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Dating Tips/Advice - Page 11

post #501 of 2700
Quote:
Originally Posted by Diva View Post

Then I had that crazy date with the Kramer impersonator

 

Did he try to steal your box of raisins? We're gonna need to hear that story.

 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jake View Post

Haha, the message she got is KILLING ME. Carlethal. That's the best name.


Yes, it's like "Orenthal" but deadlier! Haha..I just realized that "Carlethal" is a mix between "Carl" & "Lethal". Which makes my MC name "DJ DouglaSatan" seem much less silly now.



Quote:
Originally Posted by Diva View Post

Google him. Apparently he's in the music biz. His MySpace profile is the first few hits. And I don't want to respond as a dating option. But I hate leaving people hanging. I rather acknowledge that you said something nice and move on.

 

I checked out both of his Myspace pages & something is a little...off. No smiling in any of his pics. Basic human interaction might be an uphill battle for this cat. Red flag. His track from 2007 is pretty damn good though.

Unless you've engaged in correspondence with this guy, I'd say it's alright not to say anything to him. God knows that I've sent notes to people with no response. That's just the nature of online dating sites: First, a guy knocks on your door, then if no one replies we just go the next door & knock. If you were to open that door just to say that "Nobody's home", that would just muddy the waters unnecessarily. Anyway, his...uh...message reeked of "cut & paste". He probably sends that same message to every profile he likes.

How can you tell? He didn't mention anything specific about you or your profile. Pass.

post #502 of 2700
Quote:
Originally Posted by Art Decade View Post

How can you tell? He didn't mention anything specific about you or your profile. Pass.



When it comes to sending messages you want read or knowing how to trust messages you receive, this is pretty much Law.

post #503 of 2700

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Diva View Post

 but wanted to keep you on the back burner in case it didn't work out.



Skip to the 5:00 mark.

 

post #504 of 2700

This episode of the Keith and The Girl show covered a lot of the pros and cons of what should be in your profile and what shouldn't be. The hosts are published relationship book authors so they may have a clue or two and in this episode they take the profile of one of their friends apart to pretty funny and educational effect for more than am hour of in-depth online dating analysis.

 

Skip through to the about the 18 or 19 minute mark for the OK Cupid thing.

 

http://www.keithandthegirl.com/Show-Detail/2290/OK-Cupid.aspx

 

It's also in iTunes.

post #505 of 2700

Put these sweet words in your search bar and tell me how sexy I am, and how I can better convey that sexy sexiness.

 

http://www.okcupid.com/profile/GreendaleHuman

post #506 of 2700
Quote:
Originally Posted by Whiteboy Jones View Post

Put these sweet words in your search bar and tell me how sexy I am, and how I can better convey that sexy sexiness.

 

http://www.okcupid.com/profile/GreendaleHuman

 

Ok, first impressions - I like the brevity & humor of your profile. It's entertaining but you're not straining yourself to be funny, which is good. Cute nerd girls will likely be most attracted to you.

 

One thing I think that's lacking is a sense of genuine sincerity behind the sheen of pop culture wit. In the "I spend alot of time thinking" part, contrast the cutesy jokiness with something serious that you actually think & care about. Inject a slight touch of depth into your profile. Too many jokes can make you look a little shallow & dorky.

 

Your self-summary is missing a sentence or two, as well. I'd move your sentence about wanting to be a film critic as the beginning of paragraph two in your self-summary. People are gonna want to know who the hell you are & what you do straight away. Establish that & then end the section saying something inclusive about potential dates. Say something brief about what you're looking for & what you see yourself doing with a potential partner. You just need a little hook there where girls can imagine themselves interacting with you.

In the "What I'm doing with my life" section, just write "Chasing my dreams in Hollywood". Nothing else. That brief description alone suggests a sense of independence, mystery, & adventurousness about you.

 

In the "You should message me if..." section, don't say "If you think we're a good match". Waaay too vague. Be specific & name a few desired commonalities that you're looking for in a girl. But mix it up between funny things & sincere, romantic things. 

 

LOVE your "typical Friday night" line. I might steal that.


Edited by Art Decade - 4/6/12 at 4:50pm
post #507 of 2700

*Salutes* Thank you, good sir! I've made some adjustments. I estimate myself to be 40% sexier now!

post #508 of 2700

Much better.

