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The Continuing Adventures of Captain Garbage - Page 3

post #101 of 300
Thread Starter 
I used to work for a donut shop where all the day-olds were fair game for the staff and the two day-olds went to a local pig farm.

More businesses should arrange their own backchannel solutions for this kind of thing.
post #102 of 300
Thread Starter 
Today my bagman and I spotted a large aquarium at curbside on one of our properties. These are usually good fun to put into the crushing device, although the gravel can smell a bit funky.

We size it up carefully to make sure we can lift it together and it doesn't rate a large item surcharge or one of our "Fuck you, it's not worth the hernia" stickers. Seems OK, so we yank off the plastic cover in preparation for lifting it properly...

...and we are driven to our knees by the stench. We don't often get a Retcher, but this is definitely one. It is not an aquarium, it is a terrarium. And it is occupied.

At the bottom of the tank, glued to the glass, is the corpse of a not-inconsiderably sized snake. It is half-putrid, half crispy from the reptile lights. It looks for all the world like a very skinny breakfast kipper.

We hold our breaths, heave it in and use the hydraulic to push it out of sight. I scribble the address into my little book, subheading Pet Abuse, and we move on. I may one day do terrible things using The List, but it's unlikely. I'm not bloody Batman, am I? Just Captain Garbage.
post #103 of 300
Pics?
post #104 of 300
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lightning Slim View Post

 I'm not bloody Batman, am I? Just Captain Garbage.

 

Captain Garbage won't kill you...but he doesn't have to save you, either.

post #105 of 300
Thread Starter 
Silver lining today: slightly dodgy longboard. One of the local Roller Derby girls will snap it up in seconds even though it needs work.

post #106 of 300
Thread Starter 
Today's super rando thing:



Yes, they are all in there, meaning they never found a spot on the wall overlooking some sophomore's Pier One candles and copy of Bridget Jones.
post #107 of 300

I cannot express how much I love this thread.

post #108 of 300
Thread Starter 


But it didn't break!

IRONY!

What a twist!
post #109 of 300
Is that the DVD or the soundtrack? I'm after the soundtrack - can't get it in the uk.
post #110 of 300
It didn't break but it looks warped all to hell..
post #111 of 300
Oh yeah. It's the DVD too.

My search continues...
post #112 of 300
Music CDs/soundtracks aren't region specific like movies are they?
post #113 of 300
I couldn't find it on amazon the last time I looked (which was years ago) but it's deffo not on UK iTunes - there's region specific content on there. I'm sure it's out there probably on eBay if I look hard enough but I've not bought music on physical media for about 10 years because I'm too lazy to transfer it via PC.
post #114 of 300
It's on the US Amazon for like $9..
post #115 of 300
Yep and in the uk we get directed to the UK Amazon store. ☹️
post #116 of 300
Actually just checked it's on the uk Amazon for £17. Fucked if I'm paying that though.
post #117 of 300
Thread Starter 
It was indeed the DVD. And the person had spitefully bent it in half before binning it. Because why should anyone else have it? Maybe they were scared the rats at the landfill would watch it.

But it didn't break!

Because UNBREAKABLE!
post #118 of 300
Thread Starter 
Every time I get one of these (and it's a dozen a week) I re-enact the Burning the Temple scene from Conan.



Every damn time.
post #119 of 300

Getting this for Slim for his next birthday:

 

post #120 of 300
Hell, I want one, too!
post #121 of 300
Thread Starter 
"How's the rebranding initiative for the ice cream line going?"

"Great. We have our best guys on it "

post #122 of 300
It's the, er, comets that really make that.
post #123 of 300

A day in the life of Lightning Slim?

 

 

(Best part starts after 3:30 if you're impatient)

 

Chrystal Meth? LSD? Hypomania? Good ol' fashioned gumption? Regardless, this is a lady that knows what she wants. All that trash picked up.

post #124 of 300
Thread Starter 
Ha! The local radio guys played this for us this morning. Pure gold. I've had my share of bag-limit disputes but thankfully not this level of Munchausen / bath salts.
post #125 of 300
Thread Starter 
Today's catch: 8 amp reciprocating saw. Nothing wrong with it. There was a Dremel, too. Bagged up and destined for the embrace of Mother Earth. This is why the Third World hates us.

post #126 of 300

I wonder how often it is that stuff like that is the result of a wife or girlfriend finding out her husband/boyfriend is cheating on her, and just throws all his crap out.

post #127 of 300
Thread Starter 
We definitely get the flavour of "woman threw him out" sometimes. We know what's up when it's one big bag of hockey memorabilia and Dane Cook CDs.
post #128 of 300
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lightning Slim View Post

...and Dane Cook CDs.

