Twilight has less to do with Vampires and Werewolves than it does with Stephenie Meyer.....
Let's look at the main protagonist; even the name "Bella Swan" is a play on the phrase "beautiful swan" which is how Stephenie Meyer must see herself in real life as all women are brought up to believe that they are each as delicate and individual as a snowflake when the truth is that teenage girls are so fucking hive minded that they make the Borg collective look like a bunch of fucking amateurs not to mention that a screaming crowd of squealing tweens and post-menopausal housewives have as much individualism as the blanket of snow that packs your fucking driveway and is as appealing as it leads to the inevitable heat attack of shoveling the shit which works as a perfect metaphor as to why men die before women! Look at even the way her name is spelled, "Stephenie Meyer", I mean, who the fuck spells "Stephanie" that way except for some little fucking airhead who's desperately trying to assert her individualism which is interesting as she's a member of the Moron Religion, sorry, MORMON Religion, created by con-man Joseph Smith who was a flim flam bullshit artist (just like L. Ron Hubbard and Scientology) that knew the best way to get rich was to make up a religion and get millions of retards to believe it.
In her own way, STEPHENIE Meyer took the lessons of Joseph Smith and created a mythology thus where she could tap into the collective self-absorption and narcissism of teenage girls and make fucking bank. But in doing so she reveals more about herself and Moronism than she would probably like to admit. FUCK, I meant MORMONISM!!! Sorry, I have this thing about organized religion whether it be Cretins, forgive me, Christians or Knuckle Draggers, er, I meant Islamists. Why am I apologizing, FUCK ALL OF YOU and your flying spaghetti monsters!!!
Now, I’m not going to pretend that there isn’t a certain amount of personal fantasy wish fulfillment involved in the type of movies that appeal to teenage boys such as Star Wars and the Harry Potter series. But in both cases, those stories are about the main protagonists (Luke and Harry) going through a journey of self-discovery where they must not only face physical hurdles but also learn to do the right thing even in the face of failure and death. But there is no such “Hero’s Journey” is the Twilight Saga because Bella Swan is just as vain, egotistical, conceited and selfish as any other little future Baby Factory who is only concerned with their own emotional fulfillment regardless of whether how or if it affects the emotional well being of others.
It says a lot about women in general that the Twilight series has been soo successful as it reveals much about their superficial and shallow true nature. There are literally millions of chicks that eat this shit up because they see so much of themselves within the cuntish main protagonist. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that Kristen Stewart was cast as Bella as she has constantly displayed a complete and utter lack of character or personality in any way shape or form in anything she has ever done. This was deliberate as the character herself is less of a person than a blank slate for women to project themselves onto much like a mirror of their own egotism. What’s most telling is that Stewart is as average and plain as Stephenie Meyer herself which says everything about the woman when you don’t even include what a fucking horrible cow Bella Swan is.
Now, in regards to what could be laughably called the “Mythology”, the first book primarily concerns itself with Bella falling in love with a “vampire” called Edward Cullen if by “vampire” you mean a pasty Goth-Emo-Hipster who hangs around a high school despite being a few hundred years old much like a geriatric pedophile who trolls for fresh fuckmeat. But this “vampire” doesn’t drink human blood or burst into flames in sunlight or do any of that other cool vampire shit that Jerry Dandrige did in Fright Night. Indeed, where as Dandrige was a suave and cool motherfucker who reveled in his undead status, Edward is, on the surface, your average miserable teenage douchebag and, I have to wonder, if he’s been hanging around the same school for that long, he must have indulged in all the latest fashion trends of the decades whether it meant dressing as a long haired hippie in the 60', androgynous metrosexual yuppie in the 80’s or a 1990’s Generation X style grunger complete with flannel and chunky hair!?
