FRANCHISE ME: JURASSIC PARK - Page 2

Just build one yourself...

 

http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=2624060

The way Hollywood is doing with original ideas and remakes, i'd say the time is right to adapt the great american novel and kill two dinos with one stone:

 

Speaking of Dino flicks, is Carnosaur any good?

I've never seen the first one, but it's hilarious how much Carnosaur 2 is like a really bad rip of Aliens.

 

 

Somewhere in my parent's home is a box full of doodles inspired by reruns of Dinosaucers. I'm pretty sure if taken as whole there's more sketches in there than anything Da Vinci produced in his entire life.

I was inspired to watch Jurassic Park 3 by this column, having not seen it since the theatrical release. I think I would be more receptive to the film if it was just called Billy and the Cloneasaurus. Dr. Grants student is even named Billy! And he steals some cloneasaurs! It's all very silly, although the Pteranodons at the end are genuinely menacing and sinister. 

I think it's fitting that the movies opening setpiece depicts CGI Spinosaurus snapping the neck of a T-Rex who is introduced with that classic, badass animatronic piece. I know Spinosaurus also has an animatronic, but its not nearly as convincing and quite frankly looks like crap. The FX in this one are all over the place, as is the tone.  

I try to cut JP III a bit of slack, but when I think of it, all that comes to mind are the endless cries of "Eric!!" "ERIC!!!" "EEERRRRIIICCC!!!!"

Yeah that movie truly fails to deliver a satisfying dino death upon either one of those Mid-West morons screaming for their shitty kid. Killing off the two mercenaries literally as soon as they arrive on the island was stupid.

What's unforgivable about JPIII is that there's no final appearance by the spinosaur.  The last you see of him is when he attacks them on the river and the fire scares him off, and you're expecting him to make one last attack, this time with a beach full of soldiers to deal with. And he's a total no-show.

 

Of course, the bigger mistake was having him kill the T-Rex so early on.  Yes, I know they wanted to show what a badass the spino was, but imagine the humans being chased by both dinos in a running battle, and it's the T-Rex who once again saves the day by attacking the spino right at the end.  Hell, even let the T-Rex win the fight.

That's just how I roll baby.

I agree with a friend of mine that once said that JPIII automatically failed because it's more fun to watch Jeff Goldblum react to dinosaurs than it is to watch Sam Neill react to dinosaurs. That kinda sums it for me. Goldblum on the other hand works much better in THE LOST WORLD, due to his humour and cynicism in the face of the absurd. Whereas in JP:III, you've just got Neil looking bored and bewildered by everything around.

I love you RD, I do, but I love THE ROCKETEER and CAPTAIN AMERICA a bit more. I think they're balanced just fine. ;)

 

Quote:

Maybe, but I kinda like his Rock Star persona more in part 1. He seems neutered by the parental responsibilities in 2.
 

 

 

 

Real life.

Speaking of, why didn't this ever get a trashy adaptation from Screen Gems? I'd eat that shit up.

 

 

I do actually remember the game from Chuckie Cheese.

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Good points on Nick and Sarah, Joshua. I guess you said everything there is to say on this one. Bring on Part 3!

As others have stated, John Sayles was your boy in that regard.  I'd love to get my hands on his unused "drug cartel battling, gun-toting Raptor commando squad" script for JP4.

 

YES PLEASE!!!

A drug running plane holding millions in custom highly addictive and expensive drugs crash lands on Isla Nublar (or Sorna).  They managed to get a signal out to others in the Cartel who fly out a retrieval team, while the signal was intercepted by the DEA who sent out their own team to seize the drugs and make arrests.

It's a race against time as both sides try to get to the crashed plane.  They bring along a grown Tim Murphy who studied dinosaurs in college, but ended up dropping out and joined the marines serving in Afghanistan.  The only thing they didn't count on were the dinosaurs eating all the drugs, making them even more bloodthirsty than ever.

A stunt cast Dominic Monaghan has to say at one point, upon hearing the roars of the dinos, "Guys...where are we?"

His partner, played by Josh Holloway, then says, Son of a bitch!"

Cut to Grant in a heavy beard drunkenly yelling to Ellie, "We have to go back!"

And that's when..........................................

 

 

 

MICHAEL WINCOTT STEPS IN

 

 

 

Don't tease me.  About Michael Wincott.  I couldn't give two shits about Lost.

