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The Continuing Adventures of Captain Garbage

post #1 of 346
Thread Starter 
For those who don't know, I drive a garbage truck.

And I find weird shit in the garbage. These are their stories.

*CHI-CHUNK*
post #2 of 346
Dude. Don't garbage men make bank?
post #3 of 346
Thread Starter 


First up: FAN VAC. I'm actually going to try this and see if it works.
post #4 of 346
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ska Oreo View Post

Dude. Don't garbage men make bank?

Municipal ones do. I'm private, work for a tiny Mom and Pop.
post #5 of 346
Thread Starter 
Nooj asked in the other, superfluous thread if I'm legally allowed to keep things I find.

Short answer, yup!

My bag-thrower found a laptop last year. $60 CDN later it was tuned up and running well enough to be his real computer.
post #6 of 346
This thread has the potential to become the very hub of the internet.
post #7 of 346
Thread Starter 
Solid aluminum medical operator's stool:

post #8 of 346
FANTASTIC!
post #9 of 346

If you ever find a baby, just leave it. They're not worth the hassle.

post #10 of 346
Thread Starter 
No babies, no body parts as of yet. Sometimes we're turned away at the landfill and we can see they have the dogs out.
post #11 of 346

After having a bedbug infestation, I'm paranoid now over ever taking in anyone else's furniture. I know it's probably overboard, but I'm never going through that shit again.

post #12 of 346

This is potentially the thread of the year.  Keep posting, my man.

post #13 of 346
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lightning Slim View Post

These are their stories.

 

You can't just post pics... we need stories.  Like Anderson used to do when he would regale us all with how he would kill each one of us in succession.

post #14 of 346
Thread Starter 
The local landfill has a falconer. She drives a beat up pickup (Plate: BRRD LDY) with a fake hawk bolted to the outside and a very real one inside.

She says her job is not to get rid of the vermin, but just "to make sure they don't think they own the place. The crows are smart. They leave when they see the truck. The gulls won't budge and you have to take one out to have them disperse."

She's mid-thirties, deeply tanned. She wears the khaki shorts and ponytail of the zookeepers you see on nature shows. She loves her Hawks but is resolute in her belief that her job is not in the least bit interesting.
Edited by Lightning Slim - 7/5/16 at 4:47pm
post #15 of 346
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by donde View Post

After having a bedbug infestation, I'm paranoid now over ever taking in anyone else's furniture. I know it's probably overboard, but I'm never going through that shit again.

Bedbugs are scary as fuck. That's why I kept this flawless leather recliner in the garage for three weeks and subjected it to frequent inspections. It needed a bit of Febreeze to get the smoke out but now it's like the womb inside my man cave.

post #16 of 346
My neighborhood is full of discarded consumer electronics: CRT TVs, computer monitors, DVD players, etc. I'd love to have the space to hoard all of that shit, maybe build a wall of televisions like Ozymandias.
post #17 of 346
Thread Starter 

No E-waste initiative in your hood? Sometimes schools collect that shit to ship off to India to be torn apart for constituent metals and chips.

post #18 of 346
I live in a town full of environmentalists who drive Priuses and apparently also think a tube TV is biodegradable.

Also, there's dogshit everywhere.
post #19 of 346
Thread Starter 
It's 34 degrees Celsius today. That means plastic garbage bags disintegrate when touched. Your whole life spills out on the pavement in front of me. I see you. And I judge you.

Today in one bag I found about sixty cigarette packages (all the butts crammed into a half dozen Coke Zero bottles), six Vienna cocktail sausage tins, four pizza boxes, several torn up scratch tickets and a bunch of those diabetes self-test kits.

People ask me how I can stand the smell of garbage. I had my nose broken a bunch as a kid so I'm not 100% up there anyway, but what I tell them is that the smell of normal garbage is nothing compared to the whiff of distilled human loneliness, that cologne called DieAlone.
post #20 of 346

This is the most poetic thread on CHUD.

post #21 of 346
That was one of the greatest posts I've ever read Lightning Slim..
post #22 of 346
Thread Starter 
Thanks guys. More to come!
post #23 of 346
So Slim's picking up Freeman's garbage?
post #24 of 346
Poor Freeman.....without Shaun :'(
post #25 of 346
Vienna sausages are awesome. Y'all need to learn how to eat.
post #26 of 346
Freeman's fine. Those Star Wars threads are still out there.
post #27 of 346
Thread Starter 
Yesterday the recycling centre caught fire. This is not uncommon; spontaneous combustion of garbage is one of the reasons our insurance company won't let us store loads on our trucks overnight.

What that meant for us is that we could not unload our recyclables and had to perform the Suzuki Maneuver. Named ironically for David Suzuki the environmentalist (who would have despised it) it means that we pack trash and recyclables willy-nilly onto the same trucks and just dump it all at the transfer station. Your Grandma's carefully washed and sorted bean can goes back into the embrace of Mother Earth.