 

ETA: I'd remove the "You recognize the reference in my user name" line. Any exclusionary standard (even if it's a joke) is a complete & immediate turn-off.


Edited by Art Decade - 4/6/12 at 5:12pm
post #509 of 2700

Yeah, that typical Friday night activity was gold, man. Otherwise, I think Art's suggestions are spot on.

 

Because it's all about me, UPDATE: almost the end of week two since ending that relationship, and while I miss certain benefits, I remain confident it was the right thing and that it's already improved my emotional health and overall outlook. Plus I've done a shitload more writing that I have in weeks or even months, so that's good, too.

post #510 of 2700

Wut???  You guys are gonna make me register for OKCupid in order to see Jones' profile?!

 

JOOOOONES ! ! ! ! !

post #511 of 2700

 

LOVE your "typical Friday night" line. I might steal that.

Yeah, that typical Friday night activity was gold, man.

 

Dammit, I can't live this lie any longer. It's a Simpsons reference, guys. I didn't come up with it at all. *breaks down sobbing*

post #512 of 2700
Quote:
Originally Posted by Whiteboy Jones View Post

Dammit, I can't live this lie any longer. It's a Simpsons reference, guys. I didn't come up with it at all. *breaks down sobbing*

IT Crowd NO HAND.png

"Nooooo!"

post #513 of 2700

So my drunken one-night stand has turned into a 3-week stand. Eff you OK Cupid, I'll do this shit myself. Also, the guy lives in my hood yet has never shown up in my OK Cupid locals search. Your algorithm sucks, Cupid!

post #514 of 2700

Is this a bad time to chime in that my current wonderful relationship started on OkCupid?  8 months and counting!  Not everyone is insane on there; only 92% of OkC is crazy.  

post #515 of 2700

charlie_bucket__golden_ticket_thumb.jpg

Stop giving me hope, dammit!

post #516 of 2700

So after lurking this thread I gave OkCupid a try for a month. Long story short I deleted my profile.

 

It seems great for hooking up.

post #517 of 2700
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ratty View Post

Is this a bad time to chime in that my current wonderful relationship started on OkCupid?  8 months and counting!  Not everyone is insane on there; only 92% of OkC is crazy.  



I spent three wonderful years with  girl I met on okcupid. It does work!

 

Also, you guys need to check out my profile and pick me to pieces, please.

 

http://www.okcupid.com/profile/DylanJF84

post #518 of 2700

Fucking bummer.

 

My social circle is ever diminishing due to long hours of work, marriages and damned babies, so that avenue for finding datable women has dried off. The last couple of prospects were on a wedding prowl anyway. A couple of girls I liked that I worked close with turned out to be already dating pretty steadily and I don't play like that. So that's off too. I'm too broke and work too much to start hanging out places in order to create a new social circle. So regular bar prowls and joining various clubs is not possible, either. So despite never having tried that before I figured I'd try the online thing. I hit it off with a couple of them. Pretty well actually. Both prettier than the women I usually date, one very into movies the other one nutty in the best way possible. The problem is the movie one lives in fucking New York and the nutty one is married. As for women I could realistically date I think I'm probably incompatible with single Greek women. So while it may help with keeping up my ability to converse with the other sex that has been a bust too.

 

I think I may fully embrace the dark side and stick to strip clubs and hookers. Oh well.

post #519 of 2700

You want to find a woman, go where women go: the mall and yoga class.

post #520 of 2700

Yogurt class? That makes no sense at all.

post #521 of 2700

Seriously, if you want to meet new people, you're going to have to step out of your comfort zone and sail uncharted waters.  Go to different places and cast your net wide.  Wider net=more fish.

post #522 of 2700

Harley's 100% correct. And I think the trick is: start doing diverse things for their own sake. Go into them with an open mind and look for what you can learn.You go in solely to meet women, and you'll scare off the good ones.

 

It's a really hard balancing act: being open to something happening but not actively looking for it. But get out and do stuff. Yoga. Dance lessons. Rock climbing. Pick up photography. Join a volleyball team. Do interesting, diverse things and you'll not only up your chances of meeting interesting people - you'll become a more interesting person yourself.

post #523 of 2700
Quote:
Originally Posted by MichaelM View Post

 

 Do interesting, diverse things and you'll not only up your chances of meeting interesting people - you'll become a more interesting person yourself.

