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Brett Ratner has a small penis

post #1 of 185
11/5/11 at 3:11pm
Thread Starter 

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/11/04/brett-ratner-olivia-munn-sex_n_1075626.html

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post #2 of 185
11/5/11 at 3:18pm

Shrimp fat?

 

Ew.

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post #3 of 185
11/5/11 at 3:57pm

Is there a support group for women who fucked Brett Ratner? Because though I am not a woman, and have never fucked Brett Ratner, just hearing the details of his sex life soils my body and soul to point that I think I might need someone to talk to.

 

Addendum: If I was in Brett Ratner's position, worse shit would probably be said about me...

 

 

Excerpt from Random Hollywood Starlet's Autobiography: "On certain nights, when we had sex, he would insist on watching tapes of show's I recorded with the Mickey Mouse Club...when I was eight-years-old. On other nights, he would wear tattered-Hulk clothes (memorabilia from the old TV show that he claimed "increases my potency") and would only ever speak in his normal, non-Hulk voice after I cradled him in my arms and fed him apple sauce...which he rarely kept in his mouth." 

 

 

Excerpt from Random Hollywood Actor's Autobiography: "He insisted that he wasn't gay, that he was only having sex with me to get into the mindset of a homosexual prison rapist character that was in a screenplay he was writing for Warner Bros. Then, while we were doing it, he put his foot on my neck and screamed at me in German...even though he didn't speak German. I found out later that the script he was writing for Warner Bros. was a Harry Potter prequel."

 

 

 

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post #4 of 185
11/5/11 at 4:27pm

This thread has officially ruined any chance of Olivia Munn ever getting me hard ever again.  Thanks a ton for ruining a hot girl for me forever.

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post #5 of 185
11/5/11 at 4:34pm

I know. I'm also strangely disappointed in her.

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post #6 of 185
11/5/11 at 4:45pm

Ratner sounds vile, just very gross

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post #7 of 185
11/5/11 at 6:24pm

Isn't saying a guy has a small penis the "go to" insult for women when a guy breaks up with them? It's cliche. It's time to think of something better, smarter and wittier, girls.

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post #8 of 185
11/5/11 at 6:34pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Princess Kate View Post

Ratner sounds vile, just very gross

Because of what he said in the article? I don't like Ratner's films at all but hey she came out swinging first.

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post #9 of 185
11/5/11 at 7:04pm
For all his faults, I've never heard of Ratner sleeping with a director to get a job. Point: Ratner.
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post #10 of 185
11/5/11 at 8:00pm


u

Quote:
Originally Posted by Waaaaaaaalt View Post



Because of what he said in the article? I don't like Ratner's films at all but hey she came out swinging first.



 

Just the mental image of the shrimp thing. Ugh

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post #11 of 185
11/5/11 at 10:36pm

I knew a very attractive girl once who interned in one of the offices of his company. He would constantly ask her out for dates, as she was beautiful, but involved with another man. And yet, it never stopped him, and his own response to her ignoring him was, "But you don't understand. I'm Brett Ratner."

 

Not much of a story, but it's not like I needed any more of a reason to dislike him or think he was skeevy.

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post #12 of 185
11/6/11 at 1:56am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brendan View Post

Isn't saying a guy has a small penis the "go to" insult for women when a guy breaks up with them? It's cliche. It's time to think of something better, smarter and wittier, girls.



Yeah, small penis means nothing anymore.  Now, if he can't keep it hard and spunks after thirty seconds, get the FUCK outta here!

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post #13 of 185
11/6/11 at 1:19am

Just like alternate timeline Bieber!

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post #14 of 185
11/6/11 at 1:45am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gabe T View Post

and his own response to her ignoring him was, "But you don't understand. I'm Brett Ratner."

I love stories like that. There was one about Stuart Townsend going around saying, "I'm in Lord of the Rings, will you suck my cock?". What makes it extra funny (or sad) is the fact that he was cut from the movie and replaced by Viggo Mortensen.

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post #15 of 185
11/6/11 at 2:24am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Princess Kate View Post


u



 

Just the mental image of the shrimp thing. Ugh


But what about the Sound? Imagine the SOUND Kate.

 

"Squshsqushsqshshsqushsqshshsqushsqshshsqushsqshshsqushsqshshsqushsqshshsqushsqsh"

 

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post #16 of 185
11/6/11 at 2:34am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nardo View Post




But what about the Sound? Imagine the SOUND Kate.