 

Finding a half-decomposed body doesn't seem half-bad now.

I hope you're taking the proper precautions when handling this hazardous waste Captain Garbage. 

post #129 of 300
Thread Starter 
Tongs, yo. We invested in some grabbers when we came across somebody's hentai collection complete with crusty waifu mouse pad.
post #130 of 300
Thread Starter 

Today, in WTF:

We waded through this:



And found this:



Yes, Virginia, that is a baseball bat with an iron spike on it. Whoever made it was planning on hunting the Vampyr or becoming a Warboy in the End Times before they got evicted.

post #131 of 300
Thread Starter 
I pull into the Transfer station yard, swinging the Filthy Falcon around to point the filthiest end at the tipping floor. Through the 38C haze I dimly note the attendant wave me back through the doors. I back her up and jump out, ready to say Hi to the usual dude.

What awaits me is a surprise; an unexpected look for a waste management employee. She's a young woman of about twenty, with the flaxen braid and midwinter eyes of a shieldmaiden or a sister-wife. She's in a yellow Hi-Viz shirt and a green hard hat, which has a plastic daisy glued to the front.

We dive into the language of the business: "ICI Standard?" "Yeah, some scrap metal if you look." "Right on, man."

The Falcon's tip is an enviable ten seconds. Out come the waves of filth that a hot summer have well and truly maggotted. Flower Child expertly snares the corpse of a child's bicycle with an old hockey stick and tosses it to the side. I often wonder how non-Canadian wasties clean out their trucks and piles.

As I'm righting the box and preparing to leave, Flower Child strikes at the ground like a heron in a frog pond, snatching up a McDonald's coffee cup. With a practiced motion she folds and removes the loyalty sticker from the cup and slaps it onto the back of her helmet for later retrieval. "Whoo!" she says with exaggerated glee.

I wave from the cab as I guide the Falcon back out to the scale house. 545kg of loose recyclables.
post #132 of 300
Did she have big cans?
post #133 of 300
Thread Starter 
I couldn't tell through her "Get a New Fucking Joke" T-shirt.
post #134 of 300
:'(
post #135 of 300
Slim may be in love!



But not to Brad.
post #136 of 300
Thread Starter 
I'm not the lover Brad needs. Maybe the one he deserves...
post #137 of 300
post #138 of 300
Thread Starter 
My wife's greatest fear is that I become that guy.
post #139 of 300
An unsung national hero.
post #140 of 300
Thread Starter 


"Hey, what did you get Zhang Biyu for her wedding day?"

"Just a carton of smokes. But they were Double Happiness smokes, brah."
post #141 of 300
Thread Starter 
Remember this?

post #142 of 300

I never have rep to give when I need it.

post #143 of 300
Thread Starter 
It was complete, minus the VHS tape. I fished out the D6 before I heaved it.
post #144 of 300
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lightning Slim View Post

Remember this?


The thing I remember most about it was a friend of my brother's who INSISTED the tape had used his name directly.

"Roll the dice Chris," it had implored him. Allegedly.
post #145 of 300
Thread Starter 
Old Man: "You're coming earlier and earlier these days!"

Me: "It's like ten o'clock."

Old Man: "Actually it's ten twenty-six!"

*pause*

Me: "We've met before. On the Internet."
post #146 of 300
Is this from your last hookup or when you were garbage collecting?
post #147 of 300
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lightning Slim View Post

Remember this?

 

Wow...we used to play the hell out of this.

 

Too bad you didn't keep the game.  Here's the video:

post #148 of 300
Thread Starter 
Wow, is his accent all over the fucking place or what?

That dialogue gets used in bits and pieces in just about every early 90's industrial rock record ever.
post #149 of 300

The videos for the expansions (zombie, witch, and vampire) are on youtube as well.  If you have the gameboard, you'd have no problem playing it.  Indeed, it'd be easier to fire up the video on youtube than futz with a VHS player at this point.

post #150 of 300
I remember seeing commercials for that game at the movies when I was a young 'un. I thought it was a movie!

...why isn't a movie?
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