100 Worst Video Games of the 70's, 80's, and 90's.

(Deleted as I've realised this was a 1990 title and therefore doesn't fit the thread).

2.  ET.

Aside from being a horrible, not very good video game, it singlehandedly precipitated the great video game crash of '83.   The game was so bad that Atari had to bury millions of unsold copies of this game in the Arizona desert.   They couldn't even give this game away.   I myself played and beat the game and that was only because I had a guide book.   There's no way you would even know what to do without one.   So. Fucking. Bad.....

#3 Kong 1983 (Spectrum)

A Donkey Kong rip off and it was fucking ARSE.  Shocking graphics, the worst collision detection ever in a game made it completely unplayable.  And it took 5 minutes to load.  One of the first games I ever got, just plain bloody awful.  Awful.  It actually leaves a bad taste in my mouth even typing about it.

This is the only screen shot I could find, but it's enough to give me shudders.

I wanted so badly to post two of my favorite games from this franchise in the best games of the 90's thread, but just couldn't squeeze them in in the nick of time. Therefore it pains me greatly that this is gonna be my first post here on this particular classic franchise, as it just happens to be one of my favorites.

4. Double Dragon (Atari 2600, 1989)

Yes believe it or not they were still making 2600 games by 1989. If only this old classic war horse of a console had been retired sooner, we might have been spared this unpleasant atrocity to brawlers.

Cause yes indeed friends, in one of the greatest exercises in "why would they even bother trying to do this?" of any attempt at a console port of an arcade classic, the brain trust over at Activision attempted to port the original arcade Double fucking Dragon on the Atari 2600. And the results are about exactly what you would expect to come of such an endeavor: a complete trainwreck. And not even a spectacular or entertaining trainwreck. Just a sad, sad, depressing trainwreck, like watching an 80 year old with crippling arthritis dress himself up in hip hop attire and attempt to compete in a breakdance competition. 

This post isn't me pranking you: that is indeed an actual screenshot of the game up top. And would you believe me if I told you that it actually somehow pulls off the astounding task of playing even WORSE than it looks? Cause neither pictures nor any words I could muster can quite convey the sinking pit of depression that comes from playing this hideous, wretched, aborted fetus of a port. This should never have even been attempted. This should never have made it past the "some jackass around the Activision office sarcastically suggesting doing this as a gag" stage of development. The 2600's legacy deserves far better than this.

We all like Street Fighter 2 right? I mean what's not to love? Well an awful lot if you, like me went and got the thing on the Commodore Amiga.

Admittedly given the Amiga's graphic power at the time, it looked okay (though it still seemed somewhat blocky compared to the SNES version) but when it came to game play and loading the thing, oh dear god the loading...

Choose a character....zzz..z...zzzz disc access...... Insert disc 2....z...z....z....zzzz... heres the map, plane flies to first location, voice says location name..... zzzz,...z...zzzz....zzz disc access....zzz..zzz...zzzz Insert disc 3....z...zzz...zzz.zzz..zzzzz disc access....zzz..zzz..zzzz insert disc [x] where [x] has the character you picked....zzz..zzz..zzzz...zzzzz disc access....insert disc [x] where [x] has the character the other player or CPU picked.....zzz.zzzz...zzz disc access....  The game loads...

You play with a single button (using the space to flip between feet and fists being allocated to the joystick fire button) flailing about for 90 seconds... You lose, without fail.... Up comes "Insert disc 1" wash rinse repeat or as I did, throw the lot in the trash and go back to playing the SNES version.... To play a single round took about 10 mins of loading for 90 seconds of play with one of the most broken control systems ever.... I utterly hated this game!

You know what really sucked about bad games back then? No trade-ins, no rentals, no demos, no reliable sources of reviews. I blew $50 of my hard-earned money (which, as a 10-year-old in 1986, might as well have been my life savings) on this obtuse, barely playable, poorly translated piece of shit. It's been over 25 years and I still hate this game to pieces.

