The Scorpion King - Page 2

"C+" isn't bad when everyone on this site is expecting an "F". Hell, ol' Smilin Jack said it was better than he thought it would be. If it comes out and I think it sucks, I'm man enough to say so. I'm an optimistic person, sue me.
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Let's not fool ourselves. This movie is simply a vehicle for The Rock to get his foot in the door Hollywood-wise. I think it was pretty smart to use a a movie "franchise" that already has a fanbase. Combine that with the wrestling fans who will see this and you have guarenteed bank. I don't suspect that there are many who have been fooled into thinking that this is a genre defining epic in as much as it's a stepping stone toward better roles for The Rock. I am also certain that there is a large cross-section of critics and movie goers who will pan this simply because it stars a wrestler, oh well. That said I will probably see it this weekend. It looks like good ol' cheap pulp to me and of that I have always been a fan. Incedentally, Vince McMahon only has a token credit because he allowed Duane to be billed as The Rock which is actually Vince McMahon's "intellectual property."

It couldn't be any worse than a Van Damme movie.

Yes it can be, since Replicant is a damn fine Van Damme movie.

If the Rock plays his cards right he could very well be the next Hogan or Piper, the skys the limit.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Man, that was funny!

Judging from previous threads, let's just say logic is not 4496's strong suit.

My non-snob movie critic pal (a guy who loved Sommers's first MUMMY flick) hates this, while SJR gives it a 6.5, saying it's better than he expected (and knowing, since he read the script ahead of time like me, that he was expecting something akin to a cross country drive with Jared Leto in a Ford Pinto with the wheels out of alignment) = I'm not paying to see this. Were I in NYC or LA at the present time, and making the crix/junket screening rounds, of course I'd take a gander, but paying to see this? I paid to see RESIDENT EVIL this year; I've performed my annual studio charity. From here on out, they have to at least *try* to fool me into thinking Shit is Shinola. If you happen to have trouble discerning between the two, I'm sure Navin Johnson's father would be happy to put on a subtle demonstration.

(edited because I inexplicably quoted Russell twice)

Thanks for calling me out by name and slamming me Beaks, especially considering I've never called you out personally like that on here. Sorry I'm not Mr. Important Industry Big Wig like you. God forbid someone actually look forward to seeing a movie without an assload of cynicism. And God forbid someone actually seeing a movie, forming THEIR OWN opinion, THEN slam a movie. Now then, excuse me while I put on my flame retardant full body jumpsuit.
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All right, enough. The only reason I've been giving you flack is because I think you misrepresented the tone of the review you cited. Go ahead and see it and make up your own mind about it. Have a fun night at the movies.

But in the not-so-distant future when we're on our twelfth The Mummy spin-off or sequel, each arriving annually with the regularity of a heavily-Metamuciled bird on a date in April before the other, better summer movies debut, when everybody's clamoring for better movies and wondering how we got to the place where Instant Movies (take subplot and charismatic star, do pre-production and script in just two months and just add water) became the rule rather than the exception, at least have the decency to admit you were part of the problem rather than part of the solution.

I mean, you want cynical? How about the entire marketing strategy behind this whole thing? It doesn't get any more cynical than that.

Truth be told: that's what happened to grendel.

russellucas, your key statement was "Have a fun night at the movies". I will. That's why I go. So I like big fun popcorn flicks. Big whoop. Just because I don't go ga-ga over slow, talky indie flicks where Gen-X'ers 'emote' in coffee houses and talk about angst doesn't mean I'm "part of the problem".

Oh, enough with the wounded tone, 4496. I've quoted you in the body of my posts, fer cryin' out loud. Like there was ever any doubt.

This isn't about industry status (which I most assuredly do not have), or about me being a cynic (which, when it comes to movie, I most certainly am not), but rather about resisting lowest common denomenator filmmaking. Follow me for a second here.....

Universal has a product they would like to sell you that has been rushed through the assembly line with little or no quality control. All they have is a personality -- The Rock -- and some Z-Team ILM eye candy with which to draw you in. If this were an automobile, it'd be an Edsel. (I'm hot on the car analogies today, aren't I?) And by paying to see this, as Russell so ably pointed out, you're ensuring that more *cynically* conceived tripe of this order will be churned out by the dream factory, rather than, say, three or four modestly budgeted flicks with far better scripts that could be just as entertaining, and maybe twice as profitable when it's all said and done.

But Universal (the studio that destroyed the CONAN series the first time around) is, understandably, banking on a franchise here, and if they get a $50 million-plus opening weekend, THE SCORPION KING 2 gets greenlighted, no matter how big the second-week drop-off will be. What most distresses me, and why I've really taken such a virulently anti-SK stance, is that I think there are plenty of other worthwhile tentpole properties Universal could be developing (after all, these are the geniuses who put the kibosh on Jackson's clever KING KONG remake several years ago), but rather than engaging in a slightly riskier, if potentially more rewarding, gamble, they've settled on The Rock (and Sommers) out of mere convenience. And they've put next-to-no effort into crafting something that will truly entrhall audiences. They just want to mug you at the gate, and get on with the business of building an amusement park attraction. What do we get in exchange? *Another* property pimping CGI sandstorms and scarab beetles, and, when the franchise begins to cool after one sequel, another reason to not make CONAN THE KING.

