Brett Ratner has a small penis - Page 4

I don't understand. This thread is supposed to be about what a small penis the small-penised Brett Ratner has.

It's very, very small, apparently.

Anyway, the one Ratner flick that kinda works for me is Red Dragon, and only because not only did he entice a great cast, he got Kristi Zea to come back as production designer, so the thing at least looks like it belongs in the canon. I certainly don't remember any bold, innovative Brett Ratner directorial touches, but he didn't fuck up the material too badly. I'll watch that again over Hannibal Rising, which is praise so faint it's like a pencil sketch on a foggy night.

He's your basic point-and-shoot hack; Hollywood's infested with them. Ratner's real crime may be that he's been handed the keys to two geek franchises, and he's seen as the guy who killed the X-Men series for a while. Also, from what I've heard — and you may not be aware of this — his penis is notable for its smallness.

Slightly off-topic, but am I the only who liked "The Family Man"? I really dug that movie. I know it's basically just an "It's A Wonderful Life" rip-off and has some cliché elements like Don Cheadle's magical guide character, but it got to me.

Nicolas Cage and Tea Leoni were really sweet together and I actually liked it more than "It's A Wonderful Life", mostly because Jimmy Stewart annoys the hell out of me. He was such a doofus. He's obviously in many great movies, but he's always my least favourite thing in them.

I'm not defending Ratner as a strong director and he hasn't done anything worthwhile in a long time, but his filmography started off pretty decent. I enjoyed "Red Dragon" and the first two "Rush Hour" movies as well.

The fact is, Brett Ratner doesn't elevate material. In fact, he does the exact opposite. I imagine a Brett Ratner Marathon actively making you a stupider person. His films are empty polemics, all grandstanding bullshit in service of the world's most unimaginative viewpoints. He doesn't have the stones to be Michael Bay and say, Fuck it, I'm going to be outwardly racist and sexist. He just buries it in the text. Hence, the Magical Negro in Family Man. Hence, turning Hannibal into Freddy Krueger in Red Dragon. Hence, Rogue learning she has to be a "better person" and change for the love of her two-timing boyfriend in X-Men.

Brett Ratner makes stupid movies.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Martin Blank 

I don't understand. This thread is supposed to be about what a small penis the small-penised Brett Ratner has.

 

It's very, very small, apparently.

 

Anyway, the one Ratner flick that kinda works for me is Red Dragon, and only because not only did he entice a great cast, he got Kristi Zea to come back as production designer, so the thing at least looks like it belongs in the canon. I certainly don't remember any bold, innovative Brett Ratner directorial touches, but he didn't fuck up the material too badly. I'll watch that again over Hannibal Rising, which is praise so faint it's like a pencil sketch on a foggy night.

See I had the exact opposite reaction, this was the moment I gave up on Ratner for life.

The dude had the third film in an insanely popular book and film series, he got to play with the best, most exciting book out of the bunch too, he filled the film with some of the best actors of this generation - and yet he managed to make a boring, bland film.

Fucking unforgivable.

I'll take the mad talentless passion of a guy like Uwe Boll before I'll put up with that kind of 'blah'.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gabe T 

The fact is, Brett Ratner doesn't elevate material. In fact, he does the exact opposite. I imagine a Brett Ratner Marathon actively making you a stupider person. His films are empty polemics, all grandstanding bullshit in service of the world's most unimaginative viewpoints. He doesn't have the stones to be Michael Bay and say, Fuck it, I'm going to be outwardly racist and sexist. He just buries it in the text. Hence, the Magical Negro in Family Man. Hence, turning Hannibal into Freddy Krueger in Red Dragon. Hence, Rogue learning she has to be a "better person" and change for the love of her two-timing boyfriend in X-Men.

 

Brett Ratner makes stupid movies.

The only thing that bothers me is when people throw that Rogue thing in there. Im not sure if that was Ratner and she is the kind of person "the cure" was meant for. I understand the themes of X-men but how far can you really take that?  People say she changed for a guy but he was really just the catalyst. She isn't changing because the world hates her or even because of one boy but because SHE CAN'T TOUCH ANYONE WITHOUT KILLING THEM. Can you imagine walking through your whole life that way? Everyone else gets cool powers but gets to be normal otherwise(beast exception) but she doesn't. If it wasn't this boyfriend it would be another. How can she ever find anyone if they can't touch her, that is kind of important in a relationship. Truth be told I could even imagine Beast taking it. Again I get that the theme is accepting them as they are but how is he ever going to find a mate? I don't mean in a "people are bigoted and shallow" way met I mean he is literally an animal at this point. Humans biologically aren't attracted to animals outside of some of certain creepy websites.