 

"Squshsqushsqshshsqushsqshshsqushsqshshsqushsqshshsqushsqshshsqushsqshshsqushsqsh"

 



 

Not to be vulgar, but it's the thought of the smell that turns my stomach

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post #17 of 185
11/6/11 at 11:08am

     Quote:

Originally Posted by HarleyQuinn22 View Post



Yeah, small penis means nothing anymore.


I've never been told this by an ex, which I'm going to assume means I'm just awesome.

 

(Or more likely that I date smart girls who can think up far more destructive insults than that, but I think I prefer to fall back on the 'awesome' idea.)

 

Directors using their names to get laid is hardly new.  Don't you guys know anything about Bryan Singer?  That guy fucks more wide-eyed young boys than a priest.

 

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post #18 of 185
11/6/11 at 11:53am
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dark Shape View Post

     Quote:

 

Directors using their names to get laid is hardly new.  Don't you guys know anything about Bryan Singer?  That guy fucks more wide-eyed young boys than a priest.

 


Yeah, but at least Singer doesn't unequivocally suck; Ratner's oeuvre of suck just magnifies any and all of his infractions. 

 

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post #19 of 185
11/6/11 at 12:51pm

So only good directors get to use the casting couch?

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post #20 of 185
11/6/11 at 1:02pm

You think Micheal Bay makes little explosion sounds when he uses the "casting couch"?

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post #21 of 185
11/6/11 at 1:11pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by HarleyQuinn22 View Post

So only good directors get to use the casting couch?



Yes

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post #22 of 185
11/6/11 at 2:58pm



 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Princess Kate View Post



 

Not to be vulgar, but it's the thought of the smell that turns my stomach



But, what if it glows in the dark...?

 

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post #23 of 185
11/6/11 at 3:41pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Graham View Post



 



But, what if it glows in the dark...?

 


Thanks for that image, every time I almost forget about those shrimp it all comes flooding back

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post #24 of 185
11/6/11 at 3:48pm

I see where Kate is coming from. The pungent mixture of spunk, sweaty hog fat, shrimp, and whatever cockblister unguent Ratner masturbates with is not a medley of noxious funk I wish to experience anytime in the near or distant future.

 

As for Munn, I never watched Attack of the Show and I don't know a whole lot about her, so if she wants to muck-up whatever pseudo-celebrity status she's achieved by "covertly" trashing a notorious loud-mouth like Ratner, then that's on her. Besides, if you're going to try to fuck your way to the top, surely there are better options.

 

I hear this guy can get you places, he's got connections, and he's reaaaaal chill....

 

CORPSE_LOMAX.jpg

 

 

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post #25 of 185
11/6/11 at 3:50pm

....and he knows international mega-movie star Andrew McCarthy!

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post #26 of 185
11/6/11 at 6:18pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by HarleyQuinn22 View Post

So only good directors get to use the casting couch?


  Just thinking out loud here, but you know who would have an awkward casting coach?  Steven Spielberg.        

 

 

 

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post #27 of 185
11/6/11 at 6:23pm

Rumors are that his nickname "The Beard" was earned well before he grew one. It had something to with a predilection for face-sitting, so I hear.

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post #28 of 185
11/6/11 at 6:24pm

Aw, Spielberg would be a total gentleman.

 

But into some kinky stuff...

 

"I need you to open up like Jaws..."

http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lhozz82TOX1qc5xw5o1_500.jpg

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post #29 of 185
11/6/11 at 6:26pm

Kinkiness would explain the unusually high budgets for whips during the Indy shoots.

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post #30 of 185
11/6/11 at 6:42pm
Crispin Glover is, in some circles, more famous for calling Spielberg a pederast and calling for the man's untimely death than he is for his own body of film work.
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post #31 of 185
11/6/11 at 6:53pm

From what I remember, Crispin Glover famously told Spielberg to "get his damn hands off of them!" then let loose with a nasty left hook.

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post #32 of 185
11/6/11 at 7:35pm

To be honest, and I'm not joking, I've always found Spielberg's virtual obsession with children and childhood to be a tad curious. That might be b/c the culture we live in has beaten into my brain the idea that freaky, beige or maroon Members Only jacket-wearing pedos are but a stone's throw away at all times, but it's just something that's been in the back of my mind about the man for years.

