The Dating Advice Thread - Page 2

Dammit, I want to rep you so hard right now...

Hawt OMG.

*pants tight*

hahahaha!

P.S. Here's a picture of my cock in the bottom of popcorn tub.

That's so early-80s.

Side question - would "Dick-in-a-Box" guy be a good Halloween costume?

My brain is doing back flips.

chudslist. a casual encounter mb for cinephiles.

Okay, Cuchulian's long diatribe and story has prompted me to unload my current quandry.

Two Saturdays ago at work, a co-worker of mine stopped by my office and dropped off our formats for the next evening. She asked me what I was up to for the evening and I told her I would probably be leaving in about 30 minutes. She said that she was about to leave and the rest of the guys in her department were looking to go out, "but I feel like just hanging out in my hotel room, so swing by if you want." (Note: some of us live out of town and work puts us all up in the same hotel on the weekends) We had chit-chatted in the past, but nothing more. I take this as a very overt signal and get her cell number from her, telling her I will call when I leave. 45 minutes later (after a quick shower because ya never know), I head up to her room. We end up bullshitting and watching TV for 3 hours, nursing a 6-pack. Nothing happens, but I get to know her and decide she is someone I'm interested in.

During the next few days, we talk a bunch at work either in person or on IM. We even grab lunch a couple times and leave together twice, taking the subway together. Everything is looking good--I keep getting the vibe that she is interested in me, but I'm a nervous fella with gals (due to always being rejected, etc.) so I don't make an overt move yet.

Last Friday night, I grab dinner with her and a couple other co-workers after we all get out. We sit next to one another and there is the occasional contact, whether it be on one another's hands, arms shoulders, etc. Later on, a group of 6 of us head downtown to a bar and her and I are pretty close during the evening--dancing together, sitting at the table close, things like that. 3 of the guys we are with all work very closely with her and they separately pull me aside and ask if I am interested in her. I say that is affirmative and they all encourage me to make a move. They pretty much say that they have heard she likes me, but since she hasn't had a relationship in over a year, she doesn't know how to send out the proper signals. Everything is looking good.

Before we leave, I arrange it with those guys that we take 2 separate cabs: me and her in 1, them in the other. We make up a BS story why they had to wait around and her and I take off. In the cab, there is lots of cuddling and closeness. I start making with the "I'm glad we've started hanging out alot, you're really cool...I'd like to go out with you sometime" routine. She says that she doesn't date co-workers. She says thanks but that's just a rule she has. The cab ride could not have gotten over fast enough.

The next day, I head over to the room where she works (with about 15 other folks) to see some other folks. She sees me and waves and gives a huge smile. As I am over near her (she is sitting down with her back to me), she puts her hands above her head and reaches back for a high five. I give her a high five and she holds onto my hands for a good 3-4 seconds, then lets them go. After I get back to my office, she starts IMing me in the same flirty way she had been all week prior to the previous evening's shoot-down. I'm fucking confused because, if I just shot someone down 12 hours earlier, I wouldn't be flirting with them on IM and acting like the previous evening never happened. I wouldn't blacklist the person, but the conversations would be more professional, ya know?

Well, that shit continues all weekend and this whole week. She's invited herself along with me to lunch a couple times and continued with the constant chit-chat. Once again, I'm confused.

Then yesterday (Wednesday) she finds out that she isn't gonna have a hotel room from work. She lives about an hour each way away from work and her two friends in the city won't let her crash with them. She is lamenting to me about this. The rest of the guys in her dept. are getting a hotel room, but not her (shortage this week). She says a few times "I don't mind bunking up with someone, but I don't wanna share a room with one of those guys", which seems like she is fishing for me to offer up my room as her crashing pad. I relent and tell her that she can crash in my room if she wants, that I will take a rollaway or the couch (being a gentleman). She jumps at that offer and gets all giddy.

Now, my quandry is this: WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON? She told me she doesn't date coworkers and she definitely isn't the type that goes for random hookups. She shot me down a week ago but has been Ms. Flirtatious ever since, essentially begging to crash in my hotel room this weekend. A few female friends of mine claim that its her playing hard to get. Personally, I think games like that are immature bullshit, but since I got nothing else going on then I guess I will take part. I'm just surprised that someone 27 years old would be big on play high school games like that.

