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GRENDEL GETS LAID!!!

post #1 of 55
2/1/01 at 2:06pm
Thread Starter 
Okay, so before the new baby came, like MONTHS before, the doc says to my HotPants, my wife, "Hey, no more dick for you until this kid pops out, there's some danger here..."

And so grendel, for humanitarian reasons, forsook the pleasures of the flesh.

Then cometh the baby. Early. The doc says, "Typically there's a six week waiting period before nookie resumes. Not so with you two. I want you to wait a little longer."

And I'm thinking, "WHORE!"

But once again, grendel girds his loins for the sake of allowing the aforementioned HotPants' vagina to return to it's normal state (i.e. PERFECTION), until, wonder of wonders, after a doctor's visit yesterday that grendel didn't know about, he comes home from work and LO AND BEHOLD, THE WONDERS OF THE FLESH ARE ONCE AGAIN OPENED BEFORE HIM!

Oh, glorious day!

Celebrate with me, oh brothers and sisters, and reflect on the holiness embodied in the form of the fabulous vagina!
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post #2 of 55
2/1/01 at 2:33pm
Talk about your Shameless Self Promotion!

LOL

But , really...Congrats !
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post #3 of 55
2/1/01 at 2:35pm
I'm thinking about renaming this forum SAUSAGE LINKS AND SELF PROMOTION.
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post #4 of 55
2/1/01 at 3:31pm
Thread Starter 
SAUSAGE LINKS AND SELF-GRATIFICATION?
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post #5 of 55
2/1/01 at 3:31pm
Thread Starter 
DR. T & THE WOMEN?
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post #6 of 55
2/1/01 at 3:32pm
Thread Starter 
BJ AND THE BEAR?
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post #7 of 55
2/1/01 at 5:43pm
Seigfreid and Roy
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post #8 of 55
2/1/01 at 6:11pm
Thread Starter 
No. Grendel got laid and the scent, so to speak, is in the air.
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post #9 of 55
2/2/01 at 2:50am
Women are sexy.

I want one!

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"Hold onta' ya' butts!'
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post #10 of 55
2/2/01 at 11:56am
Hooooooooooooo AHHHhhhhhhhhhhh
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post #11 of 55
2/2/01 at 11:23pm
The beginnign to mid parts of this thread are just genius. Hollywood and vine! *in tears laughing*

Too bad I had to post to put the nail in the coffin. Heh, nail... coffin...

Somebody kill me.

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Ignore the next few lines that follow.
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post #12 of 55
2/5/01 at 1:40pm
Thread Starter 
Gladly.

Oh, and wonder of wonders, it happened again. Several times! I'm starting to remember what weekends are for!
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post #13 of 55
2/5/01 at 1:46pm
If we started posting each time we engage in "the rhythmic slap-slap", the boards would go haywire.

Right, guys?
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post #14 of 55
2/5/01 at 1:55pm
a tumbleweed goes by.
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post #15 of 55
2/5/01 at 2:06pm
I recommend, to keep the boards sane, that we only post when we do the rhythmic slap slap with grendel's wife.
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post #16 of 55
2/5/01 at 2:06pm
An embarassed cough can be heard from the audience...
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post #17 of 55
2/5/01 at 2:07pm
Which rapidly turns into a choking fit of laughter as Blofeld chimes in...
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post #18 of 55
2/5/01 at 8:04pm
and a hail of tomatoes.

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and a voice was screaming: Holy Jesus! What are these damn animals
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post #19 of 55
2/5/01 at 9:22pm
Actually, Nick-seems to me there are plenty of posts on the board about the sound of one hand slapping-
www.chud.com/board/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&forum=The+CHUD+Draf t+2001&number=29&DaysPrune=1000&LastLogin=



[This message has been edited by Hot Animal Machine (edited 02-05-2001).]
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post #20 of 55
2/6/01 at 1:11pm
Thread Starter 
It's okay guys...my keyboard will grow dusty and alone before I again receive the pleasures of the female flesh.

