzy.

I really hope Cochran and Jim create some turmoil in camp. An Ozzy-led pretty people alliance in control is entertainment poison.

Brandon Hantz continues to be crazy. And dangerous to every player in his tribe. But he can shoulder some serious weight. That is all.

I would give Survivor good money if they would just once find an African-American female contestant who wasn't an eye-rolling, sass-talking cliche.  Stacy and Christine are sure going to turn Redemption Island into a bitterpalooza next week.  

So far, this is half a good season.   Whenever they focus on Coach's team, it's genuinely interesting.   Ozzy's team, however, is dull as dishwater except for the bikinis.  

Go Sophie!

Well, Stacey sure showed them all who's boss at Redemption Island. Why, the two or three decipherable words she uttered will shake this game up in a big, bad way no doubt. Coach in charge? Get the fuck out!

Speaking of which, Coach has an idol! That's cool. Even cooler is that apparently from the age of 18 onwards his parents have referred to him as Coach. The mythology of this man is fascinating, and I hope to learn it all one day. Maybe I should start with this book...

Cochran is beginning to frustrate me. I love that he's a die hard fan, and has personality to spare, but man oh man is he a hopeless player. Just inept as a social player and thus unable to be a good strategic player. Too bad, I was pulling for him. Now I don't think his ejection would be any kind of injustice.

That said, he's head and shoulders above the rest of his tribe, charisma-wise. I'm warming to Jim, but dude's a total slime.

The first blind side! Booyah! Elise was a worthless player, so she's no loss. Just glad to see a potential end to the boring beautiful people alliance.

Next week: Ozzy sulks like a bitch.

Jesus Christ, Brandon cries more than a Miss America winner!

As much as I'm indifferent to Ozzy, getting rid of Cochrane is the right move.  He's waaaay too thin-skinned and socially awkward at this game.  

Most nauseating challenge ever.   I think they did this once before in one of the earliest seasons, but it seemed ten times more disgusting this evening.  

Kinda of a weak episode, but not without a few highlights:

-Ozzy being a whiny bitch.

-Cochrane calling Ozzy out for being a whiny bitch.

-A come-from-behind victory for immunity. I didn't want the red team to win, but damn if the blue team didn't blow it huge.

-Mikayla finally got her walking papers. Not in as spectacular fashion as I'd hoped, but whatever. Brandon hates the temptresses. And mirajuana.

-All this talk about tribe numbers come merge seems screwy to me. Doesn't shit usually get all mixed up once people on the bottom of the totem pole jump ship? It didn't happen last season, but it seems more common than one tribe holding together till the end.

What a dunderheaded move.

Big props to Probst for describing how JACK AND JILL is analogous to Survivor while keeping a straight face.

Yeah, I'm torn on Ozzy's move.

On one hand, it's utterly moronic. Why would a three-time SURVIVOR player assume that the game is going to play according to expectations? That's straight up amateur hour idiocy. And why does he also assume he can easily take down Christine at Redemption Island? The contests aren't physical competitions. He ain't going to be swimming against her. Does he consider himself to be a serious puzzle master? Also: why worry about taking Christine out when I'm pretty sure she'd far rather align with him than Coach's crew?

On the other hand, if it works he'll look like a genius. Sort of like JT's move of handing Russell an idol in HvV. It's only stupid if the gamble doesn't pay off. It isn't a straight-forward dimwit move like Tyson voting himself out of the game.

Plus, as much as I'm critical of Ozzy as a player, I'm glad he's at least making a bold move that shakes up the game. Whether it succeeds or fails, matters little.

Continuing on the Ozzy train, that was an admirable episode of crybaby poor-sportsmanship. The flying kick to the wall really sold me on what a truly great leader he is.

Cochrane continues to underwhelm he as a gamer. Imagine if - when Ozzy and crew were planning to send him to Redemption Island - he'd told them he'd purposely lose the match as payback. Something! Anything! The guy seems more thrilled about being on SURVIVOR than actually playing SURVIVOR.

First GULLIVER'S TRAVELS, now JACK & JILL. CBS really doesn't think much of its audiences' brain power, huih?  At least Coach seemed to derive something meaningful from that abortion. 

Oh, and lastly, the classic Coach eagle cry returned! Thank the maker!

Not sure how I feel about the enforced gang "praype" that Coach insisted on.  That was . . .  unsettling.  

I'm not sure what Redemption Island challenges Ozzy's tribe has been watching, but Christine has all but written 'I Hate The Fuck Outta My Former Team" on her forehead, and she's a challenge monster.  They want to keep Cochran and get rid of her?   Idiots.

yup, exactly ... no mastermind or overall villian present.

Jim seems to have the makings of a mastermind, but hasn't gone all-in yet.  We'll see.  

That was exciting television. Major yuks from Cochran's "I swapped. I'll explain."

Cochrane finally earned his keep. It's baffling to me how alliances on Survivor can be so condescending and dickish when people on the bottom of the totem pole jump ship. Why wouldn't they? Especially in a case like Cochrane, where the males on the tribe are often being full-on bullies? I'm glad he didn't continue to tolerate his lowly position like wishy-washy Dawn. I mean, after listening to Keith's macho bullshit harrassment about Ozzy fighting Cochrane's battles by going to Redemption, who among us wouldn't have flipped them the proverbial bird?! And Jim calling him a coward? Big words coming from a guy who back-stabbed his own alliance a mere three episodes ago.

Brandon may be a nutjob, but he earned serious goodwill from me for telling off Ozzy and Jim after the vote. Brandon and Cochrane. I like the sound of that...