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post #33 of 185
11/6/11 at 7:52pm

That and mix it with his daddy issues.

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post #34 of 185
11/6/11 at 8:00pm
It could be something as banal as the crass audience manipulation he's accused of in the thread I linked. Hook goes to such bizarre lengths to sensualize the kids, though. I have to wonder if this is who Corey Feldman is talking about.
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post #35 of 185
11/6/11 at 8:15pm

Walter ET.jpg

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post #36 of 185
11/7/11 at 8:46am
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dark Shape View Post


Don't you guys know anything about Bryan Singer?



If I was him and I was trying to get laid, I wouldn't even bother to mention my career as successful Hollywood movie director. I would just keep a file full of pictures of my real life cousin with me at all times to show people. Mad tail, I tells ya.

 

 

2010-12-02-marc_singer.jpg

 

 

282887.jpg

 

 

marcsinger_5.jpg

 

 

0000058050_20090610100541.jpg

 

 

 

PS. I know just one image could have got my point across, but really how often does one get to post pictures of Marc "ACTION STANCE" Singer?

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post #37 of 185
11/7/11 at 10:00am

Is...is that Nicky Katt?

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post #38 of 185
11/7/11 at 10:24am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Freeman View Post

This thread has officially ruined any chance of Olivia Munn ever getting me hard ever again.  Thanks a ton for ruining a hot girl for me forever.



Olivia Munn. X-Men, Hannibal Lector... he has ruined many thing I used to like.  

 

 

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post #39 of 185
11/7/11 at 10:42am

Well if his career bottoms out, he can always shoot commercials for Red Lobster.

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post #40 of 185
11/7/11 at 10:58am

I guess this explains his movies:

 

http://www.avclub.com/articles/brett-ratner-believes-rehearsing-is-for-fags,64711/

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post #41 of 185
11/7/11 at 12:04pm
Thread Starter 

I once met a girl who was an extra in Rush Hour 3.  She told me Ratner would set up a shot, leave and then come back 15 minutes later (probably after doing blow in his trailer) and yell at the crew about it not being the way he set the shot up.  She didn't know if he was being a genuine asshole or trying to show off in front of the myriad of hot girls on the set.  She said he was a complete incompetent.

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post #42 of 185
11/7/11 at 12:21pm

And for a minute I thought that post was going to end with "then she let him sniff coke off her ass"

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post #43 of 185
11/7/11 at 3:16pm
Thread Starter 

This just in:

 

Brett Ratner never uses a condom, has every girl get tested by his personal doctor first.  And he's so good at eating pussy, women cry during the act.

 

This and more can be found in the recent Howard Stern interview.

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post #44 of 185
11/7/11 at 3:49pm

What's kind of terrible, but kind of great, is that he can say absurd shit like this and still get laid more times in a week than I will in a year. Money, fame, and power is a hell of a drug.

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post #45 of 185
11/7/11 at 3:54pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ambler View Post

This just in:

 

Brett Ratner never uses a condom, has every girl get tested by his personal doctor first.  And he's so good at eating pussy, women cry during the act.

 

This and more can be found in the recent Howard Stern interview.

 

 

I believe he also said he lied about having sex with Munn, and just wanted to make her look like a whore.

Classy guy, that one.

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post #46 of 185
11/7/11 at 4:05pm

Is it too late for him to lose the producing gig for the Oscars? I mean, as far as I can tell, no one in the media ever really pays attention to who's producing the show, so bad publicity is probably not a hell of a big concern, but the illusion of prestige is sort of shattered when you put such a trashy douchebag in charge of the biggest night in the industry. Of course, you've got Eddie Murphy hosting and he does not have a history of being well-loved by his co-workers (even James Earl Jones couldn't stand him).

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post #47 of 185
11/7/11 at 4:40pm

My favorite rumor to come out of this.

 

http://www.crazydaysandnights.net/2011/11/blind-item-revealed.html

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post #48 of 185
11/7/11 at 4:54pm

Too perfect.

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post #49 of 185
11/7/11 at 4:55pm

Why am I not suprised Ratner and Bay might have a private sex-book blog?

 

Though I am suprised they'd keep it private. If only because I can't imagine those guys having that discipline.

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post #50 of 185
11/7/11 at 5:02pm

over under that Bay screwed Megan Fox and Shia?

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