CRANK III: CHELIOS LIVES!

They should take off from the end of the second one have him powered by fire in this. And they should add a sex scene between him and Amy Smart amid an exploding oil refinery.

Crank was really good, better than expected, but Crank 2 was a fucking masterpiece of exploitation cinema! Unlike Grindhouse which was more of a parody of exploitation movies (specifically Planet Terror while Death Proof was a boring piece of shit) Crank 2 was the real deal. Even more amazing is that they got it done for about 15 million and shot it on Mini-HD. In the "Where have all the Corman's gone?" thread everyone is lamenting the lack of quality low budget indie exploitation movies and distributers and yet Crank 2 is the type of movie that would have been right at home in a 42nd Street grindhouse Circa 1976.

 

I honestly don't know what they could do with a Crank 3? Reveal that Chev's mother was impregnated with an experimental supersoldier embryo? This would explain why Chev seems superhuman. Just say that Geri Halliwell was kidnapped and drugged by government agents, while she was on a Friday night bender, before being impregnated and dumped back in her apartment only to find that she's knocked up and figures that it happened on some one night stand that she can't remember. The idea being that the Government has been studying Chev from birth, to see what one of their supersoldiers would be like as a civilian. Say that Chev' girlfriend is now pregnant and now UK, American, Russian and Chinese goverment agents are trying to get ahold of Chev's baby so it can be studied and cloned. Or whatever. The crazier the better. Why not say that Chev was a combo of human an alien DNA that the UK government got from a downed spacecraft?

 

Anywho, I wish someone would give them 100 million on the provision that they keep shooting DIY on Mini-HD and put every cent on the screen.    

You don't need $100 million to make Crank movie. That's the beauty of it.

Excellent suggestions, Stelios. May I add a twist? Not only is he powered by fire, but also by singing.

I'm glad we're all in agreement here gentlemen!
 

 

YES!!!

 

Get. The FUCK. In.

 

I fully endorse Stelios's proposed sex scene, and would only add that at the moment of climax, Chelios donkey-punches the explosion.

Christmas came early.  FUCK yeah.

I just ejaculated myself inside out with joy.

I'm not a particularly big fan of the Crank movies, but even I know that the correct way to express joy in a thread like this is "Chicken. And. Broccoli."

 

Shame on all of you.

I really hated CRANK 2. It was just joyless and crass, where as the first one felt breathless and fun. It was "grounded" in some sort of silly pseudo reality, which made the insanity all the more exciting. CRANKED 2 just turned everything up a notch but in the process it no longer seemed that interesting or special

 

Sad to hear they're making another one of 'em..

Try to cheer up, Kate.

I'm not being a grouch. I said I liked the first one

I know, but you're sad they're making another one. You shouldn't be sad at Christmas time. Let's sing some carols.

Princess Kate, Well, don't get too...CRANKy, as it sounds like Neveldine/Taylor will be...CRANKing the action up, resulting in an...Awesome Trilogy of...CRANK films!

 

I kind of hope they turn it down a bit, I liked the more grounded first entry!
 

 

 

 

Fa la la la la, la la la la..
 

 

"Grounded" and "Crank" should not be in the same sentence.

"Crank" would be a terrific candidate for another CHUD Watchalong.

Hell yes. I like the way you think.

 

I think Christmas just came early...in my pants.

 

Awesome news!

 

 

Thumb-sucking yeah!

 

Between this news and the teaser for The Expendables 2, Christmas has come early. I don't know how the hell Neveldine/Taylor will top Crank 2, but I will be along for the ride.

Do people actually consider the Crank fims to be good action movies? I'll admit that, while I was in the moment, I mostly enjoyed the totally disposable second film b/c of its general recklessness and Clifton Collins Jr., but in becoming more of an exercise in gonzo exploitation, it left the idea of being a competent action film (which the first film really wasn't anyway) completely behind.

 

Though I've never been ready as quick as some to herald Neveldine/Taylor as the "next big thing", I did have hope that their particular brand of low-budget inventiveness would expand and evolve into something special. It really hasn't.

