First heartbreak  

So this 15 yr old gal was blowing a guy in his 20s?  Both of them are idiots, but him especially.  That's fucking illegal.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ambler 

 

head

I see what you did there.

Yeah, that situation would have torn me up as well.

You told your parents and grandparents about the time you caught your teenage crush giving head to some dude in an arcade, and you did it over Christmas dinner?

Ambler, you are awesome.

I was eight, and I had just moved into an apartment complex. Had met a girl the same age at the local pool during summer. She had a birthmark in her eye area, and honestly, it made her look like an X-Man character. She was pretty, and funny, and it wasn't long before I asked, can I be your boyfriend? We were eight. We held hands. It wasn't all that complex, but I liked her tons.

The weekend before school, I don't see her for a few days. I wasn't nervous at first, since we would be going to the same school, but after she was missing for the entire weekend, I grew nervous about Monday. All during the day at school, I was crushed. It was my first day in a new school system, and all I could think about was my best friend. At the end of the day, I get on the bus, and I see her, sitting with another boy. His arm is around her.

The rules of engagement are still alien to me at this point, so I confront her.

"Who is this?"

"This is my new boyfriend."

"I thought you were my girlfriend."

"I just like him better."

I would not let go. I was incredulous. People don't just... start liking someone else! That's preposterous!

"Why do you like this guy better?"

"Because he's mean to me. He calls me a 'slut.' He calls me a whore. You don't call me these things."

As if on cue, he squeezes her closer, and tells her, "Slut. Whore." And then they smile and hug closer.

Fuckin' kids, man. I mean, what WAS that?

My wife ran off with a carny.

I'm not kidding.

Hey hey now, this is FIRST heartbreak. If it's general heartbreak, I'll just fill this motherfucker like a novel.

That was my first. I sailed through puberty and art school like a champ (meaning, no real relationships or growth, but plenty of 'meaningless' sex).

Oh, and I was 23.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gabe T 

I was eight, and I had just moved into an apartment complex. Had met a girl the same age at the local pool during summer. She had a birthmark in her eye area, and honestly, it made her look like an X-Man character. She was pretty, and funny, and it wasn't long before I asked, can I be your boyfriend? We were eight. We held hands. It wasn't all that complex, but I liked her tons.

 

The weekend before school, I don't see her for a few days. I wasn't nervous at first, since we would be going to the same school, but after she was missing for the entire weekend, I grew nervous about Monday. All during the day at school, I was crushed. It was my first day in a new school system, and all I could think about was my best friend. At the end of the day, I get on the bus, and I see her, sitting with another boy. His arm is around her.

 

The rules of engagement are still alien to me at this point, so I confront her.

 

"Who is this?"

"This is my new boyfriend."

"I thought you were my girlfriend."

"I just like him better."

 

I would not let go. I was incredulous. People don't just... start liking someone else! That's preposterous!

 

"Why do you like this guy better?"

"Because he's mean to me. He calls me a 'slut.' He calls me a whore. You don't call me these things."

As if on cue, he squeezes her closer, and tells her, "Slut. Whore." And then they smile and hug closer.

 

Fuckin' kids, man. I mean, what WAS that?

Wait, I think I know how this one ends... Twenty years later, you had to watch her write Twilight and become a squillionaire?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gabe T 

I was eight, and I had just moved into an apartment complex. Had met a girl the same age at the local pool during summer. She had a birthmark in her eye area, and honestly, it made her look like an X-Man character. She was pretty, and funny, and it wasn't long before I asked, can I be your boyfriend? We were eight. We held hands. It wasn't all that complex, but I liked her tons.

 

The weekend before school, I don't see her for a few days. I wasn't nervous at first, since we would be going to the same school, but after she was missing for the entire weekend, I grew nervous about Monday. All during the day at school, I was crushed. It was my first day in a new school system, and all I could think about was my best friend. At the end of the day, I get on the bus, and I see her, sitting with another boy. His arm is around her.

 

The rules of engagement are still alien to me at this point, so I confront her.

 

"Who is this?"

"This is my new boyfriend."

"I thought you were my girlfriend."

"I just like him better."

 

I would not let go. I was incredulous. People don't just... start liking someone else! That's preposterous!

 

"Why do you like this guy better?"

"Because he's mean to me. He calls me a 'slut.' He calls me a whore. You don't call me these things."

As if on cue, he squeezes her closer, and tells her, "Slut. Whore." And then they smile and hug closer.

 

Fuckin' kids, man. I mean, what WAS that?

