TEENAGE MUTANT CHRISTMAS TURTLES

Tim Kelly, Will the new TMNT film be in...TURTLEy Awesome 3D?  I will be...SHELLing out some...GREENbacks on the day after Christmas.  I would see it opening day, but I don't go to the movies Christmas Day!

A very good question, Mr. Fleed. As soon as I hear anything regarding 3D I will let you know. I have to believe 3D is a consideration though.

I'd be actually pretty excited if it weren't for Liebesman. The original 1990 film is still my favourite superhero movie. It treads the line between the darkness of the original comics and the feel of the cartoon really well.

The problem with 2007 CGI Turtles movie was that the villains were dull as hell...even with Patrick Stewart playing one of them. And I'm not saying that just because they didn't use Shredder or Krang. I was open to other villains, but those guys just sucked. Their origin was explained in endless exposition and I don't remember the slightest bit of it because it was so boring.

 

The movie nailed the characterizations of the Turtles, though. I dug Michelangelo being happy-go-lucky as always, the sensibleness of updating Donatello for modern times as a tech guy, and making Raphael a rebel with a chip on his shoulder.

 

I think technology is at a point now where stuff like Krang and the Technodrome could be rendered in live action without looking ridiculously stupid. I re-visited the '80s/'90s cartoon last year and it holds up really well...much, much better than the live action TMNT movies. Even the first one is pretty rickety, although it has a few nice moments.

 

Krang and Shredder were such entertaining characters in animation. They were suitably diabolical, but also witty and clever at times. I love the humour the voice actors brought to them and their adversarial relationship. The dynamic between them was a real treat.

 

The show was of course childish at times, but there were also times when it was actually smart, creative, and subversive. It proved that TMNT don't have to be as one-note as they were in the '90s movies. I'd like to see a movie that actually gives them and their villains some charm and depth.

 

I posted this in the comments of the article, but I will drag it into here too:

 

"Sorry, but I say fuck Krang and the Technodrome. Asking for them in a new Turtles movie is like asking for Venom in a Spiderman flick.  It’s unrealistic fan wanking.  They are commercial products of their time and will not translate well to the screen – especially since this movie is going to be live action.  Go old school, a little grittier and a bit more realistic.  Give me Baxter Stockman please.  His story from the original comics would be relevant and easily adaptable into a modern setting.  The Turtles work best when they are dark and I hope with all of my being we get a movie (series?) like the current Batman.  Ironically, I don’t really like the new Batman movies. (But I do appreciate them and admire their approach.)"

Voice casting fanwank:

 

Donatello: Patton Oswalt

Leonardo: Adam Scott

Raphael: Seth Rogen

Michelangelo: Keanu Reeves

 

Splinter: Ken Watanabe

 

Interesting. Good picks. My list?
Mikey: Billy West
Donatello: Sam Rockwell (return to tmnt)
Leonardo: Nathan Fillion
Raphael: Elias Koteas (another return)
Splinter: Donnie Yen

okay, here's some Ninja Turtles fanwank casting:

 

 

Leonardo:  Affleck

Raphael: Damon

Michaelangelo: Justing Long

Donatello:  Jonah Hill

 

Splinter: Ken Watanabe

 

Shredder: Tadanobu Asano

 

 

If they go for a dark, but weird and goofy tone set in a 1980's New York:

 

BeBop & Rock Steady are stunt actors in suits and voiced by John Dimaggio and Ray Stevenson

Give me Triceratons and space arenas!

 

 

Oh I like.

 

I'm up for another film. I'll give it a shot of course like i did with the 2007 version.
 

 

Sam Rockwell should play Baxter Stockman.

 

Nah, no he shouldn't. Fuck Platinum Dunes. Fuck them forever.

I find it interesting that some people say that elements like the Technodrome, Krang, Bebop and Rocksteady and the other major elements of the popular, 10 season running original animated series are too unaprochable, and that we need to stick to the early, gritty and gritty realism of the comics, which include alien toxic waste, Baxter Stockman using Mousers to attempt to hold New York hostage, and DARKMITE8's aforementioned Triceratons and Space Arenas.

 

 

 

 

A speaking brain alien from another dimension that travels in a mechanical dome ship vs. a mad scientist creating robots and using nanotechnology?

 

Of course I realize the irony is our heroes are mutated turtle men.  There will always be a massive element that isn't realistic.  However, my argument is that audiences will accept the turtles - they will not accept a speaking brain.  As much as everyone wants to go right to their beloved characters, they have to be realistic about what major audiences want.  They are redoing TMNT in hopes of making a big buck and a possible new series of movies. 

 

In an attempt to reach out to as many people as possible, I would bet money we will see a low-key, realistic take with Shredder in the end. 

Paige Turco should play April always.

Dark turtles would be the wrong approach in my opinion. I say embrace the ridiculousness of the premise. The best way you can do that is by approaching the material earnestly but honestly. It's a kids property, about karate turtle men. To the filmmakers I say Krang or GTFO:

 

                  

 

 

Yea, I don't care how 'fan-wanky- it might be. I want a goddamn Technodrome, with Krang in his weird fucked up suit. Dimension X, Krangs soldiers...ALL OF IT. Even the Ninja-Rabbit....Usagi Yogimbo? Was that his name?

 

 

I re-watched the first five episodes of the cartoon last weekend and loved the martial arts/'50s sci-fi genre mash-up and how they ran wild with it. To assume that audiences are too sophisticated to embrace the Turtles in all their lunacy is to ignore the fact that the last three "Transformers" movies were so financially successful.

I don't think audiences are sophisticated at all. It is because they aren't that lunacy won't work with them. The same dolts that would roll their eyes at a talking brain would pump their fists in the air during the trailer for the fourth Transformers. Irony is lost on these people but they are the same ones that come in masses, justifying Trans-four-mers in the first place.