But hey, the rest of you feel free to post should you happen to sleep with my wife.

It's a noteworthy event no matter who is involved.
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post #21 of 55
2/6/01 at 1:32pm
I'm just curious here...

But does Mrs Grendel read CHUD or not? Or specifically, has she read this thread?

If she hasn't, how much do you think this will hinder your chances if/when she does?
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post #22 of 55
2/6/01 at 3:48pm
She used to read CHUD, but now sadly we rarely see her. Her handle is HotPants on the boards, and in the heyday she was a vivid character here.
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post #23 of 55
2/6/01 at 4:54pm
Thread Starter 
I am sure it is just a matter of time before Lowshot sends her the link, as he is trying to steal her away from me anyways...

Of course, this message will guarantee that he doesn't.

Devious am I...
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post #24 of 55
2/6/01 at 5:18pm
Thread Starter 
...and furthermore, grendel would not get in trouble ANYWAY, as Mrs. Grendel is COOL, and HOT, as her moniker HotPants would tend to delineate.


Heh. That above rant sounded a little like Cerebus. I wish I could talk like that all the time.
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post #25 of 55
2/6/01 at 7:39pm
As I had indicated in my email to you, gren ... I'm surprised this thread hasn't exploded with accusations of infidelity ...
Most of you bastards have stunted senses of humor!
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post #26 of 55
2/6/01 at 7:52pm
"I'm surprised this thread hasn't exploded with accusations of infidelity ..."

I just assumed that the CHUD community was one big ol' wife swapping community
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post #27 of 55
2/6/01 at 7:56pm
That's why you didn't speak up, huh? You've had HotPants, too?
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post #28 of 55
2/7/01 at 1:36pm
Thread Starter 
Heh heh heh.
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post #29 of 55
2/7/01 at 3:32pm
I like to see him froth.
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post #30 of 55
2/7/01 at 3:44pm
You know, HotPants had quite a crush on me for a while. It's true. If you look through some old posts, you'd see some definete sexual tension building there.

Then grendel piped in that she was his WIFE.

So, I set my sights on girlcreeture. Mission accomplished. Who's next?

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EAT THIS
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post #31 of 55
2/7/01 at 4:40pm
Me!
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post #32 of 55
2/7/01 at 4:52pm
Thread Starter 
Uh, Low? He meant 'Who is next for ME', meaning: Who is next for Johnny Butane?

Not 'Who is next for grendel's wife?'

See? It was an implied subject within the statement.

If you WISH to be Butane's wife next, well, by all means go forth and seek your happiness.

Otherwise, read a little more carefully.
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post #33 of 55
2/7/01 at 5:24pm
LowShot had read very carefully.
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post #34 of 55
2/7/01 at 5:31pm
grendel, I knew exactly what Johnny said.

Now you're just making it look like I'm incompetent (which I am) and didn't know what I was saying (which I usually don't).

But believe me, as alluring as your wife may be, Johnny is who I want to set me in their sites.

Unless your wife wants me more.
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post #35 of 55
2/7/01 at 6:06pm
Jesus, Low, I've already had you in my apartment AND in LA. What more do you want? No, I need some FRESH loving.
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post #36 of 55
2/7/01 at 9:05pm
Oh yeah. I'd go for Blofeld. I've heard he's a wiley lover.
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post #37 of 55
2/8/01 at 3:19am
The CLEANFLICKS fecalheads would suffer severe intestinal damage with this thread...or at the very least, ass-water hemorrhaging.

grendel is, definitely, the MAN...and I, too, worship Hotpants for her fortitude.

Have fun, kids.
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post #38 of 55
2/8/01 at 11:26am
I DO NOT BELIEVE I missed this whole thread.

Work sucks.
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post #39 of 55
2/8/01 at 1:39pm
Who's next huh Johnny?

