Shawnee Smith

Ok, this is a really rocking country-western that Package is going to record for my birthday. Isn't that right, Nick? ISN'T IT!?

Hehehe, j/k

Nothing rhymes, but then again, I wrote it, so what'd you expect? Enjoy.
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SHAWNEE SMITH
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This here's a little ditty I wrote
For the only woman I could possibly love more than my own momma

Momma, I love you a whole lot, though

Anyhow, it's called "Shawnee Smith"
--
I saw you in that fantastic piece of art called "The Blob"
Arguably one of the best horror movies ever made

I'll never go near my sink again

From the first moment I saw you
In that cute little cheerleader outfit
White with dark red stripes down the sides
I knew you'd be my one and only

It was the way you could maintain pouty lips
While facing down a terrible threat from outer space
Whose only goal in life was to horribly digest
The local townfolk
All the while
NEVER losing your cool

Shawnee Smith
--
I remember my delight when I saw you in "The Stand"
A fantastic made-for-tv mini series

Boy, I wish there weren't nobody else alive

Made from a book my daddy would read to me when I was little
I shit you not
I saw you as the insane survivor
Who wanted to ride Rob Lowe's boner

When that deaf-mute wouldn't whip out the snake
You shot at him as he left town
He didn't even know you were shooting at him
I knew right then, if you shot at me
All the buckshot in my ass would still not be as painful
As not havin you by my side

Shawnee Smith...I love you
--
I caught one insane movie called "Breakfast of Champions"
The funniest thing I've seen in a while

It had Bruce Willis

When who but you, my darlin, brought a martini over to him
You were so cute in that little quasi-French maid outfit
DRIVES! ME! WILD!
Really

So unexpected for you to show up
All cute and sayin
"Oh, Kenn! I LOVE YOU!"
...
Well, you didn't really say that
But, I bet that's what you were thinkin!

SHAWNEE SMITH...MARRY ME!
--
Let's go kick Kevin Dillon's ass

Yeah, I figure for the video, while the band plays onstage, she just sits at her table and shakes her head while covering her eyes. That'll be how the entire video goes.

DAMN IT! WHEN YOU SPELL KENNETH, THERE'S ALREADY TWO N'S THERE! WHY'S IT SUCH A BIG DAMN DEAL FOR A GUY TO BE UNIQUE?! ANY OF YOU F*CKING PIGS MOVE, AND I'LL EXECUTE EVERY MOTHER F*CKING LAST ONE OF YOU! DESTROY! DESTROY! DESTROY!

The Blob reminds me of Jello. So does Shawnee Smith. There's always room for em, and I giggle when they jiggle.

Because it's SHAWNEE SMITH, dammit!