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Top Ten Miscast Action Heroes

post #1 of 34
7/10/03 at 6:58pm
Thread Starter 
1. Judge Reinhold as former Black-Ops officer Evan Mink, in Project: Human Weapon. This tape cover had me and my friend shrieking with laughter in Blockbuster.

2. Patrick Swayze, Roadhouse. "Deliberate" miscasting or not, the only place that would even consider hiring Swayze as a bouncer would be the Blue Oyster.

3. George Clooney, as a colonel in The Peacemaker. Look, he's got an army uniform! He must be TOUGH! Also, Clooney as a sea captain in The Perfect Storm. Look, he's got a beard! he must be GRIZZLED!

4. Christopher Walken, McBain. Part of a subgroup of miscast action heroes that somehow work, despite the fact that the actor playing the good guy should really be playing the bad guy, because he is clearly out of his mind and FAR nuttier than any of the chump-change psycho villain wannabe actors that he goes up against. See also Ray Liotta in No Escape, and Juicy Busey in Eye of the Tiger plus other assorted straight-to-vidders.

5. Ben Affleck in The Sum of All Fears. His voice reminds me of the Simpsons Pimply Faced Teenager.

6. Michael Ontkean (aka the sherrif from Twin Peaks) as ex CIA agent Curt Flynn, in Street Justice. Again with the beard thing.

7. Steve Guttenberg as agent Bill McNeil, head of Special Forces Team "Mach 1", in Airborne

8. Jay Leno, Collision Course

9. Slater from Saved by the Bell, Outta Time

10. TV's Barry Bostwick, Megaforce. BOSTWICK AM BECOME DEATH, THE DESTROYER OF WORLDS.

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post #2 of 34
7/10/03 at 7:17pm
John Cusack in Con Air. Much as I like the flick on the basis of the great overacting from everyone involved, there's no way you can ever believe that Cusack is a Marshall, let alone having him ride a motorbike bad-ass style in the end.
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post #3 of 34
7/10/03 at 8:07pm
It has always been my opinion that Pat Morita in Karate Kid moved way to slow to beat up teenagers. It was more of a "mentor" role than action hero, but still...
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post #4 of 34
7/10/03 at 8:31pm
Quote:
The Fifth Noble Truth:


3. George Clooney, as a colonel in The Peacemaker. Look, he's got an army uniform! He must be TOUGH! Also, Clooney as a sea captain in The Perfect Storm. Look, he's got a beard! he must be GRIZZLED!
Man, I gotta disagree on one of my cult classics "The Peacemaker". I think he was very cool in the role. Watch the car chase again, culminating in his stoic cold-blooded revenge killing of the thugs and tell me he can't do action hero.
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post #5 of 34
7/11/03 at 7:25pm
1. How about George Clooney in Batman & Robin?

2. John Stamos in Never too Young to Die

3. James Belushi in Red Heat, Real Men, K9, etc.
Who decided he should be a comic action star?

4. Joe Don Baker in Mitchell

5. David Carradine in Kung-Fu
Isn't Chinese, can't do kung-fu...Probably the worst casting ever
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post #6 of 34
7/11/03 at 8:27pm
Remember Lee Van CLeef in that 1980's tv show called "The Ninja"? He played a ninja with a big-ass paunch. Sure thing, Lee.

David Carridine in "Kung Fu'. Gotta go with Jedi on this one. Let's get a slow white guy to play a Chinese martial arts expert. It'll be huge!

Geena Davis in "The Long Kiss Goodnight".

Kathleen Turner in "V.I. Warshawski". Oy vey.
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post #7 of 34
7/11/03 at 8:53pm
Quote:
The Fifth Noble Truth:
10. TV's Barry Bostwick, Megaforce. BOSTWICK AM BECOME DEATH, THE DESTROYER OF WORLDS.
TV's Barry Bostwick? TV's Barry Bostwick???
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post #8 of 34
7/11/03 at 8:58pm
Thread Starter 
I disagree. Van Cleef was the ninja STANDARD, the ninja against which all others must be judged.