 

Quoted for truth.
 

 

post #524 of 2700
Quote:
Originally Posted by MichaelM View Post

It's a really hard balancing act: being open to something happening but not actively looking for it. But get out and do stuff. Yoga. Dance lessons. Rock climbing. Pick up photography. Join a volleyball team. Do interesting, diverse things and you'll not only up your chances of meeting interesting people - you'll become a more interesting person yourself.


Homer pill.jpg

What?! Do "stuff"? THAT wasn't part of the deal!

post #525 of 2700

Believe it or not, I actually don't have time to "do stuff." 

post #526 of 2700

OK, since we seem to be opening ourselves up for deeply humiliating feedback and advice....something interesting* happened yesterday.

 

Completely gorgeous spring day yesterday - sunny, temps in the high 50s or low 60s, nice cooling but not chilly breeze. Everything's budding or flowering or sprouting. So I take my camera to a local metropark, intent on seeing what's worth snapping** a few photos of. I go alone, purely with the intent and hopes of taking a handful of decent photos. The trail includes a bridge over a mostly-dry creekbed, with stairs going down to the creek. So I'm there, loking for good angles and interesting textures....and a very attractive woman (guessing 30-35) with her son (probably around age 8 or 9) come by. He sees me off-trail, lets out a whoop, and heads right for the creek bed. I catch the woman's eyes, and get a really great smile from her. The son scampers up the creek bed, and she goes to follow on the parallel trail. With the view now clear, I continue to eye the scene and snap some photos. About the time I'm done, they come back around. I had told myself I had a perfect opportunity to introduce myself - ask if she wants a picture, then give her my email address to ping if she wants me to send them to her. But I demur; not only am I recently out of a pretty wearying relationship, I don't want to force things, and I sorta told myself I'd take some time off. Regardless, there is more direct eye contact, another big smile from her, and a comment on the day's niceness. I, in my usual silver-tongued way, barely gabble out an agreement, and head off down the trail. There are a few mutual head turns back, and more smiles.

 

After a couple of hundred yards down the trail, it curves back the way I came and I decide to go back toward the park's cultivated area - ponds, grass fields, flower gardens. Who do I run into backtracking? Yep, the woman and her son. Again, I think about making the offer, but I'm too nervous and unsure, so I pussy out.

 

I make it back to the park's main area - tons of people, sunshine, turtles and fish in the ponds. At this point, I'll admit I was sorta hanging around to see if they were there, but then I got caught up in snapping more photos and stopped thinking about it.

 

Which of course is when they showed up. The son heads right for me, having recognized me from the creekbed, holds out a mollusk shell (very tiny) and asks what it is. I tell, then look at the mom, who's smiling pretty big now, and ask if they're from around here. She says yes, but he amends they're originally from out of state. So at this point, I muster up the courage, ask about the photo, and she quickly agrees. We introduce ourselves, then I take a few photos of them on my camera, and hers. I give her my business card, which has my email and cell on it, and tell her to contact me if she would like the photos I took. Another big smile, a very nice handshake, and I decided to high tail it out of there before I firmly jammed both feet in my mouth.

 

So...here's the question: should I have asked her for contact information? Was it too passive to give her the ball for the next step? Thoughts?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*Are you paying attention, Art?

 

**Also interestingly, and ironically, some monstrously huge snapping turtles.

post #527 of 2700

Personally, I think you handled it well, man. I don't think not asking for her email was passive at all; in fact, doing so may have come across as pushy or invasive, especially with her kid there (From what you say she seemed pretty happy to see you so I don't think she would've seen it that way, but you never know). By giving her your details you're offering your own privacy and giving her the space to act on it if she wishes, which in a 'random meeting' situation is a perfectly gentlemanly way of going about it. 'Passive' would've been not giving her your details at all. You've established an interest but given her room to make the next step. A good job all round, if you ask me!

post #528 of 2700

You put the ball in her court in as nice a way as possible. You made it really easy because she could email just for the pictures or to start a conversation. Hope it turns out well.

post #529 of 2700

Handled like a boss, MichaelM. I hope you're prepared for that little boy to start calling you dad.

post #530 of 2700

She sent a text message to my work number! Once I get some yard work done, Phase Two begins.

