At this point, let’s just go ahead and assume every single Disney animated feature will be re-adapted into a live-action film. You’d think Disney would have taken the hint when SNL parodied their remake-mania this past weekend:

But no. With THR’s report about a new version of Mulan in the works, I’m going to go ahead and list Disney’s upcoming live-action remake schedule for the next ten years (excluding Mulan, since we don’t have a confirmed director). That way, we won’t have to write any more news articles on the subject. This is from a totally confidential document I snagged when I was hired to maintain the temperature control on Walt’s frozen head.

  • April 15, 2016: The Jungle Book directed by Jon Favreau
  • May 27, 2016: Alice and Wonderland 2 directed by James Bobin
  • August 12, 2016: Pete’s Dragon directed by David Lowery
  • 2017: Beauty and the Beast directed by Bill Condon
  • 2017: Dumbo directed by Tim Burton
  • 2017: The Fox and the Hound directed by Lars von Trier
  • 2018: Pinocchio directed by Roman Polanski
  • 2018: The Three Caballeros directed by Robert Rodriguez
  • 2018: The Aristocats directed by Paul Schrader
  • 2019: The Sword and the Stone directed by Roberto Orci
  • 2019: The Rescuers directed by Luc Besson
  • 2019: Peter Pan directed by Bryan Singer
  • 2020: The Fox and the Hound 2 directed by Takashi Miike
  • 2020: Fantasia directed by Gaspar Noe, Ben Wheatley, Sion Sono, and Quentin Tarantino
  • 2020: Lady and the Tramp directed by the ghost of Samuel Fuller
  • 2021: The Rescuers Down Under directed by Jennifer Kent
  • 2021: The Black Cauldron directed by Roberto Orci (because he has to ruin everything)
  • 2021: Aladdin directed by Ana Lily Amirpour
  • 2022: The Lion King directed by and starring Jaden Smith
  • 2022: Tarzan directed by Mel Gibson
  • 2022: Lilo and Stitch directed by Neill Blomkamp
  • 2023: Dinosaur directed by Uwe Boll
  • 2023: The Great Mouse Detective by James Wan
  • 2023: Aladdin 2: Desert Storms directed by Antoine Fuqua
  • 2024: The Little Mermaid directed by Kathryn Bigelow
  • 2024: The Lion King 2: Pride Comes Before the Fall directed by Spike Lee
  • 2024: The Hunchback of Notre Dame directed by Guillermo del Toro
  • 2025: Aladdin 3: The Last Wish directed by Alejandro González Iñárritu
  • 2025: Robin Hood directed by Ridley Scott’s head in a jar (he’ll get it right this time!)
  • 2025: Mary Poppins directed by Tim Burton

You’re welcome, movie news sites. I’ve taken care of the next decade of news stories. CHUD don’t fuck around.