And the problem with George Clooney is he doesn't look like he's ever been in a fight.
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post #9 of 34
7/11/03 at 9:00pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Z-Man:
Quote:
The Fifth Noble Truth:
10. TV's Barry Bostwick, Megaforce. BOSTWICK AM BECOME DEATH, THE DESTROYER OF WORLDS.
TV's Barry Bostwick? TV's Barry Bostwick???
Alright, alright.

Radio's Barry Bostwick. Happy now?
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post #10 of 34
7/11/03 at 9:01pm
Quote:
Angel Red Wings:
Geena Davis in "The Long Kiss Goodnight".
No. Fucking. Way.
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post #11 of 34
7/11/03 at 11:17pm
Owen Wilson, Behind enemy lines. He can do Roy, he can do Hansel, but he can´t do action.

I´d also go for Cusack Air.

Every leading character role in Half past dead.
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post #12 of 34
7/12/03 at 12:34am
I just wanted to say that Shigemichi Toscani is one of the best usernames ever, perhaps second only to Cult of Seagal.

And yes, Judge Reinhold's tough guy makeover is fucking insane. I can't believe it's actually working since he appears to keep getting roles!
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post #13 of 34
7/12/03 at 1:18am
Tom Cruise in MI:2 comes to mind right away.
Affleck is a nice choice for Ryan and who can forget his terrible turn as the sheriff in Phantoms?
Clooney for the Peacemaker (Although he was good in parts(Car chase) he came off wrong horribly wrong in some parts including the bomb on the truck bit). You could include from Dusk Til Dawn as well.
Owen Wilson in Behind Enemy Lines is a good choice as well
DMX in Cradle 2 the Grave
William Baldwin in Fair Game

I disagree strongly with Swayze in Road House, Belushi, Cusack.
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post #14 of 34
7/12/03 at 2:02am
Hands down as the worst casting my pick goes to Kevin Cosner in Robin Hood Prince of Thieves...no explanation needed...

I'll have to think of nine others...
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post #15 of 34
7/12/03 at 3:32am
Even though I love "John Carpenter's Vampires", Jack Crow seemed a little too nerdy.
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post #16 of 34
7/12/03 at 12:28pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
ReverseViagramir Captain of Gondor:
I just wanted to say that Shigemichi Toscani is one of the best usernames ever, perhaps second only to...
"Number two? I WANNA BE NUMBER ONE."
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post #17 of 34
7/12/03 at 12:53pm
You guys have a problem with Cusack in ConAir but you buy him as a professional killer in Grosse Pointe Blank?
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post #18 of 34
7/12/03 at 1:02pm
Quote:
Poxy Von Sinister:
You guys have a problem with Cusack in ConAir but you buy him as a professional killer in Grosse Pointe Blank?
Haven't seen it, but isn't Grosse Point Blank a comedy anyway?
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post #19 of 34
7/12/03 at 1:06pm
Somewhat, but the guy still has blazing gun shootouts and hand-to-hand combat and we're supposed to take it seriously.
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post #20 of 34
7/12/03 at 1:10pm
I think GPB differs where it taps into the normal Cusack psyche, where he's basically the same disaffected guy as he was in Say Anything, and has the same casual attitude, which is conveyed through some of the fights in GPB, in a different way to Con Air, where he's just there as the normal action hero. GPB is quirky all the way, and there it works a lot more, especially with the humour in some of the action.

Matt, you haven't seen GPB? Rent it man, it's ace. As a matter of fact, I don't even have the DVD...
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post #21 of 34
7/12/03 at 1:12pm
Thread Starter 
Woods has got intensity and aggression, he just doesn't have the physique to back it up.

...
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post #22 of 34
7/12/03 at 4:20pm
While I like Ice Cube, his turn in "Ghosts of Mars" seemed to really stretch what he should realistically expected to play.

Kadeem Hardison in "Drive" looked even more ridiculous when compared to how badass Mark Dacascos was.

