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Movie Review Haiku

post #1 of 49
Thread Starter 
http://www.pophangover.com/haiku.html

Kinda funny, but I have a feeling some people on here could do alot better...



------------------
Me
post #2 of 49
His shit is good, yes
But now I must unleash me
From my haiku cage

Batman Forever
------ -------
What the hell is this?
Kenner is making movies?
Unexplainable

Batman and Robin
------ --- -----
What the hell is this
Illogical-ness abounds
ICE SKATES IN BAT-BOOTS!?

Amistaad
--------
It wasn't that bad
Tried hard to be "Schindler's 2:
Schindler's List Harder"

Superman IV: The Quest for Peace
-------- --- --- ----- --- -----
What the hell was this
Not enough Gene Hackman, and
Too much Jon Cryer

Easy Rider
---- -----
Thought it would be good
Instead, it is boring shit
At least it was free

Popcorn
-------
How can I love this
"BANG-BANG, SUZANNE! BANG-BANG!" Yes,
I know the answer

--
Pupils dialate
Must be too much Corona
HAM would not approve
post #3 of 49
I now see I used
Same line for Batman 3, 4
Not sorry at all
post #4 of 49
Matrix rocks the world
If they hate it they ate it
crap is their diet.


Where is my car, dude?
For Butane it is brain food
they both suck,him less

Army of Darkness
is not about sex at night
with G.I' Joes, dude!

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http://www.homeownersrights.com Are you owed money?
post #5 of 49
Will hates Mexicans
He claims to have married one
Burritos don't count
post #6 of 49
I declare DJEvil our CHUD Poet Lauriette ... damn, how do you spell that, anyway?
post #7 of 49
Roommate is in town
I am drunk; coincidence?
"The Drunk Haiku"
post #8 of 49
Thread Starter 
Quote:
<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by DJEvil:
Will hates Mexicans
He claims to have married one
Burritos don't count
I am Mexican
Does that mean Will hates me too?
This is indeed sad.

And THAT ladies and gentelmen is my very first haiku...EVER!



------------------
Me
post #9 of 49
Nah, I give Will shit
But he could call his cop friends
To come take me down

I wish no violence
So, I'll come clean about it
Will hates the Cubans
post #10 of 49
Will loves Mexicans
Mexicans love Will its true
Shelby,Will,friends, true

DJ fucks with Will
Will fucks with Butane, you knew
Butane bites. Will's through.

Wind blows through Valley
The ocean runs to the shore
Starship Poopers, sucked



------------------
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post #11 of 49
A mi me gusta la gente de Mexico, mucho! De aqui en andelante, Senora Shelby, Usted no debe de escucar a los pendejos y mariposas de este lugar. A mi me gusta todas las senoritas que estan aqui y en Mexico.
A mi no me gusta este maricon, DJ,cuando el dice que yo no me gusta la gente de Mexico. pero! Pues! Que lastima!

Si tuviera la oportunitidad,preguntaria la gente, que son mis amigos.

That's about as good as my grammar is after all these years, Shelby. Sorry! I can conjugate worth a damn anymore. I am getting rusty and I am not a native speaker.

I am a great pupil, however!

By the way, My wife is Russian/Ukrainian, and was born in Brazil. She speaks five languages. I speak English and bad Spanish and screw them both up in the extreme. I also know American Sign Language, for the deaf. But I hear I have a bad accent in that one.
------------------
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[This message has been edited by Will (edited 05-08-2001).]
post #12 of 49
And I can speak Botchi. It's like a second language to me...
post #13 of 49
Oh Why Jesus Why
Have I suddenly been duped
Into this again...

Not since high school have
I done bad poetry but
That got me hot chicks...

My haiku sucks ass
This I know to be so true
No chicks will I score...

It's Bad very very bad,
It would make Katie Heigl
leave my sorry dumb ass...

What does all this mean?
Not a damn thing I reckon
My mind is a blank...

Oh wait a minute,
This is supposed to be on
on a film review...

OK bud here goes
Bug Buster fuckin' rocks cause
Heigl looks great wet...

Never ask me to do that again...


