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The Funniest Exchange in Movie History

post #1 of 91
Thread Starter 

It happens in JACKASS: THE MOVIE, when Knoxville is in old man makeup and has blatantly been shoplifting stuff from a store before finally getting thrown out.

 

Knoxville, indignantly: "I was Lon Chaney's lover!"
Store owner: "Then go back and love him!"

 

Look, no screenwriter is ever going to write anything that funny, so they should just give up trying.

 

Slow work day for me.

post #2 of 91
Marty to Rust on True Detective:
“Do you have a chapter in one of those books about jumping to conclusions?”

My rewatch of Episode 1 last night made me bust out laughing at this line.
post #3 of 91

Pretty much any of the banter between The Marlboro Man and Harley Davidson.

post #4 of 91

post #5 of 91
Judas wins.
post #6 of 91
Thread Starter 

Also this:

 

post #7 of 91

One will immediately go to "Those aren't pillows!" from Planes, Trains & Automobiles (rightfully). But the car scene is comedy perfection from start to finish. Keeps building up and topping itself in pure, gut-busting laughs.

 

But this exchange kills. I remember my dad saying the first time he saw this, he screamed in laughter. Now I do. 

 

Neal: He says we're going the wrong way.
Del: Oh he's drunk! How would he know where we're going?

Neal: *Slowly* Yeaaah... how would he know?!

 

 

post #8 of 91
Quote:
Originally Posted by Misfit View Post
 

It happens in JACKASS: THE MOVIE, when Knoxville is in old man makeup and has blatantly been shoplifting stuff from a store before finally getting thrown out.

 

Knoxville, indignantly: "I was Lon Chaney's lover!"
Store owner: "Then go back and love him!"

 

Look, no screenwriter is ever going to write anything that funny, so they should just give up trying.

 

Slow work day for me.

The part of that exchange that kills me is when knoxville says 'those are my bananas'  I don't know why but I quote it to this day. 

post #9 of 91
Thread Starter 

Some days I'll just be sitting around and I remember John Candy's dead and it ruins the rest of my week.

post #10 of 91
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by 3nnui View Post
 

The part of that exchange that kills me is when knoxville says 'those are my bananas'  I don't know why but I quote it to this day. 

 

He just never stops trying to steal, even as they're chucking him out the door. It's incredible.

post #11 of 91

When Candy turns into the devil, I lost it in the theater.  Doubled over in laughter.

post #12 of 91
Bruno's interview with Harrison Ford in "Bruno." I can't tell if it was staged or not, but either way it's perfect.
post #13 of 91
Quote:
Originally Posted by Judas Booth View Post
 

When Candy turns into the devil, I lost it in the theater.  Doubled over in laughter.

 

post #14 of 91

Still, if we're talking about that movie, this is probably the funniest exchange.  Again, howls of laughter in the theater.

 

post #15 of 91

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post #17 of 91

From Help!

 

Ringo: "What was it that first attracted you to me?"

 

John: "Well, you're very polite, aren't you?"

 

Such a bizarre non sequitur. 

post #18 of 91
Do documentaries count?
post #19 of 91
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lightning Slim View Post

Do documentaries count?

post #20 of 91

post #21 of 91

post #22 of 91
This Is Spinal Tap (1984)

 

Nigel Tufnel: Well, I suppose I could, uh, work in a shop of some kind, or... or do, uh, freelance, uh, selling of some sort of, uh, product. You know... 
Marty DiBergi: A salesman? 
Nigel Tufnel: A salesman, like maybe in a, uh, haberdasher, or maybe like a, uh, um... a chapeau shop or something. You know, like, "Would you... what size do you wear, sir?" And then you answer me. 
Marty DiBergi: Uh... seven and a quarter. 
Nigel Tufnel: "I think we have that." See, something like that I could do. 
Marty DiBergi: Yeah... you think you'd be happy doing something like-... 
Nigel Tufnel: "No; we're all out. Do you wear black?" See, that sort of thing I think I could probably... muster up. 
Marty DiBergi: Do you think you'd be happy doing that? 
Nigel Tufnel: Well, I don't know - wh-wh-... what're the hours? 

post #23 of 91

This thread is dangerous. There are some great contributions already! I could spend weeks in here posting little bits I find hilarious. Funny exchanges are exactly why I tend to be very forgiving of movies that I know are wholly mediocre. My brothers and I love this bit not only because we think it's hilarious, but also because we are not dog fans...

 

post #24 of 91

post #25 of 91

THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT MARY

 

TUCKER: Like I'm going to try and figure out a guy who's idea of courting is blowing farts in the chick's face.

HEALY: You were following us?

post #26 of 91

 

Rogen's ahhhhhhhhhh...Ive made a mistake is goddamn perfect.

