Trumpocalypse Now - Page 854
I believe the last reports had him heading northeast out of Alabama, struggling to remain in the saddle of the horse he was riding.
Absolutely fucking golden:
I read with interest your recent interview with The New York Times. I couldn't get past the bit about your being the most popular visitor in the history of fucking China — a country that’s only 2,238 years old, give or take.
Do you know how fucking insane you sound, you off-brand butt plug? That's like the geopolitical equivalent of "that stripper really likes me" — only 10,000 times crazier and less self-aware.
You are fucking exhausting. Every day is a natural experiment in determining how long 300 million people can resist coring out their own assholes with an ice auger. Every time I hear a snippet of your Queens-tinged banshee larynx farts, I want to crawl up my own ass with a Union Jack and claim my sigmoid colon for HRH Queen Elizabeth II.
We are fucking tired. As bad as we all thought your presidency would be when Putin got you elected, it's been inestimably worse. You called a hostile, nuclear-armed head of state "short and fat." How the fuck does that help?
You accused a woman — a former friend, no less — of showing up at your resort bleeding from the face and begging to get in. You, you, YOU — the guy who looks like a Christmas haggis inexplicably brought to life by Frosty's magic hat — yes, you of all people said that.
...would probably finish a foot long chili cheese dog while dropping a deuce in a porta potty.
...buys brown underwear because "it's cheaper than toilet paper in the long run."
Don’t get too excited folks. This is probably just about Nunes’ bullshit. With Wray and Rosenstein explaining that handing over what he wants would compromise the FBI investigations because they know Nunes would leak it all immediately. Or at the least give copies to Trump and the White House.
This is basically what Scott Dworkin confirms, too:
The thing I don't get is it's always the girlfriend or wife talking about their man doing this and it's like 'WHY DID YOU CONTINUE TO DATE AND/OR MARRY THAT PERSON?'
Because the [INSERT DISTASTEFUL THINGS] are irrelevant to the reasons they found them attractive and/or marriage-worthy?
Christmas in January! It's like the Black Mirror pilot, if the Prime Minister's coffee-boy had volunteered to fuck the pig first, and ended up as a Lucky Pierre between them. And then gave them both herpes.
Nunes about to learn that used car salesman bullshit aint gonna run too far in more serious circles.
Most relevant takeaway there is that Mueller is hot and heavy into the Steele Dossier and Nunes can fuck off trying to interfere.
2018, I have hopes for you.
Steve Bannon looks like the seven deadly sins in human form.
Steve Bannon looks like the results of drinking Old Grand Dad on an empty stomach.
Steve Bannon looks like Bourbon Street after Mardi Gras. Smells like it too.
...On the plus side, my school district just called a snow day tomorrow (my phone literally just rang), so now I'll be able to stay glued to the news all day when I wake up regarding all this Nunes/Trump crap.
Imagine having to delve into the mind games between these two shitheads.
Bannon says if Trump fires Mueller, there will be impeachment.
Trump surmises Bannon WANTS him impeached, so is speaking 'opposite' to trick him. But Bannon knows that Trump knows that, and they both know that they know....
Where does iocane powder come from again?
It was confirmed last year, now confirmed again today, but Hope Hicks fucking Lewandowski is so gross. Co-workers bone all the time, but I can't get over this one. They're all deranged.
Nunes going down is a great way to start the year.
Btw, I know this is trivial, but...
In a preview of his tell-all book, Fire and Fury: Inside the Trump White House, journalist Michael Wolff claims that Trump’s “longtime fear of being poisoned” has affected his dining choices.
It’s “one reason why he liked to eat at McDonald’s—nobody knew he was coming and the food was safely premade,” Wolff wrote
The first time in history that someone fearing poisoning went to McDonalds.
Also, I fully expect the next tell-all book to be, "The President Ate My Jizz: Confessions of a Drive-Thru Server"
Ajit Pai cancels his CES appearance:
Andrew Cuomo officially throws down the lawsuit gauntlet on the tax bill:
Steve Bannon looks like the type of guy who hangs out at XXX theaters and waits till closing so he can buy the freshly used mop..
My favorite bit:
the phone was his true contact point with the world — to a small group of friends, who charted his rising and falling levels of agitation through the evening and then compared notes with one another.
As details of Trump’s personal life leaked out, he became obsessed with identifying the leaker. The source of all the gossip, however, may well have been Trump himself.