NICK NUNZIATA’S 10 WORST OF 2011

I agree with every single comment.  Way to go man.

You should be mean more often.

"Does for werewolves what Alive did for not eating people."

"The Pigs of Bay."

"It’s a hurricane of light blowing our tiny town through our gaping asshole."

"Mars Needs Momoa."

I loved this so much I chose some random things and used technology to cut and paste them into my post.

Wow, I really enjoyed B:LA, at least by modern blockbuster standards. It was appropriately bleak and ground level, and it had some generally heart warming themes/stuff about duty and what have you 

Many of your other choices seem sound though. Good work, Nick

Battle LA is like Independence Day's dumber louder brother.  And I say that as someone who liked Independence Day.

Can't disagree more about Sucker Punch but I know that's a land war in Asia by now. I have to say I managed to avoid a lot of bad movies, it looks like.

Aaw, I was hoping for some The Three Musketeers hate. Must've came and went too quickly (as well it should have, too!) Also this: "the only director with a one word name who’s worth a damn is Johnfrankenheimer." Had me giggling.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Doc Happenin 

Aaw, I was hoping for some The Three Musketeers hate. Must've came and went too quickly (as well it should have, too!) Also this: "the only director with a one word name who’s worth a damn is Johnfrankenheimer." Had me giggling.

Drat, I am sorry I missed THREE MUSKETEERS. I was sincerely looking forward to catching Ray Stevenson in 3D. I feel bummed that no one alerted me that it was in theaters
 

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ken Savage 

Battle LA is like Independence Day's dumber louder brother.  And I say that as someone who liked Independence Day.

Well, I liked it. My thoughts from elsewhere on the board:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ken Savage 

Battle LA is like Independence Day's dumber louder brother.  And I say that as someone who liked Independence Day.

I agree, and I say that as someone who likes Battle: L.A.

Fuck it, I'm saying it again: I like Battle: L.A. I've never agreed with the concept of 'guilty pleasures', but this is the movie that broke me. I know it's really not that interesting as a film. I know that the script was most likely written in crayon. But God help me, I have a soft spot for semi-realistic alien invasion portrayals (In shooting style, at least) and dumb action characters, and this film gently rubs both nodes. My brother and I still rip the piss out of Eckhart's 'fallen brothers' monologue (Which has grown in our minds to incorporate the Counting Song from Sesame Street) and I still enjoy it for the rote, agonizingly cliched pile of stupendous dufffuck that it is. And I love it for that.

Fuckin' goddamit.

It didn't bother you that the whole thing seemed like a Marine Recruitment Ad?

Well in this age when the 1% won't allow us to repair our roads or care for the sick in this country, the sight of working class marines stepping up to get something done to help Americans in a meaningful way on our home turf was one I found inspiring, what can I say

I really didn't view the movie as having much to do with our current mid east wars, if anything, it was against our middle east involvement. The characters came home from the War on Terror all messed up and resentful, but then once home on break, they came together on American soil as comrades against all odds to do good for our country

That to me was what the movie was about

Quote:

Originally Posted by felix 

It didn't bother you that the whole thing seemed like a Marine Recruitment Ad?

Seemed? Were I 15 years younger, I'd be in Afghanistan right now because of that movie.

Whilst I'm not going to leap to Battle: LA's defence, I will say I enjoyed it quite a bit more than I expected. It was about as unpretentious as filmmaking can get and did exactly what it set out to achieve, (alien invasion by way of Black Hawk Down), no more, no less. But yeah, some of the dialogue was wretched and with anyone else but Eckhart I suspect it would have fallen on its face a lot harder than it did.

Still planning on seeing Sucker Punch and Transformers 3 though. And this is someone who still hasn't seen Transformers 2 yet. Hopefully I can join the dots as to how the epic saga has been unfolding.

Quote:

Originally Posted by felix 

It didn't bother you that the whole thing seemed like a Marine Recruitment Ad?