Nah man, terrorists hijack Air Force One on its way to a world peace summit and the plane crashes on Isla Nublar with the president aboard...

 

...only one man can go in and save the western world...

Quote:

Billy Brennan?

 

Better...

 

Son Of Nedry!

Killer dinosaurs running amok + MICHAEL WINCOTT = awesome.

It's just Michael Wincott listening to jazz and shooting Dinosaurs for three hours.

 

Oh and Walton Goggins shows up for some reason too.

Can it be directed by Jim Jarmusch?

John Milius.

 

Only way.

If only Sam The Man was still with us...

 

Jurassic Park IV: Justified Extinction (2014)

Directed by Quentin Tarantino

Screenplay by Elmore Leonard & John Sayles

Story by Steven Spielberg & Quentin Tarantino

Starring Timothy Olyphant, Walton Goggins, and Michael Wincott

 

Raylen Givens, a team of US Marshals, and a handful of fugitives become stranded on Isla Sorna when they are forced to crash land due to weather complications.  Not only do they have to contend with the island's wildlife, but also a team of poachers (led by Wincott) that are roaming about the land illegally picking off dinos.  Naturally, a subplot arises about Boyd Crowder starting a Velociraptor-worshipping cult after tagging along with Raylen on his prisoner transport.  Violence, hilarity, and all-around awesomeness ensue.

Edited by S.D. Bob Plissken - 2/23/12 at 6:02am

Great article. Really enjoyed it.

 

I wish Spielberg's WOTW had been as good as this; instead its only as good as Lost World.

MUCH better than Lost World. 

 

You know what the end of Jurassic Park needed?  A shot that says "Life finds a way."  And not "Life finds a way to evolve dinosaurs into pelicans," either.  We needed to see the dinosaurs just owning that island.  Basically, the final shot of Lost World.

Exactly.  Honestly, outside of an unnecessary element within the film's ending, I have almost no problems with Spielberg's War of the Worlds remake.

 

I do love both, LW and WOTW, and there's nothing as offensive in WOTW as the gym vs raptor scene (hate it. hate it. hate it) but I think WOTW has more weak links than just the unexplainable survival of Ray's son.

- I think the Tim Robbins scene doesn't work that much. It's well directed, yeah, but for me there's not enough need to kill Robbins. Yeah, he gets loud and instabile, but it still feels so odd to kill him. Especially after what happens after that. Maybe if it hadn't been Robbins. Maybe it would have been way more interesting if that would have been his own son. Now there's a reason to get loud, purposely trying to attract the enemy. That would have lead to a great scene, because he can't kill his son. Or send him away. But he can't risk him luring the Tripods to Rachel. Ray shouldn't have bashed his son's skull in, of course, but that could have been the more effective prologue to finally letting him go with the soldiers.
- Morgan Freeman narrating

- Dakota watching the dead bodies in the river
- I know it's an important part of the story, but the Aliens losing due to bacteria is still not very thrilling. Midway a huge battle the enemy just dies at some point. Because he was too stupid to notice that just running around on Earth would kill his species in hours. Imagine the Terminator had just run out of battery, or Jaws had suddenly suffered a stroke and died. Not good.
- the concept of the buried tripods. Them coming out of the ground is awesome, yeah, but it does not make any sense no machine had ever been found before.

- not showing the huge war behind the hill. I know he could have easily done it and I agree it's not necessary, but the way that scene is shot it simply looks cheap.

 

I think WOTW is closer to being perfect though. WIth a few changes, it would have been a timeless classic, a masterpiece. As good as Raiders or JP.

 

To be fair though, the bacteria thing is straight from Wells. It's something that would have worked at the time the story was first published, because the world of bacteria was still little known and full of mystery, but it's an element that has become ever more of a weakness as time and science has moved on.

 

Oh, and Morgan has something to say to you...

 

 

 

I guess you've heard. We got a 3D conversion for this next year.

 

Anyone up for that?

 

I was working at a movie theater when JP comes out. I loved sneaking in to the theaters when the raptors lunged up at the air vent, directly at the camera. It might be worth it just for that moment in 3D

 

I'm down for it.  Why not?

I'd go. Even if the 3D doesn't add much, it will be fun to see on the big screen.

 

The chance to see the T-rex scene from the original will be very hard to pass up. Going to see what WOM is on the conversion, though.