7. Superman (NES, 1988)

A lot of people will bring up that N64 game as one of the worst games ever made. And there's a strong argument to be made there, mostly just because you don't expect something with that high-profile a license to be THAT bad in that day and age.

I, however, would argue that this miserable disease of a game can stand alongside its big brother. Granted, this one has a few good ideas, in that a LOT of Superman's powers are actually here. The bitch is that they are absolutely goddamned useless when all but a few scant enemies need to be kicked to death. Or you can just jump over them a lot. Because thats what Supes does instead of flying. He jumps high. And this is on top of the game looking like they used single, different colored lego blocks to represent everything. It's a sad, sad thing. And it is rightfully lost to the sands of time.

8.

Now, I'm not a gamer. My interpretation of "great" and "shitty" tends to differ from most others, as my palette is not very broad.

But as a MASSIVE fan of "Maximum Carnage," I couldn't help but realize it's followup "Separation Anxiety" was COMPLETE horseshit.

Maximum Carnage was, to me, one of the all-time great 90's superhero games. Fun story, great cut-scene animation, and effective, brutal violence.

So how come the graphics this time around essentially made our heroes look like Nintendo stick figures? They made ONE correction with the two-player setup, but everything else is worse. The rockin' Green Jelly soundtrack was replaced by generic video game boops and beeps. The controls were all over the place, and the beatings you delivered were not nearly as satisfying as they once were. And the Maximum Carnage story had several different, colorful strands, but this thing, terrible title and all, was essentially just symbiote-a-paloosa.

How do you go from this badass design...

to this soft collection of pixel farts?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Captain Dallas 

We all like Street Fighter 2 right? I mean what's not to love? Well an awful lot if you, like me went and got the thing on the Commodore Amiga.

 

Admittedly given the Amiga's graphic power at the time, it looked okay (though it still seemed somewhat blocky compared to the SNES version) but when it came to game play and loading the thing, oh dear god the loading...

 

Choose a character....zzz..z...zzzz disc access...... Insert disc 2....z...z....z....zzzz... heres the map, plane flies to first location, voice says location name..... zzzz,...z...zzzz....zzz disc access....zzz..zzz...zzzz Insert disc 3....z...zzz...zzz.zzz..zzzzz disc access....zzz..zzz..zzzz insert disc [x] where [x] has the character you picked....zzz..zzz..zzzz...zzzzz disc access....insert disc [x] where [x] has the character the other player or CPU picked.....zzz.zzzz...zzz disc access....  The game loads...

 

You play with a single button (using the space to flip between feet and fists being allocated to the joystick fire button) flailing about for 90 seconds... You lose, without fail.... Up comes "Insert disc 1" wash rinse repeat or as I did, throw the lot in the trash and go back to playing the SNES version.... To play a single round took about 10 mins of loading for 90 seconds of play with one of the most broken control systems ever.... I utterly hated this game!

Holy hell, that sounds worthy of Gitmo.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scott MacDonald 

I know someone is going to bring E.T. into this, but since my gaming started with the NES.

 

1. Deadly Towers

 

 

This has sort of an adventure game, sort of an RPG, but mainly it sucked, and yet my friends couldn't stop pulling the cartridge out from time to time to try and figure out if we were missing something.

Oh man this game. I could never figure out what to do(I was in middle school at the time, borrowed it for a cool teacher, along with actual GOOD games). Such a fucking mess, always getting struck by tiny bats or tiny... somethings. Good call.
 

9. Star Wars Masters of Teras Kasi

Tekken meets Star Wars. How can you screw it up? Well when there's a Lucas, there's a way.

Quote:

Originally Posted by UrchineSLICE 

9. Star Wars Masters of Teras Kasi

 

 

Tekken meets Star Wars. How can you screw it up? Well when there's a Lucas, there's a way.

ouch.  I remember that one now, but had obviously mentally blocked it.  Fuck, it was abysmal.

Teräs Käsi means "hand of steel" in finnish.