It just seems to me a waste of resources; plus, I don't think the ROI is going to be all that impressive. Just typical, lazy Hollywood filmmaking, and it's a shame to see people line up to support it.

Anyone watching Access Hollywood tonight when the weekend critic came on? When The Scorpion King came up, this girl went all crazy saying how great and "fabulous" it was. I am not one to judge because I haven't seen it (and won't see it until the DVD(s) come out), but this girl seemed WAY too excited over this picture... like it was another Godfather movie or something.

Gag.

The concensus of the Undead: "The Scorpion King" is an unapologetic rip-off of "Conan" and "The Beastmaster" that will have audiences and critics alike loathe to admit they had fun watching it.

Oh, and the filmmakers completely ripped off Cassandra from Jane Seymour's character Solitaire from James Bond's "Live and Let Die," right down to how she loses her power.

Beaks,

I see what you're saying, but I don't think the film was put together THAT callously. Is it an obvious vehicle and bid for a new franchise?

YES.

But is it an ENTERTAINING obvious vehicle and bid for a new franchise?

YES.

For my money, they IMPROVED on the Mummy franchise even with so many more stars and resources being put into the previous two films. Big "B" movies, IMHO, NEED to be quick and lean like welterweight boxers. Don't get too crazy or complex, plotwise, because no matter how great and revolutionary your script ideas are, they'll be bogged down by the action-movie actors, the light-hearted tone, and the mismarketing from the studio.

Films like this are wheels, and they don't need to be re-invented. Just make a good wheel.

I thought The Scorpion King was one. It winked at itself constantly, moved quickly, and gave me the requisite comic accomplices, one-liners, and entertaining fight scenes I wanted to see. I don't feel like I'm giving Universal license to make crappy, cheap action movies because they did ALREADY with the first two Mummy films.

Consequently, I paid to see all 3.

The first because I was, quite frankly, a fool.

The second because I wanted to support Rocky, and hoped to get a better film in ze process (nope).

This one because I still support Rocky, and he makes a better star than Brendan Fraser.

Hell, make more Scorpion King films, Universal. I enjoyed this one. I win.

We could play the game all day about how supporting X film means that Z won't get made. As long as you enjoy X, WHO CARES?

That's Z's problem. I shouldn't have to take responsibility for studio decisions everytime I want to go to a movie theater. I just watch the films. they make the movies. Sometimes, they base it on my financial input. Sometimes, they don't. So fuck 'em.

I just support what I want to see. That's all I can do. I love Rocky and Conan, but if paying to see Rocky robs me of another Conan film, oh well. That is UNIVERSAL's stupidity. I have nothing to do with it. If they can't do both, tough shit. At least I get to see ONE of the properties I like rather than NEITHER.

By running the genre into the ground with shitty sequels, the studio will kill the market for a new Conan.

Just saw it. Went in with low expectations befitting the first Mummy movie, which I had seen. It's a better movie.

It's an entertaining old-style romp that, with its "historical" intro complete with parchment map, puts you firmly in an imaginary ancient Egypt, Aladdin style.

The Rock is not terrible, but he does nothing that Hulk Hogan, Van Damme or Dolph Lundgren couldn't do, and so should be consigned to the bargain bin. Memnon, the bad guy, was brooding but athletic and somehow reminded me of Maximus in Gladiator. Blatantly British, but not bad at all. Grant Heslov, well, I'll be happy if I never see him again.

OK, so the soundtrack was a rip-off of several John Williams themes combined with thrashing rock riffs, but suspension of disbelief is easy with a finely realised scorched desert setting, and special effects which are just fine (but hey, I'm not terribly fussy and I haven't seen the reportedly atrocious effects in TMR).

Overall, an enjoyable but disposable experience. Lots here you've seen before. 3 out of 5, but no more.

Exactly, Dev.

Y'know, I inadvertantly muddied the water here by invoking KING CONAN. I should've pointed out that it's set up for the time being at WB, though I maintain that the practically inevitable fast burn-out of this franchise could hurt its chances.

And that's a shame, right? I mean, we all like sword and sorcery movies, even the bad ones (I've got THE BEASTMASTER and THE SWORD AND THE SORCEROR up on the shelf), but if there's a preferable alternative out there, wouldn't we rather that get made than something more slapdash? I say this because, logically, KING CONAN, from everything I've heard, is a good year from getting the greenlight, which means that the studios will wait and see how the second Scorpion King movie performs (and I'm gambling that it'll land with a thud because wrestlers don't maintain this level of stardom for more than a couple of years, and The Rock is nearing the end of that window) before they give the go-ahead to Milius and Ah-nult. (Of course, that's not the only variable at play here for Milius, but I think it could end up being the most crucial).

