CHUD Facts

Only have one fact:

Eeyore is a masochist.

While commonly believed to have had his big break with Oklahoma, Hugh Jackman's actual success stems from his four-week stint as Anne Ramsey's understudy in Anguish: The Musical.

Coming this Summer...

American History X2: The Revenge of CurbTooth.

I remember Explosive Eggpop. The creamy texture and delicate sulphur stench was exotic and delishious. I wish they would bring back another favorite, Stallone's Stingers, in such exciting flavors as Cherry Cobra, Rocky Raspberry, and Rambo-aid.

Here are some, unworthy as they might be:

The Estate of Victor Mature has the legal right to tax any riboflavin shipped into or out of South Dakota.

Billy Zane will die if he is not completely immersed in liquid nitrogen once every twelve hours.

Donald Duck actually exists, and is the part-time manager of an IHOP in College Station, PA.

All of the blood in the movie Braveheart is actual blood, donated free-of-charge by John Goodman.

Bernard Herrmann once paid upwards of $250,000 for one enormous chair, constructed entirely out of other chairs.

The constant "pi" is actually named after the television show, "Magnum, P.I."

Colin Ferrel is in talks to play Colin Ferrell in Colin Ferrell: the true story.

Brittney Spears was born with a penis and a vagina but had the penis removed.

Madonna told Matt Lauer that she's an acress, and she's good at it. With a straight face. (I think she proved her own point.)

Nunziata is an anagram for the latin word Zaatinun. Prophecy states that the Zaatinun will be the first human to make the CHUD do his bidding.

Solid Snake is actually kind of squishy.

Emoticons are sentient.

In the time it takes you to read this, A thousand million universes will die and be born again. But hey, if you want to think your life has meaning, you go right ahead Sparky.

Dell computers, when ground into a fine paste and mixed with 2 parts Orange Juice and one part water, taste exactly like Ernest Borgnine.

Adam Sandler? NOT FUNNY.

It does in fact matter which sex they are, even if they ARE Arcturan.

I can't compete with Dan, but here's my shitty contributions:

Duckflesh is both nutritious and delicious. But don't eat the poisonous ducks. Stay away from those fuckers.

With the proper meditation and jaw relaxation techniques, it is technically possible to swallow Abe Vigoda's entire fist.

Sure, her comedic timing was impeccable, but Lucille Ball rarely gets the credit she deserves for single-handedly defeating the Nazi menace in a rousing game of fisticuffs.

Ted Danson was on "Cheers," even though he was not cheery. Lisa Kudrow is on "Friends," even though she is not friendly. Henry Winkler was on "Happy Days," even though he was only happy when beating his wife. Andy Kaufman was on "Taxi," even though he was not a taxi. Notice a pattern here? That's right--none of these people are wearing shoes.

Somewhere, there's an audio-animatronic Delroy Lindo looking very sad and lost.

Got an uppity child? Throw it in the river and pretend it was an accident! Children are easy to replace.

Using his serrated steel teeth, David Hyde Pierce can burrow through solid shale at speeds approaching one mile an hour.

Queen Latifa causes cancer.

In the safety and warmth of his own shower, Keanu Reeves is capable of counting all the way to 21 with at least a 50% accuracy rating.

Have you ever been eating a piece of chicken and you suddenly bite down on something that's all gross and stringy and just generally fucking dreadful? That was me. I pooped in your chicken sammitch when you weren't looking. Sorry.

In addition to his fine acting and scriptwriting abilities, Freddie Prinze Jr. prides himself on his ability to castrate bulldogs without using his hands or feet.

Post-It's were actually invented by the Plebors from Plebus IV in an effort to take over the Earth's economy. Once businesses are hooked on them, the supply of the little yellow sticky notes will be cut off.

Viggo Mortensen got his start not in Witness nor even in the George Washington mini-series as IMDB would have you believe. He actually played an unnamed Telephone Sanitizer in the Hitchhiker's Guide BBC mini-series. He has often said that this character in many ways inspired his turn as the ranger Aragorn.

SPAM is an acronym for Systematic Program for Annihilating Moose. You got it, this mystery meat was one-nundred percent Canadian Moose and was first produced as a way for our neighbors to the north to cut back on a population problem they had back in the 50's. Of course thanks to PETA it is now made entirely of actors who have left ER to get a film career.

It wasn't until several years later that Robert Preston realized The Last Starfighter wasn't the sequel to The Music Man.

Halle Berry is allergic to pronouns.

Sidney Poitier was thrown off the set of Sneakers for attempting to eat all of the Scrabble pieces.

Because of a clerical slip-up, Diane Keaton is technically the brother-in-law of The Michelin Man.

"David Hyde Pierce" can be anagrammed into "A VERY HAIRY DIPLODOCUS"

Dustin Diamond lost his entire fortune while gambling at a roulette table, where he bet all of his money on "blue 53."

I think I just beat my own record for most widely spaced double post of all time.

Danny Trejo doesn't electric cars, and he will tear you up if you even bring up the topic of pollution prevention.

Here are a couple I hope y'all like:

1. Unknown to most people, Tor Johnson and Vincent Price are still alive, living in an underground bunker and controlling the thought-patterns of thousands of people through the innocent use of microwave ovens.

2. The United States government has just announced recognition of Peter Weller's head as a sovereign nation, but its acceptance into the UN is pending.

3. The Beast of Yucca Flats, despite common-thought to the contrary, is a documentary.

4. Though he will never admit to it, Harry Dean Stanton is the Lindberg baby.

5. Stephen Hawking has confirmed the location of a black hole inside Erik Estrada's nipple hair.

6. Paul Walker is the result of an experiment to mate Keanu Reeves and Thomas Jane. The experiment, in the eyes of its creators, was deemed a success.

7. The sticky floors commonly found in movie theaters is made so, on purpose, by chemicals found from the exhumed body of Bela Lugosi.

Fans of the long awaited "Freddy vs Jason" epic will be sorely disappointed when it is revealed that Freddy and Jason roommate in a bungalow suite and that the movie will consist of over two hours of bickering over the remote.

BUMP

The 4 elements of life (Earth, water, wind, fire) have just expanded to include the 5th element of Frank Stallone.

Watching Can't Stop The Music or more than five mintues has been scientifically proven to cause testicular cancer in males.

From a friend on AIM:

listening to britney spears while on acid has been proven to cause irreversible brain damage in mice. a proposal by scientists to test on humans has been denied

Soylent Green isn't made of just anyone. It's 100% real Seth Green shavings.

Chef Tony can't belive you did that.

Every 23rd frame of the film "Daddy Daycare" is an extreme close-up of Rich Little.

Tom Waits is 19 years old.

Chef Tony's assistant isn't as surprised by your disgusting behavior.

I love this one.

4 out of 5 dentists would rather eat Joan Rivers' toenail clippings than stick their fingers in DevilUnicorn's rancid maw.