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Armageddon (1998)

post #1 of 64
6/1/12 at 1:37pm
Thread Starter 

I believe the Hollywood blockbuster peaked with this movie.  I don't mean in terms of quality, but in terms of all the ingredients used to make them being stuffed into one movie, and put in a blender on hyper speed.  It's an awful fucking movie for sure, but holy shit does it entertain and deliver action spectacle in spades.  

 

Every blockbuster cliche imaginable is in this film and turned all the way up to high.

 

-Earth in danger of eradication?  Check

 

-Tons of 'splosions?  Check

 

-Lots of CGI?  Check

 

-A cut every 1.5 seconds?  Check

 

-Comedic one liners galore?  Check

 

-Borderline racist stereotypes?  Check

 

-Cardboard characters?  Check

 

-Corny, half baked romance?  Check

 

-Flag waving jingoism?  Check

 

-Bombastic, generic and repetitive score?  Check

 

Michael Bay pretty much had it down to a science at this point.  But the amazing thing is it works, and it works really really really fucking well.  He almost takes everything about blockbusters and makes them into an art form here.  It nearly transcends it's limitations.

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post #2 of 64
6/1/12 at 1:42pm

I manage to love this movie both ironically and unironically at the same time, which is hard to do.

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post #3 of 64
6/1/12 at 1:50pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ratty View Post

I manage to love this movie both ironically and unironically at the same time, which is hard to do.

 

I feel the same.

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post #4 of 64
6/1/12 at 2:14pm

"WE WIN, GRACIE!!!"

 

(gaaaaasp)

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post #5 of 64
6/1/12 at 2:19pm

I can only quote Ebert when it comes to Armageddon:

 

 

 

Quote:
I hated this movie. Hated hated hated hated hated this movie. Hated it. Hated every simpering stupid vacant audience-insulting moment of it. Hated the sensibility that thought anyone would like it. Hated the implied insult to the audience by its belief that anyone would be entertained by it.
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post #6 of 64
6/1/12 at 2:22pm

"WE BEAT EBERT, GRACIE!!!"

 

(gaaaasp)

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post #7 of 64
6/1/12 at 2:35pm

Many people who I love and respect enjoy this movie.  I just have to accept that, and never bring it up, and bite my tongue until it bleeds, instead of argue.

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post #8 of 64
6/1/12 at 2:50pm
Thread Starter 

It's an enjoyable movie for sure, a guilty pleasure.  If anyone claims it's anymore than that, well...

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post #9 of 64
6/1/12 at 10:58pm

If this movie doesn't strike you in that sweet spot, I can only imagine how fucking grating it would be on the soul.

 

BUT NOT MIIIIIINE.  OHOHOHOHOH

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post #10 of 64
6/1/12 at 11:56pm

Saw this twice in the theater. First time, I walked out, head pounding. "Well, that was... loud."

 

Second time, was in Denmark, and it was the only movie playing anywhere. Took a quiet Danish teen to the movie, who didn't say anything on the way there or back. Except when it ended, he says, "Vell, dat SUCKED."


Edited by Gabe T - 6/2/12 at 5:10pm
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post #11 of 64
6/2/12 at 9:53am

I maintain that Bay has never crafted a better sequence that manages to dance so skillfully on the edge between genuine stirring emotion and batshit, flag-waving idiocy than the launch sequence in this film.  

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post #12 of 64
6/2/12 at 10:05am

Say what you want about the film and that sequence but that score is pretty great.

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post #13 of 64
6/2/12 at 10:05am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gabe T View Post

Saw this twice in the theater. First time, I walked out, head pounding. "Well, that was... loud."

 

Second time, was in Denmark, and it was the only movie playing anywhere. Took a quiet Danish teen to the movie, who didn't say anything on the way there or back. Except when it ended. "Vell, dat SUCKED."

 

Yeah, that's the problem with Rohypnol. Just makes those Danish teens so quiet and sedate. 

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post #14 of 64
6/2/12 at 1:21pm

Here's the Armageddon thread

 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ratty View Post

I manage to love this movie both ironically and unironically at the same time, which is hard to do.

 

 

I do too Ratty but I don't find it that hard at all.

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post #15 of 64
11/14/12 at 5:37am

Still a fun watch for me. (CHARLTON HESTON as the Narrator, people!)

 

"I am feeling very emotional right now."

 

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post #16 of 64
11/14/12 at 6:26am

There's a Criterion cut, right? Or is that The Rock?
 

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post #17 of 64
11/14/12 at 6:41am

It's Armageddon. It's really only a couple minutes of hokeyness longer. Bruce Willis goes to see his dad, as played by Laurence Tierney from Reservoir Dogs.

 

That original thread is excellent reading. Some very funny shit in the first three pages or so. 

 

I bet I've blown through all my nostalgia for this movie by now. But the good times were so good.

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post #18 of 64
11/14/12 at 10:01am
I believe that The Rock does have a Criterion release.

I would suggest Independance Day instead as the peak of the Hollywood blockbusters.
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post #19 of 64
11/14/12 at 10:10am

Both The Rock and Armageddon had Criterion releases on DVD.