 

And dear Lord, Blacky, I hope not yet!

post #531 of 2700
Quote:
Originally Posted by MichaelM View Post

She sent a text message to my work number! Once I get some yard work done, Phase Two begins.


Well played my man, well fuckin played.

 

post #532 of 2700

Pimp-Shirt-515x300.gif

post #533 of 2700

Nicely done, Michael. Truly. Hope this plays out well in your favor!

post #534 of 2700
So went to a club with an old friend and his friends. Sadly said friend kept using an ex of mine as a conversation piece. I hit on his sister, he shut up fast.
post #535 of 2700

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rene (Mr.Eko) View Post

Nicely done, Michael. Truly. Hope this plays out well in your favor!

 

Thanks, and thanks to the other nice comments. We'll see. Playing text/email tag at the moment. Hard to be patient and cool! But I will.
 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by SAIRUS View Post

So went to a club with an old friend and his friends. Sadly said friend kept using an ex of mine as a conversation piece. I hit on his sister, he shut up fast.

 

Nicely done, sir.
 

 

post #536 of 2700

Well, fuck it. Okay, this is partly for advice but mostly so I can vent a bit, so please indulge me, folks.

 

It's not a wildly different story to the kind we've been seeing here lately, but met a pretty awesome-looking woman (Literally and generally) on okcupid about three weeks ago. We get talking, and before long the conversations are pretty much going on all night via on-site messaging. It's that awesome thing where you click with someone instantly, and before you know it have a whole raft of in-jokes between you and the conversation never gets old. After a few days, I ask her out and she admits she's very busy and probably can't do anything until after Easter. However, this seems to be genuinely honest and not a blow-off (She's a publisher, so it makes sense that she'd have a lot on her plate) and we swap phone numbers and carry on talking.

 

The next week is even better - now we're texting each other during the day as well as talking online at night, most of it she's instigating. Despite the shell of jadedness I've grown around me about online dating, I'm getting the sense that this girl is genuinely interested in me. By the end of the second week, we have pet names for each other - now it isn't at a creepily romantic level or anything, in fact flirting is kept to a minimum, but things are looking great.

 

Last week, the contact starts to slow, but she has a lot of work and social stuff on so I don't sweat it too much. By the end of the week I'm barely hearing anything, but know she's going away for the Easter weekend so don't get too worried, though I can't help but notice that I'm not getting any texts. Naturally I've backed off myself, trying to avoid being cloying or demanding. I wait till yesterday and send her a 'Happy Easter' text, keeping it light and friendly. Almost immediately I get a reply saying 'Sorry I've disappeared lately, but there's been a lot going on lately, will tell you all about it when I get back'. OK, I think, at least it sounds like she still wants to keep in touch.

 

So, I log on to okcupid this morning... And she's deleted her profile. What that means I don't know, and don't want to make any undue assumptions, but the signs don't look good. You know what Bradito said a while back about that 'Falling for an RPG character' situation? That's kind of what this has been like. I don't think I could actually fall in love with someone from online contact alone, but if you get along well enough with someone you can develop a genuine attraction, and I was really looking forward to taking her out. Whether that will actually happen now I don't know, but frankly I'm doubting it. She could still prove me wrong, but I've been in this situation enough times to know that that almost never happens.

 

So, what do you guys reckon? I have her number still. Part of me is saying wait till this evening, and if I haven't heard anything send her a text asking about the profile for the purposes of knowing where I stand. On the other hand, there's another part that says hang back, don't do anything, and if she doesn't contact me in the next 48 hours write her off. My gut's saying the former, my head's saying the latter.

 

I've mentioned in the past that I'm not a fan of extended emailing before a date is arranged, and while some of you guys have put forward some good arguments in favour of it shit like this is why I don't enjoy it. There comes a point where it becomes a fuckton of effort that could still be flushed at any moment. It's bloody annoying.

post #537 of 2700

Aaaarrrggghhh!!!! That SUCKS, man.

 

Well, she did say that she was gonna be busy until after Easter so you're still somewhat in the safe zone. And you have her number so it's not like she disappeared into the aether. All is not lost just yet, mate.

 

My advice is FOLLOW YOUR GUT. Your head is full of fear & doubt right now so I wouldn't trust that shit.

