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G.I. JOE RETALIATES WITH A TRAILER

post #1 of 169
12/14/11 at 1:25am
Thread Starter 
by Rene F. Rangel: link

Ninjas hanging off a cliff! Bruce Willis! Ray Stevenson!
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post #2 of 169
12/14/11 at 1:41am

Willis as the original G.I Joe? Brilliant. But he doesn't have a scar! Or fuzzy hair!

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post #3 of 169
12/14/11 at 4:41am

I was resisting it, despite the cliff ninjas and Cobra White House. But then Bruce Willis showed up and I realized I'm not strong enough. Ah well.

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post #4 of 169
12/14/11 at 4:44am

They could've just shown me that shot of the Cobra flag being raised/banners being unfurled on the White House and I would've been sold.  That's some glorious 80's Joe-style cheese right there.

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post #5 of 169
12/14/11 at 5:02am

Rene (Mr.Eko), I...Loved seeing Snake Eyes taking out those red Ninja like they were...Cliff Notes!

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post #6 of 169
12/14/11 at 5:44am

Why did Channing fucking Tatum had to be in this?

 

That damn piece of wood is seriously harshing my buzz. 

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post #7 of 169
12/14/11 at 6:29am

Yeah.  Looks...fun???

 

I have a 7 year old, and he loved the first film, and I found it the most enjoyable Sommers film since Deep Rising.  Snakes-Eyes cliff fighting ninjas?  Roadblock (one of my favorite figures) played by the Rock?  Smashably attractive women???

 

Looks better than the first.  And I liked the first film.

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post #8 of 169
12/14/11 at 9:03am
Quote:
Originally Posted by stelios View Post

Why did Channing fucking Tatum had to be in this?

 

That damn piece of wood is seriously harshing my buzz. 



Judging by the trailer, I'd guess that he dies fairly early in the film.  Your buzz may be safe. 

 

I was surprised by how much I enjoyed this trailer.  I remember the headache that the first film's trailer gave me.

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post #9 of 169
12/14/11 at 9:30am
Quote:
Originally Posted by CHUD Main Site Feed View Post

by Rene F. Rangel: link

Ninjas hanging off a cliff! 


Yeah, I think I'll stick to Siu-Tung Ching's Duel to Death if I want something like that. I haven't seen the first film, and routinely forget that it exists, but this looks like garbage, and will probably face the same fate in my memory banks.

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post #10 of 169
12/14/11 at 9:48am

I still remember when almost every internet critic (CHUD, AICN etc..) was slobbering over the first abortion of a movie and I actually went to see it. BIG FUCKING MISTAKE!!! It was fucking terrible and obvious that all of those cocksuckers praised that piece of fucking shit because they got a free advanced preview from the studio. It really was my own fault though considering that I had seen The Mummy Returns and Van Helsing. So I will be avoiding this fucking trash the way Jodie Foster's character from the Accused avoids pinball machines.

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post #11 of 169
12/14/11 at 9:55am

There's a lot of stupid movies that get made. You must be furious.

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post #12 of 169
12/14/11 at 9:55am

.....so, you're saying you didn't like it? That wasn't made clear.

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post #13 of 169
12/14/11 at 10:02am

flew over my head, that's for sure.

 

 

I enjoyed the first one, and this one looks about the same.

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post #14 of 169
12/14/11 at 10:08am

Sorry but these movies just don't look or feel like G.I. JOE. They're generic action films that stole the title and some of the characters names, just like the Bayformer flicks. They don't capture anything from the original cartoons. Captain America was almost EXACTLY the way a G.I. Joe movie should look and feel in how they embraced the cartoonishness of the material but didn't play it for camp.

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post #15 of 169
12/14/11 at 10:18am

Is there any reason whatsoever a movie based on a line of toys and a cartoon should be played serious?

 

Warning: Spoiler! (Click to show)

No

 

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post #16 of 169
12/14/11 at 10:29am
Quote:
Originally Posted by SeanCE View Post

Willis as the original G.I Joe? Brilliant. But he doesn't have a scar! Or fuzzy hair!



Hey, hey now! His cholesterol is high!

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post #17 of 169
12/14/11 at 10:32am

No, I agree with Tax Master.  Remember when Snake Eyes dressed in drag even though he still wore his ninja costume?  And then had a dance number?


Yeah, the movie should be just like that.  Only played straight (the other kind of straight).  That's the kind of serious cartoon that should be translated directly to live action.

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post #18 of 169
12/14/11 at 10:41am
Quote:
Originally Posted by FilmNerdJamie View Post





Hey, hey now! His cholesterol is high!


The eye-roll in response to that was the highlight of the trailer.

 

 

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post #19 of 169
12/14/11 at 10:43am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Justin Clark View Post

Is there any reason whatsoever a movie based on a line of toys and a cartoon should be played serious?

 

Warning: Spoiler! (Click to show)

No

 

 

Yeah, and there's no reason to make a serious movie about a trust fund baby who beats up criminals while dressed as a bat.