Rouge's mutation ment she would kill anyone she had sex with.

Kinda like AIDS.

I can see why she wanted a cure.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Barkatthemoon 

Rouge's mutation ment she would kill anyone she had sex with.

 

Kinda like AIDS.

 

I can see why she wanted a cure.

But thats so sexist! She changed for a guy! Guys should just accept her for who she is....someone who murders you with their vagina. He could jerk off I mean hey who really needs to touch their loved ones right?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Waaaaaaaalt 

The only thing that bothers me is when people throw that Rogue thing in there. Im not sure if that was Ratner and she is the kind of person "the cure" was meant for. I understand the themes of X-men but how far can you really take that?  People say she changed for a guy but he was really just the catalyst. She isn't changing because the world hates her or even because of one boy but because SHE CAN'T TOUCH ANYONE WITHOUT KILLING THEM. Can you imagine walking through your whole life that way? Everyone else gets cool powers but gets to be normal otherwise(beast exception) but she doesn't. If it wasn't this boyfriend it would be another. How can she ever find anyone if they can't touch her, that is kind of important in a relationship. Truth be told I could even imagine Beast taking it. Again I get that the theme is accepting them as they are but how is he ever going to find a mate? I don't mean in a "people are bigoted and shallow" way met I mean he is literally an animal at this point. Humans biologically aren't attracted to animals outside of some of certain creepy websites.

By your reading of the film, Rogue should have then confronted the unsupportive, two-timing Iceman and shoved it right in his face at the end. He starts seeing another girl and Rogue still meekly goes back to him after taking the (not-permanent!) cure. Nevermind the fact that this gives no resolution to Kitty Pryde's emotions at all.

Mind you, this is a movie where Phoenix is punished for having an uncontrolled libido, where Mystique goes turncoat for completely empty motivations ("Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned!") and a security guard threatens to mace a ten year old girl* in the face. Having Storm electrocute one of the Morlocks in a badass manner doesn't erase the instances of men calling women a "bitch" in this movie.
 

Clearly, these are enlightened sexual dynamics at play.

*Yes, I know it's Mystique in disguise. Still grotesque.

What about the fact that they killed off three of the series' most prolific characters in an effort to have Wolverine Jackman take the lead role? Does anyone remember that THAT happened? I stopped giving a shit about Rogue mid X2 when I saw they were going to go the "whimpering, helpless girl-woman" route with her. You know.. just like the comic books.

What about the utterly LAUGHABLE repersentation of Juggernaut?

The only, ONLY redeeming part of this movie was Iceman headbutting non-British Pyro. That's it. Fifteen seconds in a two-hour movie. 100% Grade A TERRIBLE.

I thought the worst part was increasing Storm's role to co-leader with Wolverine.  Wolverine is not a leader, he's an anti-hero... and Halle Berry is no Sigorney Weaver, she doesn't have the physicality, let alone acting skill, to be a believable leader of a combat unit.  

As far as Rogue goes, I'm sure if she they really wanted to, Beast could of developed a paid of condom like pants for him to wear.  

Well, I would have bought Storm as the new leader is she hadn't thrown that stupid hissy fit at the beginning of the movie ("There's nothing wrong with ANY of us!"). But yeah, Wolverine rea-

You know what? I could go on all day about X-Men: The Last Stand. let's just stop here.

I'm sure to porn star Belladonna, 7-9 inches is a small penis, so you gotta take the woman's sexual history into account when they say stuff like this.

I must've missed her role in X-men 3.  

Belladonna was in X3?  Was she FistGirl or something?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gabe T 

 

By your reading of the film, Rogue should have then confronted the unsupportive, two-timing Iceman and shoved it right in his face at the end. He starts seeing another girl and Rogue still meekly goes back to him after taking the (not-permanent!) cure. Nevermind the fact that this gives no resolution to Kitty Pryde's emotions at all.

