The Dating Advice Thread

Dear Prala,

When you say you are going to keep in touch with a girl whom you feel shares a "mutual attraction in its early stages," what is the customary waiting period before sending her an e-mail?

Sincerely,

Confused Catholic

Aight 3 questions

1) How do you know if a girl is a freak or not?
(Sex freak)

2) What should a guy say to a girl to introduce himself but he is shy, and has a hard time starting converations?

3) If a girl wants it in the butt and you dont want too what do you say to her so she wont get pissed?

How far is too far on the first date?

I have a theory. Tell me if this is true.

Girls who write poetry AND are obsessed with Tori Amos are insane. Like, claw at the pavement crazy.

too...damn...good...

Pizza Kid beat me to my first question...

I met a girl at a party last weekend and we hit it off pretty damn well. She asked me on a date Sunday and we went to see Old School. She proceeded to talk outloud during the entire film about her life. It was quite possibly the most akward date of my life. Am I the anti-christ because I am never going to call her again or answer the phone when she calls?

How can I get my friends to call off a blind date they've forcibly set me up on? And if I can't, what would be the best method of scarring the poor guy for life?

I figure my dating karma is already beyond repair, so anything goes.

You WANT to scar the guy? Now that's just mean. A blind date can be a cool thing. You get to meet someone that you've never had any remote contact with. You just might like someone that different.

Here's my question, is the supermarket really the best place to meet nice girls? Do you guys just hang out there and pretend to browse cream corn while looking for a guy? This dating "expert" mentioned this on the radio.

Maybe it will be like that commercial (I think it's Zima) with 'The Brad'.

So on the first date, when you're eating a girl out is it better to turn your tongue clockwise or anti-clockwise, or to alternate between the two, with mild sucking and licking or would the whole licking part be a little too forward?

Cheers!

How do I meet nice girls who like to have sex when I have no money?

Get a job as an escort.

Or crib shamelessly from Palahniuk and check yourself into a sex addicts support group.

I snarfed because of this.

Is it just me, or has Prala deserted us?

More Questions

1. If you just moved. and you left a girlfriend and u know long distance never work, she said she was going to move their after she graduates should i stay with her or just find someone else?

2. Lets say your drunk and you end up having sex with a girl at a party....What do u say to her when she ask you what happen?

3. Is it true that girl's who dont get along with the oppisite sex makes them their perfect couple?

1. Long distance relationships never work. There are a few rare exceptions, but they are really really really fucking rare.

I have no idea what this even means.

Why am I always wrong/in trouble with my wife? I know i'm not the only guy who needs this question answered......

Perhaps the beatings are upsetting her?

When I promise the moon, do I actually have to deliver, or will breakfast do?

Allow me to take a stab at translating.
I THINK he's asking:
Is it true that if a girl hates another girl she secretly wants to make the whoopie with her?

If you need a translation for "make the whoopie," let me know.

Not always true. Some women are really irritable.

And should be killed with a slow, hot knife, but I digress.

I think my wife would be mad at me regardless. I work, come home and watch my son while she usually takes a nap. I tidy up the house, and when she wakes up, first thing our of her mouth is something I didnt do....while she was sleeping!

I could do everything in the world, theres just no pleasing that woman...too bad I love her. You can either be happy, or you can be right. With a woman you can't have both.

Okay, my deal goes as follows. I had the misfortune of being a chronically ill kid whose reading material in kindergarten was comprised of stuff like Hamlet and Descartes' Meditations. So, as you can guess, I had taken enough shit over being the sick/smart kid by first grade to act like Russell Crowe does in his first scene with Jennifer Connelly from that point through high school. In college, I discovered the wonders of alcohol and drugs and this got me over me initial hangups long enough to shed much of my more introverted behavioral patterns. I thought I had a relatively good understanding of girls by the end of Junior year.

Then I met this chick this summer and that's where you guys come into the picture. Basically, I'm going to give as brief a sketch as possible of our encounters and put the following question to you: Is she a batshit insane and rude person or am I just waaayyy more socially fucked up than I thought I was?

We lived in the dorm during our summer abroad experience and seemed to hit it off really well. She seemed to be intelligent, attractive and friendly, so, of course, I started to hang out with her regularly. Our first encounters provided what should have been major clues that the mature stages of our interaction would be trouble: She confided in me that she had "driven away" most of her friends at the end of Junior year and she had "F(uck)T(he)W(orld)" in blue ink on her calf. (Apparently, she carved this in her leg with a pen as a teenager.)

So, we hang out pretty much exclusively (I spent time with other people from time to time while the only people she seemed to hang out with other than me and my friends were a dude named Matt and a girl named Laura) for six weeks. During this time, she's extremely secretive about anything to do with her other than what is immediately relevant to our program. Then she starts to do a few weird things.

First, she introduced me to her mom. Mind you, she didn't walk down a street with her mom, happen to run into me, and then introduce us. No, she brought her mother to my dorm room for some reason.

