Dating Tips/Advice - Page 26

 

C'mon, mate. Some of us are living vicariously. Details, details!

 

(More seriously: that's great, RD. I checked in this morning specifically to see if you'd posted about it. Would understand not wanting to jinx it by going on about it at this point.)

 

 

 

So, what are y'alls thoughts on meeting people via the dancefloor?

 

It's one of the better options I've got going right now, though lately I haven't had it lead to any conversations off the dancefloor. I'm usually lone-wolfing it, most of my friends either have a girlfriend or they make shitty wingmen.

 

Where I'm at now, Providence RI, has soon good options, especially compared to the touristy/Navy bro bar town I came from, Newport. However, sometimes it can be frustratingly limited. I have a favorite spot, Local 121, and if the DJ sucks that night, or it's a total dude sandwich, my night is fucked. The other options in town have cover charges, and uptight bouncers that wanna pat me down (ya gotta roll with nips/half pints in this economy). So many times I've paid the cover charge at the other places, only to find that the floor scene sucks.

 

Anyways, I've tried to force myself to do the alone, talking to other people at the bar thing, and it's punishingly brutal. I find a cool person to talk to like one out of ten tries. That's too much time/bar money investment for little social return.

 

On the dancefloor I feel a bit more at home. It's a more primal form of communication, and I dig that. You dance near someone for a while, start feeling a vibe, then maybe talk during a lull, or have them scream really loud in your face "HI! WHAT'S YOUR NAME? DO YOU GO TO SCHOOL AROUND HERE?". Not ideal, but better than me sitting at the bar with that stone cold bored look on my face waiting for someone interesting to sit near me.
 

You're better off taking a salsa or swing dance class at the JCC or community center - if you're in a city they'll be single girls there that are generally 6s-9s, but they'll have no time for you if you don't have a job (a car is a plus, but not a deal-breaker).  The idea is not to end up at some LA club like Vince Vaughn, it's to meet girls and, after you chat with them over a few weeks, try and ask them out to go for a walk in the park, by the water, etc. (not coffee, not a movie ... just start with something ridiculously casual unless they bring up a movie, museum, dancing, dinner, etc.).  Girls generally avoid guys at clubs who go by themselves, so it's good to get some guy friends to go with - take basketball, softball or join a bicycle touring club to meet guy friends.  Learning an instrument and joining a rock band is a slam dunk way to meet guys who go out a lot, martial arts is also a pretty tight co-ed way to meet people, though a lot of them are sketchy.  Avoid getting into stuff with dudes that is introverted and has almost ZERO single adult girls involved - online-games, blogging, and (dare I say) the types of movies that are on Chud.  Yes, there are super-hot girls who like those things, but they're probably not single and, if they are, their standards are pretty high.  For all the time and energy it takes to "go out", you can get in shape using body-weight exercises - if I was single again, I'd do that about 6 hours a week so that the random flirting you end up doing with strangers becomes more frequent and fruitful.  Honestly, clubs aren't really the way to go - the girls aren't relationship material or they're just there to dance with their girlfriends .... and if you're just trying to get laid, go to craigslist and lower your standards.

Edited by WendellEverett - 8/26/12 at 9:40am

if u get sum1s phone number while at work and in a nominally professional context but it's volunteered w/ no explicit professional reason (e.g. u get a text about something completely trivial or "in case you need anything") how do u handle that?  wut's the protocol?

 

if staying at a hotel for work-related purposes wut are the expectations when ur alone in a hotel room w/ someone?  is it strictly professional and when/where would lines be drawn?  trying to navigate the machinations of something after the fact, unfortunately.

When it comes to workplace romances, just say no.
 

 

Yup. Don't shit where you eat.

Here's a question.

 

Had drinks with a woman earlier this evening.  Had a really nice time, some deep discussion, and everything seemed to go well.  As we parted ways, I asked if she'd be interested in doing something over the weekend, and she said (and I'm quoting here as near as I can manage), "There are still a lot of people I want to meet.  But maybe some other time, or some time when I get a big group together."

