Dracula 2000 contest

My story would start out in present day. There would be a hidden race of aliens that have lived with us for a long time.

They adapted their genetic makeup to coexist with us. Except that our method of ingesting nutrients was not sufficent enough for them to survive. They decided that the best food source was the humans they were living with.

It would only take one full sized person to keep the aliens satisfied for decades under normal conditions.

The aliens were not evil and wanted only to coexist, because they were not the kind to dominate a planet already populated by another lifeform.

There were a few that did not like this minimalist approach and sought to destroy every last human and claim their new home.

The aliens were also working on a viable solution to leave this planet and find a new home. All has failed because the distances were too great to reach new habital planets, besides they were beginning to adapt a more human life style, some even held top political positions.

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You want a little? Huh? You want any?

[This message has been edited by billylove (edited 12-18-2000).]

Guys, put your entires here! Not in the next door neighbor's cat.

If I was to adapt Dracula to modern day, it would start out very calmly. Dracula has had his heyday of seducing women and fucking around for centuries on end. He has had a couple of EXTREMELY close calls with his own demise and it has changed him. When entering the 20th century one hundred years ago, Dracula decided to make a change.

First off, he whittled down his fangs and now has normal teeth. He still casts no reflection, but has spent the greater part of the century figuring out how he could develop an enzyme that cured his thirst for blood. Not only does he succeed at this, but he also is largely (and quietly) responsible for the curing of a few other blood-related diseases and is known for his brilliant work in the area of anemia.

As the century comes to a close, Dracula works alongside famed surgeon Dr. Rosenbaum at the National Institutes Health in Bethesda on the Cancer team.

Completely unbeknownst to Dracula, all this time, the bloodline of Van Helsings has been watching him. No, they're not waiting for a chance to strike because they see he has changed. They do keep their distance from him, but one day, a coven of vampires attacks and kills off many of the hated Van Helsing clan.

Dracula finds out about this as the vampires threaten to destroy even more people and one of the Van Helsing's that they almost killed, a femme (we'll call her Faith), is on her deathbed when Dracula turns her into a vampire to save her life even though her clan has pretty much worked their entire life to rid the world of vampires.

Faith and Dracula fight the new coven of vampires all through Bethesda, Maryland, but then find out that the vampires were really trying to get to Dracula because they are dying of a rare disease (a'la sickle cell) and now Dracula has to decide whether or not he's going to cure them or let them die (which is what Faith wants as she hates them for her having to be a vampire).

At the end, it turns out that this tiny little coven of vampires were the last things that Dracula and Faith had to worry about.

Now, there would be eleven musical numbers throughout this as, naturally, this is a slapstick musical comedy. "Fangs a Lot for Nothin'" would be one of Faith's songs to Dracula, while "Sing! Van-Hell-Sing Sing!" would be the song sung by the evil vampires as they attempt to kill all the Van Helsings. "The Joy of Science aka: Something I Can Finally Sink My Teeth Into" would be the first song Dracula has that would introduce the audience to what he's up to nowadays.

The big romance number between Faith and Dracula towards the end when Faith decides that she's "okay" with being a vampire would be "I'm Better Off Dead" and the big fight scene against the "Blood Monster" at the end's song would be entitled "Dripping Blood, Sipping Blood."

The lyrics:

DRACULA
When I saw you first,
It was nothing but thirst,
Now you're set to burst,
And here I thought "I" was cursed!

BLOOD MONSTER
You're gonna die, guy, you're gonna die!
Being alive for a few centuries don't make you the shit,
In fact, I'll bet your life is the pits,
So don't say I never - did you any favors!
This is one kills I'sa gonna savors!

(Dracula thrusts Magic Sword of Truth into Blood Monster's Ruby-Red Eye of Vampiric Kevlar)

DRACULA
Now it looks like you're dripping blood,
From y'er neck, it's starting to flood,
More cows safe now while chewing their cud,
'Cause you're going to be buried ass-deep in the mud...

(Faith flies in on winged unicorn and throws Javelin of Fury down Blood Monster's throat)

FAITH
Once you were dripping blood and sipping blood,

DRACULA
But now everyone's only slipping in YOUR blood!

FAITH & DRACULA
Dripping blood!
Sipping blood!
Slipping blood!
Shitting blood!

BLOOD MONSTER
I guess I'm fucked,
I should have ducked,
But you're right, I suppose,
If this case was juxtaposed,
I'd be...

ALTOGETHER NOW
Dripping blood!
Sipping blood!
Slipping blood!
Shitting blood!

The Blood Monster dies. Faith and Dracula kiss.

The big twist ending with the Blood Monster's niece turning out to be the Hints from Heloise chick kicks in and everyone dies (while, of course, savin' the Earth for us common folk).

