"If you had your own TV network" or "The first topic to achive the 'on fire' status"

I would program whatever paid the absolute most in terms of advertizing. Why? Because I would be a greedy fucking TV whore and I could then afford to buy my own cable network to then program what I want! Which would be a combination of Cartoons, NHRA Drag Racing, Formula One, FoodTV, Discovery, and SciFi.

I'd bring Art Bell out of retirement and give him a new Radio or TV show of his own because he's cool.

However: I'd have to draw the line at hoochymamaTV like SpringerSallyRickyMauryetc.
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-KRONOS Your Online Shopping Source

[This message has been edited by kronos (edited 10-25-2000).]

This is a good topic.

If I was completely in charge of what went on the air on my own station:

From midnight to 2 AM, I'd have a two-hour block of The Young Ones, Bottom, and whatever other Ade Edmonson/Rick Mayall shows girlcreeture could get hold of...

Mystery Science Theater 3000 and paid programming until 5:30 AM...

At 5:30 AM, the old (by that, I mean 70's/80's) episodes of the Super Friends or some other equivalent...

At 6:00 AM, the newer (and by that, I mean the 90's stuff) cartoons of Batman, Spider-Man, etc....

At 7:00 AM, Looney Tunes...

At 8:00 AM, my talk show, where I go on and on about movies, news, how great my station is, and break down in the last half-hour, either acting out famous plays with action figures, or playing a video game and taking live phone calls...

At 9:00 AM, a horror movie (something like The Evil Dead, Halloween, etc.)

At 11:00 AM, Upright Citizens Brigade

At 11:30 AM, Strangers with Candy...

At 12:00 PM, Kids in the Hall...

At 1:00 PM, In Living Color...

At 1:30 PM, an action flick (Predator, Conan, The Matrix, or a good HK flick, etc.)...

At 3:30 PM, a show chosen completely at random...

At 4:00 PM, Bad Kids [an original idea I had, where, for thirty minutes, we show footage of mental patients, people in changing rooms, high school gyms, etc., all by way of hidden cameras, and two-way mirrors; THE CATCH: a guy in a giant costume (a cell phone, Pikachu, etc.) will run around and assault them with random objects (a balloon, a bannanna, etc.); there will also be a segment called "Break-Up," where someone will be filming with a hidden camera, while they break up with their significant other, with hilarious results]...

At 4:30 PM, CHUD.COM (*assuming CHUD would be up for it* where Nick, Johnny, or somedamnbody hands out the latest entertainment news with style and hopefully wit, split with Sci-Fighter/Tolken, CCC, Fetal, and Action Reaction)...

At 5:00 PM, Seanbaby.com show (*assuming Seanbaby would be up for it* where Seanbaby would offer up insight into various topics, both useful and useless, complete with redubbed cartoons)...

At 5:30 PM, The State...

At 6:00 PM, uhhhh, something like Liquid Television or Cartoon Sushi, with lots of animated and live-action segments by people ya haven't heard of...home videos to be accepted as I see fit...

At 7:00 PM, Bitches (another original idea, where psychotic cheerleaders are trapped in a haunted mansion...kinda like Gilligan's Island, except they keep kicking each other's asses and beating most anything that moves with baseball bats)...

At 7:30 PM, The 7:30 Show (another original, where I randomly choose two or three tv shows of different genres and put them together for one episode)...

At 8:00 PM, Mr. Show with Bob and David...

At 8:30 PM, The NEW Double Dare (the only difference, is that it's for the mentally handicapped)...

At 9:00 PM, Look Like a Retard (another original game show, where all 12 contestants consume large amounts of alcohol, then, while wearing padded body suits and bicycle helmets, they have to run around a padded room, colliding into each other for about 15 minutes; whichever contestants haven't thrown-up go onto the lightning round, where, suspended from bungee cords, they basically repeat the process, until a winner is declared)...

At 9:30 PM, televised Rollerball (with rollerblades instead of skates, and skateboards are allowed as either modes of transport or weapons; hopefully, James Caan will host)...