 

One thing that stands out is that we weren't even specifically "on a date" - she had posted on Facebook asking if anyone wanted to hang out, and I replied (this is the first time we've met in person).  So it struck me that she went out of her way to communicate that, if we did end up hanging out again, it probably wouldn't be in a one-on-one situation.  Am I reading too much into this?  And if not, do you think she's absolutely not interested, or did I maybe break some social rule about waiting a week before extending another invite or something like that (i.e., something that could be recovered from)?  Your all's guidance would be much appreciated.  x-/

 

She's saying, as nicely as she can, that she's not interested in you romantically. At all.

Yeah mate, sorry, you're not reading too much into it. When someone digs you she'll jump at the chance to get together again, no matter when you ask her. Write this one off completely.

Yep, already did.  Onward and upward, I guess.

Hey so I was talking to a girl online who said she was interested in a FWB situation (emphasis on the "b"). She claimed I was her dream guy, and immediately started mentioning how she could drive to pick me up and we could get a hotel room when it came to that (since neither of us could host, for various reasons). We're both into film so I suggested that we catch a movie this week (since I wasn't really interested in hooking up right this moment anyway), and she said that sounded good and suggested times along with a suggestion for "The Possession", but then today she messages to say that we could do a late dinner instead (ostensibly because of her schedule) because that would give us a better chance to get to know each other and talk. This is starting to sound more like a date to me than I'm really interested in, but I don't want to be an asshole so I agreed to go out on Thursday.

Am I off base in thinking it seems her priorities seem to have changed? Am I going to be expected to pay for her dinner? What's going on here?

First off, get your head out of that gift horse's mouth. Your glasses are fogging up.

 

Second, you're the guy so I'd always be prepared to pay when you go out with somebody regardless. I think of it as just good manners. If you don't want to date her, think of the dinner as a one time thing between friends. Maybe she'll offer to go dutch?

 

Third, does she want to date you? Maybe. But if you can't be clear with each other on the rules of your fwb engagement over grabbing a bite to eat then taking it to the next agreed upon step might be more trouble than it's worth. With a fwb situation, you've got to be clear with each other about what your doing & you've got to talk to her about your doubts/feelings & how you don't want to date.You're friends, after all.
 

Edited by Art Decade - 9/11/12 at 3:32pm

She'd rather do something more intimate than a movie. Nothing wrong with that, doesn't mean she wants to go steady. If she picks you up, it might be good manners to spring for the date, otherwise I usually go dutch. Not into the whole paying for someone i barely know thing.

A gal I started dating back in February changed our dynamic to a "fuck buddy" situation (talk about failing upwards) after a few months. Oddly, we spend more time together now than we did back when I thought she was my sort-of girlfriend. I have no idea how that happened. I don't know what I'd call this current situation, but I'm okay with it. I do genuinely like her even with her goofy aversion to nice guys.

The price of a dinner is a small price to pay for a great FWB situation.

Alright, I hear what you guys are saying. I'm hoping it goes well, I just feel weird about auditioning at length for this. As far as I could tell for our early communications, I'd already sealed the deal as a guy she wanted to grab a hotel room with. Now I have to be all smooth or something at this dinner. I prefer to work backwards from sexual compatibility, in most cases, because if you've got that you've already got many potential headaches out of the way and any hanging out or relationship doesn't have to feel like it's building up to a bedroom rendezvous. An hour plus of conversation right off the bat with her at this dinner seems intimidating and at cross purposes for what I was hoping to find, but whatever, I'll give it a go.

She's down to fuck.  Don't deny her what she wants...

Hartford, What are you going to do when her 6'-6" 280lb husband shows up at dinner?

Tell 'im that you loved his work in Kazaam & get the f*ck outta there!

As far as I know her profile says she is single, but we have not really discussed that specifically. I ended up calling off dinner, saying I'd like to try and do it next week instead. We'll see if that happens or not. Oh well, plenty of fish/enchantment under the sea, and all that.

Bring condoms.

gurlz, when you're talking with a guy--one on one and typically together in someone's room or some shit, like real talk--and you bring up that you don't sleep with a lot of guys, despite their advances, or u turn a lot of guys down, wut does that mean? is it an attempt to trump up worth and escalate the subject of the discussion like "i'm a catch here" or is it like u r preparing to let the guy down if they make a move type gesture, like a preemptive stopping him in his tracks? this has confounded me and even those who would know better. so straight up: what do you mean when u say this shitt?

