When in Rome...
Avoid these things: Insane knife wielders, mechanics with worms in their pockets, dogs on fire, women running around with knives while giving birth, apes on patrol, rodents recieving the host, mountain people, phallic pizza, swords, vatican vaseline, people claiming to be from the Plebian nebula, horned children, flesh shiners and the Wall of Voodoo concert.
All hail THE ITALIAN BATTALIAN DAY!
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Many times in your life, you will be met with adversity and have to make a tough decision that will determine the outcome of your life. If you have the gumption and the spark of life required, your rewards will be greater than any imagined in the wildest fantasies. If not, you'll suck the pipe and die.
All hail SPRITUAL MESSAGE DAY
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Many tragedies happen in places of entertainment.
The zoo has been the locale of much destruction, from bear maimings to janitor abductions to hornet swarming to eel lightning to owl dismemberment.
Amusement parks have roller coaster derailings to popcorn malfunction to thrill ride impalings to skylift jackings to basketball floods to gang warfare to cherry overload.
Stadiums have tramplings to interceptions to terrorists to collapsings to artificial turf to goalpost explosions to massive hairspray attacks.
Arcades have hotwire malfunctions to quarter frenzies to terrorists to acts of God to troll worship to vicious thuggery to elderly jettisoning to purple hair to the red scare.
Isn't it great when you can be hurt in a fun place?
It's ENTERTAINTING DAY!
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A lesser known Danish holiday. A true great Dane, Haiflen Connor, was a farmer whose contributions to his local government went without notice for 17 years. Then one day they noticed him sleeping on private land and ripped him limb from limb.
We celebrate Danish Punishment Day!
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Today is a day for being friendly to people who don't want you to be friendly with them.
It started back in 1989, when Kevin Powers started goingout of his way to embrace the stricken. He'd find those without a nice bone in them, and love all over them. Cops, convicts, ministers, and American karate students were flooded with unwanted affection, and as a result, Kevin was often in traction. He kissed a burglar, hugged a vagrant, and high fived a leper. His love spreading got him notoriety as well as wounds.
It all came to head on this date in 1994, when he tried to french kiss a lumberjack. His severed head was found behind a Shoney's and the case was sealed as "unresolved".
His memory lives on, and if you can, caress an enemy today.
IT'S LOVE/HATE DAY!
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Avoid these things: Insane knife wielders, mechanics with worms in their pockets, dogs on fire, women running around with knives while giving birth, apes on patrol, rodents recieving the host, mountain people, phallic pizza, swords, vatican vaseline, people claiming to be from the Plebian nebula, horned children, flesh shiners and the Wall of Voodoo concert.
All hail THE ITALIAN BATTALIAN DAY!
-----------
Many times in your life, you will be met with adversity and have to make a tough decision that will determine the outcome of your life. If you have the gumption and the spark of life required, your rewards will be greater than any imagined in the wildest fantasies. If not, you'll suck the pipe and die.
All hail SPRITUAL MESSAGE DAY
----------
Many tragedies happen in places of entertainment.
The zoo has been the locale of much destruction, from bear maimings to janitor abductions to hornet swarming to eel lightning to owl dismemberment.
Amusement parks have roller coaster derailings to popcorn malfunction to thrill ride impalings to skylift jackings to basketball floods to gang warfare to cherry overload.
Stadiums have tramplings to interceptions to terrorists to collapsings to artificial turf to goalpost explosions to massive hairspray attacks.
Arcades have hotwire malfunctions to quarter frenzies to terrorists to acts of God to troll worship to vicious thuggery to elderly jettisoning to purple hair to the red scare.
Isn't it great when you can be hurt in a fun place?
It's ENTERTAINTING DAY!
-------------
A lesser known Danish holiday. A true great Dane, Haiflen Connor, was a farmer whose contributions to his local government went without notice for 17 years. Then one day they noticed him sleeping on private land and ripped him limb from limb.
We celebrate Danish Punishment Day!
--------------
Today is a day for being friendly to people who don't want you to be friendly with them.
It started back in 1989, when Kevin Powers started goingout of his way to embrace the stricken. He'd find those without a nice bone in them, and love all over them. Cops, convicts, ministers, and American karate students were flooded with unwanted affection, and as a result, Kevin was often in traction. He kissed a burglar, hugged a vagrant, and high fived a leper. His love spreading got him notoriety as well as wounds.
It all came to head on this date in 1994, when he tried to french kiss a lumberjack. His severed head was found behind a Shoney's and the case was sealed as "unresolved".
His memory lives on, and if you can, caress an enemy today.
IT'S LOVE/HATE DAY!
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