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TEXAS CHAINSAW 3D Post-Release Thread

post #1 of 52
1/3/13 at 4:18pm
Thread Starter 
I'm not even sure there's anyone who cares about this one, but since the original is one of my all-timers I thought I'd reserve a spot to jot some thoughts down as I work on my review tonight. Catching a 10PM.

Honestly, what are the chances this film's not completely awful?
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post #2 of 52
1/3/13 at 4:25pm

I've been looking forward to this for some time, as they seem to be doing their best to make it a true sequel, right down to recreating the farmhouse for the opening sequence. I hope it's not a let down, but then again it would have to be really shitty. I mean, I even like the 4th one for having McConnaughey's batshit and brilliant unhinged performance.

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post #3 of 52
1/3/13 at 4:36pm

This is the curse of the horror fanatic. You so love the original films that you feel almost obligated to check out any and all related properties, even when you know what you're stepping into.

 

This looks like absolute crap, it's being released in a fashion that makes it appear to be absolute crap, and yet I'll see it eventually, somewhere, somehow, down the line.....just on the off-chance that it gives me something.
 

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post #4 of 52
1/3/13 at 5:07pm
Thread Starter 
The fact they aren't screening for critics everywhere isn't as telling as some believe, but it's usually not a great sign. This feels like a dump release on a shit weekend.
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post #5 of 52
1/3/13 at 5:43pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Agent Z View Post

This is the curse of the horror fanatic. You so love the original films that you feel almost obligated to check out any and all related properties, even when you know what you're stepping into.

 

This looks like absolute crap, it's being released in a fashion that makes it appear to be absolute crap, and yet I'll see it eventually, somewhere, somehow, down the line.....just on the off-chance that it gives me something.
 

 

I hear ya. I grew up loving movies such as these but it might be best to put it on ice for now (unless this version somehow blows all expectations out of the water). Same goes for Freddy and Jason. Although the thought of these franchises possible going under for good distresses for me. As an adult, I can see how much some of the Nightmare, Friday, and Chainsaw films were complete crap but they were MY crap.   
 


Edited by bigbrother - 1/3/13 at 6:21pm
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post #6 of 52
1/3/13 at 6:04pm

Hoping for the best with this one, but the timing of the release makes me more nervous than the lack of a screening for critics. Releasing it this weekend just screams "let's just get rid of this thing, make what we can and move on."

 

Looking forward to everyone's thoughts... I'm going to play it safe and catch a 10am show this weekend for maximum wallet-savings.

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post #7 of 52
1/3/13 at 6:19pm

They screened it for critics. It was embargoed is all, I think. Jordan Hoffman's review is was up, will be back up at midnight.

 

http://screencrush.com/texas-chainsaw-3d-review/


Edited by Phil - 1/3/13 at 6:47pm
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post #8 of 52
1/3/13 at 6:22pm
Thread Starter 
The coasts screened. But as far as I know they didn't go regional. Otherwise I'd have jumped on it.
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post #9 of 52
1/3/13 at 6:30pm

Wasn't this supposed to come out back in October?

 

I actually haven't heard any "hype" anywhere. I wonder if people even know the damn things coming out tomorrow?

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post #10 of 52
1/3/13 at 6:46pm

There's no hype because everyone who's seen it says it's terrible. Nearly every site posted a set visit a couple months ago, that's about it for hype.

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post #11 of 52
1/3/13 at 6:54pm

I'll admit I'm intrigued by the flashes in the commercials of what appears to be Leatherface chasing The Girl through a crowded amusement park? I think that's a great idea and could be a delirious set-piece. But... otherwise...

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post #12 of 52
1/3/13 at 10:13pm

It pulls off the rather impressive feat of feeling way too long while somehow missing half of its third act.

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post #13 of 52
1/3/13 at 10:26pm
Thread Starter 
"Do your thing, 'cuz!"

WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST WATCH?!
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post #14 of 52
1/3/13 at 10:29pm

Where was the bar massacre?  You don't do a lingering close-up on Leatherface's original chainsaw in a bar full of the rednecks who killed his family and then not have a massacre in said fuckin' bar.

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post #15 of 52
1/3/13 at 10:37pm
Thread Starter 
I apologized to my friends for suggesting we go. That crazy girl never even found out Trey Songz was cheating on her! Trey Songz!

My favorite part was when the gay best friend was in the kitchen and shouted "Hey guys, this place has a butler's pantry!" Gah, the plot thickens!
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post #16 of 52
1/3/13 at 10:42pm

Did you say for the amazingly awful post-credits scene?

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post #17 of 52
1/3/13 at 11:02pm
Thread Starter 
No. NO. But I'm all ears if you care to spoil it.
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post #18 of 52
1/3/13 at 11:04pm

Heather's parents show up at her front door.  Mom says that Dad should be nice, and he says the house is big enough that he could almost love the girl.  Door opens, Leatherface walks out with his chainsaw.

 

Cue "applause."

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post #19 of 52
1/4/13 at 3:01am

Twitchfilm's review is up.

http://twitchfilm.com/2013/01/review-texas-chainsaw-3d-fails-to-pay-tribute----or-make-any-sense.html

 

They compare it to those Platinum Dunes remakes. That about right?