You'll never get pussy with that grammar.

Oh, come now. Is that any way to welcome Chet Haze to CHUD?

is it 2 good or 2 bad? lol.

 

All depends if the girl likes rap music. 

 

 

white guy's narrow idea of rap = bad grammer

 

 

Edited to add:  Pete, I'm not saying you're narrow-minded, or white, or a guy. I have no way of knowing. That thought is just where my mind goes when I see derogatory dismissals of "rap music", which I guess would mean top 40 current day club shit like Lil' Jon or something, and is so far removed from what I understand to be "rap music" that it instantly gets my defenses up. I know you were simply making an off-hand remark and I don't actually think you're a racist. I do believe fiercely in the legitimacy of "rap music" as a powerful means of communication and art, not grammatically incorrect drivel, so I tend to hulk out and think too much about it if I feel it has been impugned. My second post below, I think, still stands. Apologies everyone for the derail.

Edited by BlackyShimSham - 9/15/12 at 2:13pm

What the fuck is "rap music" anyway? Do you mean hip-hop? Because when I listen to Hieroglyphics, they sure as shit don't sound like that above post. No offense, Cris.

 

 

Chicks won't dig the lol's either....makes you look/sound Gay.

 

  makes fun of rap = narrow minded white guy.

I'm white but I can enjoy a good hip hop or rap track if it comes along. I'm not tied to any one genre of music. The only stuff I actively dislike are genres like "death metal", which I just can't wrap my mind around.

 

By the way, looks like this girl walked. She wanted me to text her and stuff and I just put little effort into it (my phone has a keypad and I wasn't going to type a bunch of messages that way). I sent her a few emails online but I guess she lost interest. It doesn't feel like a big loss. 

if a male friend asks u to do poppers with him, is there any way not to interpret that shitt as gay? like can you take them and just chill? also, if you take a ton of nitric acid (n o xplode) does it have a similar effect?

 

i wish i were trolling/kidding on both counts, but i'm not.

lol I was in a bitchy mood back when. Defending the honor of hip-hip.

 

And Cris, so what if it is gay? Are you worried you might enjoy it?

 

Let's ask Tony S. what he thinks:

 

 

couldn't deal with it. if i liked it then it would open up a world of regret...missed opportunities from my college days.

Edited by CRIS - 9/23/12 at 1:23pm

NO-Xplode is in no way the same thing as poppers.

You can buy real poppers on Amazon (about $14 with shipping). They're amazing. Highly recommended for anyone who has never tried them before.  

This thread is turning into an It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia episode.

Good. Then maybe we'll finally learn the secrets of The H.A.R.L.E.Y. System.

Well, finally have a date from okcupid tomorrow. Taking her to Chai Pani (a local indian street food restaurant) and then out for drinks after. Wish me luck! This girl actually messaged me first, which has pretty much never happened on there before. And she wanted to meet pretty much right away. First message was on saturday.

Excellent! You're at least sidestepping the "awesome online sparks fizzling to no results" challenges plaguing so many of the brethren here. Keep us posted.

 

You're going to get kidnapped for sure.

Being newly single and seeing this thread pop up top again I just glanced through the matches on OkCupid for me.  WTH?!>!?  Even if I felt like trying this bullshit again there isn't a single one on there I would even consider dating.  Out of the several pages the few attractive enough to click on were just obnoxious at some point during their profile.

without getting too specific, wut do they do? like i've done nitrous oxide (tried it at a club and a friend started selling whippets....) and that was awesome in a goofy turn-your-brain-off way, and i've heard it's basically the same deal, but why then is there this sexual connotation with poppers? are their effects significantly different from nitrous oxide?

 

also i get that no xplode is a whole different beast and is full of all kinds of shitt, but from what i understand amyl nitrite is a precursor to nitric oxide and both are vasodilators and my veins got weird and huge when i took no xplode....if i took a shit tun of it, would it be similar to maintaining a small dose of poppers in my system at all times? curious.

Oh fuck you, OkC. Fuck YOU. This is strike - what - six??