Wait, wait... An 8-year-old girl LITERALLY said that?

I doubt any of us knew what we were saying at that point.

See this sort of shit is why I'm the most cynical person ever when it comes to relationships. No matter how close I get to someone I fully expect it to end at any moment.

I read this as "black strap-on".

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jacob Singer 

My wife ran off with a carny.

 

Last week? First wife?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gabe T 

I was eight, and I had just moved into an apartment complex. Had met a girl the same age at the local pool during summer. She had a birthmark in her eye area, and honestly, it made her look like an X-Man character. She was pretty, and funny, and it wasn't long before I asked, can I be your boyfriend? We were eight. We held hands. It wasn't all that complex, but I liked her tons.

 

The weekend before school, I don't see her for a few days. I wasn't nervous at first, since we would be going to the same school, but after she was missing for the entire weekend, I grew nervous about Monday. All during the day at school, I was crushed. It was my first day in a new school system, and all I could think about was my best friend. At the end of the day, I get on the bus, and I see her, sitting with another boy. His arm is around her.

 

The rules of engagement are still alien to me at this point, so I confront her.

 

"Who is this?"

"This is my new boyfriend."

"I thought you were my girlfriend."

"I just like him better."

 

I would not let go. I was incredulous. People don't just... start liking someone else! That's preposterous!

 

"Why do you like this guy better?"

"Because he's mean to me. He calls me a 'slut.' He calls me a whore. You don't call me these things."

As if on cue, he squeezes her closer, and tells her, "Slut. Whore." And then they smile and hug closer.

 

Fuckin' kids, man. I mean, what WAS that?

highly doubt this ever actually happened

unless she was a Hasidic Jew

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jacob Singer 

 

My wife ran off with a carny. 

What can I say, man? Bitches like to travel.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jake 

highly doubt this ever actually happened

Eight year olds, dude.

My first real heartbreak is a fairly typical high school tragedy. I met a girl, she was dangerous, she was way more experienced, I had no idea what to do with her and I was immediately smitten. She stripped my innocence away like paint thinner. In the end, she screwed my friend. Boring. It was the later heartaches that really set my soul on fire and turned me into the empty, hedonist lunatic I am today. But some good ground was laid in that first one.

Life is meaningless.

Hey - what the fuck? Pizza Planet is real?!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jake 

unless she was a Hasidic Jew

This would have worked better as an edit in your original post! Other than that...bravissimo. 

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jacob Singer 

My wife ran off with a carny.

 

I'm not kidding.

Tap that shit, Dickson.

I just listened to Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata and I'm in the mood to make myself more miserable so there it goes.

I was girlfriendless through high school. Other than my closest friends people tended to stay away from me. You see I was going to one of the worst highschools in my city. Bullying, fights, stealing, you name it. I had devised a way to avoid bullying. I always was a pretty big guy and I instictively know how to throw my weight around in a fight. So what I'd do was I'd single out the guy most likely to cause me trouble. I'd wait until we had plenty of witnesses and I'd hang around him trying to present as easy a target as possible. They'd always bite. Immediately after they initiated I'd go 0-100 and go off on them. A suckerpunch and then I'd proceed to start beating on them until a teacher came to separate us. I usually never had to do this more than once a year. They never even looked at me weird after that. I wasn't even punished since the people I beat up were shitheads and I was the best student in the school. So I was left alone by them but also by everyone else. My friends that got bullied would at least get some sympathy intimacy from girls. Nothing for me. They were kind of scared. I didn't even manage to kiss a girl during all of high school.

So university came and I moved to a different city. My roommate turned out to be a dickhead so I'd always hang around a couple of other guys. I'd go home only to bathe and sleep. We became ridiculously close. Anyway, one night we're at a club and one of them tells me he has the hots for a certain girl. She was from the town we were staying but she was studying law at the next town over. I may not be some great master of seduction but I'm an extraordinary wingman. So I start working on it and a week afterwards they're an item. We always hang out together, going out and having fun. They really hit it off. They start calling me their best man. So one night at a party at the house she was staying at the town she was studying she introduces me to a friend of hers. For a couple of months it was fucking brilliant. You know how young kids are the first time they get into relationship. Much less when there is no supervision. One minute I'm a virgin the other I have a girl staying over for days. Sleeping together, cooking together, being an actual couple. I was walking on air. The third month came and some other friend tells me he saw my girlfriend, my "best friend" and his girlfriend plus another guy. And the guy seemed pretty intimate with her. I immediately go to him and ask him about it. Well, apparently during the time we've been together she's also had at least two other guys in a semi serious relationship and a few one night stands. And everyone but me knew. And my "best friend" didn't tell me because his girlfriend didn't want me to. So in a single day I lost three close friends and the first girl I ever cared about. For some reason that whole day the only thing I could do was puke.