I guess they had a person from Finland working at Lucasarts and let him name the game.

*weird*

10) Ultima IX: Ascension (1999)

So fucking horrible, overdeveloped and filled with bugs, it managed to kill one of the longest running and most beloved RPG franchises of all time.

11) Daikatana (2000, PC/N64)

Say whatever you want about Duke Nukem Forever, at least it never managed to start its life pissing off its target base right at the start...also, who's the bitch now?

12. The Uncanny X-Men (NES, 1989)

With this title, shit factory LJN succeeded in making one the most bafflingly unplayable games of the decade. A game made in 1989 had no right being this shoddy.

Wow! It's just like the comics! Good luck trying to guess which X-Men characters are on screen.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Captain Dallas 

We all like Street Fighter 2 right? I mean what's not to love? Well an awful lot if you, like me went and got the thing on the Commodore Amiga.

 

Admittedly given the Amiga's graphic power at the time, it looked okay (though it still seemed somewhat blocky compared to the SNES version) but when it came to game play and loading the thing, oh dear god the loading...

 

Choose a character....zzz..z...zzzz disc access...... Insert disc 2....z...z....z....zzzz... heres the map, plane flies to first location, voice says location name..... zzzz,...z...zzzz....zzz disc access....zzz..zzz...zzzz Insert disc 3....z...zzz...zzz.zzz..zzzzz disc access....zzz..zzz..zzzz insert disc [x] where [x] has the character you picked....zzz..zzz..zzzz...zzzzz disc access....insert disc [x] where [x] has the character the other player or CPU picked.....zzz.zzzz...zzz disc access....  The game loads...

 

You play with a single button (using the space to flip between feet and fists being allocated to the joystick fire button) flailing about for 90 seconds... You lose, without fail.... Up comes "Insert disc 1" wash rinse repeat or as I did, throw the lot in the trash and go back to playing the SNES version.... To play a single round took about 10 mins of loading for 90 seconds of play with one of the most broken control systems ever.... I utterly hated this game!

This may not come as a total shock, but us owners of the Amiga's little brother weren't faring too well either...

Outpost (1994, Sierra)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Outpost_(video_game)

This one has become notorious.  Great graphics in a hard sci-fi city building sim with wit, what's not to like?  Except the game was completely unfinished.  I mean completely.  It was possible to play it, but it was just empty, nothing really worked, and there was no ending, just failure, or more turns playing a broken game.  I'm still frustrated that I sunk so much of my youth into it.

15. Total Recall (NES, 1990)

Bizarrely unplayable. If you hadn't seen the movie, you'd have thought that it was all about Arnold punching stray dogs & cats.

16.) Ghostbusters (NES, 1988)

Five year old D.T.'s first experience in what would become a life-long series of disappointments with franchise-based video games. Ghostbusters was the first game my family ever returned to the store. Featuring incomprehensible gameplay, graphics that were insulting even in the days of 8-bit, a "soundtrack" that, for the short duration of the time I owned the game, required a house rule that it must be played on mute, and more errors and mistakes than you can shake a stick at.

Take a look at the first screenshot. Right off the bat, they've got the wrong name for the villain. It doesn't stop there. See that second screenshot? Where's Winston Zeddemore? You can call it graphical limitations, the implausibility of having four Ghostbusters walking up the stairs in what is already an utterly impossible sequence, but I'll call it what it really is: RACISM.

And how do you top the obvious exclusion of the franchise's only black hero? By throwing in driving sequences, where-in every car in New York is trying to run into you, and you can easily run out of gas and have to push the Ecto-1 to the nearest gas station.

"Prooved the justice of our culture"?

I think we can all agree that NES Ghostbusters 2 game had it's moments.

"Conglaturation"? I'm guessing that means an old Asian stereotype is telling you that you have become saturated with congratulatory plaudits.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scott MacDonald 
I shouldn't pick on LJN titles, because really they all pretty much sucked (Can anyone name a good one?).

