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Vampires...why?

post #1 of 20
12/12/00 at 6:12pm
Thread Starter 
Seriously, someone explain the obsession with vampires. Please. Why do we need some many god damn vampire movies? They're all the fucking same! More werewolves and zombies, that's what I say.

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EAT THIS
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post #2 of 20
12/12/00 at 6:24pm
The answer, although mulit-faceted, is very simple... vampires are easy.
Everybody knows most everything there is to know about them. Eating habits, means of killing them, blah, blah, blah. Also, they seem to have a strong sexual appeal.
The only thing a creativity-challenged filmmaker needs to do is change a few of the "rules" and they feel they have really done something unique.

Ex) "Hey! Let's put our vampires in a Western setting and give them guns. Woo hoo!" Or, better yet... "Hey! Let's compare drinking blood to some other form of addiction. Greenlight that puppy!"

I'm not saying that a vampire oriented theme can't still serve intriguing cinema; I, for one, am REALLY looking forward to "Shadow of the Vampire".

But when crap like "John Carpenter's Vampires" ("Hey! Let's involve the Vatican and pickup trucks!") are heralded as something special, it is time to give the bloodsuckers a rest.
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post #3 of 20
12/12/00 at 6:41pm
Vampires was hilarious. I had a great time watching it. I think there's just something that people like about Vampires. I mean mysterious creatures of the night who have a lot of sex and drink blood. It's really a cool concept when you think of it.

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and a voice was screaming: Holy Jesus! What are these damn animals
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post #4 of 20
12/12/00 at 6:58pm
This is probably the ultimate vamp cliche but they are basically the embodiment of sex as perceived by victorian mores (which haven't changed much over time) -- forbidden, dangerous, addictive, draining, unrestful, evil. Writing/making films about vamps can, with one easy allusion, evoke all those things without an nc-17 rating.
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post #5 of 20
12/12/00 at 8:09pm
I like vampires, even though they are WAY fucking overused. Werewolf movies have a high tendency to suck shit. Zombie movies are few and far between, and when one comes out, it never lives up to Dawn of The Dead, which is what we all compare it to, consciously or not. There are more "crazy fucker in a mask with a sharp object" movies than there are dead retarded people in Will's basement (seriously though, it's A LOT). There's the neverending slew of "something's after us" movies. We need more sea beast movies, but chances are, it wont happen, but hey every once in a while a nice little gem like Deep Rising comes along. I guess we'll just have to keep our eyes open and our shit filters in the ON position and try not to lose eight bucks on another rehash of the same crap.
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post #6 of 20
12/12/00 at 8:12pm
Thread Starter 
In answer to your question, Underground, the chick from 'Cemetary Man'


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post #7 of 20
12/12/00 at 8:16pm
And you now know the reason why there has yet been a VAMPIRES Creature Features writing assignment.
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post #8 of 20
12/13/00 at 3:58am
Zombie sex.

"Fuck the BRAINS out of..."

That was rich.

Johnny mentions ANNA FALCHI-I'd go with Linnea in Return of the Living Dead.

God, I so had a thing for her...
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post #9 of 20
12/13/00 at 5:24am
And I'll take Mindy Clarke from Return of the Living Dead 3 cause that's just who I am.

And another thing. I love JC's Vampires, but not for the bloodsuckers.

No, I like the whore slapping, priest beating, badass macho tough guy vibe the movie has in spades...
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post #10 of 20
12/13/00 at 6:28am
EXXXX-ACTLY!

The nocturnal faux-fiends are an afterthought-that movie is about exploding the pansy vampire with good old-fashioned Ma-CHEEZE-mo.

Piss on Anne Rice. Sell your crap-ball, ball-gag bondo, pale young men lickin' each other fingerbang fantasy hack-ness somewhere else. It's stale.

Vamps should do what Patty Benatar SAYS to do.

Stop using sex as a weapon...



[This message has been edited by Hot Animal Machine (edited 12-13-2000).]
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post #11 of 20
12/13/00 at 7:46pm
And that alone is why we love HAM so much...
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post #12 of 20
12/18/00 at 1:31pm
I'm a filmmaker, and one of my dream projects involves vampires. It's a 1500 year journey through the supernatural underworld as seen through the eyes of various species (vampires, werewolves, immortals, etc.) and the men and women who hunt them. Think the bloody gore and epic scope of a "Braveheart" combined with the rich opulence of "Interview with a Vampire"(which was pants but man it looked good) with the historical detail and richness of a James Michner/Edward Rutherford novel and the attiude that being a supernatural being is fun of "The Lost Boys." Sex, blood, gore, war, hate, love, and immortality thrown together in a four hour epic that starts in England's Dark Ages and ends on the New York City rooftops in the new millenium.

That, my friends, is a vampire movie. Don't tell me I didn't get your heart beating a tad faster.

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I know there's a God because I kill vampires for a living. I just don't fucking understand Him.
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post #13 of 20
12/18/00 at 2:43pm
Thread Starter 
That sounds damn good. I would see that in a second. My main gripe with vamps is that no one is doing anything interesting or new with the legend. You're idea, however, could be just the right thing to make me love vampires again. Especially if there's lots of werewolves.



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EAT THIS
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post #14 of 20
12/18/00 at 2:49pm
God HAM, Linnea was too cool in Return of the Living Dead, you boys and your dead chicks. It is pretty ridiculous that all the male vamps are pretty damned effeminate, yes I'm being kind with that description

But upon thinking about a pretty cool badass dead guy, I'd have to say Severin from Near Dark, he'd kick Valeck's velvety wearing ass (he was still pretty though ) in no time and steal yo wimmins on top of that! HA! Gee I'm in an obnoxious mood today.....
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post #15 of 20
12/18/00 at 5:39pm
Finger lickin' good...
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post #16 of 20
12/18/00 at 6:51pm
Yeah, Johnny Butane. Lots of werewolves. In fact, one of the set pieces involves werewolves chasing a hunter through the snowy German Black Forest in about 1500 AD, fast paced and gory.

And what was finger-licking good, Dijango? Twas it I? The only problem for my movie is I need a kick ass title. The only one I can come up with is "Quest Eternal," and that sounds like a damn pansy fantasy flick. I wouldn't go to see that!

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I know there's a God because I kill vampires for a living. I just don't fucking understand Him.
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post #17 of 20
12/18/00 at 7:58pm
Check out Near Dark to see what's so finger lickin' good, I've never tried it, but he makes it look so tasty
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post #18 of 20
12/24/00 at 3:31am
JC's VAMPIRES was supposed to be a big deal because the John Steakly book WAS rather good. We knew we were in trouble with JC when he ditched Felix, one of the two main characters.

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post #19 of 20
12/27/00 at 3:38pm
Oh, I still LIKED JC's Vampires...even Stakely liked the first part and James Woods (for those who haven't read the book, Woods looks more like the character they cut out than the hulking Amerind that Crow was in the book).
It's just that, given the source material (which, while not the best prose, still had some seriously kick-ass scenes and characters), people wonder why most of it was tossed out to give us what we saw in the film.
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post #20 of 20
12/28/00 at 8:28pm
I wish I knew how to write a script properly. I could give you a vampire to be proud of by simply making Brian Lumley's "Necroscope" into a movie - or two, just to really give you some good scares.

Lumley's Wampirhi eat Rice's wimp goths every time.

"Oh god! I'm doomed to live forever. How do I ever put up with the ennui?" "If it's so bad, then go watch a sunrise you bloody git."



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-Hastur
"Go ahead. Say my name four times. I dare you. I double dare you."
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