As for TSK and mindless entertainment in general, of course I'm a fan, but I wary of the garbage that costs north of $60 million and potentially hurts a film I'd like to see (which is why I don't bemoan the quality of GONE IN 60 SECONDS and THE FAST AND THE FURIOUS, since I'm unaware of any quality car theft films languishing in development). And that's why I'm kicking up a fuss here, though I should probably clam up and leave the discussion to those who've seen the film, since I'm not going to have anything new to add until I watch this on DVD sometime in September, or so.

They're right about that.

Well, Prankster, I don't think anyone considers Ah-nult a marketable element at the moment, certainly not enough to justify going back to a franchise that's been dormant since 1984. This could change if T3 is as big as its immediate predecessor, but that's a much more viable franchise, as neither CONAN film have ever done close to that kind of business.

And it's not that there wouldn't be room in the marketplace for another sword and sorcery flick, but that, should TSK2 underperform, the studios' interest in the genre, which is heating up at the moment, could cool off considerably.

I'll concede that I'm partly playing the role of prognosticator, and that many of you believe The Rock will establish a successful film career that will outstrip his wrestling tenure. If that's the case, then TSK2 will be just as big, if not bigger, than the first, and my arguement will be rendered moot. Frankly, I hope that's the case, but I'm betting against it.

I'd say that the $12.6 million that this movie made yesterday, the second highest opening of the year next to "Ice Age," will help "King Conan" get made.

I disagree with the idea that a "Scorpion King" franchise would hurt the chances of "King Conan" getting made simply because Warners got the rights to "Conan" back, Schwarzenegger is attached, the Wachowskis are on board and the script has been written (and is currently being re-written).

I could give a fuck about a new "Conan" franchise - I just want ONE MORE MILIUS CONAN MOVIE and that movie is "King Conan: Crown of Iron."

The chances are pretty solid that "King Conan" could go forward before "Scorpion King 2" goes into pre-production. Hopefully, that'll be the case. Then, it won't matter how the "Scorpion King" franchise goes because "King Conan" will be locked down.

If "King Conan" was a pipe-dream right now and nowhere close to being prepped, that would be different. It's waiting in the wings. Here's hoping the natural progression will go down and we get an announcement in the next two or three weeks that Warners is ready to go with the next "Conan" film.

I'd like him a whole lot more if he'd stop calling himself "The Rock". Come on, Dwayne, this isn't wrestling anymore.

However it was a "film" executive produced by Vince McMahon so it was close.

Saw it. Liked it. Liked it better than The Mummy Returns. Which isn't saying much.

And Kelly Hu is hot. That's saying a lot.

Nah, he'll stick with "the rock" until he stops wrestling(which i don't think will happen for a while). Either that or they'll start billing him Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson all the time.

I dunno, i think Dwayne Johnson is a boring name anyway. It's like calling hulk hogan Terry Bollea

Yeah, I'd give my right arm to hear Conan have one more chat with Crom...

I had a bit of good fun with this flick. The Rock gave a pretty inspired performance, though his one-liners feel so out-of-place, but it was the charm, I guess.

I'm just disappointed with the action scenes. It's just not as exciting as I'd hoped it to be.

I just like how everything is in cookie-cutting perfection: The Hero, magician, & the fool motif is just there in glorious comic book fashion.

In the end, I had a fun time at the movies. It's interesting that the comic relief had more lines than The Rock. I don't even remember his name. But Kelly Hu really gave the film some life. She's so regal and elegant.

Plus I damned near wet my pants when I saw the "Reign of Fire" trailer!

Thank god I didnt pay to see this movie (thanks IRC) It sucked worse than I could have ever imagined. It just felt so....forced. Duncan was the only thing going for it, and he even seemed out of place. The movie had marketing ploy written all over it, and that just took me right out and made me think...why did this trash get greenlit and King Conan is still waiting?

Box Office Mojo is reporting a $36.2 million opening weekend.

Further proof that BO is no proof of cinematic merit.

I expected nothing good at all. I have most of this thread's contibutors to thank for any wacky enthusiasm I may have had being eviscerated (sp?).

And you know, the film was better than what I expected. A lot of cheese, a lot of ploys. It was like a great episode of Xena, needing only Bruce Campbell.

I won't own it. I won't pay to see it again, but I do hope this does indeed launch a career for the "Rock". He can do it. He was just fine in the film. Other elements aside.

[quote]Clarence Beaks:
Jesus *wouldn't* have to pull focus...

I say CHUD just takes over the movie studio.

ALL the movie studios.

Check you brain at the door and have a cold drink for your crotch. Movie is fun cheese and Kelly Hu is way too hot.

The movie is not great but it was fun. Buckets of cheese and lots of Rock's TM moves. Cookie Cutter story but still fun. wink