 

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post #20 of 169
12/14/11 at 10:48am
Quote:
Originally Posted by neoolong View Post

No, I agree with Tax Master.  Remember when Snake Eyes dressed in drag even though he still wore his ninja costume?  And then had a dance number?


Yeah, the movie should be just like that.  Only played straight (the other kind of straight).  That's the kind of serious cartoon that should be translated directly to live action.



Hey, remember when Batman used SHARK REPELLENT? Oh, what's that Mr. Nolan, you want to take this seriously and actually merge the concept with theme's and subtext? That's fucking stupid, I mean, Batman used SHARK REPELLENT for fuck sakes!!! How could anyone possibly make a serious Batman movie.

 

I know that most of you here are snide and condescending douchebags but do you actually think about what you write? Try taking your head out of your fucking culo once in a while, the oxygen would do you some good.

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post #21 of 169
12/14/11 at 10:51am

Crucial difference: Batman can be whatever kind of movie it wants to be because it's been every kind of literature there is. GI Joe has always been unabashedly patriotic commercialism. If the movie wants to be the filmed equivalent of a Happy Meal, which it was, more power to them. If it wanted to be Apocalypse Now--which, what would be the fucking point? The property prides itself on having a the worlds first American jingoist ninja, for Christ's sake--the effort starts at the ground floor.

 

Moral of the story: All further nerdrage may be directed at your local Hasbro representative. Not Stephen Summers. Thank you, and god bless.

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post #22 of 169
12/14/11 at 10:52am
Quote:
Originally Posted by stelios View Post

Why did Channing fucking Tatum had to be in this?

 

That damn piece of wood is seriously harshing my buzz. 


Apparently the studio agrees - aside from a single shot, Tatum is conspicuously absent from the trailer.

 

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post #23 of 169
12/14/11 at 10:53am

If only I could remember the episode where the Joes had to investigate a dude ranch.  Wild Bill was the cowboy guy, right?  Cartoons!

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post #24 of 169
12/14/11 at 10:54am

Oddly enough, I don't hate him.  Kinda feel bad for him if he was forced out.  The character's blandness wasn't all his fault.

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Art Decade View Post


Apparently the studio agrees - aside from a single shot, Tatum is conspicuously absent from the trailer.

 



 

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post #25 of 169
12/14/11 at 10:58am
Quote:
Originally Posted by neoolong View Post

Oddly enough, I don't hate him.  Kinda feel bad for him if he was forced out.  The character's blandness wasn't all his fault.

 


 

Please, the movie had him finding out that the love of his life was a master terrorist and fucking the main bad guy and all that orchestrated by his best friend who he thought dead which is what caused him to lose her in the first place. He barely mustered a raised eyebrow.

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post #26 of 169
12/14/11 at 11:05am

Re: this franchise

 

Wake me up when Shipwreck shows up.

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post #27 of 169
12/14/11 at 11:05am

Better that than Marlon Wayans' forced humor.

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post #28 of 169
12/14/11 at 11:11am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Justin Clark View Post

Crucial difference: Batman can be whatever kind of movie it wants to be because it's been every kind of literature there is. GI Joe has always been unabashedly patriotic commercialism. If the movie wants to be the filmed equivalent of a Happy Meal, which it was, more power to them. If it wanted to be Apocalypse Now--which, what would be the fucking point? The property prides itself on having a the worlds first American jingoist ninja, for Christ's sake--the effort starts at the ground floor.

 

Moral of the story: All further nerdrage may be directed at your local Hasbro representative. Not Stephen Summers. Thank you, and god bless.

 

No, G.I. Joe could be used in any manner. It's just that people like you have decided that only one thing can be taken seriously and the other can't and you're incapable of taking anything into account. Which is really fucking stupid. It's like me arguing to you in 2000 that Batman can't be anything other than campy shit but X-men is infinitely superior just because Singer's movie took it seriously.

 

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post #29 of 169
12/14/11 at 12:43pm

Dude, I don't care about whatever you're saying, but I'm really into how murderously pissed you're getting. Keep it coming.

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post #30 of 169
12/14/11 at 12:51pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tax Master View Post

 

No, G.I. Joe could be used in any manner. It's just that people like you have decided that only one thing can be taken seriously and the other can't and you're incapable of taking anything into account. Which is really fucking stupid. It's like me arguing to you in 2000 that Batman can't be anything other than campy shit but X-men is infinitely superior just because Singer's movie took it seriously.

 


All right, I'll bite. Convince me on a serious GI Joe movie. What would audiences latch onto? What poignant story, what themes would make it worthwhile to treat with gravitas and weight, wjhats the subtext, is it satirical or serious? How realistic do you intend to take this?

 

If you can come up with a treatment that doesn't make me blow my lower intestine laughing, I'll be very impressed.

 

Take your time.

 

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post #31 of 169
12/14/11 at 1:01pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Arjen Rudd View Post

Dude, I don't care about whatever you're saying, but I'm really into how murderously pissed you're getting. Keep it coming.


