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Ankle Biters...I blind bought it because I thought a movie about midget vampires would be good cheesy fun. I was so wrong. Problem was that the movie took itself completely seriously. Big mistake. |
You know, despite of what you wrote I absolutely have to check this one out! Midgets rule! Is it out on DVD?
OK, now for my list:
- I Spit On Your Grave: It is not that I was bothered by the fact that it is offensive or exploitative in its portayal of women (though of course it was). When I put the DVD in my player I knew that I wouldn't get a cutesy family flick. What I didn't expect was how unbearably boring it would be and how pathetic the acting by just about everyone (but especially the rapists) would turn out to be. When I watched that infamous scene in which the woman is raped in the woods I cringed not because it was shocking but because somehow the director and this pathetic excuse for a villain thought that you can have (forced) sex by rythmically moving your upper body up and down while your hips remain motionless. If someone knows how to have sex that way, please post detailed instructions in the Sex Forum. And that was only one of many scenes. Every time one of these idiots opened his mouth I wanted to slap the snot out of them. Not because they were bad guys but because their acting sucked above and beyond. I never thought of them as bad guys but only as talentless morons who had somehow ended up in a film. How this film can be considered an exploitation classic is beyond me. Thank God I was able to sell my DVD.
- Teenage Caveman: Creature Corner Message Board Favourite (TM) Larry Clark directs an update (in title only) of this "classic" for cable TV. The acting in this "film" was just ... unspeakable. But what was worse were those incredibly fake post-apocalyptic sets. And then they stumble across the bad guy who starts jumping around yelling some Misfits song. What the hell was that all about? First I laughed but it went on and on. The characters smoke lots of dope and sit around half naked in a whirlpool. Then someone turns into a monster and his head explodes. THE END!
- Arachnid: Produced by Spain's Fantastic Factory who also brought us the brilliant Dagon and enjoyable turkeys like Brian Yuzna's Faust. This film was ... almost unwatchable. I thought it would be about giant spiders but in fact it is about an alien invasion. We are treated to CGI UFOs and Aliens that I could pull off more convincingly on my PC. One of the actresses looked like a cross between Lara Croft and Pamela Anderson. If someone digs that, fine. Me, I wanted to crawl into a corner and weep for the human genome. The few moments when the ginat spider is actually on screen are kinda OK but everything else is just plain dull.
As far as I'm concerned that is the main difference between good bad films and bad bad films. As long as they are mildly entertaining and don't make you check your watch every 30 seconds, it is enjoyable cheese.
Examples of the latter:
- Galaxy of Terror
- Paganini Horror
- Junk
- Zombie 3 (the one with the zombie DJ - hilarious!)
- Spiders (by Garry Jones, a giant Spider film done RIGHT!)
and the giant maggot-rape scene was a lot better than "I spit..."