 

Mind you, this is a movie where Phoenix is punished for having an uncontrolled libido, where Mystique goes turncoat for completely empty motivations ("Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned!") and a security guard threatens to mace a ten year old girl* in the face. Having Storm electrocute one of the Morlocks in a badass manner doesn't erase the instances of men calling women a "bitch" in this movie.
 

Clearly, these are enlightened sexual dynamics at play.

 

*Yes, I know it's Mystique in disguise. Still grotesque.

Again I don't completely disagree with anything you said except the Rogue thing. You might be right, maybe she should have left him. However he didn't exactly cheat on her though did he? I mean he never exactly had sex with her. He was drawn to her because she could give him the one thing Rogue never could. And im not even talking about sex exactly, this dude couldn't even sleep in the same fucking bed as her because if he rolled over in the middle of the night he could die. Her looking at him moving away from her is just a reminder that this is going to happen with every single romantic interest in her life. I mean she probably isn't going to stay with him for the rest of life life, who does at that age? But at least now she has a shot at a relationship with SOMEONE. Plus now she can do sill things like hug her mother. Sometimes people do need to make a change in their life if the thing that needs changing is ruining their life. I would say that touching people and murdering them is right up there. Your telling me taking the cure wasn't the smartest thing for her to do to have a happier life? You wouldn't have done it?

Mystique's motivations aren't completely empty BUT they do seem that way because we don't get to spend any time with her this time around. The person who loves her and accepted her for who she really is just completely dismissed her without a second thought. Now she would still support the cause of course because I don't think her beliefs were purely based on who she was fucking. However now she is completely human. Now suddenly all of this wiping out human kind business is going to affect her as well. She would still be pro mutant but she wouldn't want to do it Magnetos way because that would negatively affect her. Of course I do agree the scorned woman line was terrible and may be all the Ratner was going for in terms of her reasons why but when you step back her betrayal makes perfect sense.

10 year old scene didn't actually bother me. I like that Mystique is fucking with people that way and that for maybe a half sec the audience is uncomfortable.

Phoenix though I agree with 100% and that is the movie's truest sin(aside from just straight plot stuff). Women getting called bitch I don't remember too well because I haven't seen it since it hit DVD when it first dropped but I will take your word for it being awful. Altogether I know it's a shitty movie that I don't like being part of the X-Men movie canon but I have softened slightly on it. But Rogue's journey never felt wrong to me. But again like Mystique since you don't get to spend a ton of time with her(due to Anna's schedule) it's harder to feel it and make it work properly. I have no problem with saying the execution is horrible and putting that on Ratner.

Ahh X3 still inspiring hateful talk after all these years.

I seem to remember Vinnie Jones looking straight into the camera and calling the audience a bitch. 

Quote:

Originally Posted by mcnooj82 

I must've missed her role in X-men 3.  

Quote:

Originally Posted by NickP 

Belladonna was in X3?  Was she FistGirl or something?

Just trying to get the "small penis" thread back on track and steer it away from "X-Men 3 post-release" territory.
 

I love Belladonna and I don't care who knows it!!

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Originally Posted by mcnooj82 

YEEEEEEEEEEEA!!!

 

 

 

I only just noticed this. Is this a gloryhole situation where we're blindfolded and have to guess which one is Ratner? If it is, I'm not sure I want to participate unless I'm guaranteed in writing, SAG membership and a speaking part opposite Chris Tucker in Rush Hour 4.

I had no idea people hated "X-Men: The Last Stand" this much. I didn't care for it either, but I'm surprised people are writing vicious little essays tearing it apart, much like I do (because I can't resist) any time the subject of "Spider-Man 3" is brought up. I didn't think it had as many stupid elements as that one. It just paled in comparison to its predecessor and tried to cram two plots into one film, when one of them (handled more carefully) could have easily carried a great film. My only major objection to the movie was its killing off major characters in a cheap attempt to generate drama. The rest of its missteps were minor, as far as I'm concerned.

