Come on, ADMIT IT!

This will neither be the first, nor last time I admit to loving the film "Babe" far beyond the average filmgoer.

Yes. Really.

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Soon to BE a CHUD topic.

I like it too as well as Megaforce and The Pirate Movie.

But here's something to chew on:

As a kid I had such a thing for Lea Thompson not only did I spend 14 hours in a Wherehouse waiting for someone to return Howard the Duck when it came out on video, but that when I saw the trailer to Casual Sex that I got so depressed that she was "sleeping" with another guy that my pals planned a Stand By Me like adventure just to snap me out of it.

Can somebody beat that? I don't think so...

I loved the 80's. The music, the style, the zeitgeist. I don't sit there and talk about it because I hate "reminiscing", but I have fond thoughts of the 80's. Go figure.

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-KRONOS http://www.piranha.bigsmart.com

Is that why you "fell"? heehee

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-KRONOS http://www.piranha.bigsmart.com

Qmass: Please tell me you lost that "thing" for Lea Thompson." Please I must now restrain myself from some very interesting stories I am aware of because I don't want to crush you like bug with my revelations about any actress, who shall remain nameless. Otherwise I will have to sit on what I know and that might not be fair to the other guys who love good, multiple partner, stories, even if they are about the "bizarro queen" herself.

Uh Oh! Do tell!

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-KRONOS/"Crankcase" http://www.piranha.bigsmart.com

Why yes Virginia I have gotten over Ms. Thompson and its thanks to 3 pivotal occurances shortly after Causal Sex hit video.

1) I saw her nude and I like women with breasts.

2) She not only married a director but the director of Pretty in Pink and The Great Outdoors.

3) I saw Superboy's Stacy Haiduk nude and she has breasts. Very large, round, firm, breasts.

As kids we do stupid things. Things that are best left in the past and brought up only to embarrass.

But I do get a little wood everytime I watch Howard the Duck...

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The preceding was brought to you courtesy of The Quatermass Institute for the Preservation of Electric Mayhem and from the kind donations of people like you...

And yes, do spill and I'll tell you what I know about Kevin Spacey...

I don't get embarassed. If I fuck up-I tend to just admit it and move on-unless it's a really big fuck up-then I beat myself up forever.

The closest I've ever been to wanting to shoot myself in the face just to dull the pain had to be on stage at The Brewery in Louisville, Kentucky two years ago. The place was packed to the rafters, and I was about to launch into my blistering rendition of the Ramones' classic "I Want to be Sedated", when-

I guess I should lay a little background on you.

Had a friend once-let's call her "Squee". Squee was the girlfriend of a old friend of mine-"Halby". Halby and Squee broke up because-well, essentially-Squee wanted to fuck a "Rock Star". As a beard for this nefarious plan, Squee began dating another of Halby's friends-"JoJo". JoJo didn't know it, but his job was to take up space and help Squee save face until she could fuck "Rock Star". Now-I didn't really see any of this-I was so bathed in sorrow for the collapse of my friends' blissful three year relationship-and I had such a blinders-on respect for Squee-that I couldn't see how utterly transparent her machinations were. The only person who could was MY girlfriend, Lori.

Lori was cruel and low and vile enough to see the gutter-dwelling worst in humanity-she was also privy to all of the "girl-talk"-she was friends with Squee too. She knew the score from the start.

Of course, I tended to not believe a word Lori said in regards to anything Squee related-because she insisted that Squee wanted to fuck ME as well as "Rock Star"-and I simply couldn't fathom that...my girlfriend was just jealous and nuts. It was maybe the defective thyroid, maybe the emotional and psychological damage that comes with 13 years of being a "Welcome" mat/landing strip-but for whatever reason-she went insane if a girl so much as looked at me.

Which brings us up to speed and back to the point.

I was to accompany Squee, JoJo, and a random waitress friend of Squee's to Louisville for a big THREE DAY Hardcore-music festival that "Rock Star" had helped to put together.

