I caught this on the news this morning, so I guess not many people will find out in time to take the day off from work to celebrate...
In Wyoming, there is a massive resurgence of goat farms. They are becoming as commonplace as gas stations over there. The reason is this: goats posess an acute sense of smell that scientists only recently discovered. Their smell is so good, they can smell a man coming from 12 miles away before he is even born. Since the discovery, shepherds and farmers have united in a bond to
participate in what will change the face of our world. Imagine, no more German Shepherds at a crime scene, just goats. No more ushers at movie theaters, just goats. No more umpires at home plate, just goats. Today marks the one year anniversary of the discovery. The goats bred last year will come into prominence this year, and I guarantee your world is about to change.
All hail HORNDAY!
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Today is a great day!
We celebrate the birth of a celebrity we all know of, one whose contributions throughout history have changed the way we live (and
die).
Happy Birthday BOGEYMAN!!!
Since 890 A.D. the Bogeyman has terrorized sleeping children. He started out as a blacksmith, but his hands weren't stable enough. After a tragic confrontation with a volcano, the now hideously scarred
trembling behemoth started hunting down people for fun and profit. Over time, he achieved an immortal status, through his dabbling in the mystic arts and a warranty from Sears.
Whether it be in a closet, under a bed, or chained to a large truck, the Bogeyman has been an unparalelled success in the art of scare tactics, and we love his shambling torso for it.
ALL HAIL FEAR DAY!
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Today is a time for giving thanks, but not the traditional way that we've grown accustomed to.
In the ancient days, before America was "discovered" by the white man,
there were people here. Native people who had been here for many years before westerners ventured this way.
Indians?
What the hell are you thinking? I'M TALKING YETI!!!!
Abomidable Snowmen lived high in the mountain ranges of what is now North America gathering fruit and clubbing one another at the earliest convienience. They gave thanks every annual cycle in their own special
way. By picking a fight with a bear or wolf, by soiling their fur and those around them, or by chasing a mole. They frolicked. These dim witted beasts had fun for a day, before going back to their wild, animalistic tendencies, like politics and fellowship.
All Hail the REAL Thanksgiving!
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There are so many new inventions everyday, that they're impossible to keep track of. Some work, some don't, and some border on modern art.
Here are some:
Lou Martin of Detroit built a bicycle out of meat. He thought he was really onto something, but what he forgot to do was make it fuctional. His name for it:
The Flesh Peddler!
Susan Witherspoon in Ontario really thought she was onto a great idea. She built a braille car. Everything on it was bumpy, and until it started moving, it was terrific. She tested it on her sister, who was
stricken with blindness, who remarked how easy it was to operate. Her patent was rejected three months after they fished her sister (and her invention) out of the icy depths of lake Sinclair.
Gary Hammerschmidt built a razor that ran on bald eagle feathers. He is now doing community service is Yellowstone.
Hooper Jones tried to make life easier for us all by creating a toilet bowl in which the user actually crawled into. It required the user to strip down, and wear the toilet. He tested it on himself first, and
only then discovered that he had not created a latch to open it once you were in. He died IN the bowl.
David Rodman created a lawn mower that had no blades. It had a pounding device that mashed the grass back into the earth, creating a green lawn, which only upon close inspection revealed that it was
comprised of pulpy destruction. It's failure promted the creation of his second device which simply gave the grass bad karma, inspiring the blades to sever themselves out of self pity. Patent pending.
ALL HAIL CREATION DAY!
In Wyoming, there is a massive resurgence of goat farms. They are becoming as commonplace as gas stations over there. The reason is this: goats posess an acute sense of smell that scientists only recently discovered. Their smell is so good, they can smell a man coming from 12 miles away before he is even born. Since the discovery, shepherds and farmers have united in a bond to
participate in what will change the face of our world. Imagine, no more German Shepherds at a crime scene, just goats. No more ushers at movie theaters, just goats. No more umpires at home plate, just goats. Today marks the one year anniversary of the discovery. The goats bred last year will come into prominence this year, and I guarantee your world is about to change.
All hail HORNDAY!
-----------
Today is a great day!
We celebrate the birth of a celebrity we all know of, one whose contributions throughout history have changed the way we live (and
die).
Happy Birthday BOGEYMAN!!!
Since 890 A.D. the Bogeyman has terrorized sleeping children. He started out as a blacksmith, but his hands weren't stable enough. After a tragic confrontation with a volcano, the now hideously scarred
trembling behemoth started hunting down people for fun and profit. Over time, he achieved an immortal status, through his dabbling in the mystic arts and a warranty from Sears.
Whether it be in a closet, under a bed, or chained to a large truck, the Bogeyman has been an unparalelled success in the art of scare tactics, and we love his shambling torso for it.
ALL HAIL FEAR DAY!
-------------
Today is a time for giving thanks, but not the traditional way that we've grown accustomed to.
In the ancient days, before America was "discovered" by the white man,
there were people here. Native people who had been here for many years before westerners ventured this way.
Indians?
What the hell are you thinking? I'M TALKING YETI!!!!
Abomidable Snowmen lived high in the mountain ranges of what is now North America gathering fruit and clubbing one another at the earliest convienience. They gave thanks every annual cycle in their own special
way. By picking a fight with a bear or wolf, by soiling their fur and those around them, or by chasing a mole. They frolicked. These dim witted beasts had fun for a day, before going back to their wild, animalistic tendencies, like politics and fellowship.
All Hail the REAL Thanksgiving!
------------
There are so many new inventions everyday, that they're impossible to keep track of. Some work, some don't, and some border on modern art.
Here are some:
Lou Martin of Detroit built a bicycle out of meat. He thought he was really onto something, but what he forgot to do was make it fuctional. His name for it:
The Flesh Peddler!
Susan Witherspoon in Ontario really thought she was onto a great idea. She built a braille car. Everything on it was bumpy, and until it started moving, it was terrific. She tested it on her sister, who was
stricken with blindness, who remarked how easy it was to operate. Her patent was rejected three months after they fished her sister (and her invention) out of the icy depths of lake Sinclair.
Gary Hammerschmidt built a razor that ran on bald eagle feathers. He is now doing community service is Yellowstone.
Hooper Jones tried to make life easier for us all by creating a toilet bowl in which the user actually crawled into. It required the user to strip down, and wear the toilet. He tested it on himself first, and
only then discovered that he had not created a latch to open it once you were in. He died IN the bowl.
David Rodman created a lawn mower that had no blades. It had a pounding device that mashed the grass back into the earth, creating a green lawn, which only upon close inspection revealed that it was
comprised of pulpy destruction. It's failure promted the creation of his second device which simply gave the grass bad karma, inspiring the blades to sever themselves out of self pity. Patent pending.
ALL HAIL CREATION DAY!