It's a bit depressing until you think about the big guys like Waste Management being in the same boat for this region, doing the same thing with their fleets of behemoth trucks, and then it's a lot depressing.

And then you think about places like China, say "Fuck it, at least we're trying!" and go have a beer.
post #28 of 346
Thread Starter 
I get hauls of CDs a lot. Sometimes it's a bunch of hockey paraphernalia mixed with Dane Cook specials and I call it Girlfriend Kicked You Out.

More recently it was a collection of fifty or more CDs, all of them either gangsta rap or gore metal. There was Cannibal Corpse and Biggie, Devourment and A$AP Rocky, Goreotted and Snoop Lion.

The juxtaposition was puzzling at first until it hit me: weed and misogyny, man, weed and misogyny.

I hope this kid isn't too mad that the grandparents with whom he lives threw out his stash. I also hope that someone tells him the best ways to impress a girl involve having a job and not wanting to stab her.
post #29 of 346
I chucked a bunch of CDs in the dumpster about 10 years ago and then noticed one of my neighbors was selling them at a yard sale while I was out jogging a few days later.
post #30 of 346
*googles Gore Metal*
post #31 of 346
I feel bad that Freeman's mom threw out his CD collection.
post #32 of 346
Well fuck that.

*digs out John Demver CDs*
post #33 of 346

My mother threw out comic books a couple of times, even when she knew that I was collecting them.  No reason for it other than 'they were lying around and you'd read them'.  She had a habit of not giving anything 'value' that belonged to anyone else.  If she couldn't see value in something, she disregarded it and treated it like garbage.  The final straw was when I traded a bunch of comics for one that I really wanted and she threw out that comic that I wanted...yeah, that was a yelling match.

post #34 of 346
Quote:
Originally Posted by Judas Booth View Post
 

My mother threw out comic books a couple of times, even when she knew that I was collecting them.  No reason for it other than 'they were lying around and you'd read them'.  She had a habit of not giving anything 'value' that belonged to anyone else.  If she couldn't see value in something, she disregarded it and treated it like garbage.  The final straw was when I traded a bunch of comics for one that I really wanted and she threw out that comic that I wanted...yeah, that was a yelling match.


Aw shit, do you remember what issue it was?

 

I was lucky, my mom liked my collection.  We would trade Superman books.  It was really cool in retrospect. 

post #35 of 346
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jmurdoch View Post
 


Aw shit, do you remember what issue it was?

 

I was lucky, my mom liked my collection.  We would trade Superman books.  It was really cool in retrospect. 

 

Early X-Men, pretty sure about 10 issues before Dark Phoenix or so.

post #36 of 346
Thread Starter 
Update: FAN VAC fits "most" vacuums but not mine.
post #37 of 346
Thread Starter 
Couple of fun finds today. It's been two weeks of heatwave here a la The Dark Knight Returns. People are grumpy and on edge and on the verge of turning into Mutants and going all slice and dice. Slim don't shiv.

So my bagslinger and I are joking around about how if we were in a Looney Tune short there would be a scene of a thermometer throbbing like a heartbeat until the bulb burst. Not five minutes later we found this:



It's got a spatter mark on it and everything. The stain has dried somewhere around 40C.

The other thing is swankier:



Chrome plated jewelry/ring bowl by Umbra. This might actually come in handy, as my wife and her training clients remove rings before deadlifting in the gym. But they never remember where they've put them later.
post #38 of 346
I like to think that Freeman threw his thermometer away because he thought it would make the hot weather stop.
post #39 of 346
So what's a heat wave in Canada like? 85 degrees lololololol?
post #40 of 346
Fahrenheit or Celcius?
post #41 of 346
Fahrenheit
post #42 of 346
Thread Starter 
It's been in the 90's and humid as fuck. Ya'll would die here with the 80-degree swing between summer and winter.
post #43 of 346
I dunno. I think we got about an 80 degree swing as well. Except it goes from 115 to 35..
post #44 of 346
Thread Starter 
post #45 of 346
Funk dat!

Way too cold..
post #46 of 346
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lightning Slim View Post

It's been in the 90's and humid as fuck. Ya'll would die here with the 80-degree swing between summer and winter.

Proper seasons? Would fucking love that!
post #47 of 346
Thread Starter 
The liminals really suffer here. Spring and fall can be delayed (or triggered early) and end up being all of a fortnight. This year it snowed well into mid-April and then May see-sawed between Africa-hot and rain so hard it would drown you if you shouted at God.

The classical ideal of four seasons of equal length is essentially Central European.
post #48 of 346
Seasons are for weirdos.
post #49 of 346
I'd kill for a real winter again. I'm in California now (north-central California, even) and the year basically cycles between "warm, damp summer" and "fucking hot dry summer." It's not winter if you have to drive to where the snow is. Feh.
post #50 of 346
I drove in the snow during college. Overrated!
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