Twin Sitters

Up until a month ago I was a naive fool. I frolicked in my ignorance and thought I knew my place in the world. Right up until a turned on the television and purely at random discovered ambrosia.(the stuff god's drink, not the popular progressive/soft rock band. Just want to make that clear)

It's name? Twin Sitters. My eyes? Opened.

Starring the Barbarian brothers(who's greatest feat is being cut out of Natural Born Killers) Twin Sitters is an epic tale of two muscle-bound retarded twins who luck into the thankless position of watching over two much younger, less muscled, but equally retarded twins. Protecting them from the ruthless minions of crime boss George Lazenby(!) who wants to stop the younger twin's rich uncle from testifying about toxic waste and shit. The pair of twins of course bond, learn valuable lessons, defeat the bad-guys, and engage in delightfully light-hearted slapstick. All for a confused audience at home who wonders if mentally ill human beings or some intelligent form of shrimp directed this strange wonder.

Seriously after The Room this has become my illict drug film of choice. Much to my frequent giggles, and my girlfriend's stony silence.

Does this sweeten the pot for you?

Yes. And this is about the most normal piece of wardrobe that either brother wears throughout the course of the film. One of the other outfits involves a telephone cord wrapped around them, and attached to a hat or some shit.

A few things the trailer doesn't show of course.

1. The kids have an attractive tutor teacher who looks kinda like an off-brand model of Jennifer Connelly, and both of the Barbarians are madly smitten with her. This results in a giant wrestling match between the both of them throughout the mansion which is only stopped when the teacher agrees to date the both of them at on.

2.  According to the universe of this film nobody has ever seen a twin before and is thus taken by complete suprise whenever two people who look the same are in the frame together. Near the end this is used to combat the villians when the Barbarian brothers recruit a rather sterotypical jive-talkin' pair of black twins, and two Kung-Fu fighting Chinese twins.

3. There's also a super lustful latina maid, her gardener boyfriend, and a black cook who of course is kinda feisty. Naturally these characters are all quite delightfully racist.

4. At two points in the movie the Barbarians resort to torture in order to get what they want. The first involves a bank manager who won't give them money and thus is force fed pasta while one brother holds him down. The other involves dragging a man over to a photocopier and slamming his head down on it, and using the pictures of his smushed face to see if he's lying.

5. George Lazenby seems to be holding back vast reservoirs of contempt for everybody around him.