 

 

The whole sequence slays me evertime

post #27 of 91

...ya ate sand?"

post #28 of 91
Quote:
Originally Posted by ryoken View Post

 

 

The whole sequence slays me evertime

"It's ok; just admiring the shape of your skull." haha

post #29 of 91
Quote:
Originally Posted by ryoken View Post
 

 

"Seth, get off the field!"

post #30 of 91
Littering and?
post #31 of 91
Quote:
Originally Posted by ryoken View Post




The whole sequence slays me evertime

In "The Great Shark Hunt," Thompson wrote that he and Acosta ran across that hitchhiking kid a second time, a couple of years later. They remembered him, and he sure as hell remembered them. The second encounter also appears in Art Linson's "Where The Buffalo Roam," with Bill Murray and Peter Boyle.
post #32 of 91

 

One of many that I could post from this film.  This is still one of my favorite comedies.

post #33 of 91
Super Troopers -

"Ohhh . . . biker."
post #34 of 91

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post #37 of 91

Not an exchange but this image (while funny) struck me true to the kind of shit the Academy tends to nominate.

 

post #38 of 91

"She IS Lana Turner."

post #39 of 91

Does this count as an exchange?

 

 

 

"Hey Malkovich, think fast!"

(girlish shriek)

post #40 of 91
It sure does! And the story behind that scene is legendary.
post #41 of 91
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lightning Slim View Post

It sure does! And the story behind that scene is legendary.

 

Go on....

post #42 of 91
One of these is gonna get me in hot water but I'm sorry....I laugh at this shit.

FEAR AND LOATHING IN LAS VEGAS:
*Benicio del Toro trying to snort coke off of a pocket knife in a convertible speeding through the desert* *the the coke blows everywhere*
Del Toro: "LOOK AT WHAT GOD DID TO US, MAN!!"

TROPIC THUNDER
"What sort of farmer are you??"

"I'M A LEAD FARMER MOTHERFUCKER!"

PLAY IT TO THE BONE (of which I remember nothing but this scene):
*Woody Harrelson and Antonio Banderas in a diner talking*

Banderas: "....and that was when I was gay for a year an-"

Woody: "Whoa whoa whoa....you what?"

Banderas: "Yeah, I tried the whole gay thing for a year or so and decided I didn't like it and now I'm straight again."

Woody: "No no, hell no.....it don't work that way man. You can't go back. I mean....if I had a dick in my ass it wouldn't take me a year to realize I didn't like it."


That last one....,I know. Un PC as hell. And I don't say that proudly. That movie was made as late as '99. If I catch shit for posting it then I accept the responsibility. I personally don't think it's anti-gay. It's a meat headed homophobic reaction to his friend confiding in him but I'd be lying if I said that that particular exchange didn't make me laugh till I hurt..
post #43 of 91
Quote:
Originally Posted by neil spurn View Post

Go on....

From I understand it was an unexpected random event that they kept. Dude just driving by recognized Malcovich and threw a beer can at him.
post #44 of 91
Quote:
Originally Posted by Turingmachine75 View Post

From I understand it was an unexpected random event that they kept. Dude just driving by recognized Malcovich and threw a beer can at him.
I wish I wasn't a complete dumbass and could figure out how to embed videos with this blasted phone but...
There's a scene in Out for Justice (the one where Seagal is Hard to Kill and Above the Law) where I'm pretty sure as Seagal is driving he gets solicited by a real prostitute because she comes up to the window and what she says is fairly graphic and makes it absolutely clear what she's doing and Seagal's reaction and laugh are so genuine that I think it just HAD to have been real because he IS NOT a good enough actor to fake that reaction..
post #45 of 91
Quote:
Originally Posted by Turingmachine75 View Post


From I understand it was an unexpected random event that they kept. Dude just driving by recognized Malcovich and threw a beer can at him.

 

It was actually a paid extra, but he and some other yahoos had been sneaking beers on set, and instead of just driving by, he yelled at Malkovich and chucked the can at him.  The best part is that when Spike Jonze thought it was so funny it had to stay in, they guy had to get put into SAG and paid more for his new speaking part.

 

Remember kids, great things can happen if you dream big and are a drunk jackoff at work.

post #46 of 91
The guy who threw the beer at Malkovitch was an extra on the film. He beans JM with a half full can. Malky’s reaction is 100% real. Best part: The can thrower got a raise because he had a line in the film.

ETA: fuckin’ Schwartz ahead of me.
post #47 of 91

Absolutely genius.
post #48 of 91
post #49 of 91

Many of you ignorami persist in calling the Intolerable Cruelty the dregs of the Coen's catalog.  But it contains this:

 

"My client is prepared to settle for 50 percent of the marital assets."

[spits out some water]  "Why only 50, Freddy? Why not a hundred? While we're dreaming, why not 150? Are you familiar with Kershner?"

"Kershner does not apply."

"Bring this to trial, we'll see if Kershner applies."

"Kershner was in Kentucky."

"Kershner was in Kentucky?"

"Kershner was in Kentucky."

"All right, Freddy, forget Kershner. What's your bottom line?"

"Primary residence, 30 percent of remaining assets."

"What, are you nuts? Have you forgotten Kershner?"

post #50 of 91

But how can any of these be considered when the Marx Brothers exist?

 

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