 

I think you should wait until the mid-week and then txt/call her & invite her out for a drink for Friday night or the weekend. You've been texting alot & she gave you the greenlight for further contact after Easter so this is gonna be the week for you to take it to the next step.

 

Just wait 2-3 days.

post #538 of 2700

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Workyticket View Post

I've mentioned in the past that I'm not a fan of extended emailing before a date is arranged, and while some of you guys have put forward some good arguments in favour of it shit like this is why I don't enjoy it. There comes a point where it becomes a fuckton of effort that could still be flushed at any moment. It's bloody annoying.


First, let me say I'm genuinely sorry for the letdown/roller coaster. It sucks, no matter how you prep or steel yourself for it. She led you on, and allowed some genuine emotional bonding to coalesce.

 

Second, drop her like Pluto. Move on. Her actions are telling you everything you need to know: she's not into it, and she does not view what's taken place as worth an explanation or a bit of respect.

 

Third, shit like this is why I will be asking to meet sooner rather than later. Frankly, if I "meet" someone on a dating site and all online signs are quite positive...and they put off meeting for weeks - they're out of the running. Because I've yet to personally or vicariously experience a genuine connection with someone who's truly interested in dating put off meeting for two or more weeks.

 

Interestingly, my situation has gone a weird route. She called my work landline, and I received a text-converted-to-voice message from her, giving her my email...except the automated conversion program fucked up the addy, and after 10 listens I still couldn't make it out. However, the cell # it came from was attached to the sound file, so I texted her, let her know the situation, and asked her to please text me her email addy.

 

No response tonight, and I sent the text four and a half hours ago.

 

So I'm going to call that number tomorrow, after work (late afternoon, early evening - safe hours, not creepily after 9 PM or anything), and if that doesn't generate a concretely positive response (i.e. a text or voice answer or callback), I'm moving on.

 


ETA: Just read Art's response. It's reasonable, and it's fine if you want to go with that. But someone deleting their profile without explanation is never, ever a good sign, nor does it bode well for their integrity, especially given the level of interaction and how fuckin' easy it would've been for her to text you "OKC profile gone, will explain soon - schmoopie."  If she can't be arsed or free to do even that, I say move on, brother.

post #539 of 2700

Ha! Art, Michael, you guys are like the angel and devil sitting on my shoulders. I suppose you could call it a greenlight for contact, though the exact wording was 'I'll message you in the next couple of days', i.e. I'll make the next move. It's a fine line between a genuine statement of intent and a fob-off, you know? While she's seemed stand-up and genuinely keen for the most part we all know how quickly these things can turn around.

 

It's the lack of explanation for deleting her profile that gets me. There's still time for her to do so of course (I only saw it maybe a couple of hours ago), but that still leaves me hanging on for an explanation that might never come. I'm never pushy in these situations, especially when it's still at the online only stage, but on the other hand I think I've shown her a shitload of patience, the last week especially, and don't have time these days for the 'hanging in limbo' thing. I've been there way too many times in the past, and it's the exact kind of thing I'm trying to avoid nowadays. I think I'll wait till tonight and see if she gets in touch, as she should be back by then - if not, I'll text her tonight or maybe tomorrow. I just think I've waited for a date long enough, I'm not prepared to hang around to see if we'll get to stay in touch at all. Just tell me the lay of the land here - I'll handle it however it is once I know, but I deserve to know that at least.

 

So, I'd say I'm currently sitting in the middle of you guys' points of view. Naturally, that leaves me a very confused fella, but I can only do what I can to remedy that.

 

Michael - Sounds like it could be fairly innocent re: the message. Those text-to-voice messages are horrible things that fuck up at the drop of a hat, and she could just be tied up with parent stuff and not had time to reply.  You can certainly try calling tomorrow, but I wouldn't do anything after that. You'll have gone above and beyond your contact quota under the circumstances and more than sent her the message that you want to continue contact; she can either respond, or not.

post #540 of 2700

This girl I'm currently seeing actually checked her OKCupid profile on her iPhone (someone had messaged her, evidently) while she and I were on a date yesterday. Made me feel like a million bucks. It's weird. She and I met in real life and have been dating for over a month now. Yet she still hasn't shut down that furshlugginer account.

