If it was bad I could at least laugh at it. This is white noise.
Ugh, agree. This flick was terrible, from the monochromatic photography to the one-note characterizations. Everything about it was instantly forgettable, and the fighting was so fake. Kate Beckinsale can actually act, so seeing her as some half-baked Terminator was just painful. Luckily, the original Total Recall still exists.
It baffles me why anyone would remake a movie just to take out all the interesting things from the original! Jesus Christ, this was dull and bland. And goddammit, stop with the CGI lens flares all over the place! Fuck!
Also, you know how there's this exchange in the original that gave that film its title:
Nothing like that in this remake. So why is it called Total Recall? Because that's what the original was called. That's all. Fuck it. Fuck the utter lack of originality at display here and the complete lack of understanding of what made the original not only a fun movie, but a pretty brilliant and solid script.
I watched the Director's Cut and it's pretty clear that for the theatrical release, they had cut out most of the stuff that opened up the possibility of all of this just being his implanted Rekall memories. But still with all that back in the DC, there's no way this could be implanted memories. You know why? Because except for hooking up with a somewhat hot girl, there's nothing exotic, fun or adventurous in what transpires. Who would pay to have this stuff implanted as memories? He's still stuck in a dystopia. That's why Mars was in the original, and why taking it out for the remake shows that nobody working on this movie understood what made the original work. Schwarzenegger Quaid dreamt of going to Mars and having an exotic adventure -- he got all that and ended up on a brave new world. Farell Quaid ran around in the rain a lot and still lives in a concrete hellhole at this movie's end. If that was implanted Rekall memories, I'd want a refund.
Finally, why the hell is Kurt Wimmer still allowed anywhere near movies?
Another good point. I forgot about that plot point from the original. Speaking of mutants: The original has a three-breasted hooker precisely because they're mutants. The new one has a three-breasted hooker because... the original had it. *sigh*
There are ways. Unspeakable ways.
Go to dinner at Len Wiseman's house?
I just saw it too. I couldn't resist a "morbid curiosity" viewing, just to see how bad it was.
So, so, so, so fucking bad. I've never hated Wiseman before, so I expected something at least mildly watchable. Underworld 1 and 2 are OK shlock (haven't subjected myself to Die Hard 4.0 yet). This was agonizing, though. It starts out boring and painful, and gets worse.
Len here is like Paul Anderson without the batshit crazy. He's like Zack Snyder on inhalants, minus the ambition. This is one of the most nothingest of nothing movies I've ever had blasted into my eyeholes.
Somehow, he's gotten worse at action. What the fuck. There's the rooftop chase from Bourne Ultimatum...in Legoland. It looks like it was storyboarded and directed by a computer AI that can't feel tension or excitement. Then, the maglev car chase from Minority Report. Medium shot of the cars speeding...medium shot of the other cars speeding...back to the other cars....then back to the other cars...stretch after stretch of identical track...I wanted to slap my TV to get the movie to wake the fuck up.
Posing with pistols is what it's all about, apparently. As long as you begin and end the action scene holding the pistol out in a pose of some kind, that's good enough to make a scene. It's like somebody trained an orangutan to watch John Woo movies, then had it come on set as 2nd unit director, and direct via sign language.
They could have at least given me some cool guns or tech to look at, but no. In this bloodless future everyone still uses pussy 9mm pistols and sub-machine guns. The copbots, which are apparently well designed enough to justify making 50,000 of them, are sometimes affected by these 9mm bullets that everyone on the planet uses, sometimes not. But usually they are.
I haven't even gotten to the story and dialogue yet, because it goes without saying. Total Recall is one of the best movies ever made. There's no way this wouldn't pale in comparison, but it could have at least been mediocre Sunday afternoon Syfy Channel viewing. Every scene and beat they reuse from the first movie is completely agonizing, and as others have pointed out, barely even make sense with the changes they've made.
We've all seen bad scripts in movies like this, but TR2012 really takes the cake. I mean, holy shit.
-Opening scene: The Man stops and looks at The Woman. The Man (emotionless): I love you. The Woman (also emotionless, because her face is incapable of acting): I love you.
-Bokeem's Woodmindfuckbine scene: JB:He's lying. BW: I'm not lying. JB: No, listen to me Hauser. He's lying. BW: I'm not lying. Kill her. JB: He's lying. Colin Farrel: (mouthbreathing, thinking about booze).
I like Colin in general, but he looks as disinterested here as...someone watching this movie. I saw one review describe his general performance as "constipated", if I had to pick a word, it would be "noncommital". It fits right alongside his "perpetually hungover" mode from Miami Vice. His Generic American Action Guy Accent is as bad as it's been since SWAT. If I hadn't seen In Bruges recently, I wouldn't know that the guy was capable of anything.
Also, I kept expecting to see vampire teeth in Kate Beckinsale's mouth every time she made one of her Sexy Action Mouthbreathing faces.
That about covers it. Time to overwrite my memory of this movie, until my next schizoid emobolism.
The Wise Man will have to raise his wide-shot and vista quota to qualify for "epic" grade filmmaking.
Hopefully, ILM still has that CGI model of The Rock from 2001 on a hard drive somewhere for a free cameo.
The more I talk about this, the less I remember whatever Len Wiseau's most recent movie was. Maybe I could ask my wife...we've been married...7 years...
Made it to the 40 minute mark, then couldn't take it anymore. So aggressively dull. Another Neil Moritz produced snooze fest. This guy actually aspires to mediocrity...he oversees the dumbest scripts, then hires the shittiest people to make these expensive paperweight movies.
I really liked 21 Jump Street, but looking over his resume on IMDb... ouch.
Well, I finally watched this. Or I think I did? The whole movie si kind of a blur of chase scenes and a convoluted invasion plot. The acting was okay all around but it was just so slight. Bryan Cranston needs to pick better movies to be in when he is not doing Breaking Bad. What I took away most from the movie was that the set, art and other behind the scenes designers really put the most work into this movie. The dystopian city and robots were really cool but there's barely a movie for them to hang on to.