THE WATCH - Post-release

Yeah, this felt totally lifeless to me. There's no energy, no enthusiasm, and no real interest in the aliens-- which is a shame, because I kind of like their design.

It's probably unfair to describe this as a merging of Attack the Block with Invasion of the Body Snatchers, because both (well, all three, since I like both the '56 and '78 versions of the latter) of those films are of a far higher quality. But that's exactly what The Watch is: Pod People invading a neighborhood versus a ragtag group of civilians. But it has nothing to say about Pod People, and while the film does try to use the invasion as a backdrop to deal with Evan's sterility and Bob's fatherhood struggles, it mishandles both of them to the point of being kind of embarrassing.

Also: worst red herring of the year in Billy Crudup. It's blatantly obvious he's not an alien, and I'm not sure if Schaeffer did that on purpose to make his audience feel smart or if he's just a shitty director. Couple that with the fact that it gets real clear real fast that Jamarcus is an alien and you'll probably feel like a fucking genius coming out of this.

It's not terrible, but it's really middle of the road and bland. Why do a Pod People story if you're not going to say anything new and modern about what Pod People represent? (Though maybe the aliens here aren't really Pod People. If they were, Jamarcus wouldn't defect and help the humans. Besides that, the aliens don't really seem all that interested in conformity, but the fact that they use subterfuge-- e.g., wearing human skin!-- to achieve their goal of world domination does ring of the "they are among us" vibe of stuff like Body Snatchers and The Thing.)

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Originally Posted by Episode29 

The very definition of mediocre. Basically just a group of talented comic actors trying to prop up a barely there premise.

 

While aliens play a significant role, the film has little to no interest in them and doesn't even attempt to create a 90-minute plot around them. There's tons of lengthy filler - Stiller can't have kids, Vaughn has a creepy obsession with his teen daughter's burgeoning sexuality (the film's depiction of female sexuality is off-putting to say the least) - and lots of (seemingly improv'd) banter taking up the runtime before a lame action climax.

 

This film really is a study in how star-power can (almost) save a movie. The leads all fall back on their usual acts: Vaughn's boorish motormouth riffing, Stiller's comedic anal-retentive awkwardness, Hill's a crudely hilarious borderline-psychopath (his loner fuck-up character keeps an arsenal of guns in his room. Apparently Fox was less worried about real-world parallels than Warner Bros.) and Adoade, well him I'm unfamiliar with. But he's pretty funny too. There's also solid support from Billy Crudup, R. Lee Ermey and Will Forte.

 

Yet they're all in the service of such shitty, paper-thin material. There's no outlandish spark or memorably weird moments. The no doubt B.O.-killing R-rating feels under-exploited. The laughs are ultra inconsistent.

 

It's a forgettable, inoffensive timewaster, nothing more.

 

P.S.: Shop Costco!

Sounds like your average studio comedy.

There is a Kid Kill here, but it's off-screen like nearly every other kill in the movie.

I'm also curious at the mechanics of aliens wearing human skin. The aliens are all exactly the same in shape and size, but people aren't. In fact, the first dude who bites it here is a rotund Hispanic man. How does a 6 foot tall (and change) alien fit into that guy's skin without looking totally misshapen? Are there fat aliens we don't see?

What bugs me about the alien sub-plot is that the film does nothing with it. Why don't we get to see Antonio wandering around after being alien-ized? Or R. Lee Ermey's character? If this is a pod people movie-- and it is-- why don't we get to see any actual pod people other than Jamarcus (who's a good alien, and therefore doesn't count)? The movie really briefly touches on the paranoia of not knowing whether your mail man is really your mail man or a slavering, flesh-ripping alien in disguise, but it does nothing with the idea other than make some bad jokes before moving on. Trust should have been tested much more here. Then again, it would be weird to have the aliens show up dressed as humans-- I mean, anybody in the movie would know something is up because the aliens leave the bodies behind. They don't really bother with the whole "covert" thing.

I honestly think the only reason Vaughn has the sub-plot about his daughter and the creepy douche boyfriend is so that they can build to CDB being an alien so that Vaughn can rip his dick off. It's an unwieldy build-up to a pretty lackluster pay-off.

I thought the trailers looked like 90 minutes of pain.  I'm sad I was right, that's a lot of talent going to waste.

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Originally Posted by Episode29 
...and Adoade, well him I'm unfamiliar with. But he's pretty funny too.

Obligatory suggestion for you to add The IT Crowd to your queue. You'll be glad you did.

Seconding that choice, with The Mighty Boosh as a chaser. Ayoade deserves better.

I'd strongly recommend Garth Marenghi's Darkplace for those wishing to check out Ayoade as well. And for people with taste in general.

Check out Submarine on Instant to see what Ayoade can do behind the camera.

Check out the Nerdist podcast if you want to know a bit more about Ayoade.

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Originally Posted by Richard Dickson 

Check out Submarine on Instant to see what Ayoade can do behind the camera.

Yes! This is totally true. Submarine was a great, surprising hit and something that I wish I'd caught in time for the end of 2011. Really lovely little movie, if a bit too heavy on the color thematics. 

But Ayoade is totally awesome all around, and part of me wants this to succeed just because I want him to succeed. 

There are aliens in this fucking movie? Weird.

Vince Vaughn's in a movie? Weird.