If I were to make a Dracula movie I would make one that concerns vampires in their natural habitat, being driven out of the way by humanity, much like the plight of wild animals in Africa. My movie would concern the vampires in Transylvania, the last refuge for their kind. This would be set in the not-to-distant future. Encroachment by humans, driven by their need for European land have brought all the remaining vampires in Europe back to the ‘homeland’. Under the leadership of Vlad Drac, the vampire hoards would be flung into battle against the baby blue helmets of UN forces! We're talking full scale war, old Transylvanian technology mixed with new, vampire armys holing up in old castles, dreary battlefields, etc... Blood would fly, necks'a-poppin', and the vamps would prevail against the overwhelming odds. Something like that…

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U2Shark
"Santa's laughter mocks the poor "

After aquiring the legal rights and extremely high budget, I would make the true, definitive film about Dracula. It would be a lavish period peice that combined elements of suspense, romance, and horror, all while putting thigs in a historical perspective. The most original aspect of this film would be that Dracula, while an important and central character, would not be the film's main focus. In fact, the life and existence of the so called "Vlad The Impaler" would be nothing more than an interesting subplot. The true star of the film, in what would probably come to be regarded as one of the most brilliantly acted performances in cinematic history, would be.........his pants.

Read this in the tone of that guy who did all the trailer voice overs in the 70s...

It's a postapocalyptic world and Drac -- a now CHUD-like mutated vamp -- has his pick of the contaminated flock. The appearance of his tank is its own kind of apocalypse to the scattered settlements of mutated survivors clinging to life against Earth's perpetual nuclear winter. But Drac has never been happier, or more sated, or more powerful. He is the top of the food chain ... until he discovers that someone or something has been beating him to the settlements, annihilating the indigents and leaving only burned out husks. Whatever it is, it's big and fast and destroys entire colonies in seconds. But while Drac tries to track it down he learns something else -- it's also tracking him. In a corpse-strewn cave Drac stumbles on a single survivor -- a young boy on the brink of death. Drac turns him and learns that whatever it was, it didn't come from the earth, like Drac. It came from the sky. And it wasn't just one being. It was a fleet of them. Loading the kid into the tank with him, Drac heads west, turning survivors as he goes, building an army for an epic confrontation of evil against evil at the edge of the world.

Go yt, go yt, it's y'er birthday - if you fail to win the poster off of that entry, I'll send you one of my "extra" A.I. posters, bay-bee!

Against "Dripping Blood, Sipping Blood," obsessive compulsive Drac, pants and the others? No way, Jack.

[This message has been edited by yt (edited 12-21-2000).]

1900. Dracula had eluded Van Helsing and escaped London. He missed Lucy terribly. But a god-like ego and bloodlust drew him on, and once more he made for the ships and the sea.
Southampton. He boarded a vessel sailing for America.
Isthmus of Panama, the monsoon season. Many died of malaria. Once in the Pacific, more died of a strange anemia. By the time the elegant square-rigged, four-masted ship, the Flying Wind, made port in San Francisco Bay, most of the crew were dead or dying from an inexplicable blood disease.
No one saw the small dory bearing a heavy, black coffin and two crates of black dirt, slice through the new-moon night from the clipper ship to pier 37, nor were the shadows seen piercing the darkness from the docks along the Barbary Coast waterfront south to Market Street. For six years Dracula preyed upon the poorer Chinese of Chinatown, skidrow derelict sailors too old to ship out anymore, and the Irish laundrymen heading home to Mission Street and Castro south of the slot. For six years he drank and slaughtered his way through the mystified, turn-of-the-century population of Bagdad-by-the-Bay’s 410,000 souls. The police were baffled!
5:12 am, April 18, 1906. The earth shook, the sky burned. In minutes the greatest little City in the world lay in shambles. Dracula was buried alive, the undead, sleeping the sleep of the dead in his massive ironwood coffin, in a deep sub-basement just eight blocks south of devastated Market, down Castro Street, beneath a hundred tons of elegant, shattered masonry and timber which at one time constituted the Castro Hotel. Fires raged everywhere. Dark miracle of miracles, the conflagration was stopped at Van Ness Avenue where the National Guard dynamited a massive swath of blocks of San Francisco mansions and businesses. The gem of the Barbary Coast looked like nothing humankind was to see again until August 6, 1945--sad Hiroshima.
4:33 pm, February 3, 2001. Two men, old friends, headed uptown from the New Castro Hotel. To the east, a short Latino priest by the name of Carlos Jiminez prepared for Saturday evening mass at the old Mission Dolores. Beneath Castro Street utilities workers repaired ancient sewer lines. A brick wall shattered inward. They stared into a low cavity, where lay two large crates and a dark, massive, carved coffin. The new moon rose into the evening sky, no reflected light shining from it’s blackened orb. The two utilities workers, desirous of finishing their day’s workload, nonetheless curiously peered into the darkness.
The coffin lid burst open! In the next moment a dusty, ancient order as old as the world choked the breath from the workers. They staggered back from the unearthed pit. One tried to scream into her comms-set but was cut short. Frenzied beyond even his own remembrance, Dracula burst in blind furry from his entombed abode, tore open the two sapient’s pulsing veins, swallowed the gushing red elixir, shattered the mortals bones right and left, immobilizing them so as to drink and drink and drink to the dregs the cup of demonic salvation.
The bells of Mission Dolores sounded the call to mass.
Ah…slaughter…devastation…immortal freedom bounded by insatiable dark addiction.
Within days, Dracula had learned the gay sporting bloodlust, vamp-net, sucking HIV-plague playground of the Castro, the finest feeding-ground in all of human history for a vampire who knew no bounds and cared only for the insatiable sport of destruction, conquest, empire, joy and victory! Soon he would discover that, while AIDS destroyed mortals, it gave new power to immortals--he could walk in the light of day, no longer fearing the burning fires of the sun! Vlad the Impaler, dracula, son of Vlad II Dracul of the Knights Order of the Dragon, half a world away, the beast had found a new home. Romania…who even remembers the dense forests where wolves vied daily with the king of beasts, Nosferatu, Prince Vlad III.

