There's this girl I really like

Here's some advice I got from someone way back in the day:

 

If you're not mature enough to ask the person out, then you're probably not mature enough to have a relationship.

 

Step one: get the nerve to ask this girl out. Do it.

What he said. 

Pass her a note in home room asking if she likes you. Include two boxes where she can mark "Yes" or "No" and then maybe you can sit with her in the cafeteria!!!!

 

Wait, this isn't middle school. Huh.
 

Have your cousin and her friend feel the sister out about you.  They already got the ball rolling, let them help you out a little bit more.  That's what I would do (as I have a fear of rejection).

Get the 20-piece McNuggets. That lovely girl, that caught your eye. 20-piece McNuggets are only $4.99. You offer to share them. Conversation begins.

Here's a sort of related conundrum: how do you get to know a girl you've only met twice through your roommate's  on again, off again girlfriend who doesn't really like you all that much? (And I can't believe we've reached this point in society, but no, she doesn't have a facebook, and afterwards I asked myself "how the hell did people do this back in the day?")

"My cousin told me she wanted to get us (me and her friends sister) to hook up."

 

First, tell the cousin that you're way on board with this idea and just outright ask for help.

The moral support will go a long way to getting you in the right frame of mind.

 

Don't worry about the concern about your nervousness being some idiot sign that you're "not ready".

Better that you actually give a fuck than be too cool for school (remove booze from the social equation

and pretty much only sociopaths and adrenaline junkies would be getting laid anyway).

 

But yeah, you don't want to be so nervous that that you have some kind of seizure when trying to talk to her.

Again - bring in the cousin the help set up a non-stressful situation to get talking to the girl properly.

 

First of all, you need to divorce yourself from emotion here...just because somebody is pretty and likes what you like doesn't mean you will like her as a person.  And there are a shitload of cute girls who like the films and TV shows you mentioned and many of them live in your city, so always have that in the back of your mind, it will take the pressure off.  Guys have this annoying tendency to put women on pedestals, like they're above us or something.  That's where the nervousness comes from.  Women eat, sleep, shit, fart and die just like the rest of us, nothing special there.  They're human beings and should be treated like any other...with decency and cordiality, but not reverence.

 

And I don't see what the problem is, your cousin already offered to hook you guys up...call her and take her up on the offer.  Girls are good at hooking their friends up.  But again, don't hyperfocus on this girl.  I would even say go meet and talk to other girls at the same time so you wont torture yourself over this (trust me I've been there).  If you guys end up hitting it off (which is likely, as your cousin seems to think you guys are a match), then great, everybody wins.  If not, like I said, there are other girls...

Right now you don't have girl. You do have hope.

 

If you ask her out, the following things can happen:

 

1) She does not want to go out. You do not have girl. You do not have hope.
 

2) You go out. It does not go well. You do not have girl. You do not have hope.

 

3) You go out. It goes well. You have girl. You do not need hope.

 

If you do not ask her out, the following things can happen:

 

1) She will find someone else. You will not have girl. You will have hope but it will turn bitter and ugly and rancid and self-destructive.

 

2) She will stay single. You will have hope. Eventually, one of you will die sad and alone. Then the other one will die sad and alone.

 

 

Right now you are valuing hope of girl more than girl. Change that.

Edited by MikeI - 6/30/12 at 8:48am

A lot of bizarre life advice threads today!

 

Honestly this reads like a 14 year old asking for help, not a guy who's 27 according to that fat thread. Even the girl sounds like a shallow teen fantasy: "she's cute and likes comic books and geek movies! She's my dream girl". Similar tastes is nice and all but ultimately it says very little about whether you'd have a real connection and rapport or not. It's unclear from the first post whether this guy's so much as had a conversation with this girl.

Hey, I don't have a Facebook page!  Fuck Facebook, I have no interest in it.

 

Hey OP, I am so out of the headspace that you are in at the moment (I'm happily married with two kids, and probably at least a decade + older than you), but damn, the more you build this girl up to be you ideal. perfect specimen, the less likely you will ever be to ask her out.  Take her off the pedestal.  She's just another person.  Its good that you have some things in common, but it will also be good to find out what you don't have in common, it'll give you something to talk about.  