When I was in 2nd grade, my first "girlfriend" moved away at the end of the year.

Also, the typical High School story.  I had a crush on a cute girl in my class who was very flirty with me.  I thought she was out of my league, and being the typical insecure teenager, waited way too long to ask her out.  We eventually did go on a few proper dates, but I completely botched them.  Took her to a movie I thought she'd like.  She hated it.  Took her to one of my favorite restaurants.  She hated it.  Sushi.  "Too exotic."  We were both virgins.  I was insecure and never made a physical pass.  It didn't work out.  We remained friendly, but immediately after she started dating one of the biggest douches in our grade, a guy she knew I (and pretty much everyone else) despised, and openly bragged to anyone who would listen about how great the sex was.  I have no nostalgic delusions that she was "the one that got away," but that still stings.

23 years old, away at uni and completely useless around women - a combination of living with a insanely catholic mother (my father worked away from home) who though sex outside of marriage was evil, coupled with the fact that from 11 to 22 I was the double of Eugene Felnic from Grease.

Off we go one night (13th May 1997) to a shitty new club in Stoke-on-Trent. Me and my friends are the only people in there apart from a gaggle of girls from a neighbouring uni. I'm doing my usual, lurk in the corner with a long leather coat and glare at people because it makes me look interesting thing (served me so well over the years) when I see this girl on the dance floor who not only looks at me (this never happens), but smiles (this happens even less than never). And it was the sweetest, sexiest, shy, knowing all in one smile I have ever seen in my life. I fell in love immediately - to this day I have never felt my stomach flip like the first time I saw this girl. 20 years old, all legs and a short skirt and the most beautiful perfect skin. Just perfect. I. Was. Smitten.

Anyway, I thought I'd try my usual approach, by looking moody and completely ignoring her (for some reason I used to think women loved this), so eventually my best friend went over to her and said "My mate likes you" - and she responded in kind "I like your mate." Turns out the moody/ignore approach worked. Once. Introductions were made and we completely hit it off and for the next 2.5 years we were inseparable - lost my virginity to her. I went from zero to hero in a single night as this girl is the things dreams were made of. Every dream from the dirtiest nastiest thing to the kids/family/future thing. Type of girl who turned everyone's head when she walked into the room, makes men stare and women jealous. And she was on my arm.

Forward a couple of years and we graduate from uni and my confidence had grown over the years, but being after a couple of months not being able to find work my confidence drops and we start to argue/drift apart. She had a work placement in a different city and I was stuck at home saving whatever cash I could get for a train ticket to see her every week or so.

Eventually she drops the bomb that she's cheated on me since she's lived way (a drunken fuck) and I've never felt anything like it. I could go all dramatic and mention things like shattered, heart ripped from my chest etc but we've all been there and felt that so you know where I'm coming from.

We tried to make it work over the next 12 months but it really wasn't happening with my mistrust and name-calling and her life moving away from me towards her career. Whatever trust and magic we had was gone and eventually she called it a day. Never one good at saying goodbye or letting things go I was devastated and over the next few years I tried to get back on track and get over her. I never really did though.

Eventually I get a job and move back to the city I was at at uni. About a year later I was minding my own business walking through town and I see a particularly fine ass standing in front of a cash machine getting some money out. As I walk past admiring this ass, she turns around and we we both say "Hi." Fuck me, it was her. Out of nowhere and with her new bloke. I was completely dumbstruck and in a daze - all those old feeling came right back and sat on my head. I bumped into her again and we eventually went for a coffee and had a chat and caught up - turns out she'd moved back to the same town too. We met a few other times, something was still there but she didn't want to start up again. I moved back home soon after to try and get some distance.

A couple of months pass and she gets back in touch via text - she's left her bloke and started out on her own again. Again we meet up and I get dragged into it all, until one day I meet another wonderful woman who I fall for.

8 years on and I've heard nothing from her - me and my girl have had a great relationship although it's under a lot of stress now and could go either way whether we stay together.

Almost 15 years after I first met here, I still think of my old girlfriend a lot - that very first time she smiled at me I knew what I wanted from my future right there. She cheated on me and dragged me around and hurt me a lot over the following years but I've never forgotten her and I never will. She was my first love. The one. You know what I mean. I do think that maybe she was the one, there will always be something between us - maybe if we'd met as adults rather than kids.