 

 

Fuckin shit-to-the-hell-yeah!

 

These movies are THE GREATEST MOVIES MADE BY HUMAN BEINGS.

 

I don't understand how you can't be pro-Crank 3.

 

Apparently N/T are big fans of the supporting characters - they wanted to do a bunch of one-offs featuring them for the web, or the DVD, when they did the second movie. Which likely means we'll be seeing more than a few familiar faces. Maybe a third Verona brother? I'll cast a vote for more Lil' Chev as well. I want to see what Luke Cunard thinks of that hyperactive little whippersnapper.

 

Also, they've gotta get Nic Cage in the next one. They HAVE TO.

Jacknife Johnny, Yes Neveldine/Taylor's...STATHAMtaculars, are...Awesome!  It is similar to an adaption of the game...Grand Theft Auto, but without being based on the game.  

Well, the general recklessness and insanity is the very reason people like them. Whether they're good action movies? Depends on what criteria you're judging them by. Technically? Neveldine and Taylor's ADD-on-cheap-speed editing style isn't for everyone, and sometimes stresses trickery over elegance. Conceptually? Fuck yes. I've always described the Crank films as the movies Michael Bay thinks he makes, and you have to be onboard for general insanity.

Edited by Workyticket - 12/15/11 at 5:45pm

Oh I like that. I like that a lot.

Oh yeah, I'm ready for more Statham fucking Amy Smart in public.

I think not being a gamer is part of what dulls my appreciation of these films. It's a whole other subculture that I can't really tap into. Of course, I also paid to see both films, so perhaps that has something to do with it as well. I'd probably feel better about it if I caught them on HBO at 1:35 am or something instead of being out $9 and trapped in a theater.  

 

I don't think being a gamer makes the films any more legible; obviously, they crib a lot from video game aesthetics, but I think it just informs the general tone of 'Fucking crazy'. You could also argue music videos to be an influence.

 

As for paying for it goes, well again that's a personal taste thing. You're not into the films, so of course you identify paying to see them as a negative outcome.

I am a little confused as to why he paid twice tho.

 

If I don't like a film you can be damn sure I aint wasting money or time on any sequels.

Easy enough to explain. I have friends who are big Statham fans, and they were all going, and I wanted something to do, 2 + 2. Also, while I was not a fan of the first film, the general idea of D.O.A. (one of my favorite films noir) on meth was something that appealed to me, so it's not like I was offended by the intent, just underwhelmed by the execution. I gave it another try in the hope that they'd really take advantage of the character and world they'd invented. As I mentioned before, I actually enjoyed Crank 2 when I first saw it, but it left me, quickly.  

I love both films, and as much as I love the fire idea, I couldn't see fire pumping his heart, let alone a budget that would support it.

Amazing idea, yes.

I'd say with the burns he sustained over his body, make this a horror film and he craves flesh. Scalp to stay alive!

Dammit, I can't stand up!  Seriously, this is GREAT news.  I can't wait to see what those two lunatics Neveldine and Taylor come up with for this one.

Chev should be powered by BACON in part 3. EDIT: Or by POV intimacy with Statham's real-like Ex-GF, Kelly Brooke.

 

And in other news... HELL YES.

Edited by DARKMITE8 - 12/16/11 at 11:23am

I'll be shocked if he doesn't make some sort of appearance.  Since Elba is a possibility as well, how about another GR: Spirit of Vengeance cast member joining the Crank ranks..................................Christopher Lambert.

 

Now THAT is something they have to do.  Fuck it, just make those three the villains of the piece!

 

Second the Christopher Lambert casting idea. He and his laugh need to be in more movies.

http://www.oocities.org/timessquare/battlefield/8025/bacon.wav

Now loop that!

Speaking of Bacon, Kevin would make a fun addition as well.

 

There you have it, folks!  I demand that the supporting cast of Crank 3 include Nicolas Cage, Idris Elba, Christopher Lambert, and Kevin Bacon.