And I didn't mean that dark. Just darker. Look what happened last time they tried to go nuts and cartoony. We got secret of the ooze. That is a story that was perfect for the cartoon, but it was a joke on the big screen.

But my arguments aren't just to get asses in the seat. I want a movie that does the original comics some justice. I don't feel like we have gotten close. (Other than the snippet in turtles forever) *shrug*

If a movie with a vampire C-section can make nearly a billion dollars, then yes, audiences, smart or dumb (mostly the latter) will swallow ANYTHING. Let's not place these ridiculous limitations on movies, which for a large swath of people is only "something to do on date night."

What if the turtles are aliens?

 

I think people might have a problem swallowing that. I know I do. If you're going to take a 20+ year old franchise with a ridiculous level of familiarity with the general public and change something as fundamental about them, then why not just start from scratch with a whole new concept and franchise? Now, even the title of the movie won't make sense.

 

I mean, seriously. Michael Bay? Please just fuck off.

 

(I submitted this as a scoop, by the way.)

I look forward to witnessing grown men argue about this. 

On one level, yes, I am a grown man. And I sure as shit was not going to spend Christmas Day 2013 watching a Platinum Dunes-produced Ninja Turtles movie. Maybe on a date with about five or six Playboy Playmates, and that's literally the only condition.

 

But my inner child... he's been dormant for so long. And he is shaking his tiny fists and cursing a firestorm of "Damns" inside me. Aliens? Why bother?

Hollywood never met an origin story they couldn't make 100x more convoluted.

I get where you're coming from, but we're a bunch of grown men who spend a good deal of our time talking about movies and other frivilous subject matter anyway. Would it be any different if we wete discussing a Superman reboot wherein the main character was changed from an alien, to someone who got his powers from a chemical waste accident?

But they aren't Teenage Alien Ninja Turtles. 

Agreed. And Usagi Yojimbo is really a great character. His episode on the '80s/'90s series was one of the most endearing fish-out-of-water stories I've ever seen.  I think the origin story of the Turtles could use some tweaking, but not too much.

 

In the first movie, the only change to the origin story that irritated me was Splinter being a rat who learned karate by watching his master (before being turned into mutant rat). Splinter was supposed to be the karate master himself, dammit! That part doesn't need to change.

 

The part of his story I found a little too far-fetched in the cartoon was that Splinter had to live in the sewer after being forced out of Japan in disgrace. And not only did he live there, was happy there! Come on, nobody lives in the sewer, no matter how poor they are! On the other hand, the Turtles' sewer lair is pretty rad, so I guess some plausibility has to be set aside for the sake of cool stuff.

Aliens...

Cocaine's a helluva drug.

"The Turtles are aliens" is the new "flames on Optimus."

Perhaps our forthcoming turtles are both aliens and mutants.

This will make singing along the the original credits nigh on impossible.

HAS NO ONE CONSIDERED THE IMPLICATIONS?

"Alien turtles, bro?  Dude, that shit ain't realistic!"

 

If the ooze is alien in nature yet the turtles being from Earth.. I'm OK with that. Yes my opinion matters with all things Turtles.

I feel weird going directly from the Dark Shadows thread complaining that it's not enough like the original to saying I'm ok with alien turtles in this one, but eh.  As long as the characterizations are right, I don't care why they're giant talking turtles.

I'm not a fan of the aliens idea at all, I'll still watch it though.

 

I just love the radioactive ooze idea, it's a fun messy creation story and the best part of it is it takes place in the sewers. They were made in the sewers so it makes sense that they would live there and be adapted to it.

All I know is I don't want fucking grit or darkness anywhere near this. And I swear to god I'll fucking fistfight anybody who thinks otherwise.

 

I'm highly tempted to embrace the grit and darkness due to this development...

We're already looking at something that'll most likely suck, god knows what it'd look like as 'The Nolan-styled adventures of green naked turtle teenagers with ninja training"

"You either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself eat the whole pizza."

Lauren, I think you're safe. At this point, I'm pretty sure Raphael will be a racist black stereotype, and Michaelangelo will urinate on someone.

Michael Bay responds

 

"Fans need to take a breath, and chill. They have not read the script. Our team is working closely with one of the original creators of Ninja Turtles to help expand and give a more complex back story. Relax, we are including everything that made you become fans in the first place. We are just building a richer world."
 

 

 

A gritty take on TMNT?  Just stop and think about what you are asking for.  

 

 

Also Krang and the Technodrome fucking rock

The mention of the name "Baxter Stockman" set off all these buried neurons firing in my head. So I Googled it, and holy shit it's the Brundlefly guy. I concur - Brundlefly as the villain.

Quote:

I really doubt that. There is no other director that screams "superficial" more than Bay.

 

Teenage Alien Ninja Turtles.

 

This sounds like a horrible idea - honestly changing stuff for the hell of it. The above pic is correct.

So...is this a prequel to "Alien?"

No, it just shares some of the same "DNA".

Great... now I have this image of my head of the Space Jockey planting his seed in every nubile young woman across the galaxy who is swayed by a 14 foot tall stranger.

I was a huge turtle fan as a kid, and I could care less about how it affects the story, it's more of a question of why to change it. You're actually taking away one of the four defining characteristics that are in the title. A rich backstory? Really? It's a franchise about TEENAGE. MUTANT. NINJA. TURTLES. It's such a simple, entertaining premise. Does it really need a new, more fantastical origin story? And if it just gets the change out of the way and doesn't focus on it, then again, why change it?

 

But really, Baxter Stockman and Mousers.

Exactly, I mean, are they even going to be mutants in any way? Are they changing it to Teenage Alien Ninja Turtles? Disapproval all around.