Well, I went and watched it again like a doof. And I suppose I'm the odd man out, because a second viewing didn't really improve my opinion of the movie at all. In writing a big-ass piece about the film, I'd settled on the conclusion that it's okay, and that the reason I couldn't tell if I liked it or not was because I felt nothing much for it at all. The rewatch pretty much confirmed that for me.
On the one hand, my bladder didn't feel like it would rupture for half the movie, so that was automatically an improvement. On the other hand, rather than plot holes being cleared up, I actually found new little things that bugged me. For instance, Foley doesn't believe Bane is real until he abducts the Wayne Enterprises people, except that he was caught on tape, mask in full view, during the stock market raid. Strange. Also, paying attention to the clock on the bomb, it reads 11 minutes when Talia sets out after it. Several minutes later, when she catches up... it's at ten minutes. Hilarious. But whatever, that's not really important.
I'm actually glad that I saw the movie again, although not because of the movie itself. It turned out to be a fascinating experience in observing how cinema affects our perception of time. See, I used the clock on my phone, and discovered that I was completely wrong about how long certain things took. For instance, I thought that Batman got broken like a third of the way into the movie. Turns out it was over halfway through! And the big pit montage sequence? In my mind, it had ballooned to a quarter of the story. The actual space it takes up? Fifteen minutes (to be clear: that's from when Batman gets out of his bed to when he gets out of the pit. the total time he's in the pit is like a half an hour). Crazy.
So what does that mean? Half the movie was so light that it compressed in my mind. The rest of it looms larger because that's when things that are actually important are happening. And it's all so rushed because it's given less space than the meaningless stuff like Daggett. That's how whacked out the structure of this film is.
It was also clear this time around how much Hardy is the only one who truly understands what kind of movie he's in here, and I get what he meant when he said working on it was like "working at Starbucks" or whatever it was. He's soooooooooooooooo delightful. Before, only half of Bane's lines made me laugh. This time, it was every single thing he said. And thanks to the image that's now my avatar, every time he put his hands on his coat, I could only picture him strutting about with a southern accent, and I laughed and laughed even more. Hathaway is still the best thing in the movie, but Hardy makes the most of his lame role.