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Dating Tips/Advice - Page 38

post #1851 of 6797
Quote:
Originally Posted by TonyB79 View Post

Could the screening thing maybe seem like too much, too soon? Like maybe too big of a gesture? Maybe he could make up some excuse for why the screening had to be cancelled, then ask her out to lunch or something instead (casual it up a bit). If she refuses or makes some excuse, then he knows for sure he's out.

 

If I'm not mistaken, Hammerhead mentioned that she'd try to invite someone to a previous date as well. In these sorts of situations, when you're 99% sure she's not interested, I find its better to just cut your losses. Either that or go down in flames, if that's your style.

 

 

What's everybody's opinion about actually using the word 'date,' by the way? I know I've encountered this type of situation myself, and there seem to be a lot of stories on here about people setting up what's *obviously* supposed to be a date with someone, but the person misunderstanding (or pretending to misunderstand). There's something that feels really forced and awkward to me about actually saying "Would you like to go out on a date?" But on the other hand, it's certainly unambiguous, and several people (primarily women) have told me that it's best to just swallow your pride and bust out the d-word.
 

I don't know that there's any rule for or against it but, unless there's some situation where you've been friends for a while, I find it really hard to imagine a woman not knowing that she's being asked out on a date. I'm sure those stories exist, but if you're doing it right there shouldn't be any ambiguity even without straight-up saying it.

post #1852 of 6797
I feel the same way, but I've conversed with people (both in real life and in message boards online) and it's amazing how steadfastly many women will cling to the story that they had no idea what was going on, to the point my skepticism is starting to erode and I'm starting to think *they* actually believe it. This seems to be purely a gender thing, by the way... like the video linked earlier demonstrates, men invariably say, "Unless specified otherwise, it's absolutely a date," while women often say exactly the opposite. And I'm talking about situations where it comes up in an academic context (hypothetically or whatever), not, for instance, where someone is being confronted by a confounded suitor.

I guess what I'm saying is that, either this really is a thing, or the women of the world have gotten together and decided to expend an awful lot of energy shoring up that particular excuse/ass-covering stratagem. And nearly every guy I've talked to seems to have experienced it from the other end, as well.
post #1853 of 6797

You don't have to say 'Would you like to go out on a date', but IMO using the word at least once or twice is crucial if you want to avoid the risk of it becoming a platonic hang-out without you meaning it. You use that word, you leave someone with no doubts as to what it is.

post #1854 of 6797

Just say 'Great!  It's a date' when she agrees to go.  That settles the issue in my mind.

post #1855 of 6797

If a woman is interested in a guy romantically, she's not going to invite friends.  It's as simple as that.  That's something one does AFTER initial courtship, and at that point she wants to show you off, so the friends thing will probably come up.  But in the initial stages?  No fucking way.  The only exception is the double date...but that is clearly established as a "date", so there would be no ambiguity about what's happening.

post #1856 of 6797

Crikey... maybe we should just rename this thread "Girls are jerks & the jerks who want to date them" and be done with it.

post #1857 of 6797

You guys are overlooking the three-way angle.

post #1858 of 6797

A three-way? But then we'd have to get all new friends! Orgy friends!

post #1859 of 6797
Quote:
Originally Posted by BlackyShimSham View Post

You guys are overlooking the three-way angle.

 

Overrated.

post #1860 of 6797

But better than third wheels stinking up your private movie screening!

post #1861 of 6797
Quote:
Originally Posted by BlackyShimSham View Post

But better than third wheels stinking up your private movie screening!

 

Well, yeah.

 

I'm just telling you that the whole FFM threeway thing is overrated.  I had it waaay too built up in my mind as the be all, end all of existence.  It was great when it happened (especially from a visual perspective), but it wasn't any better physically than a normal session.  Nothing beats being singularly focused on a woman who is, in turn, singularly focused on you.

post #1862 of 6797

There are a lot of angles to a three-way. Just try and avoid the ones that'll put you in the emergency room if you're not limber.

post #1863 of 6797
Quote:
Originally Posted by Workyticket View Post

There are a lot of angles to a three-way. Just try and avoid the ones that'll put you in the emergency room if you're not limber.