[This message has been edited by Django (edited 05-08-2001).]
post #14 of 49
But you mis-spell it
The right way to spell it is
B-O-C-C-I

I am such a geek
To know its proper spelling.
Logan would know, too
post #15 of 49
Spelling is so cool
me I spell like a dumb fool
English not my tool

Logan spells well, true
well,I spell like shit and you?
I'm funnier, true

Scobby dooby doo
Blofeld sucked on my old shoe
Butane has gas, gag!

------------------
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post #16 of 49
Will, estoy apesadumbrado que he lastimado sus sensaciones, usted
bebé grande. Cuántas veces debo decirle que estoy embromando?
post #17 of 49
No I'm not! Am not! Am not! Am not!



------------------
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post #18 of 49
EL DJ: Cuántas veces debo decirle a usted, que los maricones son malo para su salud. Mammon! Los otros maricones no son sus amigos, muchacho. Yo soy su amigo, solomente! Yo debe de serle su patron!

Usted no tiene respecto bastante. para nos viejos! Que lastima! Que lastima mucho, chaparo!

Saliraria a su escuela, si tuviera la oportunidad, para trabajar para Ol Will?

Tenamos muchas muchachas, muy bonitas, y muchas cervesas y tequilla. Yo tengo todo aqui DJ. Yo soy como El Diablo para usted. Venga! Venga aqui!

Kind of reminds you of From Dusk til Dawn, doesn't it, DJ?

Note: Dj's Spanish is a fuck of a lot better than mine, for sure. He is either a Native Speaker or has a friend there telling him what to write. If you learned it, in school, you are impressing the shit out of me, boy!
------------------
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[This message has been edited by Will (edited 05-08-2001).]

[This message has been edited by Will (edited 05-08-2001).]
post #19 of 49
The Mummy Returns
there is much wringing of hands
I thought it was fun
post #20 of 49
Thread Starter 
OT: haha I forgot to mention that I am only 1/2 Mexican and was raised by my white mom, so I dont speak any Spanish.



------------------
Me
post #21 of 49
" soy como el diablo para usted?" Qué la cogida ese medio? Usted
es mi solamente amigo? Usted sir, es MONSTRUO.

Déjeme pensar... bastante paga de Tequila de las muchachas... la
buena...... muy que tienta, pero sé que usted ESTÁ MINTIENDO!

Ensucié quizá encima de la traducción. Usted le dijo tiene que
pagar a mujeres con Tequila para dormir con usted? Pienso que pudo
haber sido él.
post #22 of 49
Y tengo su respecto EN MIS PANTALONES.
post #23 of 49
Thread Starter 
I have no idea what you just said, but it looks sexy!



------------------
Me
post #24 of 49
I just told Will his respect was IN MY PANTS.

Multilingual is just a fancy way of saying that I can trash you in many different languages.
post #25 of 49
Thread Starter 
Yes...but its still sexy.

I have a major accent/language fetish (if that can be called a fetish)

Guys with accents (or Multilingual guys)...woo!

------------------
Me
post #26 of 49
Check it! Shelby digs my pants!
post #27 of 49
Thread Starter 
Yes! Im a a pants diggin chick!


[edited to say that doesnt sound quite right, but I dont know any other way to put it]


------------------
Me

[This message has been edited by Shelby (edited 05-09-2001).]
post #28 of 49
That's okay Shelby. I know lots of ways to put it and I am multilingual. I can't believe I just said that.

DJ
Que paso, Verga del grio?

ME a monster? Creo que no, Pendejo!

Meinteroso, yo? Oh yeah, okay, I didn't diddle your girlfriend! Y usted no le gusta come el sobaco del las moranas.Maricon!

NO you are wrong. Your BRAINS may be in your pants, but your respect is en dentro a su culo! Su cabeza chico, es su jefe!

By the way, I've only ever had to pay once, son.
------------------
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[This message has been edited by Will (edited 05-10-2001).]
post #29 of 49
Vea, ahora usted son el ser justo tonto.

And I meant FREAK, but it didn't occur to me that it also meant MONSTER in Spanish. heh
post #30 of 49
Uh, what the hell happened to the haiku?
post #31 of 49
Quien es tonto, yo? No! Yo creo que usted es un baboso y usted le gustaria a comer, las servietas de los vampiros! Y tambien, usted le gusta come mierda y ladrei a la luna Viate, muchaco! Muevetelo! No mi mosleste mas! Viate! A mi salutes a tu abuela!