Second, she starts to open up about how she gets depressed all the time and doesn't think interesting people find her attractive or worthy of their time.

So, after spending six weeks together day and night, her confiding in me, and making a big point of introducing me to her mom, I make the apparent mistake of letting her know I have a non-platonic interest in her. Her reply? "I love you for saying that!" Then she says I should convince her not to give other men the time of day. The next day, she starts teasing me and then goes on a date with a British grad student.

So, I figure, fuck it, she's obviously not into me in that way, I'll just move on to other girls. But the thing is, she kept coming up to me all the time and acting flirtatious. I'd walk by her and give her a civil greeting and proceed to the bar and she'd follow me and ask me what I was up to, smile, and the like. Then, she started to get into the habit of asking me if I talked to other people about her when she wasnt around. I responded truthfully and said I didn't and when other people asked me what I knew about her dating I'd respond with "I don't know and I don't care." She said this reminded her a lot of herself and called us "kindred drinkers."

When we got back to America, she gave me her phone number and suggested we hang out. I made the mistake of calling her a few times and inviting her to two parties. Every time we talked on the phone, we arranged to meet up somewhere. The first two times, she flaked but called and invited me to hang out with her and her friends at a few bars. I don't really take to being flaked on too well, so I stopped calling her.

Then she runs into me at the campus bar a couple days later, punches me in the arm, and says: "What's wrong with you, you almost let me walk by you!" So, I make the latest in a long series of mistakes, I arrange to hang out later in the week with her. She flakes. Again. So, I lose her number.

A few days later, she IMs me, asks me about grad school applications, and the like. I answer her and then proceed to ask her if she's going to those two parties. Her reply? "Jesus Cocksucking Christ, was I supposed to write that down?" We've spent two months hanging out, so she knows that I'm pretty devoutly religious. So I reply: "Uh, no, but thanks for respecting my relgious background, there." She writes I'm an adult and can handle it. I answer that I shouldn't have to "handle it" and I consider it rude and unfriendly behavior. She proceeds to call me unfriendly and then blocks me on AIM and defriends me on myspace and facebook.

I haven't talked to her since but I get the feeling that this is just a case of me falling for someone who clearly has a few fucking screws loose. Is that right or did I go horribly wrong somewhere?

God dammit man, sounds like you got real big problem. Ditch the bitch.

She's not for you, dude. If you see her again, ignore her. This may cause her to actually become interested in you, but don't go for it.
Seems like she ditched him already.

I agree with Nexus. Don't talk to her. If she is interested she'll apologize and want to talk about it.

And even then, ditch the bitch.

Thanks for your input, guys. Regarding the thought of pursuing her, I have a little too much self respect to be attracted to a person who shows no interest in keeping her commitments and then completely disrespects me and everything I believe to be beautiful and just. I was just wondering if she was as unbelievably rude and insane as I took her to be or if I was not as "with it" socialy as I have recently come to believe I am. (This all took place over the summer and the first week of the semester. I've had dates and sexual encounters since then, so I think I have to know something about all these things.)

Yes. She is insane/someone who plays mind games.

Insane.

I've dated the type before. Never again. It's an emotionally draining, toxic, and destructive endeavor that does no one any favors.

Thanks Cow Puncher and Belethedheliel. The whole self-tattooing thing, the fact she apparently can only keep hold of three friends over a long period of time, and the fact most other people thought she was rude--her nickname in England was "The Wicked Witch of the East"--boded well for me being right. I just wanted some external validation for that idea.

What's the best way to hook up with the hoochie mamas without the wife finding out?

A related sub-question, what's the best way to booty call a Chewess?

Well that's the reason she, and no one interesting, will never want you.
god is down with that?

I find "yo bitch, lemme tap that hawt ass" to be nearly 100% ineffective.

I take it that you've never actually read the Bible, Mike? All of the patriarchs do pretty scandalous things, there are more than a few prostitutes front and center in the Old Testament narrative, and--of course--the entire point of the New Testament is that people are fundamentally flawed creatures who are in the need of God's grace and forgiveness.

On top of that, I'm a Lutheran and we have a nice heritage from Augustine of Hippo who, in his youth, prayed the following prayer: "God grant me temperance and chastity . . . but not yet."

Also, if by "interesting," you mean people like her and the kind of people who hurl inflammatory remarks at random posters based on their take on the fundamental nature of reality and the universe, then I take not being wanted by them as a compliment concerning my character.

Oh--I do hate to point this out--you also meant to write the following: "Well, that is the reason she, and most/all other interesting people, will never want you." You have one too many negations in your original sentence. So, probably only those with a weak sense of grammar will ever want you.

That actually makes me wonder if any guys drunk PM female Chewers.

Chavez, nearly?

Apparently Dellamorte was very lonely that night.

Oh, and here I was hoping for something scandalous.

"Hey, I was just in the DVD section and saw that you though Transformers was awesome except for the flames on Optimus, just like me, and we live in the same city, and maybe we could get together for like a pizza and a fuck...or just the fuck, if you don't like pizza or aren't hungry."