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"'I would have perished, had I not perished' still is and will be my life motto. This is why I have been able to endure what long since would have killed someone else who was not dead." (S. Kierkegaard Journals & Papers. Hong & Hong, eds. Indiana U. Press, 1978, v.6, pt.2, p.9.)

Good point Nicolae

[This message has been edited by Smilin' Jack Ruby (edited 12-27-2000).]

More oral sex.

Wait that's not just me right? RIGHT!?

This is a contest thread. Let's keep it that way.

Is the contest still open?

If so:

Meet the Dual-processor Reciprocating Automatic Carbon Utilizing Legal Analyser. It is a machine that is first turned on December 25, 2000.

The purpose of the DRACULA unit is to speed up law processes, assisting judges and lawyers. It is owned by the firm of Vinson, Wolfram, Elkins, and Hart.

The DRACULA unit is the first of it's kind, a machine that utilizes oxygenated hydrocarbons as a fuel source to provide the energy needed to wade through over 2000 years of historical laws in the database. The best source of said hydrocarbons is (well, duh) blood.

It turns out that the quality of the blood affects the amount of energy that is poured into the brain of the DRACULA unit. Human blood creates the most energy. (was there ever any doubt?)

The machine is capable of performing calculations that make the firm richer and richer. The problem is that the machine also becomes more self aware with every day that it is used. The more blood it receives, the more it plays with the lawyers that are using it in the firm. It starts with little things like asking the lawyer to say "Please" and enjoying his apoplexy over the unfamiliar word, and builds and builds until the firm is little more than a cult dedicated to feeding the machine and reaping the profits from the work the machine does.

Amazingly enough, a plucky young lawyer who is new to the firm figures out the dark secret and, with the help of the evil lawyer she falls in love with and convinces of moral right, eventually blows up the machine by giving it a large dose of sickle cell anemia, genetically altered with garlic.

Ta da! Roll credits.

Tom Cruise as the young lawyer who sees the ways of truth and justice with the help of Alicia Witt, the young freshman lawyer. With the voice of Tony Todd as the DRACULA.


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-Hastur
"Go ahead. Say my name four times. I dare you. I double dare you."


[This message has been edited by Hastur (edited 12-28-2000).]

Now, Hastur, I must admit you do have a unique voice. There's been some great vamping, but your's is something else. A great board here. Pushes me to be creative! Thanks to all for your crazy motivations for a struggling writer. Shalom and may the God of serious art protect y'all from the aesthetic void. Happy New Year! plagueman (KaveDragen,Ink. - http://kdkragen.com


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"'I would have perished, had I not perished' still is and will be my life motto. This is why I have been able to endure what long since would have killed someone else who was not dead." (S. Kierkegaard Journals & Papers. Hong & Hong, eds. Indiana U. Press, 1978, v.6, pt.2, p.9.)

[This message has been edited by plagueman (edited 12-29-2000).]

[This message has been edited by plagueman (edited 12-29-2000).]

Just because I'm trying to figure out what you are talking about, "who?"

I've got to stop visiting these boards when I'm feverish.



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-Hastur
"Go ahead. Say my name four times. I dare you. I double dare you."

<i>Hope you had a nice vacation.</i>

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"'I would have perished, had I not perished' still is and will be my life motto. This is why I have been able to endure what long since would have killed someone else who was not dead." (S. Kierkegaard Journals & Papers. Hong & Hong, eds. Indiana U. Press, 1978, v.6, pt.2, p.9.)

A great contest, too!

Yea, me too. eh. Hummm...maybe it's the eplague hitting my faces again. Like, man, it was just a simple "cool.gif"...

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"'I would have perished, had I not perished' still is and will be my life motto. This is why I have been able to endure what long since would have killed someone else who was not dead." (S. Kierkegaard Journals & Papers. Hong & Hong, eds. Indiana U. Press, 1978, v.6, pt.2, p.9.)