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ABRAHAM LINCOLN: SLOW MOTION ACTION HERO

post #1 of 37
Thread Starter 
by Nick Nunziata: link

Watch public domain characters interact in bullet time!
post #2 of 37

Wanted was the most obnoxious movie I've actually sat through in many years.  That said, this looks so ridiculously stupid I am almost compelled to watch it.

post #3 of 37

What bothers me about the trailer isn't the premise - I actually like, in theory, at least, messing around with historical knowns like this - but that a movie called ABRAHAM LINCOLN, VAMPIRE KILLER ought to be a lot more....fun, right? The premise seems custom-made for ARMY OF DARKNESS-style humor and action. This looks entirely too serious.

 

That aside, if it wasn't about old Abe but was merely a historical story of a really proficient vampire killer, I'd say this looks...OK. Not great but not the end of civilization, either.

post #4 of 37

I can't imagine a packed house audience not seeing this trailer, scratching their heads and thinking, "Really?"

post #5 of 37

Cowboys and Aliens trailer reaction 2.0.

post #6 of 37

Why is he using an axe?  Was that something he was really known for as opposed to Washington?

 

Screw it, it should have been a whip and Lincoln should have been a secret Belmont.

post #7 of 37
Quote:
Originally Posted by neoolong View Post

Why is he using an axe?  Was that something he was really known for as opposed to Washington?

 



Yes.

post #8 of 37

Even though it looks like an extended "Family Guy" non sequiter, I am absolutely there opening night. 

post #9 of 37

Hmmh, I guess he was.  Still weird though.

post #10 of 37

Fucking UGH. That's all I got.

post #11 of 37

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Freeman View Post

Cowboys and Aliens trailer reaction 2.0.



Only without Indy and James Bond. This had better be cheap.

post #12 of 37
Hopefully the imminent flopping of this fucking thing will scuttle PRIDE AND PREJUDICE AND ZOMBIES.
post #13 of 37

Quote:

Originally Posted by neoolong View Post

Why is he using an axe?  Was that something he was really known for as opposed to Washington?

Didn't chop down a cherry tree, but he lived in a log cabin, right?
 

kids_lincolnlogs.jpg

 

I don't know what to make of it. I love Johnny Cash, vampires, physics-defying action, and alternate history. But that trailer left me kinda glassy-eyed. I think the book's original trailer is more "moving"...

 

 

post #14 of 37

Ugh, this thing is the equivalent of the Geico Cavemen. Something mildly amusing that way overstays its welcome. Do we really need movies? And seeing "Tim Burton" on anything pretty much guarantees it's going to be poop.

post #15 of 37

It looks like a Funny or Die short with a budget. I kept waiting for Lincoln to be revealed as Will Ferrell. Amazing that anyone spent the dough to flesh out such a dumb joke into a straight-faced feature length. Someone needs to stop these semi-ironic genre splicings before these cinematic Dieter Lasers go Filmic Centipede: Full Sequence on us. "It's 'Kramer vs. Kramer,' but one's a zombie, the other's an alien, it's World War I and their kid is the Red Baron! What? No, not a comedy."

post #16 of 37

I actually enjoyed the book on which this is based, so I'll probably see this while it's still in theaters.  Benjamin Walker as Lincoln kind of intrigues me too -- his great work as Andrew Jackson in Bloody Bloody Andrew Jackson shows that he's quite able at remaining comfortable in these irreverent historical creations.

post #17 of 37

Lincoln is well known as the Rail Splitter.

 

I am very excited to see Daniel Day Lewis as Abraham Lincoln this winter.

 

Regarding this film, the less said, the better.

post #18 of 37

Oh no. I liked that, in a GI JOE kind of way. Oh dear. I'm so sorry everyone. I've let you all down.

post #19 of 37

 

Quote:

 Someone needs to stop these semi-ironic genre splicings before these cinematic Dieter Lasers go Filmic Centipede: Full Sequence on us. "It's 'Kramer vs. Kramer,' but one's a zombie, the other's an alien, it's World War I and their kid is the Red Baron! What? No, not a comedy."

 

 

*Crumples up script, runs off crying*

post #20 of 37

Hey, I'll watch that!

post #21 of 37
Quote:
Originally Posted by Trav McGee View Post

It looks like a Funny or Die short with a budget. I kept waiting for Lincoln to be revealed as Will Ferrell. Amazing that anyone spent the dough to flesh out such a dumb joke into a straight-faced feature length.



I know and that is why I can't wait to see it. The idea that someone took the time and money and sunk it into a joke is AMAZING.

post #22 of 37

I'd watch it.

post #23 of 37

Did I read that right-- this is shot by Caleb Deschanel? Well, the man is overdue for an Oscar...

 

And honestly, I don't know that this seems any more/less stupid/stupid enjoyable than Iron Sky.

post #24 of 37

Yeah, Cowboys and Aliens 2.

And thing is, by the time this rolls out, we'll already have a trailer for Spielberg's movie.

post #25 of 37

Actually, I hope the trailer for Spielberg's movie is attached to this.

post #26 of 37
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jeb View Post

And honestly, I don't know that this seems any more/less stupid/stupid enjoyable than Iron Sky.


IRON SKY, like FDR: AMERICAN BADASS, doesn't appear to be taking itself too seriously.

 

post #27 of 37

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by DARKMITE8 View Post


IRON SKY, like FDR: AMERICAN BADASS, doesn't appear to be taking itself too seriously.

 


And that's what my problem with the trailer is.

 

Look, you like what you like. But I find the escalating hate for this property....weird. I mean, it seems like a premise a lot of Chewers would eat up. I have no idea what the book's like. In theory, it sounds like it could be a heckuva lot of fun. 

 

Ignoring the director and star for a moment, why is this somehow so much worse than the premise of an elderly Elvis - and JFK as a black man! - fighting an evil mummy?

 

post #28 of 37

If this didn't come out in the middle of Hollywood's vampire-craze, it would probably be embraced.  

 

TWILIGHT.

post #29 of 37

Well, there's actually vampires as monsters and getting killed, so you'd think those folks would be happy about this.

post #30 of 37

Right, so it's this years Snakes On A Plane yeah?

post #31 of 37

Vampires in the White House!

post #32 of 37

While the premise is no less inherently gonzo, Bubba Ho-tep could never be mistaken for a cynical, big budget Hollywood cash in the way this film could.  There's no way it has a fraction of the offbeat charm and humor of the Coscarelli film.

post #33 of 37

This looks absolutely retarded and I absolutely will see it.

post #34 of 37

It looks like Kim Newman's  Anno Dracula novels, which are an awesome mix of alternate history and vampires, will never be movies. Yet something that looks lame to me will be, and people wonder why I'm bitter and cynical.

post #35 of 37
Quote:
Originally Posted by DARKMITE8 View Post


IRON SKY, like FDR: AMERICAN BADASS, doesn't appear to be taking itself too seriously.

 



Well, that's certainly true-- though my principal issue with the latest Iron Sky trailer is that it appears a bit too convinced of its wackiness; we'll see.

 

But there's also something to be said for taking a ridiculous premise and completely buying into it, which would appear to be the case here.

 

The movie may still suck, of course, but it's gotta be better than pop culture's last attempt to co-opt the 16th President.

 

the_secret_diary_of_desmond_pfeiffer-show.jpg

post #36 of 37

No!  Desmond Pfeiffer will never die.

post #37 of 37

No. That's all. And I say that as someone who kind of likes Bekmambetov and random shit.

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