Ehh... I see why people would perceive it that way, but to me it felt more like an old pulp war comic where the troops were portrayed as almost ridiculously noble, rugged, strong etc. without concessions. I guess that's the best word for it: pulpy. I mean, Eckhart was literally THE archetypal Heroic Pulp Soldier (And his selling that so well goes a long way towards the film's enjoyment factor) I could go with it because it was far more in context with the subject matter than, say, the Bayformers movies where the 'Military Fetishism' angle is absolutely shoehorned in.

It should be a real honor for a filmmaker to release the year's most offensively stupid movie during a year in which Michael Bay cranked out another Transformers movie.

So, congratulations Zach Snyder!

As forgettable as Cowboys & Aliens was, it's a stretch to call it terrible. It was failure in concept but not necessarily in execution. Just about everything that had to do with the "Cowboys" part of the equation worked pretty damn well but every time the film tilted away from reality into it's jarringly obnoxious "Aliens" concept, the movie turns into Wild, Wild West.

Hal Jordan The Duck is conspicuously missing from Nick's list. That was easily the worst film I'd seen all year. When I left the theater, I felt like that the movie had just beat up my Dad, knocked up my girlfriend, felt up my Mom, & run over my dog. Just brutal.

"Black Hawk Down’s Syndrome."  Ha!

I didn't hate Battle: LA, but I did hate that it didn't live up to it's creepy trailer.  I still want to see that movie.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Art Decade 

Seemed? Were I 15 years younger, I'd be in Afghanistan right now because of that movie.

So would I.

You mean because we'd be safe there hiding in those caves from the aliens, right?

Laughed my ass off reading that.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Workyticket 

 

I agree, and I say that as someone who likes Battle: L.A.

 

Fuck it, I'm saying it again: I like Battle: L.A. I've never agreed with the concept of 'guilty pleasures', but this is the movie that broke me. I know it's really not that interesting as a film. I know that the script was most likely written in crayon. But God help me, I have a soft spot for semi-realistic alien invasion portrayals (In shooting style, at least) and dumb action characters, and this film gently rubs both nodes. My brother and I still rip the piss out of Eckhart's 'fallen brothers' monologue (Which has grown in our minds to incorporate the Counting Song from Sesame Street) and I still enjoy it for the rote, agonizingly cliched pile of stupendous dufffuck that it is. And I love it for that.

 

Fuckin' goddamit.

 

 

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say I liked the concept of Skyline better. The aliens were definitely a lot more alien than you usually see in fiction of this type, with what seems like a radically different basis for their technology.

Human Centipede 2 kinda seems hate-proof in a way. I mean, you probably know exactly what it is going in. And then you see it, and not only does it kinda look phenomenal, visually, but the lead character is unforgettably bug-eyed and upsetting, and some of the deaths and gore are actually quite memorable - I'm stunned after years and years of gory makeup effects and the proliferation of sick internet images that some filmmakers can keep finding new ways to destroy human beings onscreen.

It's not nearly as bright as it thinks it is, but I think even the most demanding gorehound has to admit a grudging respect for it.

Great list Nick!

Re; Red State: your comments could apply to every Kevin Smith movie. Also: "Steaks on a Plane" should be your blurb for the DVD.

Thank God I missed all this shit.

I agree with every comment on this list. Especially this: What It Could/Should Have Been: Unfinanced, because shitning can’t strike twice.

I bet when Nick typed this ^ he thought "Brilliant!" And he'd be righteous to think so.

Good stuff.

Rereading this, there's countless things that make me laugh but I think this one might take the cake above all:

“I like when aliens fight cowboys!”

“I like when they take you in special groups to experience the mall!”

 I still plan on watching Red State to make up my own mind. That said, making a movie with a Fred Phelps like villain isn't really daring. Everybody hates him and his little cult.

As good as John Goodman's performance is, when his character first appears, that's the endangerment of everything. Everything after that is a slow-burning nightmare of squandered potential.