Any advice as to what I should do this weekend? I'm not gonna make a move unless there is a HUGE sign from her, like a goddamn billboard or something.

Don't nurse the 6-pack this time.

Actually, make it a case.

Will, if she gives the whole flirty, hard to get routine to you again. Blow her off. I've known a few women like that and they usually won't make a move till you give them the cold shoulder.

I wouldn't be brutal about it, but don't give in either. If she asks what's the deal. Tell her.


Life is too short for grade school flirting, etc, etc.

Well, is it possible that now she's stated that she doesn't date co-workers, she feels like hanging out with you is safe? Like buddies who joke and flirt around a bit? Some women need to have a guy (or guys) like that around. To be close to without being close to...

Of course, it's possible that she felt things were moving too quickly for her in the cab and put the brakes on to buy herself more time, using the first excuse that came to mind.

It's a bit of a sticky situation.

Did she agree to sharing the hotel room with you before or after you mentioned getting the rollaway bed? (Also, if there are multiple guys staying in multiple hotel rooms, why can't two of them offer to bunk together to give her a room?)

It smells like a set-up, with her friends telling her that she can't stay with them and the company giving everyone else but her a room. I know I wouldn't wrangle my way into a guy's hotel room unless I had some interest (unless we've known each other for awhile and have definitely defined our platonicness).

But, since we don't know the woman and haven't seen her interact with anyone, your guess - as the actual witness to her actions - is probably the best one. What do you feel in your gut?

- She agreed to crash in the room before I said I would grab the couch/rollaway.

- Those guys are selfish idiots and are thinking "I got a room, sweet" and won't give it up. She didn't ask, we just know their personalities. None of them would think to offer it to her.

- I'm thinking she has an interest and just wanted to buy herself some time. Hell, one thing I forgot to mention: she asked me today what my plans were for tomorrow evening. I'm playing poker with another co-worker and some of his friends. 15 minutes after I tell her, she asks if she could come along to the poker evening eventhough she wasn't invited (um...WTF???). I think on my feet and tell her that I was the last one asked to play and that he has hit the limit for the table and the apartment (since it is a small place). It seems like she is wanting to spend time with me one way or another, so that's gotta be good--I would hope.


EDIT: Woo-hoo, 1000 posts!

Maybe she's not looking to "date" per se, but just wants a fuck buddy.

And at this point in my desperation, I'd be OK with it. That's just me & my hormones talking, though. Probably wouldn't be a good idea for the more level-headed.

Well, if she's willing to go to a poker game where she doesn't know many of the people to hang out with you - where it would specifically be because you'd brought her along - I think that definitely signals interest.

Good luck, Will.

And remember (and not to sound callous), it is your hotel room, so if something happens that you're not kosher with, you can always tell her to find another place to crash. But, I don't think that's going to happen...

Yeah...she would have to whip out a strap-on or start doing blow for me to kick her out of the room. And even then it would be a mental struggle.

I'm not into the fuck-buddy thing either. From hanging out with her, I get the feeling that she isn't into that either. I could be wrong, wouldn't be the first time.

I don't know how I would feel about the fuck-buddy situation. I'm more of a committed individual, but I don't think I would turn it down right now.

Well, I kind of meant if she set you up and then pulled the rug out on you...

But I suppose having a manic coked-out woman with a strap-on would also make one pause for a few seconds to think. But only a few seconds, I'd guess.

If she was looking to pull the rug out from under me in her own kinda Candid Camera-kinda way, then she can fuck off.

All depends upon the size of the strap-on, hun.

She could just be using you since you said you asked her out. She knows you like her and she could be one of those chicks that'll use that. Punch her in the face and see what happens.

Well, hell, now you tell me. I swear, you guys need to come with a handbook or something...

And they say women are confusing.

Strap-ons are where I draw the line. Now, L. Ron Buttplug, that's penetration I can get behind.

How did my name get dragged into this?