I keep picturing a frothy-at-the-mouth Paul Giamatti whenever I read his posts.  

 

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post #32 of 169
12/14/11 at 1:08pm

Neoolong, Wild Bill is both a...Cowboy and a Chopper Pilot!

 

Tax Master, To me G.I. Joe Rise Of Cobra is the...Best Film of 2009!  I cannot wait to see Retaliation in theaters.  The concept of adding alot more...Ninja, is Fantastic!  

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post #33 of 169
12/14/11 at 1:39pm

You got my interest with The Rock, upped it with the the flags and then Bruce Willis showed up.

 

Yeah I'm gonna see this.

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post #34 of 169
12/14/11 at 2:35pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by stelios View Post

Why did Channing fucking Tatum had to be in this?

 

That damn piece of wood is seriously harshing my buzz. 


To die, from the looks of things......................................which makes me want to see it even more!  If only they could have managed to kill Marlon Wayans on screen as well...

 

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post #35 of 169
12/14/11 at 2:46pm

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by S.D. Bob Plissken View Post

To die, from the looks of things......................................which makes me want to see it even more!  If only they could have managed to kill Marlon Wayans on screen as well...


Heh. I think that's the only way I would see this -- if the entire cast from the first movie was killed off in a gruesome accident during the opening scene. Commence searching for a new team starring The Rock and Bruce Willis.

 

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post #36 of 169
12/14/11 at 3:06pm

It really does seem like Tatum is killed off in the opening ambush. As far as I can tell the only four to survive are The Rock, The Ninja, The Lady, and Some Other Guy who doesn't look like Channing Tatum. And then they bring Bruno out of retirement. The only thing that worries me is that I'm not positive that Some Other Guy isn't Tatum. It's really hard to tell from the trailer.

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post #37 of 169
12/14/11 at 3:08pm

Some Other Guy isn't  Tatum.  Unless it's just his stand-in or something.  Hahahah.  I assumed it was Tatum when I first saw the trailer too.

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post #38 of 169
12/14/11 at 3:09pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Art Decade View Post

Re: this franchise

 

Wake me up when Shipwreck shows up.


Right on, I've been telling people that all day. I want this movie to be successful solely so we can get a third one with Shipwreck. But only if the sailor outfit and parrot stay. Plus, I want him to talk like Popeye. Hopefully Tom Hardy will be free by then.

 

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post #39 of 169
12/14/11 at 3:17pm

My interest in this was exactly ZERO till I saw Stevenson's name. Now I'm excited beyond reason, and can't wait for this movie to hit REDBOX. When Sommers departed I thought there was no chance the sequel would be worth my time. I'm now prepared to eat those words

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post #40 of 169
12/14/11 at 3:49pm

I thought Duke Fleed was going to write this article. I feel...so mislead. 

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post #41 of 169
12/14/11 at 4:06pm

Who is directing this one? I know I could just google that shit, but I want to see the Chewer commentary on said director, what it could means vis-a-vis insane, dumb action figure awesomeness, etc.

Asking questions can still be a worthwhile endeavor, dammit! 

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post #42 of 169
12/14/11 at 4:10pm

Remember that cheap/cheesy Hulu series LXD: The Legion of Extraordinary Dancers? That guy.

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post #43 of 169
12/14/11 at 4:15pm

That reminds me I really should get extremely stoned and finally get around to watching the original of this.

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post #44 of 169
12/14/11 at 4:15pm

I see, he also directed Never Say Never: The Justin Bieber Story.

A naturally choice then, given both films deal with the DESTRUCTION OF THE UNITED STATES BY SECRETIVE, NEFARIOUS FORCES.

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post #45 of 169
12/14/11 at 4:19pm

No doubt there'll be a pop music number titled "Cobra La-La-La (Party Time feat. Young Jeezy)".

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post #46 of 169
12/14/11 at 4:25pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Art Decade View Post

No doubt there'll be a pop music number titled "Cobra La-La-La (Party Time feat. Young Jeezy)".



It could be the Ninja Rap of this decade!

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post #47 of 169
12/14/11 at 5:11pm

This actually looks pretty fun, though who's playing Cobra Commander this time around? Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Christopher Eccleston's attempts to out-ham each other were some of my favorite parts of the original movie. And the plot is pretty much the same as the recent cartoon Renegades, but hey, that might just be corporate synergy.

 

Now, I still think the first one had plenty of flaws (everything involving Duke and the Baroness when she wasn't kicking ass), but it was an agreeably dumb popcorn flick that didn't make me want to kill the filmmakers. This looks to be much in the same vein, so I'm looking forward to it.


Edited by Chris Spider - 12/14/11 at 5:24pm
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post #48 of 169
12/14/11 at 5:16pm

Also, what's the cool-ass song in the second half of the trailer?

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post #49 of 169
12/14/11 at 5:27pm

    Quote:

Originally Posted by Chris Spider View Post

Also, what's the cool-ass song in the second half of the trailer?

 

This.

 

 

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post #50 of 169
12/14/11 at 5:33pm

Very nice. Thank you, sir!

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