So many people feel they're the MASTER race. Prejudice runs rampant on Earth and each race feels the short end of the stick in their grasp. RELAX PEOPLE. Today honors a race that may very well be the most
segregated and disrespected race of all time. Goblins.
Since the Earth had a name, these small creatures did the dirty work: eating children, creating dung tunnels, beating beasts of burden, sharpening Orc swords, voting for Reagan, starting forest fires and
controlling Marlon Brando's girth. All the while, no champion for GOBLINS ever stepped forward. No GOBLIN crusader ever took the stand in their honor. They have no restaurants, no urinals, no public
transportation and no voice in the boy scouts of America. They have been enslaved for centuries, yet they've had no resurgence. They've been bombed, but have no peace treaty. They've never even gotten recognition on Halloween. Halloween!
Damn it all, and enjoy GOBLIN DAY
"Kill them all and let God sort them out"
You've heard that quote before, but you probably have no clue where it came from. That phrase was coined way back in 1940 by Terry Jonavich, a minister from Boston. Terry was the bastard son of a plumber and a
Komodo dragon whose "from the cuff" form of preaching made him a favorite among free thinkers and a target for zealots. Among his
earlier, unsuccessful quotes were: "Shit at a star, and wait for falling cosmic ass quarters", "the shape of your nipples dictates your child's capacity for bread consumption", "beat them all and let Moses
file them in his rolodex", "what you think is fog could be a ghost in hiding", and the immortal "never screw while being approached by the scorpion". His congregation shrank and shrank, and with the war
movement building up, the people sought a more clear channel to God in hopes of gaining higher wisdom to take into battle. Terry changed that when he said his famous quote at a rally in the harbor. It sparked emotions in the locals, and soon, "love thy neighbor" became "kill them all and let God sort them out". You could say, that he began a mentality that continues today all across America.
God bless him, and hail GOODWILL day!
Today is the day that men and women in East Freemanvill, PA. will set their forearms on fire and beat their children into charred screams. It's a great day for bonding, and the burn ward seems to like the business.
A few great stories have surfaced from this event. Clara Draker was pulverized as a child, and her mother beat her for over three hours each year on this day. She's a senator now, and credits her burning, beaten body as a testament to her will. Paul Iserton is still on fire, and has been for the last eight years. He feels that these beatings have given him a renewed sense of pride and plans to continue his career as a pastor.
Misshaped heads notwithstanding, enjoy HEATBEATING DAY
Today is a very good day if you are the sensual type. All Hail Lustday!
Aside from the natural sounds of the wild, expect to hear the rhythmic slap-slap of bellies in cabanas all over town as people explore their carnal dreams. Every man, woman, child, goat, wasp, clam, snow serpent, politician, and horned owl will be pounding their way to freedom. The holiday took ROOT way back in 1970, when a group of co-workers were LAID off by their company. The felt that they had gotten the SHAFT, so the retaliated in the way they FELT would be fun and get the message across. Soon, the trend caught on in MiddleSEX, CUMMING, BONEVILLE, and DunWOODY. Although most would like to celebrate every day, we mark this day on a weekend, so it's not HARD ON anyone.
segregated and disrespected race of all time. Goblins.
Since the Earth had a name, these small creatures did the dirty work: eating children, creating dung tunnels, beating beasts of burden, sharpening Orc swords, voting for Reagan, starting forest fires and
controlling Marlon Brando's girth. All the while, no champion for GOBLINS ever stepped forward. No GOBLIN crusader ever took the stand in their honor. They have no restaurants, no urinals, no public
transportation and no voice in the boy scouts of America. They have been enslaved for centuries, yet they've had no resurgence. They've been bombed, but have no peace treaty. They've never even gotten recognition on Halloween. Halloween!
Damn it all, and enjoy GOBLIN DAY
"Kill them all and let God sort them out"
You've heard that quote before, but you probably have no clue where it came from. That phrase was coined way back in 1940 by Terry Jonavich, a minister from Boston. Terry was the bastard son of a plumber and a
Komodo dragon whose "from the cuff" form of preaching made him a favorite among free thinkers and a target for zealots. Among his
earlier, unsuccessful quotes were: "Shit at a star, and wait for falling cosmic ass quarters", "the shape of your nipples dictates your child's capacity for bread consumption", "beat them all and let Moses
file them in his rolodex", "what you think is fog could be a ghost in hiding", and the immortal "never screw while being approached by the scorpion". His congregation shrank and shrank, and with the war
movement building up, the people sought a more clear channel to God in hopes of gaining higher wisdom to take into battle. Terry changed that when he said his famous quote at a rally in the harbor. It sparked emotions in the locals, and soon, "love thy neighbor" became "kill them all and let God sort them out". You could say, that he began a mentality that continues today all across America.
God bless him, and hail GOODWILL day!
Today is the day that men and women in East Freemanvill, PA. will set their forearms on fire and beat their children into charred screams. It's a great day for bonding, and the burn ward seems to like the business.
A few great stories have surfaced from this event. Clara Draker was pulverized as a child, and her mother beat her for over three hours each year on this day. She's a senator now, and credits her burning, beaten body as a testament to her will. Paul Iserton is still on fire, and has been for the last eight years. He feels that these beatings have given him a renewed sense of pride and plans to continue his career as a pastor.
Misshaped heads notwithstanding, enjoy HEATBEATING DAY
Today is a very good day if you are the sensual type. All Hail Lustday!
Aside from the natural sounds of the wild, expect to hear the rhythmic slap-slap of bellies in cabanas all over town as people explore their carnal dreams. Every man, woman, child, goat, wasp, clam, snow serpent, politician, and horned owl will be pounding their way to freedom. The holiday took ROOT way back in 1970, when a group of co-workers were LAID off by their company. The felt that they had gotten the SHAFT, so the retaliated in the way they FELT would be fun and get the message across. Soon, the trend caught on in MiddleSEX, CUMMING, BONEVILLE, and DunWOODY. Although most would like to celebrate every day, we mark this day on a weekend, so it's not HARD ON anyone.