Maximum Carnage.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scott MacDonald 

I shouldn't pick on LJN titles, because really they all pretty much sucked (Can anyone name a good one?).  

Believe it or not YES I CAN IN FACT think of one and ONLY one LJN game besides Maximum Carnage (which was based on a fucking movie license to boot, typically a kiss of death both in general and especially to LJN). A game which is not only good but a fucking GREAT and spectacular gem on the SNES that nobody seems to remember and (understandably, considering this was LJN doing yet another movie license game) have largely ignored and not played at all.

But in this ONE sole instance it was sadly to everyone's tremendous loss, as the game is easily one of the all time most addictively fun overhead run-and-gun shooters to ever grace the SNES or a 16 bit console in general, that put an incredibly neat little spin on a timelessly classic game you'd that NEVER even guess at considering both the console in question as well as the (typically awful) company involved. There was a Genesis version of it too, but it was vastly inferior to the SNES version so I'm not counting it.

But that's not for this thread, and I'm not sure if the 90's thread is even eligible to still post in anymore since the consensus here seems to be that we sufficiently killed the decade completely (in spite of the fact that I couldn't disagree more and as such I've actually got a more than decent-sized backlog of utterly magnificent games from that decade that nobody so much as mentioned at all and that I didn't get the chance to throw in). 

Otherwise though, yeah, LJN's library were typically absolute brain cancer in a cartridge.

TELL.

Also, I could be wrong, but was LJN responsible for the two Alien 3 games as well? I remember those being decent, but way too long.

LJN did the NES Punisher Game, didnt they?

One of the few rail shooters on the NES, and it was kinda fun...but then again, LJN did the Nightmare on Elm St. and Friday the 13th Nes games as well...god, i hated those in a "must beat this unfair bastard game" way.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jaquio 

Believe it or not YES I CAN IN FACT think of one and ONLY one LJN game besides Maximum Carnage (which was based on a fucking movie license to boot, typically a kiss of death both in general and especially to LJN). A game which is not only good but a fucking GREAT and spectacular gem on the SNES that nobody seems to remember and (understandably, considering this was LJN doing yet another movie license game) have largely ignored and not played at all.

 

But in this ONE sole instance it was sadly to everyone's tremendous loss, as the game is easily one of the all time most addictively fun overhead run-and-gun shooters to ever grace the SNES or a 16 bit console in general, that put an incredibly neat little spin on a timelessly classic game you'd that NEVER even guess at considering both the console in question as well as the (typically awful) company involved. There was a Genesis version of it too, but it was vastly inferior to the SNES version so I'm not counting it.

Is it "True Lies"? Im  pretty sure that must be it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ryoken 

 

 

Is it "True Lies"? Im  pretty sure that must be it.

It is indeed. You get a cookie and a gold star sir.

To briefly sum up, LJN's True Lies on SNES was basically an almost exact copy-and-paste of Doom's flawless, addictive run-and-gun-while-exploring-secret-filled-labyrinth-levels gameplay, but with the perspective switched from first person to overhead, a diving roll maneuver added (a very necessary and admirably well thought out bit of game balancing due to an increased degree of importance placed on explosive, splash damage-based weaponry in comparison to Doom), and instead of a nameless space marine against demons from hell, you're Schwarzenegger against a bunch of middle eastern terrorists. Including among them "suicide bomber" enemies who run at you with bombs strapped to their chests and when they go up, they leave behind a puddle of bloody entrails and their rib cages.

Oh and by that above token, the game is needless to say every bit as Soccer mom offendingly graphic and gory as Doom was too. And there's innocent bystanders that you can kill too (including park bench hobos and little old ladies) but the game penalizes you HEAVILY for doing so in spite of how fun and tempting it is, so its an obstacle to be avoided rather than a bit of fun sociopathy to indulge in. Plus Tom Arnold actually berates you in-game every time you do it (my favorite bon mot of his being "For goodness sake Harry, watch out for the Tax Payers! This is an election year after all!").