 

Ok, so a week or two ago, I get a msg from a chick that said, "Hiiiii, how was your weekend? Been to any good shows lately?". She's blonde (I'm not really into blondes) & I've been massively burnt out on dating but I respond with a little humor, compliments, etc anyway. It takes her about a week to respond, she's very "arms length" (obviously shopping around) even though she'd initiated the contact.

 

We chat a little more & she turns out to be pretty cool. Finally, she opens up & engages with me, flirting it up & telling me that she's lounging in her slip. I tell about this "MOD night" at a bar & we agree to go out on a date. That was yesterday & after some more heavy flirting by me, I ask her out for this coming weekend, all the while laying down compliments & asking if "anyone's called her 'lovely' today?", etc.

 

Then she tells me that she'll likely be moving to San Diego. On top of that, she's responding to my compliments with that "Aww, you're so sweet. Thank you!" platonic bullshit.

 

Why the hell did you contact me if you're not interested, lady?? Jesus fucking Christ....

So, I'm basically fucked. It seems like sleeping in the same bed as someone is something you can develop an allergic reaction to. My passage to full blown anti-social behavior is now complete. Whooo!

 

I have slept on the ground, in the middle of a burned down forest, with my helmet for a pillow and I was more comfortable than having a naked woman I just had sex with sleeping next to me. It was fucking late she was drunk and so was I and I thought "Hey, it's four stick around and get home in the morning." And I wasn't just feeling uncomfortable, mind you. I had to keep myself from literally kicking her off my bed. And I like her alright. It's not even fear of commitment since I wasn't probably going to see her again anyway. This developement is exactly what I needed right now. My prospects of getting in a serious relationship with someone seem so much better after that. I may need therapy.

Eh nothing wrong with that, mate. I can't get to sleep unless I'm drunk or exhausted if there is a girl taking up room in the bed. I tend to move around a lot before I can finally relax and sleep and I hate having to stay stock still just so that I won't disturb whoever is currently hogging my sheets. In those situations it's perfectly acceptable to suggest the couch as an alternative, or to take that option yourself. I don't think someone should be able to take offense to that. Some married couples even maintain separate beds for that reason, so I don't think the sleeping in the same bed thing should be an obstacle to your future happiness.

 

 

I have literally no idea what no xplode is, but I don't think poppers can be readily compared to anything else, much less whip-its. Head on over to erowid.org if you want to read some experiences from the guys and gals who've tried them before.

 

Essentially it's a brief, intense full body / head rush with mild euphoria, the most noteworthy benefit being the dramatic enhancement of sexual pleasure by several orders of magnitude. The effects are extremely short lived, three, four, five minutes tops. They're something used to enhance existing fun times, not create them out of the blue. If you've got a limber activity partner lined up, by all means give 'em a go. They're most commonly associated with gay culture, but they're for everyone and the straight women I know who enjoy them attest to poppers as the key to unrivaled satisfaction. They're safe, legal, and, I can't stress this enough, available on Amazon.com.

 

My one word of warning would be to GO SLOW if you've not tried them before. When you open the bottle take the smallest whiff possible. Best to start small and go from there, and besides, the odds are that it's going to knock your socks off anyway. If you do too much too quickly you can get a blinding headache that lasts for hours and puts a serious damper on any naked recreation. Lastly I'd point out that Amyl Nitrite is no longer legal without a prescription. What you will find online sold as "poppers" are other similar chemicals such as isobutyl-nitrite. The effects are said to be largely similar, but apparently pale in comparison to the authentic old school Gary Oldman poppers from back in the day.

Edited by Dr Harford - 9/25/12 at 8:25am

Okay, ladies & gentlemen, SURVEY TIME:

 

When you lay down a few compliments on a girl, calling her "lovely" & "If you're alone right now, you shouldn't be" etc and she responds with "Aww, that's so sweet. Thank you!", does that mean:

 

a) She genuinely thinks you're sweet/cute & you're on the right track

 

b) Not into you - it's time to move on

 

 

I think it's "b" but I'm totally confused because this bird on OkC I'm talking to now chatted me up first & now we're gonna meet up this weekend. Note that she hasn't ducked my messages or postponed on me or anything.