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post #20 of 52
1/4/13 at 4:04am

The only consistently good horror franchise was the Saw franchise. If anyone disagrees with me about this, I will lock you in a cage after forcing you to swallow a key for said cage. Actually, forget I mentioned the key as I want to explain that to you via a puppet on a television.

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post #21 of 52
1/4/13 at 4:39am
Quote:
Originally Posted by felix View Post

Twitchfilm's review is up.
http://twitchfilm.com/2013/01/review-texas-chainsaw-3d-fails-to-pay-tribute----or-make-any-sense.html

They compare it to those Platinum Dunes remakes. That about right?

I think TCM 03 is a pretty good slasher flick removed from the original, and I'm pretty sure I liked The Beginning more than this.
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post #22 of 52
1/4/13 at 7:26am
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dark Shape View Post

Heather's parents show up at her front door.  Mom says that Dad should be nice, and he says the house is big enough that he could almost love the girl.  Door opens, Leatherface walks out with his chainsaw.

Cue "applause."

Man, they weren't even trying at that point. Her turn was horrid. Evidence box? THE WHOLE BOX!?
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post #23 of 52
1/4/13 at 9:30am
Thread Starter 

This review about sums up my feelings. Which, y'know, makes sense given I wrote it: 

 

http://www.chud.com/121984/review-texas-chainsaw-3d-tims-take/

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post #24 of 52
1/4/13 at 9:57am

 film’s really about her siding with Leatherface to exact revenge on the people who savagely brutalized her loving family of cannibals (that she never met). By the time Heather tosses a chainsaw to Leatherface shouting “Do you thing, cuz!” 

 

WHAT?

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post #25 of 52
1/4/13 at 10:01am
Thread Starter 

“Do yer thing, cuz!”

 

I forgot to fix that part in proof. But it happens. I can't begin to do that line justice in print. 

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post #26 of 52
1/4/13 at 10:04am
Quote:
Originally Posted by roboTimKelly View Post

“Do yer thing, cuz!”

 

I forgot to fix that part in proof. But it happens. I can't begin to do that line justice in print. 

Oh no im not taking you to task for missing a letter, im seriously say WHAT!!!!!!! Like is the movie really about her siding with a cannibal family and her and Leatherface team up at the end? That is so fucking bizarre I have to see it no matter how much I know im going to hate it. Shame because thats not a horrible idea by itself but if she isn't given any motivation......

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post #27 of 52
1/4/13 at 10:15am
Thread Starter 

The idea isn't is bad as the way it was presented. Thing is, they could've layered it and made it disturbing. Instead Leatherface is the bad guy until he's the hero. Nothing about the film's organic. And the masks look terribly cheap and inauthentic. Really dispassionate work happening. 

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post #28 of 52
1/4/13 at 11:37am

This NEEDS to be on the Blu-ray cover:

 

 

Quote:
What Texas Chainsaw 3D says, basically, is “Fuck that noise.” - Tim, CHUD
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post #29 of 52
1/4/13 at 1:04pm
Quote:

 By the time Heather tosses a chainsaw to Leatherface shouting “Do yer thing, cuz!”...

 

 

 

.... I refuse to believe this actually happens. 

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post #30 of 52
1/4/13 at 1:13pm
Thread Starter 
You'd be doing yourself (yerself) a disservice if you see the movie to prove it true. BUT IT HAPPENED AND I CAN'T UNHEAR IT!
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post #31 of 52
1/4/13 at 1:20pm
Why do I feel inexplicably drawn to this film?
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post #32 of 52
1/4/13 at 1:21pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by MrSaxon View Post

This NEEDS to be on the Blu-ray cover:

 
 
Quote:
What Texas Chainsaw 3D says, basically, is “Fuck that noise.” - Tim, CHUD


I would purchase the blu-ray two disc special edition directors cut in the face mask steel book if that were the case.
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post #33 of 52
1/4/13 at 2:00pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by roboTimKelly View Post

This review about sums up my feelings. Which, y'know, makes sense given I wrote it: 

 

http://www.chud.com/121984/review-texas-chainsaw-3d-tims-take/

 

I like to thank you for adding that Alexandra Daddario pic in there.

 

Genetically blessed indeed.

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post #34 of 52
1/4/13 at 2:49pm

Why did that new Evil Dead trailer have to come out and make me want to go see a horror movie...?

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post #35 of 52
1/4/13 at 4:22pm

I was lurking on the IMDB board last night for this, and Tim's review basically solidified the fact that this is a steaming pile of crap. "DO YER THING CUZ."?! That's just terrible. Not even hilariously terrible like Busta Rhymes' line "TRICK OR TREAT, MUTHAFUCKA!" in Halloween: Resurrection which I actually like for being so silly.

 

Looks like I'll be saving some money and just see it at the dollar theater, or wait for the Redbox.

 

I actually enjoyed the Platinum Dunes films, despite the prequel having a shitload of continuity problems, it was probably a lot better than this new one.