In short, the game's a borderline tiny masterpiece of a shooter (albeit due to it being a mostly shameless copying of an already proven and winning formula), but nobody played it (understandably but unfortunately so) due to it being a movie license game made by one of the most notoriously worst movie license game developers of the time. The game also had one of my favorite marketing slogans of 90's gaming ("All the action of the film... and NONE of the romance!").

Game absolutely belonged in the best of 90's thread by my view. I actually like it kinda better than the movie itself in all honesty (and I genuinely like that film a lot too). Granted, the film had a hilarious Bill Paxton performance and Tia Carrere in the prime of her hotness... but it didn't have rib cage exposing suicide bombers or Schwarzenegger roasting little old ladies to a disfigured cinder with a flame thrower while Tom Arnold pitches a fit over it. Thus advantage: LJN game. For the first and probably only time those words could EVER be said with a straight face and meant in all seriousness.

That LJN Punisher game was included in the 100 Best Video Games Of The 90s list. Rightfully so, too.

Raiders of the Lost Arc for Atari 2600...so cryptic you had to have it explained to even know what the screen was supposed to be

Friday the 13th for the commodore 64...so awful you wanted to be killed by Jason

A clumsy attempt to merge fighting game controls with side scrolling action. The game even contained a hologram fighting bonus round. The live action elements of the game also tried made the game horribly awkward looking. To top it all off the only way the game could think to have a last boss was to have version of the Riddler hopped up on venom.

Did 'Home Alone' on the NES get a mention?

I rented it, and with no explanation of how to hide, or setup traps, it was an exercise in frustration.  Looks like playing the game correctly wasn't much better.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scott MacDonald 

I remember playing that Raiders game at a friends house.  We pretty much just jumped over the side, and waited, and waited to either get on another ledge or ummm to hit the bottom.

Thta was in the Mesa section of the game which comprised of colered panels that were mesas, you had to buy a parachute and jump and then land on the correct mesa that the stone lit up on the map for you then with the shovel you bought dig for the ARC and if you got the thing at the end that falls down to have 18 little arms indys autograph would appear....so sad i remember but i have been online since Quantum Link when this all started my memory is all i got left lol

Quote:

Originally Posted by Art Decade 

12. The Uncanny X-Men (NES, 1989)

 

With this title, shit factory LJN succeeded in making one the most bafflingly unplayable games of the decade. A game made in 1989 had no right being this shoddy.

 

Wow! It's just like the comics! Good luck trying to guess which X-Men characters are on screen.

     As a young Marvel Comics fan, I dropped $50 bucks on this game in a blind-buy. 

     My only real memory of it (aside from an immediate and crushing sense of Buyer's Remorse) is that I accessed the Hidden Magneto Level at the end by repeatedly pounding my fist against the face of the controller out of sheer frustration. 

     Wikipedia tells me that the Magneto level requires a secret code, which is never mentioned in-game or in the instruction booklet.  Instead, it's printed in small type on the cartridge label.  And it's misprinted.

Predator - C64 (1986)

The idea was simple enough. You play as Dutch, making your way across horizontally-scrolling levels shooting generic guerillas. Every once in a while the Predator's laser sight appears, which you have to avoid. The Predator himself is invisible, which you'd expect; he is, after all, the Predator.

However, you don't expect the enemy's bullets to be invisible.

That's right, this was a scolling shoot 'em up where you couldn't actually see the enemy's bullets. This wasn't from design, but because the graphics were so garish and the bullet sprites so flickery, they basically blended in with the background. Oh, and it only took a couple of shots to kill you. Those invisible shots you never knew you were about to walk into. Fired half the time by enemies who hadn't actually spawned onscreen yet.

Oh, fun.

That Superman game on the Atari 2600 was shit as well.  The only thing fun about it was you could fly and see Superman's cape flap along, which at that time, was a great accomplishment.