Anyway, I've been checking my website analytics recently and have noticed a visitor that continually searches for my name that comes from a county council server based in the city she works in and the council she works for...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stale Elvis 

Anyway, I've been checking my website analytics recently and have noticed a visitor that continually searches for my name that comes from a county council server based in the city she works in and the council she works for...

As a friend, I have to tell you this: let that girl go.

- You're under an illusion that, if you got back together, everything would be the same.  It wouldn't.  You haven't seen her in 8 years, AND you weren't interacting with her all that much when she was with that other guy.  You've both changed in the interim.  

- Your focus on her is depriving you of living in the NOW.  There are plenty of women out there, man.  Onwards and upwards.

OK, my first heartbreak:

I didn't date much in high school, mainly because I hated the place and hated almost everyone in it.  College was a fresh start in many ways, and I took advantage of the situation to join a fraternity, make a ton of friends, and start in on the girls.

During Summer vacation (in between my freshman and sophomore year), I met a gal at work.  She was one of those 'work out' girls, you know?  Constantly in the gym with an absolutely killer physique.  She wasn't gorgeous but she was very pretty, and she had an absolutely amazing smile.  She was funny and fun to be around.  

She was from MN but was going to college down in Arizona, so I knew that she'd be leaving at the end of the Summer.  We were attracted to each other, but we kept a friendly distance because of he fact that we knew that there was a time limit.  Near the end of the Summer, I asked her out for a friendly evening on the town.  We ended up down in the Uptown area and had a blast doing all of the Summer shit that you can do down there.  We ended up walking around Lake Calhoun at sunset and...yeah.  We made out.  BIG time.  

From that first kiss, I was smitten.  I was absolutely head over heels for this gal.  The kicker?  She was leaving for Arizona in less than two weeks.  Well, we fit as much into the time that we had left as we could.  We held off on getting fully intimate, but we did pretty much everything else.  

When it got time for her to go, we decided to make a go out of doing the 'long distance relationship' thing.  We wrote each other every week during the Fall session and maintained a strong connection.  During Winter break, she came back up to the Twin Cities and we picked up right where we left off.  Again, we held off on getting fully intimate, but we did everything else.  She went back to Arizona and we started back up on writing each other.

Well yeah.  You can guess what happened.  I eventually got the 'this long distance thing isn't working out and we should date other people' letter.  I was kinda expecting it (all of my friends were telling me that this long distance shit never works out) but that didn't make it hurt any less.  I was pretty crushed for a while, but I got over it when we had a great party in the Spring where I got laid with a gal from a neighboring sorority (thus starting my hedonistic period).  This Arizona gal was my first love, though.

How come nobody's first heartbreak involves them breaking a girls heart but is always what's being done to you? 

I can say, with all honesty, that I'm unaware of any situation where I ever broke a woman's heart, intentionally or otherwise.

I can think of a couple of situations where I was ready to end the relationship and, somewhat intentionally, sabotaged it in such a way that the gal broke up with me.

My first hearbreak involved acting like a stupid little middle school shit where I managed to hurt two girls at the same time; one I was dating and one I wanted to date. 

I guess I don't know if they were both "heart broken." But I made them both cry, and I felt terrible about what I'd done. 

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ambler 

I should've just titled the thread "heartbreak" because now I'm itching to tell another story that probably stings a bit more...it's more of a betrayal by a best friend, but it broke my heart too, so...

 

Anyway, I was 18 and got to go on my first and only cruise with my best friend and his parents.  We were living in Orlando, and left from Miami on a massive cruise ship to Mexico, Jamaica, and The Caiman Islands.

 

There are times in your life that are so magical that you wish you could bottle it and re-experience it whenever you like...the cruise was such a time.  It's without the a doubt the most fun I've ever had in my life.  Being out in the middle of nowhere on the ocean, with nothing but sky above you is an incredible feeling.  And all the potential cool people you can meet in that free environment just makes it so much fun.

 

But it also reminds me of how young, stupid and inexperienced I was.  There were several times I could've lost my virginity on that cruise, but I was too stupid and caught up in the drama of something else...the betrayal...DUM DUM!