[inappropriate, graphic, filthy advice redacted]

Here's my advise:

 

Get a job where you make about 32,00 a year, plus full benefits.  If you need to go back to school to make that happen, do that.

 

Get an apartment for about $600 / $700 a month, try Silverlake.

 

Buy a Corolla or Civic with about 100,000 miles on it off Craigslist for $4,000 - buy it in cash.  The upkeep on this is about $200 month in labor and parts.  Check the oil every week.

 

Don't buy anything else, except maybe a PS3/HDTV, a laptop, and maybe a surfboard - buy clothes at Old Navy (except your shoes, splurge on your shoes).

 

Don't do drugs.

 

If you do these steps, and you're single, you'll stop being single in about two months.  You're girlfriend will be out of your league, and you'll be shocked that she wants to go see Expendables 2 with you because its something that you can do "together".

 

Edit: Oh yeah, if you wear a baseball cap backwards, stop that (unless you're black).  Also, lose the sideburns.

 

You couldn't get an apartment that cheap in Hawthorne.

I'm out of the loop - I haven't lived in LA in years.  Probably good advice if you want a decent girlfriend is to move out of Southern California all together.

Fuck that. The best girls are in LA. You could maybe get a studio for that in the area. Probably more like 800 though. Your plan could be easily replicated in Long Beach, however. Not ghetto Long Beach either, the artsy dowtown. Plus you could minus the Corolla and just get a bicycle. But, I've revealed enough of my game plan for now..
 

I had a studio in 2001 in Hollywood for 750...today it's nearly double that.  You're not going to find anything decent in LA (studio, one bedroom, whatever) for under 900.  Unless you get a roommate...and that obviously sucks.  I don't think I've ever had a pleasant roommate experience.

 

And yes, the best looking girls are in LA.  But good luck finding anybody sane.

There's no such thing as a studio in Manhattan or Brooklyn for that price range either.  Lest we not forget that NYC is the capital of the world, people. 

Sometimes you just gotta say, 'what the fuck, make your move'.

 

You can do two things: Live a life of fear and wallow in regrets of "what if" or take a fucking chance man. Worst case scenario you get shot down and the only thing bruised is your pride and ego. Best case? Sweet, sweet loving.  Risk/Reward chief but you ain't gonna find out for sure unless you stop asking for advice from us and find out for yourself.

I've been out of the game for a while too, but if there's one thing I've learned, it's not to set a girl up as some ultimate prize or anything, and as already mentioned, she's a person just like you. I've got quite a few things in common with my wife, but not a ton, and I actually think that's a good thing.

 

 

So yeah, just sack it up and talk to her. If she's what you hope for you're golden. if she's not, plenty of others.

 

So why don't you be a snarky, condescending asshole about it then and make him feel about 2 foot tall?

 

...oh wait, never mind.

A lot of this advise falls into the Seth Rogen "To grow a lot of weed, you have to plant a lot of seeds" variety.  It can be very emotionally painful to get rejected by women, but the payoff is if you do it enough, there should be some girl that digs you eventually.  And really, after a girl rejects you, you're not likely to see her again unless she's in your circle of friends or a co-worker, which isn't really where you should be looking anyways.  Dating is a margins game, same as blackjack.  It's super depressing when you think about it - get married as soon as your 20s are over.

 

To hell with that, the game is so much more fun in your thirties.

You mean like Brad Garrett on Raymond fun?

This is your year, Upgrayedd. Nothing changes unless you want the change. You got the want. The rest will follow. Good luck.

 

Okay sorry, I was excessively mean - you seem like a decent fellow. In terms of shyness, this is perhaps a bit obvious but I'd recommend trying to keep a curious attitude to other people and new things, and doing lots varied and interesting stuff - sites like meetup.com can be pretty good in this regard, especially because there will always be plenty of people who don't know anyone. The more interesting stuff you do and learn about, the more levels you're able to relate to other people on, and the more interesting you yourself will come across. I used to be hilariously shy back in my teens but one of the big things that helped was the gradual realisation that I could talk to just about anyone and usually find something interesting to talk about. After a while you pretty much stop thinking about it.

I weep for this generation.

 

     "It's literally like someone took America by the East Coast and shook it, and all the normal girls managed to hang on!"

 

 

Wow, is facebook really that much a serious part of the current social climate? Trust me, FB is NOT that big of a deal, just friend her.