Also, you act like a friend/beta male, you are going to be treated like one. End of story. Girls like having men that they can rev up. I have coworkers who joke about their work husbands, who are men who would fuck them in a heartbeat if it would work out, and instead they'll settle for driving the carriage and getting close to the carrot. It's kinda gross, but men are just as guilty of it. I think most LaButte films are over the top but he is right that power has a lot to do with sexuality. But more in the sense that people don't respond well to weakness.

At the same time, couch taker, you seem actively afraid to get with the nasty. And sometimes intelligent/people in their own heads (not necessarily the same thing) are afraid of movement. Maybe you fear making this person uncomfortable by making advances, but there are ways of doing that without seeming a creep, and without, say kissing them. If you feel that you're crossing into violation territory don't do it, but also don't invite them into your room. Then again, you've actively allowed the relationship to exist as it does. Men tend to think this will go places if they play it slow, where women often get cold when nothing advances.

Fixed.

Honestly, that's exactly what I was thinking. If she hasn't been in a relationship in over a year, she might just be looking for some action without commitment.

Also, I agree with Andre's post. If you're too nice, or a "gentleman", most girls will walk right over you. Offering her the bed while you take the couch is too much. It's your room - if she doesn't want to be in the bed with you, she can take the couch. You're doing her the favor, not the other way around.

Notes to Will Kane and Cuchulain:

Both girls wanted you to make moves, and both of you either:
A) Didn't
B) Tried to so completely ineptly the girl was unaware of it.

Cuchulain, pretend that girl never existed. Find yourself a nice preacher's daughter at church, wait til marriage for sex, get married, raise 2.5 kids and please do us the favor of not continuing the long standing, right-wing tradition of trying to inflict religious views unto the rest of world through wacky legislation.

Will Kane, Andre is 100% correct. Don't wait for an engraved invitation. Don't even ask. When she shows up at your room, have a drink, get comfy on the bed/couch and dive right in and kiss her. She doesn't want to date you. She want's to F*** you when she's on the road, because in all probability, she already has a boyfriend back home (The "not being in a relationship" line is probably just that...a line). If things work out, after a few months of road trips, she'll probably want to trade him in for you full time. If not, you've kept each other entertained. Quit trying to figure out if this is going somewhere long term, and it just might.

Never, ever, get into a relationship at work. If things don't pan out, which invariably they won't, then you're turning your office, where you spend at least 30 hours a week, into a regular hell hole of bad feelings. Nothing worse for a paranoid person than the feeling that an ex has turned everyone against you, and this happens a lot in workplace romances.

Also if you do end up getting a work relationship I can gurantee your co-workers will attempt to fuck it up spectacularly as soon as possible, just for shits and giggles. Hell I've been complicit in just such a thing, just to keep myself amused.

Thanks for the advice everyone. Yeah, I can be a bit of a pushover pussy at times. I try to be a nice guy and I think I end up being too nice. It's fucked me in the past and I can see where I am falling into that same rut. Probably the main reason I offered to take the couch/rollaway is so she can be the one to say "hey, come on in here and join me", kinda see if she is gonna make a move. I'm sure that sounds stupid and it probably is, but that's what I was thinking.

I'm pretty inept with chicks, that is a given.

That's my plan for next weekend.

This is the greatest day of bumping a thread ever did see. Kudos to all, you've kept me amused.

Update: two of the guys in her department said she could bunk with them. She then said "so at least there are options." I don't want you to have options. Having options further prolongs this waiting game. She crashes in my room this weekend, all questions will most likely be answered. She crashes somewhere else, then pretty much nothing is answered.

So, you want we should hit him?

YES.

Especially if you're going to wear it to Splatterfest, as long as you can deal with me either singing or laughing every time I see you.

Wait, you're not going to dress up as Cheney and sit in a cardboard box all night, are you?

I have yet to receive any myself, though I have gotten two professions of love and one marriage proposal via the rep system.

Girls usually want boys to make a move. You wait for her you are in "the friend zone."

I made a move last week and got the "I don't date coworkers" response. If she crashes in my room, I will make one more swing for the fences.

Scratch what I said earlier. Punch those guys in the face. Show your the Alpha Male at work.