 

I don't want to rush her or make her feel pressured into putting some sort of label on whatever this is. But shit like that sort of shakes my confidence in the whole matter. I've had such bad luck with women over the past year. It's difficult for me to keep from getting cynical.

post #541 of 2700
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bradito View Post

This girl I'm currently seeing actually checked her OKCupid profile on her iPhone (someone had messaged her, evidently) while she and I were on a date yesterday. Made me feel like a million bucks. It's weird. She and I met in real life and have been dating for over a month now. Yet she still hasn't shut down that furshlugginer account.

 

I don't want to rush her or make her feel pressured into putting some sort of label on whatever this is. But shit like that sort of shakes my confidence in the whole matter. I've had such bad luck with women over the past year. It's difficult for me to keep from getting cynical.



Honestly, I think the fact that she checked it while she was with you is a sign that she's not taking the message too seriously. My personal take on things is that the window for that transition to 'exclusive dating/relationship' is usually up to a couple of months*, so I don't think her still having her profile active is a bad sign per se. If she's happy enough with you at this point to check okc with you around, I'd say there's a very good chance that she'll stay happy enough to eventually ditch the profile. These things take time is all, and everyone's cautious about dropping all their options in the early stages.

 

Of course, if she's still using her profile two months from now, then worry. But that's a good while away, and it sounds like you're doing okay for now, mate. Crossing my fingers for ya.

 

 

*Well, it happens in its own time but in my personal experience two months tends to be the outer limit.

post #542 of 2700


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bradito View Post

This girl I'm currently seeing actually checked her OKCupid profile on her iPhone (someone had messaged her, evidently) while she and I were on a date yesterday. Made me feel like a million bucks. It's weird. She and I met in real life and have been dating for over a month now. Yet she still hasn't shut down that furshlugginer account.

 

I don't want to rush her or make her feel pressured into putting some sort of label on whatever this is. But shit like that sort of shakes my confidence in the whole matter. I've had such bad luck with women over the past year. It's difficult for me to keep from getting cynical.



Create a phony profile and begin hitting on her. Tailor yourself to meet her every need. Seduce her. When she agrees to meet up, it'll be you, arms outspread, triumphant, grinning, and you can shout "it was me you were looking for all along!" 

 

But yeah, I wouldn't worry about it until a month or so from now, as suggested. 

 

My only real piece of advice to the gents here would be to reiterate that I firmly believe too much talking too soon puts you in the friend category. You may feel contact is appropriate, but fight that urge. These are relationships, common sense need not apply. Trust me, those urges to initiate contact need to be repressed, at least half the time, especially in the crucial beginnings of any relationship. Search your feelings, you know it to be true. 

post #543 of 2700

Workyticket, her deleting her profile does not mean very much. In general it might very well mean that she's met someone but there's an even greater chance that she doesn't have time for the hassle or has gotten too many weird emails and simply feels like online isn't for her. I will say, though, that overdoing contact before you guys go out is a huge mistake. I know it feels like you're getting to know each other and creating a relationship but personally I would have slowed contact down to once every few days after finding out she's busy. My suggestion is that if she doesn't contact you, don't give in to that needy desire to ask her why, or even contact her at all. Just let it be for a few weeks, let whatever she's got going on percolate and then ping her with a quick how's it going.

post #544 of 2700

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Workyticket View Post

Ha! Art, Michael, you guys are like the angel and devil sitting on my shoulders.

 

Where is Harley, the soul of this thread's wisdom? WE NEED TO BREAK THIS IMPASSE!
 

 

post #545 of 2700
Quote:
Originally Posted by Evi View Post

Workyticket, her deleting her profile does not mean very much. In general it might very well mean that she's met someone but there's an even greater chance that she doesn't have time for the hassle or has gotten too many weird emails and simply feels like online isn't for her. I will say, though, that overdoing contact before you guys go out is a huge mistake. I know it feels like you're getting to know each other and creating a relationship but personally I would have slowed contact down to once every few days after finding out she's busy. My suggestion is that if she doesn't contact you, don't give in to that needy desire to ask her why, or even contact her at all. Just let it be for a few weeks, let whatever she's got going on percolate and then ping her with a quick how's it going.



