CHUD.com Community › Forums › THE MAIN SEWER › CHUD.COM Main › ALEX CROSS LOOKS LIKE A WALL OF SHIT
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

ALEX CROSS LOOKS LIKE A WALL OF SHIT

post #1 of 59
Thread Starter 
by Nick Nunziata: link

The teaser trailer for Madea's Franchise Theft hits.
post #2 of 59

I am so watching this.  It looks fucking hilarious.

post #3 of 59

I think you guys are being A BIT hard on this one...  Looks okay.  Perry already can't pull off his role and despite losing all the fat Fox is doing a weird robot thing with his voice...
 

post #4 of 59

Looks kinda average to me. I'll pass on it.

post #5 of 59

Damn right! "I'll meet his soul at the gates of hell" That's gold.

post #6 of 59

I like that literally every line of dialogue sounds like it came from 1,000 other movies.  And that they use the tagline "Don't ever cross Alex Cross" (seriously, did fleed write that?) But most of all I like that Fox looks so committed to giving a ridiculous performance.  I also like that his weapons seem to get increasingly more sophisticated as the trailer goes on.  By the end of the movie I expect him to be pointing a nuke right at Tyler Perry's face.

post #7 of 59

This looks ... wubwubwububububwubwub ... like something I will not be watching ...  wubwubwububububwubwub ... ever.

 

Flashcut to me shrugging my shoulders.

post #8 of 59

How am I supposed to be that Perry is a detective?? I barely believe that he's an actor.

 

post #9 of 59

Maybe I'm a little mixed up in the head, but did anyone else rewatch Fox's line about Cross' wife like seven times?

 

Just me?

post #10 of 59

It looks exactly like a shitty 90s serial killer movie, and seeing as those are fewer and farther between nowadays, I believe I'll take this in at some point (that point being at home, for damn sure). I like how terrible and out of shape Tyler Perry looks as an action star, and how completely batshit Matthew Fox appears to be. I always thought he was just some boring guy; who knew he had it in him?

post #11 of 59

Rob Cohen directed this???  HAHAHAHAHAHAH

 

He'll show those damned street racing punks!

 

I'm kinda sad that Fox came across more insane in the photos we saw before.  In the trailer, it felt less goofy.  I mean, it's obviously STILL very goofy.  But still!

 

Of course it has a mano-a-mano fight on top of elevated walkways!

post #12 of 59

Imagine how much more satisfying it would be if THIS Matthew Fox were under the mask in Speed Racer.

post #13 of 59
Idris Elba wasn't actually replaced by Madea, right?
After watching the trailer, I'm guessing Elba dropped out after realizing he'd be wasting a bunch of time on a movie that was basically a below average episode of LUTHER.
post #14 of 59

For a second i thought Ice Cube was in that trailer.

post #15 of 59
Quote:
Originally Posted by wadew1 View Post

Idris Elba wasn't actually replaced by Madea, right?
After watching the trailer, I'm guessing Elba dropped out after realizing he'd be wasting a bunch of time on a movie that was basically a below average episode of LUTHER.

Please everyone watch Luther, it's on Netflix Instant.

post #16 of 59

I second this. Luther (or, to be more precise, "Leufah") may not be The Wire or anything, but for an hour-long police procedural it's definitely a cut above most of the competition. (And it's only 10 episodes, so it's not like you have to devote the next 6 months to it.)

post #17 of 59
Quote:
Originally Posted by mcnooj82 View Post

Rob Cohen directed this???  HAHAHAHAHAHAH

 

He'll show those damned street racing punks!

 

I'm kinda sad that Fox came across more insane in the photos we saw before.  In the trailer, it felt less goofy.  I mean, it's obviously STILL very goofy.  But still!

 

As long as there's a scene where he cries while murdering someone, I'll be happy.

post #18 of 59

JESUS OW FUCK MY EYES CHRIST

 

Okay so I'll see that in theaters. Really. It looks like a deranged work of stupid genius. 

post #19 of 59
Quote:
Originally Posted by wadew1 View Post

Idris Elba wasn't actually replaced by Madea, right?
After watching the trailer, I'm guessing Elba dropped out after realizing he'd be wasting a bunch of time on a movie that was basically a below average episode of LUTHER.

 

Lloyd Levin had David Twohy directing and Idris Elba starring in a legit Alex Cross movie.

 

And then Tyler Perry wanted to bend it over and put his dick inside.

 

It's amazing that this guy has the power to ruin good.

post #20 of 59
To paraphrase This is Spinal Tap, "Shit Movie"

I kind of expected this with Tyler Perry and Matthew Fox in the leads but wow worse than I imagined. I've never read Patterson but is his stuff this horrible? I remember liking Kiss the Girls. But maybe that was Morgan Freeman being awesome. It looks like Idris Elba dodged a bullet not being in this although I have a feeling he might of made it awesome even with the bad dialogue and would of owned in this film ala The Wire and Prometheus.
post #21 of 59

Perry looks like he'll have a stroke sawing the barrel off that shotgun.
 

post #22 of 59
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nick Nunziata View Post

 

Lloyd Levin had David Twohy directing and Idris Elba starring in a legit Alex Cross movie.

 

And then Tyler Perry wanted to bend it over and put his dick inside.

 

It's amazing that this guy has the power to ruin good.

 I kind of want to bomb the parrallel Earth that gets to experience that movie whilst I'm stuck with... this.... shit.

post #23 of 59

Perry appeared to be wholly unacquainted with human emotion in the trailer. Phenomenally charisma free!

post #24 of 59

I love that someone actually utters the line "You are sick and twisted!" with a completely straight face.  