I had gotten so "good" at that Raiders game on the 2600 that I would play it and see if I could finish it faster than I did the last time.  I also once finished it and left it sitting there playing the Raiders theme to see how long it would go.  My mom made me turn it off after about an hour.

Aliens for the Amstrad cpc 464.  They guy in this demo lasts about as long as I ever did

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L4qd-9CvnlU

Master Ninja Shadow Warrior of Death (Amiga, PC, C64)

The graphics were alright for the time, but that was it.  Three different types of enemies (the bosses were just differently colored), no health bars, no mechanics (one-button controls), random lock-ups, no save points, and your reward for beating it, were you so masochistic, was a static screen of text.   And after it loaded you were greeted with the worst possible, faux-Asiatic voice acting screaming "MASTUH NINJAH SHADOW WARRIUH OFu DEATH!"

Hey, kids!

Remember that war that nearly ripped this country apart in the 60s and that we were still in the midst of trying to recover from 20 years later?  Well, it's a bitchin' new video game:

And your eyes do not deceive you: that IS a morale bar.

Blade Runner by CRL (C64) a game that was actually based on the score, not the film....

The idea was the same as the film despite it being based on the score... Travel a map of LA 2019 and stop the replicants reaching the Tyrell scientists.

Marvel at the map view of the city!

When you located a replicant you land over the icon (which would zip about like a lunatic making even placing a cursor over the thing impossible) and then you go into street view to begin your chase....

While running down the street you would either hit the pedestrians (which meant the replicant got away) or get run over by a car coming towards you. There was a sweet spot which was on the black line at the edge of the pavement, but the replicant would never go down that low as it dodged and weaved around the screen. If you wanted to kill the replicant, you had to line up with it (impossible), shoot with invisible bullets, not hit the pedestrians running towards you, not shoot them either which was impossible as they kept moving into your line of fire and avoid the replicant shooting back (also with invisible bullets). The average game lasted about 20 seconds as you would hit someone (either physically or shoot them accidentally) or get run over by a car. The scrolling was so fast it was extremely difficult to even see what was coming out of stage right, towards you. Your character steered like a cow being dragged through a bucket of concrete and the controls were so sluggish to respond anyway that by the time you hit fire, the replicant had moved out of the way 20 seconds ago.

And finally, for a game that was based on the Vangelis musical score for Blade Runner and given it was on the C64 which had (at the time) the most advanced music capabilities in the SID chip, the game's musical track was like listening to pac man fart in your ears while playing Vangelis on a kazoo.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ben W 

Hey, kids!

 

Remember that war that nearly ripped this country apart in the 60s and that we were still in the midst of trying to recover from 20 years later?  Well, it's a bitchin' new video game:

 

 

And your eyes do not deceive you: that IS a morale bar.

I thought Platoon was pretty good. At least on the Commodore 64.

Regarding the morale bar, at the end of level 1 you come to a village. If you shoot any of the civilians you encounter there your morale bar goes down a bit.

When that bar hits zero its game over.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Randolph Carter 

I thought Platoon was pretty good. At least on the Commodore 64.

Regarding the morale bar, at the end of level 1 you come to a village. If you shoot any of the civilians you encounter there your morale bar goes down a bit.

When that bar hits zero its game over.

I could never get through the first maze because the enemies were such goddamned cheap-shot artists that I would quit in frustration after a few minutes of play.  

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ken Savage 

Aliens for the Amstrad cpc 464.  They guy in this demo lasts about as long as I ever did

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L4qd-9CvnlU

I had this on the speccy and thought it was OK.  It was unfucking believably hard though.  My enjoyment of it improved greatly when CRASH published a map for it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Randolph Carter 

I thought Platoon was pretty good. At least on the Commodore 64.

Regarding the morale bar, at the end of level 1 you come to a village. If you shoot any of the civilians you encounter there your morale bar goes down a bit.

When that bar hits zero its game over.

On the Speccy it was the tits.  Once you learnt your way through the maze it was all good.  The "fire fight at night" level was a cock and half though.