One good thing to come out of it was that it inspired Ratner to say the one thing he's ever said that I actually found clever. Upon signing on to direct the movie, he remarked, "I am not Joel Schumacher". I thought that was pretty funny. I believed it might be a good sign that he was aware of what mistakes have been made when the reigns of a successful franchise were handed over to another director in the past, and would therefore be able to avoid repeating them. That wasn't quite the case, but I thought the general consensus was "hey, it could have been a lot worse", and I was relieved that he really didn't drop the ball as bad as Schumacher did with "Batman and Robin".

Seems like people are blaming him for destroying the X-Men franchise just as much as they blame Joel Schmacher for destroying the Batman franchise, though. I think that's blowing things a bit out of proportion. As far as I know, Ratner didn't have any input on the script and he didn't make any drastic changes to the look of the film, at least keeping it visually consistent with the first two X-Men films.

The problem was more that he lacked the creativity to make it special. There's a mild competence to "X-Men: The Last Stand" that is not a given when a sequel to a good movie arrives with a new director, but that's the highest compliment I can give it, and that's not much of a compliment. I agree with the opinion that he's generic and doesn't elevate material. I guess what we're talking about then is which is the lesser of two evils - being a hack who has no creative vision (Ratner), or a hack whose creative vision is fucked up and wrong (Schumacher)?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Naisu Baddi 

Seems like people are blaming him for destroying the X-Men franchise just as much as they blame Joel Schmacher for destroying the Batman franchise, though. I think that's blowing things a bit out of proportion. As far as I know, Ratner didn't have any input on the script and he didn't make any drastic changes to the look of the film, at least keeping it visually consistent with the first two X-Men films.

Exactly.  Ratner didn't write the thing.  He was just the tool of Fox and filmed their crummy follow-up script to Singer's epics.  His one good contribution was finally making Famke Janssen's Jean Grey look sexy, with proper long wavy John Byrne hair.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Doc Phibes 

Exactly.  Ratner didn't write the thing.  He was just the tool of Fox and filmed their crummy follow-up script to Singer's epics.  His one good contribution was finally making Famke Janssen's Jean Grey look sexy, with proper long wavy John Byrne hair.

I don't hate X3 on its own faults. It is a movie I kept forgetting as I watching it, except for some glaringly atrocious parts. I can probably recall ten minutes from it. If that.

It is the fact, as I said before here, that it was the movie that followed THAT closing shot in X2. And I don't even think X2 is that great of movie. But I have never felt so let down by a movie as I did with X3. 

Brett Ratner wishes he were Joel Schumacher.

Brett Ratner wishes he were Lee Tamahori.

Hey, at least Tamahori started out as a really damn good director, with a firm grip on story, thematic cohesion, and a subtle visual flair. At least he gave us Once Were Warriors and The Edge. Ratner didn't even START on that level.

True, but The Rat's personal scandal never quite reached those dizzyingly outrageous TrannyWhorey heights, so he's got that going for him.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Greg Clark 

Hey, at least Tamahori started out as a really damn good director, with a firm grip on story, thematic cohesion, and a subtle visual flair. At least he gave us Once Were Warriors and The Edge. Ratner didn't even START on that level.

what did you say?

Quote:

Originally Posted by NickP 

what did you say?

 

Is this a joke? Rush Hour, though fun, doesn't deserve to even get raped by uncle Bully. 

Quote:

Originally Posted by stelios 

Is this a joke? Rush Hour, though fun, doesn't deserve to even get raped by uncle Bully. 

 

 

No, it's not a joke... I think Rush Hour is the greatest film since Lenard Part VI

My biggest beef with X3 (and there are many), is how fucking Fake it looked compared to the first two. The scene I always come back to is the final battle. You know all that 'Extra' or 'E' footage of behind the scenes of films, where you see the cars being flipped, and the 'explosions' and all that, before its edited and made to look and sound real? That's what it feels like. 2 hours of 'behind the scenes' pre editing footage.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Naisu Baddi 

I had no idea people hated "X-Men: The Last Stand" this much. I didn't care for it either, but I'm surprised people are writing vicious little essays tearing it apart, much like I do (because I can't resist) any time the subject of "Spider-Man 3" is brought up. I didn't think it had as many stupid elements as that one. It just paled in comparison to its predecessor and tried to cram two plots into one film, when one of them (handled more carefully) could have easily carried a great film. My only major objection to the movie was its killing off major characters in a cheap attempt to get.....

After 4 pages of this thread, my only thought is...