However, all that aside, I was floored by Coach's gameplay tonight. His talk with Cochrane, where he broke down the nature of the situation and completely shot down the dude's lame manufactured story, was riveting. Coach often seems like he has his head in the clouds, but this was a masterful bit of human psychology. And it worked.

So I guess Ozzy's big move was pretty much a wash. Yeah, he booted Christine. But if he'd just booted Cochrane, he could have easily persuaded Christine to join him and decreased the chance of a flipping. Oh well.

Also: Probst's deadpan silence after Ozzy's Redemption Island hambone performance was comic gold. Keep sending the  Emmys that man's way!

Thank God they're zipping through some of these eliminations.

Tee-hee, Ozzy wrote "Cock."

Sophie's choice?  To vomit now or later.  Still rooting for her, though, even with coconut puke-breath.  

I'm loving the Brandon/Cochrane bromance. Brandon busting up Ozzy's private convo with Coch-train was awesome - almost as awesome as Mr. Hantz arriving to Tribal in a telltale red tanktop. So cute. I hope they form a junior detective agency.

I love that Ozzy went from defending charges of being a bully to full-on threatening everyone with a Redemption Island beatdown. That man is a confused player. So is Jim, if he thought his team loyalty plea to oust Cochrane would work. Hell, even Dawn and Whitney gave up on the Ozz-man and voted against him.

Cochrane continues to frustrate me. He refuses to take a firm stance on his decisions, and seems content to play the tribe clown. Not a winning strategy.

It's been a very interesting season. Ozzy's proved he has zero social game; every bit of influence he has comes from being a veteran player and challenge monster. Coach has, somewhat, redeemed himself. Sure, he's still a pompous, self-righteous camera hog, but he appears to have learned quite a bit about dealing with people and making some kind of uneasy peace between his imagined honor and the wiles necessary to succeed in the game. His posing and praying for the camera range from hilarious to odious, but the forced group prayers ("On your knees!") is just odious.

I'm sorta cheering for Sophie, too - she's obviously very smart, and has done a good job riding the current so far.

Anyone else finding Whitney very, very hot, even with bugbites?

It's weird how Brandon's sort of been edited to almost wallflower status, given his insane rantings earlier in the season. Though I loved the bromantic moment between Cochrane and him at the table. Someone needs to print and frame that and send it to him, as I can only imagine how his childish faith views homosexuals.

I think the one thing we can count on is Brandon giving a potentially glorious Final Tribal performance, either as a finalist or a juror.  

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ratty 

I think the one thing we can count on is Brandon giving a potentially glorious Final Tribal performance, either as a finalist or a juror.  

I'd bet on it. It's really painful listening to him, though, especially as someone with a modicum of faith. The "theology" he espouses is essentially baby talk, with no depth or real application. He is young, though, and I'm sure the version of Christianity that's been peddled to him is pure LCD stuff.

It's starting to look like Sophie's got this.  I hope.  

Why does Ozzy keep quasi-bullying all of his potentional jury votes? Who would want to vote for the guy who keeps pissily announcing "I'm working out everyday! When you get voted out I'm going to make you fish and then destroy you!"  I can't believe I'm saying this, but I think his social game may be hitting new lows.

Coach, on the other, is killing it this season. If he can keep his cult relatively subdued, and maintain the majority numbers, he's pretty much golden for Final Three. The question is whether Albert, Sophie  and Cochrane continue to play their roles or make a bold move. I'm not sure I even want them to do the latter...

"Rick isn't even playing!" Well said, Whitney.

I'm glad Dawn is gone. She's way too wishy washy and emotionally unstable to deserve anything approaching a win.

Next week: Recap episode. Hoo...ray?

I usually loathe recap episodes, but this was a really, really entertaining Coach/Cochrane/Brandon compilation. Loved seeing the return of Bitchy Coach, both in his fat-eating revenge on Mikaela and in his frothing-at-the-mouth irritation with Ozzy's shelter-building efforts. Really funny stuff. His bit on recognizing Cochrane's exploitable attributes was also a nice closer peak into his unusually strong gameplay.

I'm surprised Brandon's Chickengate didn't make it into an episode. Back in the quaint old days that would have fuelled an entire hour.

Rick got a confessional!

Well, that was a surprisingly inglourious end for Cochrane. And, don't let the previews fool you into expecting the unexpected, it was the end. He ain't beating Ozzy. No way, no how.

Such a disappointing player. So often fans like myself wish the show would cast more actual Survivor fans. But then they do, and you get Rick, Christine and Cochrane. The former two are fodder, but Cochrane had promise. Unfortunately, in a social game, being socially inept doesn't exactly open doors, and he simply didn't have the confidence to evolve or navigate the complicated personal dynamics very well. I loved that he screwed over Ozzy and co., but he never had much of a plan for how to proceed from there.

Oh well, he'll be back for All-Stars 3. And likely voted out first or second.

Otherwise, this episode wasn't much of an attention-grabber. But, how could it be with Rick, Edna and Albert receiving so much airtime? Ozzy beating Whitney and Dawn? Shocker.

Did love Jim's look of disgust at TC over Brandon's 10,000th emotion breakdown...

Sophie is absolutely in the zone this season.  I haven't seen a player this seemingly unflappable in a long time.  

Fuck Cochrane.  The dude had an epically bad social game, so I'm not at all sorry to see him go.  

I'd give anything for Cochrane or anybody else to take out Ozzy. So tired of his whole "This is where I belong. I'm getting stronger" spiel.