 

Heh.

post #1864 of 6797

I'm just going to step out of this thread for good due to my lack of anything close to success the past couple months.

post #1865 of 6797

Tonight was more status quo than escalation, but I'm not ready to concede just yet. She was a bit under the weather and could legitimately have canceled. I was worried that the iffiest part of the evening would be the dinner since I scheduled it pretty late in order to lead into the screening, but my choice of restaurant was on-target with her tastes. As for the show, only one of her co-workers came, and he was clearly there for the movie. He sat alone and we left together.

 

I should explain that in our circle after-hours screenings are not unheard of, and I don't think this one was perceived as an excessive gesture. If I have one note it's that even in the best circumstances Citizen Kane isn't much of a make-out flick. So go ahead, tell me I FriendZoned all over the joint. I'm upbeat.

post #1866 of 6797

Not just a river in Egypt anymore, is it, my friend? Well, I hope we're all wrong and your persistence pays off. 

 

 

Also:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Judas Booth View Post

 

I'm just telling you that the whole FFM threeway thing is overrated.  I had it waaay too built up in my mind as the be all, end all of existence.  It was great when it happened (especially from a visual perspective), but it wasn't any better physically than a normal session.  Nothing beats being singularly focused on a woman who is, in turn, singularly focused on you.

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Workyticket View Post

There are a lot of angles to a three-way. Just try and avoid the ones that'll put you in the emergency room if you're not limber.

 

 

I hate both of you.

post #1867 of 6797
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hammerhead View Post

As for the show, only one of her co-workers came, and he was clearly there for the movie. He sat alone and we left together.

 

Yes, but she invited more.  The fact that they didn't show up doesn't negate her desire to make it a group of friends endeavor.  And the guy probably sat alone because nobody wants to be the third wheel.

 

I hate to be that guy, but...

 

How many times have you been out with her so far, and has there been a kiss yet?  I want hard data!!!

post #1868 of 6797

From Askmen.com:

"Avoid The Friend Zone"

It's worth reading.

post #1869 of 6797
Quote:
Originally Posted by Art Decade View Post

From Askmen.com:

"Avoid The Friend Zone"

It's worth reading.


 But, Art...

 

post #1870 of 6797

Ugh... avoiding the friend zone.  So much performance.

 

It's just so EXHAUSTING, Mr. Bond...

 

Of course, having just broken up with a girl I'd been dating...

 

... she keeps texting me.  I'm being as civil as I can, but my disinterest must come through because her texts still sound like we're intimate!

 

 

SO EXHAUSTING.

 

Raoul Silva Skyfall

post #1871 of 6797
Quote:
Originally Posted by Art Decade View Post

From Askmen.com:

"Avoid The Friend Zone"


It's worth reading.

Dating other women worked for me. Trouble is, when my current girlfriend finally decided to make us an official couple, I had to break a couple hearts when I friendzoned the other nice gals I was seeing.
post #1872 of 6797
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hammerhead View Post

So go ahead, tell me I FriendZoned all over the joint. I'm upbeat.

Don't tempt the Friend Zone, mate. It has an awful habit of biting you in the ass when you least expect it.

post #1873 of 6797
Quote:
Originally Posted by mcnooj82 View Post

 

Of course, having just broken up with a girl I'd been dating...

 

... she keeps texting me.  I'm being as civil as I can, but my disinterest must come through because her texts still sound like we're intimate!

 

 

SO EXHAUSTING.

 

 

 

Your cell provider should allow you to block designated numbers. Might want to look into that. I've had to do it a few times.

post #1874 of 6797

I'd say it's too soon for such measures.  But I'll keep that in the back of my head.

post #1875 of 6797
Quote:
Originally Posted by Art Decade View Post

From Askmen.com:

"Avoid The Friend Zone"

It's worth reading.