 

So we dock in Mexico and me and my best friend take a taxi into the small town to sight see.  We had no idea what to do so we asked the cab driver to show us a good time.  First, he ended up taking us to a strip club (my first), and hanging out with us there.  He was not your typical cab driver.  Then he took us to a whore house (my first).  Being a virgin, I figured there was no easier way to break my cherry.  There was a very pretty prostitute and she took me to one of the back rooms...nervous as hell, she laid me on the bed and just before she was about to start taking her clothes off, she asked to be paid.  Turns out I didn't have enough money, so that was that.

 

When we got back to the boat that afternoon, I spotted a really pretty girl wandering around.  My friend told me I should ask her to come with us that night, as we were going to a tourist bar near the dock.  I managed to have the guts to ask her, and all smiles, she agreed.

 

So we get to the bar that night and it's packed.  My friend was a more experienced drinker and so was she.  Me?  I'd had a couple of beers in the past, but had never been drunk.  So they proceed to pop my liquor cherry by ordering me tequila shots and several long island iced teas.  There's really no way I can describe what happened next other than absolutely insanity.  I subsequently found out that there are two types of drunks...the drunks that get happy and altruistic when they're loaded, and the drunks that get moody and aggressive when they're loaded.  Turns out I was the former.  In my hammered state I went fucking berzerk with joy...you'd have thought I was hopped up on some kind of happy drug rather than drunk.  And I got BOLD...I started dancing with women who were clearly there with their boyfriends or husbands.  I think the reason I didn't get my face pounded was because they could see I was an experienced young kid just having a good time.

 

Anyway I look over and see my best friend making out with the girl that I told him I liked.  Granted it was obvious that I was in no shape to be with her proper that night, but as a friend I expected him to man up and at least find himself another girl to hook up with...there tons of them on the boat.  So it was getting late and the boat was about to take off and we made it just in time.  Even in the van ride back I had to watch them make out.  It was enough to make me puke right there.  When we got back to the boat, there was another girl who'd been trying to talk to me earlier, but I was too smitten with the other one to notice that she liked me.  She could see that I was upset and tried to console me.  We were on a higher deck, watching them make out below.  She said that we should go back to her room and lie down and talk.  She was practically begging me to fuck her...but I was too far gone with jealousy and self pity.  The "betrayal" would become my friend's M.O., and actually repeat itself later in our relationship and be the cause of me never speaking to him again.  He would often let me do the work of getting a girl to go hang with us, and then swoop in later and snatch her up when he clearly knew I liked her.  

 

Anyway there was another girl who was seriously crushing on me later, but I never really recovered from that enough to bother with her...and I just wasn't experienced enough to spot the signals and take advantage of them.  I was in my shy, timid phase...really makes me shake my head thinking about it now.  Today, I would've been boning a different girl every night.

Betrayal is a pretty silly label to slap on this situation. Saying you "like" a girl does not make her your property, off-limits to all else. They had a connection, you were shitfaced, and they went for it. Plus you started dancing with other women! You should have physically put a label on her declaring her "off-limits" while you were dancing with other women, so she waited like a good little claimed prize instead of pursuing her feelings with other people he had more in common with (like people who can handle the same amount of alcohol as her and people who stay and talk to her rather than start dancing with other women).

You act as if the girl has absolutely no say in the matter, and it was entirely up to you and your friend to decide what happened to her that night. SHE made a choice. Your friend - who was also drunk and also just met her THAT SAME DAY - went along with it. Calling this a heartbreak or a betrayal is silly, silly silly, my friend.

Girl I thought was cute broke my heart when I was fifteen.

She was probably a cuntwhoreslut or something.

I often wonder the sorry state the CHUD forums would have been in, save for Lauren's wonderful one-sentence-at-a-time contributions. It's like having a less funny Slater back with us.

I should probably have expanded the post and added a blowjob in there!

We wouldn't want you to dull that razor sharp wit of yours by using it too much.

Huh? Speak up! I can't hear you over the sound of my fingers typing out an essay length tale about some cuntwhore who took me on an emotional odyssey!

Spoilers: The Emotional odyssey is totally stolen from a viewing of Adventureland.

trollers gon troll

To be fair, anyone writing long, painful posts lamenting tragically over shit that "happened" when you were eight years old deserves it. 

It's like half the posts here are written by guys who watched Chasing Amy and thought Kevin Smith's speech was actually poignant and shit.

She's trolling but she kind of has a point. This thread's a little on the gross side. 

A little?

Okay, much more than a little. I was trying to be diplomatic. 

Admittedly Boreddaily and Hotsplice haven't shown up yet to post pictures while jacking off and choking themselves with a belt.

BUT WE STILL HAVE TIME!

came for the heartbreak, stayed for the head bobbin.