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What was the worst insult you ever heard or used?

post #1 of 26
5/30/03 at 11:39am
Thread Starter 
I was at a bachelor party once at a strip club and this guy I worked with and another patron started getting into an argument.

It was about to come to fistacuffs, then my co-worker said to the guy,

"You keep talking like a bitch and I'm going to bend you over and fuck you like a bitch."

The fight never happened, and the co-worker kinda was left alone by everybody...friends and dancers included...
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post #2 of 26
5/30/03 at 11:42am
My roommate and I have some serious anger issues when we play Madden on his PlayStation. It really turns into a freeform obscenity festival. Well, the other night I'm picking him apart with my Manning-to-Muhammad combo, and he busts out with: "I hope your first child dies. I hope they have to gut your wife like a fish to remove your stillborn child." I laughed so hard I threw an interception.
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post #3 of 26
5/30/03 at 12:06pm
One thing my friend said to me once:

'I tried to fuck your mother, but I couldn't get the nails out of her coffin.'
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post #4 of 26
5/30/03 at 12:15pm
I once screamed at a landlord "SUCK MY ASS!"

He was the worst. He was trying to get extra cash out of me to clean a place that he never kept up. He said he would garner my wages, I then screamed the above, picked up my vaccum cleaner and stormed out.

The bastard never attempted to garner me wages.

Also, in regards to a certain archeology professor here on campus, I've chimed in once or twice that "It's no wonder he deals with the dead, the living won't have anyhting to do with the fucker."

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post #5 of 26
5/30/03 at 12:57pm
Not the worst, but possibly the funniest.

The eldest of my two younger brothers, who is a functional moron (seriously, I kid you not) once got mad at me and asked me the following:

"Did your mother have any kids that lived?"

I think it pissed him off even more because I wouldn't tell him what was so damn funny.

(edited cuz I spel gud)

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post #6 of 26
5/30/03 at 1:03pm
I once called this guy a Republican right to his face. Yeah, I felt horribly guilty afterwards, but, man, he really deserved it.
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post #7 of 26
5/30/03 at 1:09pm
For some reason, I'm still partial to my "I'll tear off your pee-hole and use it for soup, fuckboy!" during a HALO match, just because the insult is yet to make any goddamned sense.

Heat-o'-the-moment insults are always funny.
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post #8 of 26
5/30/03 at 4:11pm
"You know what the scary part is? I would've been your father if the dog hadn't beat me up the stairs."
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post #9 of 26
5/30/03 at 4:58pm
Eric Cartman: "Kyle has sand in his vagina."
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post #10 of 26
5/30/03 at 7:57pm
Quote:
Jackie Treehorn Smells Fire:
when one of my friends grandmothers had a heart attack, another one of my friends said to him "yeah her heart stopped breathing cause she had my dick halfway down her throat"
I hope someone hit him in the face with a fireaxe.
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post #11 of 26
5/30/03 at 9:45pm
I'll double you over and load you like a shotgun!
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post #12 of 26
5/30/03 at 10:51pm
I don't know about worst. I think the funniest insult was when that Iraqi member of Parliament said something along the lines of "shut up you monkey! curses be upon your mustache!"
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post #13 of 26
5/31/03 at 2:02am
"If my dog had a face like yours, I'd shave his ass and make him walk backwards!"

Said to me in 6th grade by the school bully. frown
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post #14 of 26
5/31/03 at 3:00am
In junior high I had really bad acne. I was ragging on this one kid and he says to me, "shut up, you bumpy faced bitch!"
I threw a math book at him and got suspended.
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post #15 of 26
6/4/03 at 5:06am
I was kinda partial to "Remember that time when you were five and your mom left you and your dad all alone? That was because I put her to work on the corner for me, making money."

I hated my grandfather after that.
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post #16 of 26
6/9/03 at 2:56am
HALO will destroy friendships like there is no tomorrow.

I was getting my ass kicked at HALO by a friend of mine, and I'm not saying shit, but he will not stop it with the insults. This goes on for about 20 minutes, and he is really digging in; I mean he is out for blood as far as verbal assaults go.