 

All good points, making it clear that you're desired by other women works insanely well.

 

Still, I've said this before and I'll say it again, the best way to avoid the friend zone is to not act like her friend i.e be physical right from the start.

post #1876 of 6797

As my mother used to say "there are plenty more fish in the sea" coupled with "faint heart nver won fair lady" seems to be appropriate here. The other thing is nowadays on sites such as www.attracion.com you can get to know someone a lot better before asking them on a date by using the video chat feature. This ensures that what you see is what you get!

post #1877 of 6797
Quote:
Originally Posted by Evi View Post

Still, I've said this before and I'll say it again, the best way to avoid the friend zone is to not act like her friend i.e be physical right from the start.

post #1878 of 6797

And with that--I lost the game.

 

Tried hitting up girl for a third date and made plans for next friday.

 

A couple of minutes later, I get a text from said girl that read we should totally hang with my friends on that Friday.

 

But you know...

 

I'm not even that upset. A girl is a girl is a girl is a girl, and one day it'll happen for me. Until then....I dunno.

post #1879 of 6797
Don't waste three dates on the next one. (Or three date attempts, at any rate). If something's not gonna work out, the least you can do is save yourself some time, effort, and money.
post #1880 of 6797
After weeks of no communication whatsoever with gal I used to date at work (who's now engaged), she's been IM-ing me relentlessly this afternoon.

The gist: I'm a jerkface for ignoring her lately, and I should be happy she's marrying the guy she'd told me a few months ago she was "basically roommates" with.

Everyone else I've dated has politely left me alone after we parted ways. Why are things are so different with her?

I don't want to be her friend, I think she's crazy, and I admit, my ego is bruised because she's engaged to someone else. So many conflicting emotions!
post #1881 of 6797
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bradito View Post

After weeks of no communication whatsoever with gal I used to date at work (who's now engaged), she's been IM-ing me relentlessly this afternoon.
The gist: I'm a jerkface for ignoring her lately, and I should be happy she's marrying the guy she'd told me a few months ago she was "basically roommates" with.
Everyone else I've dated has politely left me alone after we parted ways. Why are things are so different with her?
I don't want to be her friend, I think she's crazy, and I admit, my ego is bruised because she's engaged to someone else. So many conflicting emotions!

 

Here's the deal: whoever it is that does the breaking up has a vested interested in being THE WINNER in the breakup.  By not communicating with her, you're not allowing her to be THE WINNER.  She doesn't get to gloat, either overtly or discreetly.  She doesn't get to tell you how 'awesome' her life is now that she's moved on.  Freezing her out is killing her.

 

Keep it up, man.

post #1882 of 6797
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bradito View Post

After weeks of no communication whatsoever with gal I used to date at work (who's now engaged), she's been IM-ing me relentlessly this afternoon.
The gist: I'm a jerkface for ignoring her lately, and I should be happy she's marrying the guy she'd told me a few months ago she was "basically roommates" with.
Everyone else I've dated has politely left me alone after we parted ways. Why are things are so different with her?
I don't want to be her friend, I think she's crazy, and I admit, my ego is bruised because she's engaged to someone else. So many conflicting emotions!

 

Attention whore.  Ignore it.  They're the biggest drains on people's energy.  If her life is so wonderful, let her live it in peace.

post #1883 of 6797

Plus, she wants you to start messaging her so her fiance can find out about it and get jealous and there can be drama.

post #1884 of 6797

Block her. Most providers give the option (usually via a website). It's a wonderful and clear statement on your part.

post #1885 of 6797
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bradito View Post

After weeks of no communication whatsoever with gal I used to date at work (who's now engaged), she's been IM-ing me relentlessly this afternoon.
The gist: I'm a jerkface for ignoring her lately, and I should be happy she's marrying the guy she'd told me a few months ago she was "basically roommates" with.
Everyone else I've dated has politely left me alone after we parted ways. Why are things are so different with her?
I don't want to be her friend, I think she's crazy, and I admit, my ego is bruised because she's engaged to someone else. So many conflicting emotions!

