Ask Skeletor.

Lord Skeletor.

There is a village two townships from my castle. Their very existence offends me, yet they do not fear me.

How can I show them my might? How can I get them to quiver at the mere mention of the name "Mike's Pants"?

Skeletor,

Is the 50-50 revenue split the right prescription for the NBA's next collective bargaining agreement?

His Majesty Skeletor,

Are you the Bennett to He-Man's John Matrix?

Dear S,

I'm having a hard time getting motivated about my personal goals. You've conquered Eternia, driven all your enemies beneath your feet, and still have time to do a letter column. Goodness! Any helpful hints on maximizing productivity?

Absolute fried gold!  Please keep 'em coming, Ken!

Fun times Ken, I like how you roll.

(I also note that Skeletor laughs in the face of spellcheck. Please don't hurt me.)

Overlord Skeletor,

I recently borrowed my neighbour's ladder to do do some work clearing out the guttering and when I was done I put it away in my own garage. Just now I was out edging the lawn and he popped his friendly, smiling head over the fence to say if it wasn't too much trouble could I please return his ladder when I have a spare moment some time because he needs it next week. But if I give him his ladder back I won't have a ladder in my garage, and it's very useful to always have a ladder at the ready.

What shoud I do?

All-Powerful Skeletor,

My wife is pregnant again.  Do you have any advice in this matter?

Skellz,

Another day, another issue. It seems I'm no longer fit to work at Hula Burger. I got a temp job there for research while I write my new spec script. Any, after a night of assorted hijinks with unnamed companions, I've sustained a mild rupture. It's worse than it sounds really, but there is a mild, well… effluence. Despite the fact that recovery should be a jiff, and the substance is mostly contained, its flammability is what's keeping me off the fry-o-lator. My argument is that the fry-o-lator is electric, not flame-driven, so there should be no danger for the three days or so until the wound finishes suppurating, but my boss Regina says that at the very least it's off-putting. Long/short, I'm certain I pose less than a 10% safety hazard, which is more than I can say for the milkshake machine. Should I be thinking lawyer?

Classic!

So wise. So powerful.

Lord Skeletor, 

1. Dr. Doom was interviewed in 'Overlord Monthly' and is quoted as saying that you were "teh sux". What would you like done with him?

2. My department is sinking like the Titanic; unreasonable targets, painful shift patterns and ugly, ugly colleagues. Should I murder the key members of senior management, crack open their skulls and feast on the warm goo inside?

3. Having you considered an "Apprentice" style event to nominate your second in command. "Mike's Pants, you will be set on fire" etc.

4. For a guy called Skeletor you are in surprisingly good shape. What regime do you follow to attain such a magnificent phyisque and do the lady skeletons go for muscles?

Lord Skeletor,

I was on a stag do last night and being the wannabe kiwi I am, I skulled (pun not intended) half a glass of Wild Turkey when asked.

Some of my fellow stags refused this, and advised me that I was a muppet to even do it and in fact that the whole practice (forcing alcohol on people) was not welcome in the 21st Century.

Are they worthless killjoy idiots or am I really a muppet?