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post #36 of 52
1/4/13 at 4:24pm

The sad thing is that, in that moment, she's sort of right because of how fucking awful the Mayor and the rest of these hicks are.  But having her actually say "Do your thing, cuz!" completely ruins the moment.

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post #37 of 52
1/4/13 at 5:28pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dark Shape View Post

The sad thing is that, in that moment, she's sort of right because of how fucking awful the Mayor and the rest of these hicks are.  But having her actually say "Do your thing, cuz!" completely ruins the moment.

But........are they worse than sadistic cannibals? I mean im not saying you have to support vigilante justice here and you can certainly make an argument that everyone is wrong but making Leatherface some heroic vvictim is.........strange.

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post #38 of 52
1/4/13 at 7:36pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by roboTimKelly View Post

The idea isn't is bad as the way it was presented. Thing is, they could've layered it and made it disturbing. Instead Leatherface is the bad guy until he's the hero. Nothing about the film's organic. And the masks look terribly cheap and inauthentic. Really dispassionate work happening. 

 

Disappointing to read, since the odds of them capturing the magic of the original was somewhere in the nil range upping the kitsch and dropping any pretense of us not wanting to see Leatherface horribly murder hillbillies might have at least elevated (and I use that term very loosely) it to Jason X levels of goofy appeal.

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post #39 of 52
1/4/13 at 7:39pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Waaaaaaaalt View Post

But........are they worse than sadistic cannibals? I mean im not saying you have to support vigilante justice here and you can certainly make an argument that everyone is wrong but making Leatherface some heroic vvictim is.........strange.

 

At the beginning of the flick, the Sheriff negotiates with the Sawyers to give Leatherface up.  They agree to end the standoff peacefully.  Then the rednecks show up and burn the farmhouse to the grown.  Later the Mayor treats Heather like shit 'cause she's a Sawyer, even though she had nothing to do with the family.  Clint Eastwood's son is a total douche, too.

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post #40 of 52
1/4/13 at 8:18pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dark Shape View Post

 

At the beginning of the flick, the Sheriff negotiates with the Sawyers to give Leatherface up.  They agree to end the standoff peacefully.  Then the rednecks show up and burn the farmhouse to the grown.  Later the Mayor treats Heather like shit 'cause she's a Sawyer, even though she had nothing to do with the family.  Clint Eastwood's son is a total douche, too.

Yeah im still not rooting for old Leather. I will give them credit for trying but from what you said it actually makes me hate the family worse. Give up Leatherface? The Devil's Rejects family gets more because at least they stuck together.

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post #41 of 52
1/4/13 at 10:37pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dark Shape View Post

 

At the beginning of the flick, the Sheriff negotiates with the Sawyers to give Leatherface up.  They agree to end the standoff peacefully.  Then the rednecks show up and burn the farmhouse to the grown.  Later the Mayor treats Heather like shit 'cause she's a Sawyer, even though she had nothing to do with the family.  Clint Eastwood's son is a total douche, too.

 

Does he talk to a chair made out of human bones?

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post #42 of 52
1/4/13 at 11:58pm
Am I having a stroke, or is this Gawker review almost unreadable:

http://gawker.com/5973292/everything-hilarious-in-texas-chainsaw-3d
Edited by MrBananaGrabber - 1/11/13 at 11:57am
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post #43 of 52
1/5/13 at 3:14am

You'll love Vern's take on this

 

He mentions the "Cuz" thing as well.

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post #44 of 52
1/5/13 at 3:19am

So the original film took place in 1974...so shouldn't Daddario's character be like 40 years old?

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post #45 of 52
1/5/13 at 1:39pm

Yeah, this is on a Friday the 13th Part VII level of bad. 

 

There's almost nothing good going on in this turd except for the opening 3-D montage made up of clips from the original and Nikki's lingering ass shot which got some hoots and hollers from the crowd.

 

 

There was also one hysterical scene where the gang accidentally hits Darryl the hitchhiker with their van.  After he gets up and brushes himself off, Darryl offers them what little money he has to give him a ride...and Ryan takes it!

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post #46 of 52
1/6/13 at 10:44am

I lol'd when the gal grabbed the dude's crotch and said, "Price check."

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post #47 of 52
1/8/13 at 10:14am

...the fuck did I just watch?

 

Shirt technology has come a looooong way. How in the god's blue blazes did Daddario's shirt not come off during any of that movie? And does it make me a bad person that even when she was tied up and terrified, I was still kinda sorta turned on? It's like the film knows the only thing it has going for it is a couple of nice racks and just says to hell with the rest.

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post #48 of 52
1/8/13 at 11:50am
Shirt technology.
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post #49 of 52
1/8/13 at 10:52pm

So was the subplot about Alex from LOST being into Chainsaw Girl's boyfriend just there so you wouldn't feel bad when they were killed?  I figured Chainsaw Girl was going to find out about it and maybe, you know, chainsaw them, but it never happened!  

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post #50 of 52
1/9/13 at 7:19am

Also, all of this could have been avoided if Heather had just taken 5 seconds and read that stupid letter her grandmother gave her. Sheesh.

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