I would tell her (IM, email, or to her face) something to the effect of:
'I've already told you I'm interested in/attracted to you. It would be dishonest of me to suggest that if you want to stay in my room, I would want anything else than for you to be in my bed. If that's not acceptable to you, I would suggest you make other arrangements.'

Nice. Classy, yet firm.

Do the above in person. If she relents and decides she wants you, great! Otherwise, you've nipped this in the bud, and can move on.

Isn't that just a little creepy, though? "Look, I'll give you a ride home, but only if you blow me. I just can't be alone with you and not want you to service me."

Fuck that shit, she's a woman, she'll understand on an intrinsic level that all services and favours offered must be repaid by sex.

I'm thinking that would definitely scare her off, but at least there wouldn't be any confusion. Hmmm...

Yeah, that's a definite in-person thing. I wanna clear this shit up.

She's going out to the bar with the guys in her department tonight. I COULD meet up with them later, but I'm gonna pass on that one. I'm not gonna follow her around like a puppy dog.

No. They've been flirting and she's giving mixed messages: 'I don't want to date you but I want to sleep in your room.'

It is gentlemanly to make your intentions clear. "I want to date you," "I am attracted to you" and "I want to warn you that I will interpret you wanting to sleep in the same bedroom as me as you making an invitation for sexual advances" are not creepy statements. Better to warn her and have her decide she's not interested than to have her think she's cleared the whole thing up and be surprised when he sees it differently, and they're stuck spending the night in the room together after the most awkward of rebuffed advances.

ETA: that's why the statement I suggested said "would want" not "would expect" by they way; it's not a 'payment for service.' It's making desire and intent clear, not threatening to rape her or suggesting that she should whore herself out for the room.

Was that me?

I wouldn't do this. Too matter of fact. If this girl is really in to you, she wants to be seduced away from her "no relationships with co-workers" rule or else you'd not be getting mixed signals.

No, she is either in it for the chase or is a mind fucker. What girl wants to spend the night in a hotel room with a guy she's already turned away?

The game is on!

Only an hour away from home???? An hour??? i'm a little confused about the whole work gets us hotel rooms. I know where I was before, I had opportunities during bad weather and late hours to get hotel rooms... but that was special circumstances... and I live by Chicago. Working an hour away would be heaven for many people.

Just to make my point clearer: Will has ALREADY told her his feelings and she:

A.) Told him "No".
B.) Hit on him some more and tried to get an invite into his hotel room for the evening.

This is either going to be one of Will's worst nights ever with the girl putting him through the ringer or he is going to be making flippy-floppy by 1am.

No way, this girl is going to respond to another coherent confession with any rational response.

Oh... but I would disregard 99% of the advice in here, Will.

Except mine.

I know exactly what's going on here. She's probably regretting saying that to you right now... but then she isn't regretting it... See, she's probably just as confused as you are. She sounds like an awesome person, and hooking up with co-workers isn't always a smart move. She's probably really leary about it. I can't blame her. Why rush this? Just keep being honest. Bring it up, again. If she's a cool person, as she seems to be, she'll probably be open with you. Why does everything need to happen this weekend? Will your penis fall off?

It's not like your dealing with Fuck the World lady from the story up above.

I don't know. She's already pointed out why she needs a room, and it's based on the fact that she trusts him more than these other guys. Saying that he can't be in the same room without needing to make romantic progress just puts him in league with those other guys.

If there is progress being made, there's nothing good that can come from such a conversation. She may be easing into the idea of fucking right now, but once you lay out an ultimatum (that sounds harsh, but it's what's really happening in such a conversation) you run high risk of her just getting pissed off.

Just let her stay, and if shit happens, then it will come naturally. No need to take chances.

The other option is to "just be getting out of the shower and have the towel on" when she arrives. Then... just let it fall off when you reach for your deoderant...

Sparks will fly, baby.

To add greater impact, say something like, "Holy shit! My penis is exposed to this cool and harsh hotel air, and I think it's engorged in blood in such a way that's telling me to put it in your vagina!"

Fuckin' fireworks.

Fire Fuckworks.