>Tapping foot while resting barb wire stringed rolling pin against her shoulder, yeah. she watches ECW dammit<

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post #40 of 55
2/8/01 at 1:54pm
BTW

Congratulations Grendel!! And Missus Grendel too! The beast with two backs lives on happily in your home!
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post #41 of 55
2/11/01 at 3:42am
You guys are some sick, disgusting, fucking dudes! But ah, don't stop talking about grendel's wife just on account of me.......

Shelby, sick as I am and I freely admit that I am, no swapping for me. Even if I weren't completely happy where I am, my groin area has a severe alllergic reation to shape knives.

Thank you very much for including me in the "I thought you'd all be one big swapping group" or whatever you said. but big Al and the twins wil be behaving themselves and staying home. They may not count for much in the grand cosmic scheme of all things, but I am "attached to them!"

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http://www.homeownersrights.com Are you owed money?
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post #42 of 55
2/12/01 at 12:38am
Seriously though, I bet having a wife is cool.

And HotPants' pants are hot because they are plug in. It's okay, she told me.


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As much as I hate it, I am only here to bring threads to a sudden, painful, seatbelt-locking halt. Sorry to do this to your nice thread here...


Founder of the Shameless Promotion Movement: www.generallogan.com
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post #43 of 55
2/12/01 at 4:34am
Quote:
but big Al and the twins wil be behaving themselves and staying home.
Please! Oh God! Please don't say Big Al when referring to the meat and two veg again.
My radio nickname is Big Al and it brings up the most uncomfortable images when you use it as such.

BTW Congrats Grendel, as I am a hormonally overloaded 18 y/o, you have my respect.

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"You're not friends. You'll never be friends. You'll be in love till it kills you both. You'll fight, and you'll shag, and you'll hate each other until it makes you quiver, but you'll never be friends. Love isn't brains, children, it's blood -- blood screaming inside you to work its will. I may be love's b****, but at least I'm man enough to admit it." -Spike
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post #44 of 55
2/13/01 at 3:12pm
Thread Starter 
Thank you, thank you. It's all really luck, though. Oh, and hypnotism.
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post #45 of 55
2/13/01 at 3:18pm
... and a billyclub ...
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post #46 of 55
2/13/01 at 4:28pm
Thread Starter 
Mmm-hmmm!

Luck, hypnotism, and a billy club! What's that spell in grendel's house? Fifteen minutes of GOOOOOOOOD lovin'!
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post #47 of 55
2/13/01 at 5:52pm
Thread Starter 
Takes ten and a half just to undress and tie her up. Sheesh!
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post #48 of 55
2/13/01 at 9:36pm
Let's all pray that the time you mentioned is mostly tying intricate knots and not de-tarping.

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As much as I hate it, I am only here to bring threads to a sudden, painful, seatbelt-locking halt. Sorry to do this to your nice thread here...


Founder of the Shameless Promotion Movement: www.generallogan.com
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post #49 of 55
2/15/01 at 3:37pm
Thread Starter 
You gots to peeeeelll the clothes offa her...


You dick.
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post #50 of 55
2/18/01 at 3:56pm
Axiom says, "Please! Oh God! Please don't say Big Al when referring to the meat and two veg again.
My radio nickname is Big Al and it brings up the most uncomfortable images when you use it as such."

Axiom, I guess you are trying to get a "Head'" huh? Well, "spray" your love over the airwaves and don't woory about a little "leak."

I don't mean to make it "Hard on" you but you must really have a lot of "balls" from now on and try not to think about being big Al and the twins when you are trying to be serious on the air.

If you behave maybe someone can arrange for you to interview "Woody" Harelson or maybe even some "Diamond Cutter" from Antwerp.

Try not to think about being an anteater or a helmet when you are on the air.

Just don't start "Dickin" around when you are speaking. Otherwise you could go "Nuts."

Anyway just follow my rules don't be "jerking off" when you are on the air and you should have a "Spanking good time." when you next broadcast.

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http://www.homeownersrights.com Are you owed money?
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