 

I'll give you one bit of advise, stop admitting you watched Gilmore Girls, especially that you "loved" it. It's just looks ... bad

Here's what you do: see if she wants to grab lunch sometime. That's low stress and zero commitment, but it gets you some face time with her without anyone else around and starts a ball rolling. If that goes well, do it again. Escalate from there.

 

Replace "sane" with "not a douchebag" and you're describing the majority of the male population in L.A., too.

 

Screw that.  Real men can admit their love of quality female-oriented television.

 

Yes, if they're an asshole.

Look, you've already met and chatted with the girl. You've done the hard part already...there isn't any more ice to break. I respect your shyness and fear of rejection, but you really have no excuse in this situation: you HAVE to go for it. You're totally set up for success, especially for a casual lunch date with no obligations.


Take the risk, make the leap.

Just make sure you have a solid wank before you go.

 

This was never a man vs. woman thing.  He doesn't want a relationship with a guy.   But thanks for suddenly making it about that.

Uh...you're welcome?  I was just lamenting the state of the dating scene in L.A., not trying to start a battle of the sexes.  Christ.
 

To this man, you listen.

 

I didn't see the point in bringing it up, since we're clearly talking about a guy who likes the opposite sex.  If it was just one of those things people say to say something (to fill the air or whatever), then my bad.  I read it as "hey, what about guys, they're not saints, they're douchebags too!", when I certainly never alluded to guys being better than girls.

Better! Uncle Jesse on Full House fun!

You will go to that party. You offer to bring an appetizer. It will be battered and deep fried. Pleasantries will be exchanged.
 

 

I totally agree, but we are talking specifically Gilmore Girls. It's on a completely different level, and that level certainly isn't "quality"

 

And then, anal.

 

In all seriousness, good luck.  The one piece of advice to offer for the party is this: be cool.  Be casual.  Talk with her but don't monopolize her.  If she gets into the conversation and monopolizes you, then fine...roll with it.  Your goal at this party isn't to exchange life stories, it's to get a date set up.

 

Wow, you're a combative prick aren't you.

 

I was just making a joke but you really felt the need to defend Gilmore Girls? Do you tuck by chance?

 

Haven't you written reviews for this site, that's funny.

 

Good advice right here. I know where you're coming from Upgrayedd, in fact you sound a lot like me when I was in my 20s. I was terrified - TERRIFIED - of dating. I pretty much considered the idea of asking a woman out as impossible, basically because I grew up believing that I was undesirable in a romantic/sexual context. It's not something you can dispel in one swoop, but your mindset does eventually change and only you can say when that time's come. The fact that you're sick of your shyness is a key thing, and a sign that you've already made that decision; I made the same decision, and it really did start to change my attitude to things. You keep thinking like that, and all it'll take is getting lucky with a woman or two (Whether it's this girl or someone else) and you'll find yourself wondering what you were worrying about this whole time.

 

As a few others have said, the important thing is not putting this girl on a pedestal that scares you and, more importantly, that you don't know she even deserves yet. We all have our flaws, and as much as we crush on a person until we get to know them better they have just as much potential to be apathetic, unreliable or all-round disappointing as anyone else. Now I'm not saying she is any of these things, or meaning to disrespect her; it's just that it's very, very easy to romanticize people unnecessarily before we actually get to know them, which may seem nice on paper but also entails a lot of vulnerability and fear that can lead you to be inert in a situation where positive action is vital. It's not cynicism, but a healthy guardedness that's the key. It makes the attraction something that you can act on yet not be that important if it doesn't pan out, and not LIFE AND DEATH ITSELF!!! It's not that you don't care; you care a lot, but at the same time you know that if it doesn't work then it's not necessarily your fault. You can say to yourself, "Fuck it, maybe she just doesn't know a good thing when she sees it - her loss!" Because you know what? If she turns you down or the dates go badly - fuck it, you're probably right.

 

hopefully that all made sense and I'm not just coming across as a total cynic. I guess I just recognize a lot of Old Me in what you've been saying, and I know a lot of my problems re: dating diminished massively when I stopped romanticizing and idealizing women when I hadn't even gotten to know them yet. Some really did turn out to be lovely, as I'm sure this girl is too, but sometimes a bit of guardedness takes away the fear of putting yourself forward.