"Rock Star"-interestingly enough-was a big fan of mine. He had seen the video footage I had shot and edited of a few of his labelmates, and some other acts-as well as some of my artwork-and wanted me there to chronicle the fest on video.

Lori had absolutely no problem with this idea-until the night I was supposed to go. Then-she went NUTZOID-bitching about the fact that I was going to be in a hotel room with two girls, one that she knew for a FACT "wants your cock" (ManOmanOwaR. My ex, the sugar-mouth...). When I told her that (A) It didn't matter whether that was true or not-because I am "loyal guy" and (B)-that I was not going to stay home, she began pummelling me vigourosly. Split lip, bloody nose-y'know-the usual.

Anyway, I went-and the first day, "Rock Star" begs me AND SQUEE'S BOYFRIEND JOJO (the AUDACITY of this guy!) up on stage to tell the crowd that I "rock" or some such shite, and he notices my bruises and asks me what the hell happened. Before I could spew some fabrication about taking on a half-dozen Swazi Boys-or something equally impressive to the Hardcore/Punk crowd before me, JoJo pipes up-"Jason wanted to be here so bad that he got beat up by his girlfriend and came anyway."

So now a comedy routine begins at my expense. Again-I'm not embarrassed-I'm doing a much better job getting fucking FURIOUS instead.

So the whole thing ends with "Rock Star" asking me-"Do ya' think ya' made the right choice comin' here for the hardcore rock show, man?"

To which I casually replied, "Sure."

"This man bailed on his GIRLFRIEND to be here for the hardcore rock show, people," he said to the audience.

"Yep." was all I could muster as a retort.

"How could you do that?" He asked-his voice tinged with mock shock.

I looked out over the sea of faces and said the first thing that popped into my head...

"Core before the whore."

The place went apeshit. "Rock Star" howled "Amen! Halelujah!" (which I'm SURE thrilled his WIFE-who, of course, didn't KNOW that he was going to eventually scrog Squee), I channeled Joey Ramone and blew through 'Sedated' embarrassed not by the fact that my laundry was aired over the PA in front of a festival crowd-but by the fact that JoJo-a supposed FONT of Punk Rock knowledge insisted on singing along-and not only was he tone deaf-but Mr. Punk Rock JoJo didn't know half of the fucking lyrics. I winced in pain and sorrow for the dickhead.

Truly pathetic.

Eventually, on the way back home, as his timid vegan ass was pestering me about my Subway turkey club, I grabbed him by the throat and loudly threatened to kill him and leave his still-warm corpse in the bathroom-save for his arm-which I would EAT.

Then everyone was embarrased-except me. I was happy.

I got home and managed to avoid seeing my "ex" for about a week or so-until her apologetic, tear-filled phone calls-and the idea of incredibly aggressive make-up sex-proved impossible to resist, and I succumbed like Chewbacca to an Ewok Meat Trap.

Oh yeah, baby-let the Wookie win...



Okay, wait-NOW I'm embarrassed...



[This message has been edited by Hot Animal Machine (edited 09-05-2000).]

When I was little, I'd go around quoting the Diceman's lines from "The Adventures of Ford Fairlane." It sounded cool.

Like I knew what the f*ck "Who did all the work in bed?" meant at the time...

I like those names: Halby, Squee and Jojo.

That's quite a tale HAM. Truth is always more interesting than fiction, especially if you survive it! Neitzche-style.

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-KRONOS/"Crankcase" http://www.piranha.bigsmart.com

Poor DJ.

STILL doesn't know what doing all the work in bed means...

Heh.

Not only do I still quote the Diceman to this day, but I'm listening to some of his greatest work as I type this...

Here's to you...SUCKING MY COCK!

Hikory-dikory-dock! OOOoooh!

*ba-dum bump*

I think it should be fairly obvious to all of you that Ham is the Diceman, WHOA!

Juju's freaking petals!

Whew! That story is the sort of thing that makes for nightmares. It could have only been worse if you had been naked out there on stage. Shudder! I feel your pain, Carpe!