 

Might be fun in a year or so to watch this on BET with popcorn and no standards.

post #25 of 59

....needs more Seagal.
 

 

or

 

 

maybe there will be a segment in a transvestite bar that will give Alex Cross a chance to go "undercover"? 

post #26 of 59
Quote:
Originally Posted by VTRan View Post

....needs more Seagal.

 

 

That would have been brilliant. Too overage and out of shape guys who emote less than a segment of sidewalk failing miserably to fulfill the expectations of a 90s serial killer movie.

post #27 of 59
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ratty View Post

I love that someone actually utters the line "You are sick and twisted!" with a completely straight face.  

 

 

Well, not completely straight.

post #28 of 59

If Perry had done the film as Medea, I'd be there opening weekend.

post #29 of 59

Looks exactly like the mediocre shit audiences have come to expect from Hollywood (and Rob Cohen)...how do you go from Morgan Freeman to Tyler Perry?

post #30 of 59
Perry can't act.
Fox can't act.
This looks terrible.
It'll make a shitload of money.
post #31 of 59

Holy shit, that CGI RPG Explosion is glorious.

 

Certainly won't catch this in theatres, but I'm excited for this to join Baby Boy and Belly 2 in the BET Black Star Power Movie rotation...

post #32 of 59

Belly had a sequel?

post #33 of 59

Another hope I have for the film: That Burns' character just gets everything obviously wrong, and Perry keeps having to correct him.

 

"This has to be at least two, three guys, right?"

 

"No... this is the work of one man."

 

"Probably some kind of random thrill killing thing, right?"

 

"No... he is patient, meticulous, and delivering a message."

 

"So what about lunch... Italian?"

 

"No... we're getting Chinese."

post #34 of 59
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ambler View Post

Belly had a sequel?


It has nothing to do with Belly, I'm pretty sure it retains none of the 'talent' in front of and behind the camera, and it certainly wasn't produced as a sequel, but I think Lionsgate had the rights and decided to slap the Belly name on it to help it sell. It's really, REALLY terrible. In terms of awful Rapper DTV Movies, it's no Paid in Full, closer to Master P's run.

 

EDIT: OF COURSE the whole movie is on youtube --> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZVZa0lGq4v0

post #35 of 59
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bailey View Post

 

 

"No... he is patient, meticulous, and delivering a message."

 

 

 

"And his message is pain!"

post #36 of 59
Quote:
Originally Posted by VTRan View Post


 

maybe there will be a segment in a transvestite bar that will give Alex Cross a chance to go "undercover"? 

 

I think you just might get your wish:

 

Untitled.jpg

 

...or is that NOT Tyler Perry in drag?  I will admit, I'm not terribly familiar with his oeuvre.

post #37 of 59

Is Alex Cross really a popular literary character ala Jack Ryan? I'm seriously wondering. Anyone read the books? 

post #38 of 59
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chris Olson View Post

 

I think you just might get your wish:

 

Untitled.jpg

 

...or is that NOT Tyler Perry in drag?  I will admit, I'm not terribly familiar with his oeuvre.

For the record, this is the GREAT Cicely Tyson, something of a cinema and TV legend.

 

Calling her "Tyler Perry in drag" is really fucking uncalled for.

 

Sorry to bring some humorless outrage into this thread. But Cicely Tyson is kind of awesome. 

post #39 of 59

Cicely Tyson is kind of Crypt Keeper.

post #40 of 59

That Cross teaser is kind of SHIT. Even I think it's terrible. Bloated Tyler Perry talking "serious" and facing off against Matthew Fox who seems to be some kind of deranged spy. Eh.

post #41 of 59

"I will meet his soul at the gates of hell before I let him take a person that I love from me."

 

This looks hilarious.

 

Is that a terrible hammy villain played as if it's oscar worthy? I believe it is. Delightful. 

 

GUY

We've got to get inside his head! Where would he be?!

 

CUT TO:

 

INT: WATER DUCT. NIGHT.


Edited by SeanCE - 6/26/12 at 3:30pm
post #42 of 59
Quote:
Originally Posted by BaldRayo View Post

Holy shit, that CGI RPG Explosion is glorious.

 

Yeah, that's some quality Syfy work there.

 

Upon 2nd viewing, this trailer is utterly HILARIOUS. Watch Perry in those full shots. He doesn't know what to do with his body.

post #43 of 59

2244461_o.gif

post #44 of 59

Tyler Perry is . . . THE EXPLAINER

 

Coming Soon

post #45 of 59

My irrational dislike for Tyler Perry just became rational.

post #46 of 59

Madea is playing a man and there is dub step. That is all
 

post #47 of 59
Quote:
Originally Posted by SeanCE View Post

GUY

We've got to get inside his head! Where would he be?!

 

CUT TO:

 

INT: WATER DUCT. NIGHT.

 

Oh my lord, he's swimming up my anus!

post #48 of 59

"Don't cross across a cross Alex Cross."

post #49 of 59

"Crossing Alex Cross is crossing against the stream on a cross you can't bear crossing."

post #50 of 59

I've been waiting for this movie ever since Jack did that "I just snapped" grin before trying to kill Ben. Vantage Point had some extreme bad guy INTENSITY from him but that was only the last 15 minutes or so. This is going to be hilarious and awesome.

New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: CHUD.COM Main
CHUD.com Community › Forums › THE MAIN SEWER › CHUD.COM Main › ALEX CROSS LOOKS LIKE A WALL OF SHIT