 

400

The answer is pretty simple.

post #1886 of 6797
How many "friend zoned" guys does it take to change a light bulb?

None.

They'll just compliment it and get pissed when it doesn't screw.
post #1887 of 6797
So, just like that my perpetual bad luck changes. Met a really sweet girl on okcupid last week. She lives about 2hrs away but is in town fairly often. We're giving the distance thing a try.
post #1888 of 6797
Quote:
Originally Posted by DJ Dylan View Post

So, just like that my perpetual bad luck changes. Met a really sweet girl on okcupid last week. She lives about 2hrs away but is in town fairly often. We're giving the distance thing a try.

 

400

Good luck, dude :)

post #1889 of 6797

A man went into the doctor holding a hammer in one hand. His thumb on his other hand was bruised and bloody. When the doctor asked him what the problem was, the man swung the hammer at his wounded thumb. After screaming, the man gasped, "Doc, my thumb hurts when I do that."

 

The doctor nodded, was silent for a moment. "I know how to fix this."

 

The man looked up, relieved and grateful.

 

The doctor pointed at the hammer. "Stop doing that."

post #1890 of 6797

Harsh, but true.

 

I just pulled the trigger on a year-long relationship on Tuesday, and I'm taking a break from long-term relationships for a long time. Maybe permanently.

post #1891 of 6797
Quote:
Originally Posted by D.T. View Post

 I'm taking a break from long-term relationships for a long time. Maybe permanently.

 

Short of an act of God in one specific situation, I'm done until next fall at the earliest. That's when I'll contemplate asking friends to set me up, being open to opportunities, or trying the online thing again. I need a rest, and have other things to focus on for a while.

post #1892 of 6797

I'm turning 29 on Monday, and I'm looking forward to spending the last year of my 20's going out with no pressure or expectations on myself, and playing wingman for friends. I think it's going to be a fucking blast.

post #1893 of 6797
Quote:
Originally Posted by Art Decade View Post

 

400

Good luck, dude :)

Thanks. Wasnt actually wanting to get into something long distance, but I think she's worth it.

post #1894 of 6797
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bradito View Post

After weeks of no communication whatsoever with gal I used to date at work (who's now engaged), she's been IM-ing me relentlessly this afternoon.
The gist: I'm a jerkface for ignoring her lately, and I should be happy she's marrying the guy she'd told me a few months ago she was "basically roommates" with.
Everyone else I've dated has politely left me alone after we parted ways. Why are things are so different with her?
I don't want to be her friend, I think she's crazy, and I admit, my ego is bruised because she's engaged to someone else. So many conflicting emotions!

 

No conflict there: they all say RUN THE FUCK AWAY! And they'd be right.

post #1895 of 6797
Quote:
Originally Posted by MichaelM View Post

 

Short of an act of God in one specific situation, I'm done until next fall at the earliest. That's when I'll contemplate asking friends to set me up, being open to opportunities, or trying the online thing again. I need a rest, and have other things to focus on for a while.

 

It's cliche, but when I stopped looking for a boyfriend I met a guy who I've been dating for 6 mos. We all need to just stop trying so hard, relax and be ourselves. When you interact with someone because you truly enjoy their company, that's when a relationship can blossom. Let's all stop acting so desperate and just have a good time.

post #1896 of 6797
Quote:
Originally Posted by Diva View Post

 

It's cliche, but when I stopped looking for a boyfriend I met a guy who I've been dating for 6 mos. We all need to just stop trying so hard, relax and be ourselves. When you interact with someone because you truly enjoy their company, that's when a relationship can blossom. Let's all stop acting so desperate and just have a good time.

post #1897 of 6797

ACTING so desperate???

post #1898 of 6797

I want to hug all you kids.

post #1899 of 6797

Too busy hugging my Kindle Fire, but thanks!

post #1900 of 6797

All of our questions have been answered! And in just one hundred easy steps, too!

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