Originally Posted by RCA
First mistake. See my post from a page back. Always ask questions. Do not offer any info on yourself until you know what she likes or at least how she will respond.
I actually have a fairly similar philosophy. Most of our date was 60/40 with her on the winning side. This date was a rare example of me letting my guard down. Pinpointing a reason is tough, which is mostly why I brought up all the injuries/low-ish confidence stuff over the last year. I think it was essentially a mix of me being surprised that the date was going well and maybe not be ready for a date to go that well. Maybe.
She was probably looking for a way out 30 seconds into this explanation.
Agreed. That's why the nerves kicked in. My immediate thought was, "You're blowing this, aren't you?"
Probably a good idea. Don't get me wrong, I dabble in the metal-verse from time to time, it's all good, but many girls do not...as you might have noticed from going to metal concerts. My wife used to not enjoy metal until I showed her some lyrics to songs that are super heavy, but actually have positive lyrics. We are going to see Ministry and Rammstein this Friday. ;) She love Ministry because they are political, which is not apparent upon first listen when all you hear is noise and screaming...which girls do not usually respond to positively. She's actually reading Al Jourgensen's memoir right now. I should note that she wears nice clothes and is into wearing fashionable outfits. You would never think she was into any metal by looking at her, so don't think that a girl couldn't have the potential to appreciate the things you like, but don't expect it right out the gate. She also just bought two Deftones t-shirts. I know, I'm lucky. :) Metal is not her favorite type of music, but she is definitely open to it. I should also note that I never played her ANY metal when we first started dating and even for quite some time after that. I like everything so I just focused on what she was interested in that matched my tastes and grew from there.
Liking metal is definitely not a dealbreaker for me, but I do gladly introduce it to girlfriends who, at least, feign interest. In some cases, I created a few new fans. In other cases, they just weren't interested and that's totally fine. Ministry is a good example of an introductory band because of the lyrical content, as you mentioned. It's always important to show that there's more to the genre than meets the eye.
I've also dated a lot of girls who I knew were metalheads right off the bat. There are always cute, single girls at Iron Maiden shows, so I always make sure to put on my best Eddie shirt and get a nice haircut before a show.
Also, I'm glad you found someone who shares your interests.
You shouldn't have a speech for this. Like what you like, nothing wrong with it. Just don't expect someone you just met, especially a girl, to be into a more fringe type of music. Feel it out first.
It's not necessarily a speech. More like a nonchalant, "yeah, metal's cool" blurb that I'll slowly add to at later dates. I try not to make a big deal out of it. I mean, it is a big deal to me, but I have a massive music collection that includes everything from Coltrane to Bowie and Wu-Tang to Daft Punk, so people will really only notice that almost half the collection is metal if they're scoping it out.
It is a numbers game though, so don't sweat it. Live and learn. There are plenty of other girls out there that would love to see your Cannibal Corpse collection.
My silver lining with this date was that I was kicking ass for all of it, except the last ten minutes. It definitely sucked to see a girl I immediately liked back off over music, but I needed a good date after a series of complete mishaps and doubts about myself. I essentially got that.