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post #20 of 64
11/14/12 at 1:18pm
Is the Rock Criterion an extended cut? I didn't realize this.
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post #21 of 64
11/14/12 at 1:25pm

It's the ultimate Neill Cumpston movie. For all the good and ill that implies.

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post #22 of 64
11/17/12 at 4:41pm

The Rock Criterion disc is just the theatrical cut with extra bonus features. I believe they were all ported over for the non-Criterion Blu-Ray release as well.

 

Oddly enough, I think Bay did a better job of creating the live-action equivalent of Transformers: The Movie with Armaggeddon than he did with any of the actual Transformers films he helmed. It's almost funny how people laugh at the science and phsyics in bad 50's and 60's sci-fi films but cast some big names, throw a major soundtrack and some big studio dollars behind it and something as dumb as Armageddon somehow manages to escape the title of "one of the dumbest movies ever made".

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post #23 of 64
11/17/12 at 6:05pm

Will someone please tell me how they fix things on the Russian Space Station?

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post #24 of 64
11/17/12 at 6:24pm
Be Stomare.
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post #25 of 64
11/17/12 at 6:34pm

I can't. I never saw Star Wars.

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post #26 of 64
11/20/12 at 11:30am

This really needs to be the next watchalong movie. And we need to make it at night for me, so I can drink, watch and post along with you fine Chewers.

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post #27 of 64
11/20/12 at 12:04pm
Count me in because I don't want to miss a thing.
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post #28 of 64
11/20/12 at 12:35pm

I'm aboard for the ride if y'all are.

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post #29 of 64
11/20/12 at 12:41pm
We'll all be real Russian heroooooooo!

Real human being!
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post #30 of 64
11/20/12 at 12:46pm

I haven't seen this movie since it was in the theatre!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Sorry. I only just realised this and want you all to share in my amazement.

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post #31 of 64
11/20/12 at 12:49pm

Meh.  We don't even need to have this one on to have people riff on it. +1 Return To Oz.

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post #32 of 64
11/20/12 at 12:51pm

What about over the holidays? I'm off from 12/22 through 1/1.

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post #33 of 64
11/20/12 at 12:54pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Schwartz View Post

Meh.  We don't even need to have this one on to have people riff on it. +1 Return To Oz.

 

I guess that's true, but it would still be fun.

 

I just want to do another watchalong, and I want it to be something that benefits from watching it with others. Suggestions?

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post #34 of 64
11/20/12 at 1:59pm

My liver couldn't take an Armageddon watchalong.  It would be like broadcasting suicide from alcohol poisoning. Our own Leaving Las Vegas, just shorter, and no Elizabeth Shue.

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post #35 of 64
11/20/12 at 2:37pm
I'm free Christmas week.
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post #36 of 64
11/20/12 at 2:42pm

This film is an endurance test of the ultimate degree.  I'd rather watch DEEP IMPACT than this piece of noise.

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post #37 of 64
11/20/12 at 2:47pm

Fine. FINE. Suggest something, you sourpusses!

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post #38 of 64
11/20/12 at 2:58pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by MichaelM View Post

Fine. FINE. Suggest something, you sourpusses!

 

HIGHLANDER 2.  Any version.

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post #39 of 64
11/20/12 at 3:02pm

Death Race 2000.

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post #40 of 64
11/20/12 at 3:13pm

My vote is with Judas.

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post #41 of 64
11/20/12 at 3:16pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Schwartz View Post

Death Race 2000.

 

Gotta admit, this would probably be a very fun watchalong.

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post #42 of 64
11/20/12 at 3:28pm

You bastards! 

 

ARMAGEDDON or death!!!

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post #43 of 64
11/20/12 at 5:06pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Schwartz View Post

Death Race 2000.

 

I certainly be down for that one.  

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post #44 of 64
11/20/12 at 5:09pm

Hold on a minute. There's pushback on an "Armageddon" watchalong?

 

Am I on the right Chud.com?

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post #45 of 64
11/20/12 at 6:25pm

Should we set up a poll, or just take them in turn?

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post #46 of 64
11/20/12 at 7:13pm

I almost want to do a FLASH GORDON watchalong again.  That was waaaaaay too much fun last time.

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post #47 of 64
11/20/12 at 7:18pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Judas Booth View Post

I almost want to do a FLASH GORDON watchalong again.  That was waaaaaay too much fun last time.

 

It goes without saying I'd be down with that. I'm still upset at having missed the previous one.

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post #48 of 64
11/20/12 at 9:41pm

Just saw Dreamcatcher mentioned in another thread.  That would be alright too, because everyone isn't already steeped in the specifics of its badness as thoroughly as Armageddon's.

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post #49 of 64
11/20/12 at 10:06pm

I'm doing an Armageddon watchalong AND a Flash Gordon watchalong AND a Return To Oz watchalong.

 

I don't know why you foolios are acting like there can be only one.

 

Oh yeah, AND a Highlander watchalong.

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post #50 of 64
11/20/12 at 10:10pm
Where Bucho goes, I follow.
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