Anyway, Bella wants to be with Edward but because of his zero blood pressure station in life, they can’t be together zzzzzzzzzzzz…….. Other vampires show up, shit happens, who fucking cares, wake me out of my fucking coma when it’s over. I mean, these characters could be called aliens and it wouldn’t make a bit of fucking difference as it’s all wall paper for the usual teenage melodramatic bullshit. 20 years ago Bella would have been played by Shannen Doherty and Jason Priestley would be filling in as Edward, get it?! The whole point of the vampirism is to create a wedge of conflict to keep the protagonists apart much in the way James Cameron simplistically used classism in Titanic. It’s all a fucking variation of Romeo and Juliet and all women have that fantasy until they grow up and realize that it’s all a lie as they begin to age and go insane. But unlike Anne Rice’s Interview with the Vampire, which dealt with the costs of being an eternal bloodsucker much like many of John Grisham’s protagonists, Stephenie Meyer uses it as a backdrop for her own infantile delusions about romance while Edward is the perfect pre-pubescent fantasy love interest as he’s not interested in filling Bella’s fuckholes with his salty dicksnot.
So, New Moon introduces Werewolves which are also cool creatures but, like the first book, Meyer is less interested in using the mythology beyond the introduction of a homosexual subtext that lurks beneath the surface of Bella’s wannabe paramour, Jacob Black, who is constantly shirtless and hangs around other “werewolves”. I guess it would have been a bit too ‘on the nose’ to have made them bears!? Jacob’s only purpose is to be there for Stephenie, sorry…Bella, to cocktease as she waits for Edward to pull his head out of his fucking pasty white sparking culo and realize that this chick is practically begging for him to sexually violate her in ways that would make Larry Flynt fucking blush. But Jacob, who is supposed to be Native American, is the obligatory minority relationship that ever female protagonist has to have today even though they never fuck, because that would make our whiter than white little cunt a race traitor, leading to Jacob constantly running in frustration and turning into a werewolf, shredding his clothes in the process, which leads me to believe that he has a large collection of Three Wolf Moon t-shirts stashed somewhere. But don’t feel bad for Jacob as he probably gets plenty of quality time licking his own asshole, maybe even sometimes when he’s a wolf!
So the werewolves come into conflict with the vampires, like West Side Story but with nuclear levels of faggotry and hair gel, and all because of this little dead eyed fucking cunt that is unfortunately at the heart of this story. But bitches love being the center of attention and not only does Bella have two guys slapping each other over her but the entire Eurotrash Vampire Nation and Queerwolf Pride Brigade are on the verge of war. But none of this concerns our fucking queen shithead who entertains every fucking clichéd Sylvia Plath fantasy of killing herself because she can’t be with Edward who looks like he’d rather be stabbing Jacob’s poo before the two of them snowball each others cum.
There’s not much more to Twilight Eclipse except that it’s more of the same bullshit and, you know, I’d have a bit more respect for Stephanie Meyer if she went off the fucking rails and threw some crazy shit in this like aliens and created yet another love interest in the form of an extraterrestrial hermaphrodite who wanted to bring itself, Bella, Edward and Jacob together in some sort of four-way fuck orgy that would bring together not only the Sparkle-vamp’s and Fag-wolf nations but also humanity and the alien federation.
Book four should have then, logically, brought in Jesus Christ resurrected ; So now you have Edward the Emo vamp, Jacob the fudge packing wolf, a hermaphroditic alien and the Son of God all teaming up to protect little Bella from becoming the bride of Satan!!! It all ends with the implosion of the universe and a new big bang. But instead Breaking Dawn brings in some of Meyers religious bullshit as Bella and Edward finally fuck, but only after being married, of course. Surprisingly, it’s not Bella who does Edward with a strap-on but Edward who actually manages to get it up, probably with Viagra, and most likely only spewed his man milk into her arctic wasteland of a vagina because he had a picture of Jacob on the headboard which he rips into matchsticks when he comes with the force of a billion suns exploding. Of course the baby has something wrong with it so the theme is about abortion and Bella doesn’t want one even though the child poses a health threat to her, a typically unsubtle Pro-life subtext. If you’re going to do shit like that then take a page from infinitely superior Transformers The Movie which used Unicron as a metaphor for overeating as a way of dealing with the alienation that one feels when confronted with the existential crisis of being adrift and alone in the universe.
Anywho, I’ve wasted too much time on this shit. The fact is that these books are garbage and the movies are no better. They’ll be forgotten within a few years just like every other fad that girls latch onto like the fucking lemmings that they are. Fuck Twi-shite and FUCK YOU!!!
CreepyThinMan out.....