Damn.

But now you keep company with two very prominent Generals!

(That would be Zod and I...)

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Soon to BE a CHUD topic.

Well, in trying to think of something that happened to me that TRULY fucking embarassed the shit out of me I thought of one horrifying experience. I debated chronicling it here but figured what the hell eh?

So I was at Spooky World (a horror theme park that was out in Berlin, MA but is now alas, gone for good)about 3-4 years ago, I can't member. And on hand guests included Tom Savini, who actually wasn't there due to some unexpected circumstance (damn damn) and Doug Bradley who also didn't show up (damn damn). So being rather bummed by this I was still pretty psyched because R.A. Mihailoff A.K.A. Leatherace was there and I was gonna get to meet him. Cool, I say. I love the TCM flicks,'cept the last one, ick. Anyway, I get in line blah bla blah and when it comes my turn to get my 8x10 glossy marked by the man I say the usual "oh its great to meet you....working on anything new...da da da" and then the moment comes and I tell the guy that I really enjoyed the scene where the dude gets skinned and so on and then I realize that that's fucking PART 2 and this guy did PART 3. Oh god I wanted to disappear. I felt like such a shithead, but he was gracious and hid whatever any reaction he may have had to that mix-up pretty well. I still feel like an ass though

I was referencing Halby Durzell-who reminds me of the guy I was talking about.

I figure that there are a few people who are into punk/hardcore music here who might actually know of the festival of which I spoke...thought the names should be changed to protect the guilty.

You want a Tom Savini story?

Back during the days of quality Fangoria conventions, my currently MIA best friend and man about himself Zach Pittman saw this Navy diver's knife at a booth for sale for around $30 bucks. Well seeing as he was under 18 and couldn't buy it himself, he quickly split in search of my mother to see if she'd buy it for him. Pops would have, but he was busy wasting my battery power filming airplanes circling the runway from the room we were staying in.

So tt was my job to stay there and make sure no one else bought it. So being the nice guy I was at the time - and why not? I'd already missed meeting my idol John Carpenter cause I was in line to get Zach and my mother's Brisco County posters signed by the man himself Bruce Campbell - I waited there for them to return.

And who should show up and start eyeing Zach's prized knife but Mr. Master of Make-Up effects himself Tom Savini. Now Savini and I go back a ways since my first con where he was the first horror icon I got to meet and hang out with.

- I have a great story about meeting him and old apprentice Greg Nicotaro from KNB but that's another story -

Anyway so Savini is looking at this knife and he notices me eyeballing him so he sets the knife down and turns towards me. But as he does Zach, who's arriving on the scene with my mother, goes for knife on the table and bumps into Savini sending the unshealthed knife sailing towards the floor.

And into the top of my favorite pair of Nike's. Suffice it to say everyone freaked save for my boy who springs to action and rips the knife out sending a wave of blood splattering all over my mother, Savini, and the booth.

Minutes later as I limped my way to the medic back at the security booth in the main hotel, here comes Zach dashing thru the hall with his knife in hand where he begins to tell me how Savini felt so bad that he bought him the knife.

This I can tell you is bullshit as my mom - who went on the get me autographed nude photos of all the scream queens in attendance as some sort of consolation prize - later told me that she bought it with Zach's cash after Savini disappeared into the crowd. Why he told me this I've never been able to figure out.

But I do know this. That knife came in handy during a special clandestine New Line test screening we were at the following day up in the penthouse suite when the stoners got tired of Zach's sass mouth.

But that's another story as well...

Awww, hell yeah!

Not only is that the most lucid thing that you have ever written, Q-Mass, but it is also by far the best.

Cool, cool story.

And this was the type I story I used to do for my college paper until that business with the darkroom and Maria the staff photographer happened.

Maybe I'll have to share more true-life adventures of me and my Droogs...

Ahh-the same reason the editor-in-chief was ordered to lock her office door whenever I was visiting.