Till I just couldn't take it anymore and I said, "You should really shut the fuck up you fucking loser! I'm glad you're good at Halo, because you'd be a full fledged fuck-up if you weren't! Oh wait, you do have the whole 'Track' thing to fall back on, because we all know of the reliable industry that is 'track'. I mean sure you almost failed out of high school because you're so goddamned fucking stupid, but now you'll prove us all wrong by becoming rich and famous as the slowest fucking track star of all time!"

It got real quiet after that.
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post #17 of 26
6/9/03 at 4:47am
A couple years ago down on vacation in orlando, I was getting a little drunk, chilling with my friends. We were getting into a cool conversation about life and shit, and this stoopid pampered little rich girl who hadn't ever been outside her little clique ever started saying some racist and ignorant shit. At some point I snapped on her, screaming something like "SHUT THE FUCK UP! YOU DON'T KNOW SHIT ABOUT ANYTHING!" right in her face- went on and on for a few minutes too. I honestly can't remember my whole rant, but everyone told me I ended it with "You're going to die alone and miserable in your bed, and i'm going to hear about it and laugh my ass off"

Silence with her and her friends- my friend was laughing so hard he fell over though.

Needless to say I didn't get laid the whole trip.
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post #18 of 26
6/9/03 at 6:59pm
well, I was nearly pulled out of a car a couple of days ago by a psycho who then suddenly decided not to kick my ass (I'd like to think it had something to do with the 'Wrath of God' look I gave him) and instead ran back to his car while calling me a "pancake." Now, that's just fucked up... what the hell does that mean?

Also, I'm translating part of the Mabinogion for Welsh right now which features the phrase "A curse upon thy beard!" Methinks the Iraqi dude from Adam_72's post must have been fond of Welsh legends...
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post #19 of 26
6/9/03 at 8:18pm
A recently married friend of mine went into a unisex toliet marked W recently though the Men's bathroom was taken. It was commented upon, and I joked (shocking even myself a bit): "Well, It's because that's the closest he's gonna get to another woman's pussy for the rest of his life."
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post #20 of 26
6/9/03 at 9:40pm
One of my friends came out with "I'll tear off your dick and staple it to your mother" one night.
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post #21 of 26
6/10/03 at 12:50am
I can't find it, but the one Devin used on a poster telling him that he should blow his brains out all over a Tarantino poster was pretty harsh.
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post #22 of 26
6/10/03 at 7:43pm
I once told a preacher to go straight to fucking hell.

In retrospect it might not have been the nicest thing to say.
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post #23 of 26
6/10/03 at 7:46pm
Oh, I disowned my brother in a two page polite-to-extremely rude rant because he's basically a fucking jerk.

In retrospect...I pretty much meant it.
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post #24 of 26
6/25/03 at 4:04pm
Quote:
Adam_72:
I don't know about worst. I think the funniest insult was when that Iraqi member of Parliament said something along the lines of "shut up you monkey! curses be upon your mustache!"
I remember that one. He said it to a Kuwaiti delegate during some peace talks or something. Being arabic, I can tell you he was insulting the guy's good(?) name ("mustache" is a synonym for honor, you see).

Worst insult I heard was from a girl whom I was close friends with and she started hanging out with junkies and despite all my attempts to be supportive and help her get away from it all, she let me know I was no longer needed by telling me that I was a "negative influence to change her lifestyle"...that drove me over the edge and spent the next several months in a deep depression because I believed her...
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post #25 of 26
6/25/03 at 5:26pm
A very drunk sorority chick was hitting on me (only god knows why) at a party and it was starting to bother me. She was a massive stuck up bitch and she only seemed to be interested in what I was driving so I said:

"I'd rather masturbate."

She was very offended and I regret it a little bit. Blame that one on a cheap case of Keystone Light.
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post #26 of 26
6/26/03 at 10:07pm
I was working at Wendy's, and my boss kept making fun of me because I live three houses outside of my city (Hamilton, Ohio, a suburb of Cincy). He was calling me a country boy and a farm boy and the like. I turned to him and said, "Pete, you're just mad because MY childhood home didn't have wheels on it!" The other manager there fell over laughing.
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