At 10:00 PM (granted Rollerball doesn't go into overtime), The Happy Funtime 2000 Talk Show (basically, it's me with a talk show with celebrities, cause I think it'd be fun; and I'd politely challenge all sexy female-type guests to play a round of "Wrestle Around to Find the Engagement Ring in the Green Jello")...

At 11:00 PM, an hour of Space Ghost: Coast to Coast and, if they want, they could replace it with their own original show for the 11:30 PM time slot...

[This message has been edited by DJEvil (edited 10-25-2000).]

And all talk shows would be set up for internet interactivity, with chat rooms, and most anything else needed...

On the weekend, it'd be a mish-mash of the past week's stuff.

I'll refrain from saying any original shows cause I don't trust you bitches.

But the following shows would be seen...

Amazing Spider-Man (60's), Captain N: The Game Master, Donkey Kong, Dragon's Lair, Droids, Dungeons and Dragons, Ewoks, Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids, Frogger, Garfield, GI Joe, He-Man, Pac-Man, Picture Pages, Pitfall, Q-Bert, The Real Ghostbusters, Robocop, Rubik: The Amazing Cube, She-Ra, Shirt Tales, Spider-man (90's), Spider-man and His Amazing Friends, Super Friends, Superman: TAS, The Transformers, and Voltron...

Adventures of Brisco County Jr, Blake's 7, BJ and the Bear, Buck Rogers, Dr. Who, The Flash, Freddy's Nightmares, Greatest American Hero, Hard Time on Planet Earth, The Human Target, Mann and Machine, Nightmare Cafe, Red Dwarf, Sheriff Lobo, Space Rangers, Spider-Man, Stargate SG-1, Superboy, Super Force, Tales of the Gold Monkey, Voyagers, War of the Worlds,

Reruns of G.L.O.W. and Rollergames...

And I'd use both Joe Bob Briggs and Elvira as hosts for the movies...

Hey, I'd be in this to make money, so I would produce 1 high quality show, surround it by re-runs of old but popular stuff, and then slowly and gradually let the popular show get worse and worse.

The general public will all sit there like catatonic fools, making them susceptible to the subliminal messages I will insert in the adverts (the ones for my own products mind...).

Once the actors in my hit show become too greedy for their own good I will condemn them to sub-standard movie hell, whilst I release more shows, that, whilst superior to the final season of my other hit show, is still as brain numbingly awful as ever. Again I will degrade the quality of this show gradually, inserting the subliminal advertising in once again.

After a few years of this I will start inserting subliminal messages that will encourage the public to:

1) Demand a new amendment that will allow a foreigner to become American President. Then get them to vote for me.

2) Demand a new Papal Bull that allows atheists to become Pope. Then get the Vatican Council to elect me Pope.

After that you are all in a LOT of trouble...

The Brain has nothing on me...

(But a whole bunch of networks have a head start, I must work quickly!)

24 Hours of Edison Carter. The Edison Carter Channel!

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-KRONOS Your Online Shopping Source

Well, Brimstone & B5: Crusade (or another spinoff) would get new lease on life....

Nobody likes Bitches?

I like DJ's CHUD.Com idea. What I'd do, is just an all day CHUD channel. Programs, reviews, screening, MST3k'ing our enemies, etc...

It'd be a beautiful thing.

I figured thirty minutes to start out with.

"How to pick up chicks...Step one: Walk over and introduce yourself. Step two: (and this may or may not apply to you) Talk about your tv show."

I'd have a station consisting of extremely slimy and bad horror and gore films with church services in between in lieu of commercials.

Jhereg & Vor would get really good series treatments.

Nick always has great ideas! Marketing that would be a little difficult though. . .

My idea's time has come!

Hmmm, my 24 hour rotation would include: episodes of Masters of the Universe, MST3K, horror flicks, NYPB Blue, ER, MTV'S Austin Stories (all 8 eps), pornos (I pledge never to repeat a porno flick on the Jason Network!), any movie Marisa Tomei is in and finally... AC/DC videos. All in a randon rotation.