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REVIEW: BATTLESHIT

post #1 of 19
5/18/12 at 2:06am
Thread Starter 
by Renn Brown: link

A new standard has been set for loud, explosive, overlong pointlessness.
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post #2 of 19
5/18/12 at 2:43am

Hilarious review. 

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post #3 of 19
5/18/12 at 3:02am

Hilarious and very well written. You kick ass, Renn.

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post #4 of 19
5/18/12 at 5:35am

My only question: Does the board game Battleship exist in the world of the movie? Or is this an alternate universe where that board game was never invented?

 

And then: what would a world be like in which the board game Battleship had never been invented?

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post #5 of 19
5/18/12 at 6:08am

This was beautiful. Very well done, Renn.

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post #6 of 19
5/18/12 at 6:33am

Just marvellous.

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post #7 of 19
5/18/12 at 7:04am

Fantastic job, Renn!

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post #8 of 19
5/18/12 at 7:36am
Quote:
Originally Posted by MikeI View Post

My only question: Does the board game Battleship exist in the world of the movie? Or is this an alternate universe where that board game was never invented?

 

And then: what would a world be like in which the board game Battleship had never been invented?

 

Filled with wooden acting, judging from the film*... 

 

 

*Not that I've seen it, going by 2nd hand judgements here

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post #9 of 19
5/18/12 at 8:47am
Quote:
Originally Posted by MikeI View Post

My only question: Does the board game Battleship exist in the world of the movie? Or is this an alternate universe where that board game was never invented?

 

And then: what would a world be like in which the board game Battleship had never been invented?

 

 

People of the Battleshipverse live with rudimentary logic and reasoning skills due to the fact that Rene Descartes was never born to invent  coordinate geometry. The Age of Enlightenment  never happens and  science as we understand is not a thing. Mankind reaches the nuclear/digital age completely by chance (the Watchmaker Argument). Everbody walks around being awesome and things explode.
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post #10 of 19
5/18/12 at 9:04am

I guessed they'd have a little battleship scene as a nod to the game, but not a full 30 minute sequence featuring ships with pegs!!! WTF!!?!?!

 

Awesome review.


Edited by ElCapitanAmerica - 5/18/12 at 9:56am
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post #11 of 19
5/18/12 at 9:31am
Thanks guys!
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post #12 of 19
5/18/12 at 5:06pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by ElCapitanAmerica View Post

I guessed they'd have a little battleship scene as a nod to the game, but not a full 30 minute sequence featuring ships with pegs!!! WTF!!?!?!

 

Awesome review.


To clarify: the aliens fire bombs shaped like the game pegs. They fire at ships, become embedded, then explode.

The thirty minute scene refers to a sequence where they can't see the enemy, and have to rely on a complex radar system that presents a graph of the ocean, with coordinates, not unlike the game grid. So actors have to shout out, "Foxtrot, one, one!" and then someone else yells back, "HIT!" It's exactly like watching someone else play Battleship.

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post #13 of 19
5/18/12 at 5:21pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by MikeI View Post

And then: what would a world be like in which the board game Battleship had never been invented?

 

I think I speak for everyone when I say:

 

"What if destiny was never meant to be?"

 

Come back myers.  Please come back.

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post #14 of 19
5/18/12 at 5:46pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Spook View Post

 

I think I speak for everyone when I say:

 

"What if destiny was never meant to be?"

 

Come back myers.  Please come back.

 

Perhaps he isn't here because he is helping to write and produce naval thrillers with alien attack ships and abused pop stars.

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post #15 of 19
5/18/12 at 6:33pm

So much pain in that article. So much torment.

 

And yet, as a Rihanna completist, I must see this film.

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post #16 of 19
5/18/12 at 6:40pm

No, Bucho! Don't do it!

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post #17 of 19
5/18/12 at 6:42pm
I got a chuckle out of this review!
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post #18 of 19
5/18/12 at 6:46pm

The first time I've ever heard a film compared to borscht.   Well done.

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post #19 of 19
5/19/12 at 12:52am

I hope that wasn't meant in a way that was derogatory towards borscht. Borscht is awesome.

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