I hear ya, Evi. It's true that she may have scrapped the profile for reasons that may not have anything to do with me. But at the same time, if she isn't up for the online stuff/has gotten too many dodgy emails that's fine, but that kind of makes me an elephant in the living room, so to speak. I understand what you're saying about leaving it be a few weeks, but that puts me in the position of the 'nice guy willing to wait as long as it takes', a position I've gotten into way too many times over the last couple of years and never come out of the other end happy. Let's say she has genuine (i.e. non-romantic) stuff going on: she still has my number. She can text and explain the situation. She has to know that if I haven't already seen she's deleted her profile, I'll find out very soon; where's the heads-up on that? That's leaving me a bunch of question marks that I never asked to deal with, and am frankly much less tolerant of dealing with these days. Waiting I can handle; I just need to know why I'm waiting and whether there's a chance it may be worth it in the long run, and those aren't things I can guess on my own. I learned my lesson on that one many times over.

 

As for the excessive contact... Well, I agree with you. I try and avoid it as much as possible, but it just kind of naturally happened due to the restrictions on meeting that were there. Still, you hope it all counts for something and leads somewhere, even if it is a single date. The situation as it stands, if she is interested and needs a bit of space she needs to say so. She said in her text yesterday that she'd contact me in the next couple of days, so the way I'm figuring it I'm gonna hold her at her word and give her till tomorrow evening; if I haven't heard anything by then, I'm texting her*. I'm in no way inclined these days to be pushed into limbo. With all the pitfalls and fantasy-making that comes with this online stuff, we should be demanding honesty, even if it's as simple as 'I'm interested or I'm not'. I don't have time for anything else.

 

By the way guys, thanks for your help here. I know this problem's fairly piddling on the scale of things, but the time and consideration you guys have shown in listening to my overly verbose arse means heaps. You're fuckin' gold!

 

 

*By the way, by that I don't mean an aggressive/fuck you kind of text; more a friendly, 'are you okay' kind of thing. It's really just about making that contact and asking her what it is she's thinking. Just in case what I'm saying here makes you think I'm gonna fly in all hammer and tongs, which I'm not!

post #546 of 2700

Worky, it's your time and your heart, but if I were you, I'd pretty much assume this was done, incorporate the lessons learned, and move on.  Seriously - if she was invested enough to start doing pet names and near-constant communications, sudden and complete radio silence is bullshit.

 

If she calls, great. I'd nicely but firmly ask some hard questions about what's going - and I'd pay as much, if not more, attention to nonverbals (tone of voice, pauses, inflection, etc.) as the actual words she's saying. If she doesn't call, my advice is move on.