O es usted uno de los hombres que le gusta el sombre y sol? Eijole! Pobresito!
These insults are about all I know anymore, so I don't want to keep hurling these.


------------------
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post #32 of 49
COJA el haikus!

Usted saluda a mi abuela? Voluntad, usted tiene problemas. Seriamente. No, yo no como mierda, sino que tengo gusto de la cortina. Y qué sobre mi molestar?
post #33 of 49
BALLISTIC: ECKS VERSUS SEVER

Stars Antonio
Banderas and Lucy Liu
My balls. They explode.

BUCKET OF BLOOD

Bucket of doo-doo
That is more like it, bee-yatch
It sucks on the anus

THE RUNDOWN

The ending did suck
Seann William Scott. *beat* Why?
Here, he did eat pants

GOTHIKA
A beating by Christ
Is preferrable to this
He gives reacharound
post #34 of 49
REQUIM FOR A DREAM

Really a sad film
Man's arm turns to bloody mess
Jennifer's hooch nice
post #35 of 49
My friend, he did say
"Why not just say 'DRUGS ARE BAD?'
That was depressing!"
post #36 of 49
Wayans is in it
He acts real well in movie
He humps pretty girl
post #37 of 49
BRING IT ON!

Cheerleaders are just
dancers who've gone retarded.
Torrence says, "Bring it!"

Black team from Compton
accepts the challenge from white
team who stole their cheers.

Clovers did bring it,
but lost the competition.
White teams always win.
post #38 of 49
TERMINATOR 1

Machine sent through time
to kill Sarah Connor. Failed.
Judgment Day happens.

TERMINATOR 2

Machines sent through time
to kill John Connor as kid.
Judgment Day thwarted.

TERMINATOR 3

Machines sent through time.
Judgment Day still happens, but
John safe in bunker.
post #39 of 49
SHOWGIRLS
Elizabeth Berk
ley Elizabeth Berkley
Elizabeth...*sigh*
post #40 of 49
DAWN OF THE DEAD

People stuck in mall.
Zombies want to eat their brains.
Can they surv... ARGGH! *chomp*
post #41 of 49
DREAMCATCHER
Had a cool preview
And cool 1st 3rd...after that...
*CHOMP* There go my nuts!
post #42 of 49
THE VILLAGE

Scary noise in woods
Turn out to not be monsters.
Twist end sucks like balls.
post #43 of 49
Catwoman Movie
Atrocity to my eyes
Costume a disgrace

Costume designer
Blackhole of ability
Along with writer

If bondage wear I
Was looking to gaze upon
Pornography be
post #44 of 49
Star Wars Episode I The Phantom Menace
Political start
Leads to boring film 'cept
For Pod Race and duels.

Star Wars Episode II Attack of the Clones
Obi-Wan plays dick.
Anakin acts like a dick.
Begun Clone Wars have.

Star Wars Episode III Revenge of the Sith
Palpatine laughs last.
Vader is born. Jedi are purged.
Twins' birth gives new hope.

Star Wars Episode IV A New Hope
Lightsabers, spaceships
Borrowed many things, but fun.
George wrong: Han shot first.

Star Wars Episode V The Empire Strikes Back
Vader has returned.
Angry, he hunts for his son.
Best of the series.

Star Wars Episode VI Return of the Jedi
Another Death Star.
Yoda dies. Anakin saved.
Are those things Muppets?


These were done pretty quick so it might seem like I'm bashing, but don't be fooled. I have much love for Star Wars. Despite...
post #45 of 49
The Butterfly Effect

Dude, Ashton Kutcher
time travels to fix his life.
But he ends up dead.
post #46 of 49
SHREK 2

Eyes and ears are raped,
It's only been ten minutes.
Pass the razorblades.
post #47 of 49
Dukes of Hazzard

Two good ol' boys in
car named "General Lee"
Daisy has nice ass.

Wedding Crashers

John and Jeremy
crash weddings to pick up girls
and get some strange ass.
post #48 of 49
WAR OF THE WORLDS

Billions of deaths
Incredible destruction
The kid lived?? Fuck that.
post #49 of 49
Awesome, I'd say you summed up my feelings nicely.
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