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A new theme

post #1 of 37
Thread Starter 
Guys, those nutty LRONS have inspired me. Check out today's CHUD FACT and watch the next 5. You'll sense a theme.
post #2 of 37
It was bound to happen; corporations have been merging for years, it was only a matter of time til movie franchises did as well. In anticipation of Martin Lawrence's career finally taking off, the sequel to the Mummy will star this talented actor with poor taste in projects. It is expected that the action in BIG MUMMY'S HOUSE will be comparable to the action in Star Wars and the Matrix, and will be unique in the fact that the hero will face impossible odds.
post #3 of 37
Battlefield Earth II will NOT be subtitled "Battlefield Hader" as originally rumored. It will be called "Paint Dries, in a Poignant Philosophical Manner"

or "Damn Dirty Humans"

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Soon to BE a CHUD topic.
post #4 of 37
Heh heh heh heh...I liked that one.
post #5 of 37
The annual NRA convention begins today in Charlotte, NC, where protestors have also gathered to demand stricter gun control laws. When asked whether there was any concern on the part of the NRA, a spokesman for Mossberg shotguns said, "I believe that they have grievances to be aired, and that it is only fair that they air them. But, then again, we have all the guns."
post #6 of 37
This week, an advanced screening of the ultra-secret Lord of the Rings trilogy was interrupted as a group of shirtless gay men held the event hostage, apparently waiting for a clogging/folkdancing moment that never came.

They were referred to an off-Boradway tour of Lord of the Dance, and went quietly... though police picked them up outside fifteen minutes later. Following their arrest, the group was sent to a maximum security prison where they are reported to be enjoying their stay.



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post #7 of 37
*wants to get a CHUD fact printed... just once*

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post #8 of 37
*wants to see more CHUD Holidays*
post #9 of 37
Battlefield: Earth was actually designed as a recruitment tool for the Church of Scientology in the hope that it would cause the viewer such extreme mental and spiritual damage that they would have little choice but to turn to the Church to have the damage repaired.
post #10 of 37
Details are being kept top secret, but the basic premise of Unbreakable is: After a train accident, a man learns he has an uncanny ability to escape harm – BECAUSE HE’S ALREADY DEAD!
post #11 of 37
Jet Li was quoted about the rumor of a new project with Andy Dick.

"I would love to work with him. He does good work."

This surprising tidbit came right after Li's American publicist released an interview tape saying that he was... "..very much interested in working with Whoopi," and that he heard that, "a project was also in the works with the three legged dog from Outside Providence that he would love to be assocaited with."

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post #12 of 37
Due to reviews on AICN, the world wide web is dangerously close to running out of data storage space. Experts predict tha
post #13 of 37
The sound of guys dumping their girlfriends could be heard throughout the world when it was announced today that Liz Hurley and Hugh Grant have "Temporarily Splitup".
post #14 of 37
NICK! Pick one of my recent CHUD facts already!

Thanks.

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post #15 of 37
In a related story, the popular website CHUD has been held under seige by one of it's members, the self-proclaimed General Logan.
The one reporter who made it out, a Mr. A. Huxley, was available for comment, but we're still trying to decipher what he said. Witnesses seem to think the General lost it when none of his facts were posted on the main page under "Fact of The Day." Others claim that the webmaster was holding the child Illysam (see related news story on the child of Jarjar Binks and Henritta from Evil Dead), who washed up on the shores of CHUD but really belongs in the Star Wars universe, of which the General is a represenative.
Dennis Miller was unavailable for comment.
post #16 of 37
Thread Starter 
Logan, your time will come VERY SOON.
post #17 of 37
Logan, your CHUD facts suck as much as mine do, leave it to Blofeld, who is cleverer than both of us, unto the seventh generation.
post #18 of 37
screw that! mine have been used before, Blofeld doesn't have a monopoly.

Whoa, I Sound like I'm freaking out don't I?

Oh well.
post #19 of 37
Logan, show up on Nick's doorstep with choclate & flowers.
*grendel whispers in Coyote's ear*
What? YOu mean Blofeld gave Nick the little white CAT?
*blush* My mistake. Nevermind.
post #20 of 37
I'll be holding a Writing Chud Facts seminar at the Holiday Inn in Denver, CO 6/17/00 at 12:30P. This seminar is free. I do charge for the workbook -- a simple fee to offset copying and binding -- $895.00.

A taste:

Rule #1: Keep 'em short. Look at the itty-bitty space on the main page that they're printed in.
post #21 of 37
I've been so busy working today that I almost missed the fact that: TODAY'S CHUD FACT IS MINE! WHOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOO!!

Come on, dance with me, Logan!
post #22 of 37
Tom Cruise retired this week, now financially secure. MI2? No. Royalties from people lip-synching in their underwear.


Short enough? Bastards, all of ye.

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post #23 of 37
sounds more like a question for Mrs. Logan.

No, not your Mom.
post #24 of 37
Yours then?

*initiates slap fight*

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post #25 of 37
The American Medical Association (AMA) determined earlier this week that G-rated films such as "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs" and "Pinnochio" were disturbingly violent films and shouldn't be rated as such. We can only conclude from this that it has taken 63 years for the AMA to realize that only Disney can afford to buy a G-rating from the MPAA.
post #26 of 37
Interesting how a G-string would not be allowed a G rating.

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post #27 of 37
And since when can you buy more than a vowel?

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post #28 of 37
CHUD has learned that the major plot complication in the new James Bond movie, Beyond the Ice, will center around John Cleese's character "R" forgetting to give Bond the one piece of equipment that he needs to save the world.
post #29 of 37
Metallica has announced a unanimous split today... unanimous because all those involved--the band, the label and producers, and all the fans living and dead--decided the band was acting like a cranky 80 year old before his 6 AM cup of pills.

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Soon to BE a CHUD topic.
post #30 of 37
In an effort to make Battlefield Earth 2: BE Harder an "even better" film; Jan De Bont has signed on as director. Sources close to CHUD indicate that this does in fact herald the coming of the Apocalypse.
post #31 of 37
I just thought I'd let you all know that yesterday's fact, the one bloodied and missing due to the Scientologists, was one of mine. Thank you.
post #32 of 37
Pre-production of Scream 4 was officially begun this morning. With word of this announcement, the continuation of unnecessary loss of human life with little motivation caused a bitter weeping that was simultaneously heard from the soulless private chambers of Darth Vader, Hannibal Lecter, Hitler, and Satan herself, my ex-fiancee.

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Soon to BE a CHUD topic.
post #33 of 37
It has been announced that Jimmy Smits has been secretly cast for "Star Wars: Episode II & III," possibly as a Jedi. Lucas, of course, has neither confirmed nor denied that Ellen Barkin will play Jimmy Smits' dark side.
post #34 of 37
Nor has there been any truth to the allegation that Ahmed Best will be reprising his role as Jabba's underside.

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Soon to BE a CHUD topic.
post #35 of 37
CHUD is hesitant to post any new facts to the main page for fear of improving the humor on other, nameless sites.
post #36 of 37
Not to mention the smell.

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Soon to BE a CHUD topic.
post #37 of 37
Method actor Hugh Jackman poked his eye out during a fight scene yesterday and is reportedly at home, waiting for the Healing Factor to kick in.
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