 

~~~~~~

 

Dealing with a roughly parallel situation here. I received a text response this morning, giving me her actual email addy for the pictures. So I acknowledged that, sent her the digital files, and in that email asked if she'd like to grab some coffee and swap stories (I referenced her son telling me they're originally from Florida). I realize she may be at work, with limited or no ability to respond to texts or personal email. Shit happens, ya know? But that's it for me. If I don't get an actual call or specific response, I'm done. Because, again in my experience, when you have to work to keep contact up, it's a very bad sign from the beginning. She may not be tech savvy. Yesterday was a holiday, and today's a work day. I understand delays. But non-responsiveness or completely vague responses aren't OK.

 

It'll be hard stepping away - she seemed very, very interested (and interesting), though I've certainly done some majorly bad reading of signals before. It was exciting and neat, especially since it was so unexpected. But I ain't gonna do all the work or be the nice guy who initiates all the contact. That's not what I want, and I just don't see it leading to something good.

post #547 of 2700

I know what you mean man, but in my case the lack of contact has really only been over the weekend, which is when she already said she'd be away. And although the contact was slower last week she was still getting in touch, and she did send the text yesterday promising to contact me. So despite my misgivings at the moment she's earned a little grace. Now if she hadn't contacted me back yesterday, and I saw her profile gone after three and a bit days of nothing? Then that'd be a different story. That's why I'm giving her till tomorrow night, which is the period of time she stated, before I contact her. And that'll basically be to, in not as many words, ask 'are you still interested?'.

 

So, having mulled it over a few hours, time for some self-administered perspective: Despite what a bummer it's been to see her profile gone and the shine I've taken to her from our emails, the fact still remains that we haven't had that first date yet, and until you've had a chance to get together and see if the attraction carries over to in-the-flesh, there's always a question mark hovering over these online coversations. My main concern is knowing where I stand at this point; it's bad enough being stuck in limbo for weeks over a woman you've had face-to-face relations with, and I'm sure as shit not getting in that position for someone who's so far only existed on a screen. I'd just really, really like to get together with her in person, and this is just forcing some clarification so I know if there's still a chance or not.

 

 

As for your situation... Hope you don't mind me saying this mate, but it sounds like you're kind of preparing yourself for failure here. I mean, she could have lost interest, but from what I understand of the timeline of all this she seems to have been responding reasonably quickly. As you said, there's the working day to take into account, kid stuff as well. And alright, there was the slight messing around with the text to voice thing, but those things are a nightmare anyway. It was a technological hiccup that led to a bit more work, but that's not her fault; anyway 'officially' speaking, this is still a conversation about sending her a photo, and she's replied twice in, what, 48 hours? That's a pretty reasonable hit rate.

 

Of course, asking her out for coffee is a nice way to start nudging the nature of the contact away from the photo exchange to something more personal, so that should hopefully keep the contact flowing. But honestly, she seems to have been making an effort so far so I wouldn't map out any exit routes just yet. You've pulled off some smooth work here, and it sounds like it might be working. 

post #548 of 2700

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by Workyticket View Post

 

My main concern is knowing where I stand at this point; it's bad enough being stuck in limbo for weeks over a woman you've had face-to-face relations with, and I'm sure as shit not getting in that position for someone who's so far only existed on a screen. I'd just really, really like to get together with her in person, and this is just forcing some clarification so I know if there's still a chance or not.

 


Sounds like you have a really healthy perspective on it, and your goals are right where they should be. Keep firm, keep making healthy decisions. I hope that she responds positively and concretely towards meeting in person and things take off from there.

 

 

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by Workyticket View Post

 

 

As for your situation... Hope you don't mind me saying this mate, but it sounds like you're kind of preparing yourself for failure here. I mean, she could have lost interest, but from what I understand of the timeline of all this she seems to have been responding reasonably quickly. As you said, there's the working day to take into account, kid stuff as well. And alright, there was the slight messing around with the text to voice thing, but those things are a nightmare anyway. It was a technological hiccup that led to a bit more work, but that's not her fault; anyway 'officially' speaking, this is still a conversation about sending her a photo, and she's replied twice in, what, 48 hours? That's a pretty reasonable hit rate.

 

Of course, asking her out for coffee is a nice way to start nudging the nature of the contact away from the photo exchange to something more personal, so that should hopefully keep the contact flowing. But honestly, she seems to have been making an effort so far so I wouldn't map out any exit routes just yet. You've pulled off some smooth work here, and it sounds like it might be working. 


Yeah, after a very smooth takeoff I'm likely overthinking this and falling back on bad habits. Like you, I don't want to be the chump left holding some initial hopes in hand as they burn and fizzle. We'll see if I get a response back.

 

So here's my question: if I don't get an email back, do I just call her and see if I get a response there, or do I assume silence = no interest and move on? Or some other alternative?

 

post #549 of 2700
Quote:
Originally Posted by MichaelM View Post

 


Sounds like you have a really healthy perspective on it, and your goals are right where they should be. Keep firm, keep making healthy decisions. I hope that she responds positively and concretely towards meeting in person and things take off from there.

 

Yeah, after a very smooth takeoff I'm likely overthinking this and falling back on bad habits. Like you, I don't want to be the chump left holding some initial hopes in hand as they burn and fizzle. We'll see if I get a response back.

 

So here's my question: if I don't get an email back, do I just call her and see if I get a response there, or do I assume silence = no interest and move on? Or some other alternative?

 


Thanks, mate! We'll see how it all shakes out.

 

If she doesn't reply, well then I'd say it means no interest. You've taken it from the photo thing to that personal level, so it's up to her to signal a response on those terms. If she doesn't, it was just about the photo. But I think there's enough here to say there's a good chance that you were as much a factor, if not moreso. I think 50/50 at least. The good thing is, you've asked her out and created the circumstances to see where the odds really lie. Crossing all digits for you as we speak! 

 

post #550 of 2700
Quote:
Originally Posted by MichaelM View Post

 

 

Where is Harley, the soul of this thread's wisdom? WE NEED TO BREAK THIS IMPASSE!
 

 


I HAVE RISEN. 

 

If she said she'd contact you and she doesn't, move on.  If a woman is interested in you, she is contacting you somehow, come hell or high water.

 

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