I'm surprised that "the poor man's Johnny Depp" Skeet Ulrich and Cuba Gooding Jr. in "Chill Factor" has yet to be mentioned.
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post #23 of 34
7/12/03 at 4:26pm
Kadeem Hardisson is Drive is never supposed to be an action hero, he's your typical comic-relief sidekick all the way.
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post #24 of 34
7/12/03 at 6:30pm
I guess, but given the fact that he's fighting quite a lot, I didn't buy it. And I would have appreciated his "comic relief" being funny. But hey, the movie is pretty sweet. You're right, not quite the same as an action hero per se, but I just didn't like him.
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post #25 of 34
7/12/03 at 7:24pm
Quote:
[b]8. Jay Leno, Collision Course[/qb]
I'm surprised anyone that any other chewer but me knows about that turd. Good job.

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post #26 of 34
7/14/03 at 1:04pm
Joe Don Baker in Walking Tall
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post #27 of 34
7/14/03 at 1:06pm
Andrew Dice Clay in Brainsmasher and The Adventures of Ford Fairlane.
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post #28 of 34
7/14/03 at 1:35pm
Quote:
Blunt:
Quote:
Angel Red Wings:
Geena Davis in "The Long Kiss Goodnight".
No. Fucking. Way.
Gotta agree with Blunt on this one. She was GOLD in that.
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post #29 of 34
7/14/03 at 1:41pm
Quote:
thedudeabides:
Andrew Dice Clay in Brainsmasher and The Adventures of Ford Fairlane.
If by miscast you mean BEST.
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post #30 of 34
7/14/03 at 1:42pm
Quote:
Jedi Hitchhiker:
It has always been my opinion that Pat Morita in Karate Kid moved way to slow to beat up teenagers. It was more of a "mentor" role than action hero, but still...
Strongly disagree. I thought Mr. Myagi worked perfectly. As a matter of fact, I maintain that Yoda should have fought Dooku in a Myagi style. Myagi's economy of movement and the way he uses his opponent's momentum against him is much more in tune with Yoda's character than the hyper flying muppet style of fighting in AOTC.
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post #31 of 34
7/14/03 at 2:56pm
Thread Starter 
Best thing about Miyagi was his stunt double in the all-too-rare fight scenes. IIRC the Miyagi double was very fast, very short, and wore a loose fitting wig and old man mask freshly purchased from thrift shop. After long distance "Miyagi" had finished beating up the gang of Cobra Kai toughs, they'd suddenly cut to a close-up shot of Pat Morita raising his head as if from combat position, to establish that it was him all along.

Very Police Squad/Leslie Nielsen acrobatish.
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post #32 of 34
7/17/03 at 9:53pm
Quote:
Shigemichi Toscani:
Best thing about Miyagi was his stunt double in the all-too-rare fight scenes. IIRC the Miyagi double was very fast, very short, and wore a loose fitting wig and old man mask freshly purchased from thrift shop. After long distance "Miyagi" had finished beating up the gang of Cobra Kai toughs, they'd suddenly cut to a close-up shot of Pat Morita raising his head as if from combat position, to establish that it was him all along.

Very Police Squad/Leslie Nielsen acrobatish.
I coula sworn that there was at least one shot in the fight with the skeleton bully guys where you could see a clear shot of Pat Morita, where he is doing the shot to the pills part that ends the fight. It just never struck me as a stunt double. Huh. Weird. If it was a stunt double, he really didn't move that fast. I really have thought for years it was an old man doing those moves, and for years I was sure it was Pat Morita.
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post #33 of 34
7/18/03 at 3:53pm
At risk of further making this a "Pat Morita" thread, when I first mentioned him as unconvincing what I probably had most in mind was KK2, when Sato's men attack them at night. I remember Miyagi hitting a guy in the stomach, him standing there bent over for a while, and then Miyagi throwing (pushing/giving the guy his cue to run) the guy through a rice paper wall (not having his momentum used against him, either).

That's what I recall, anyway.

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post #34 of 34
7/18/03 at 4:47pm
Quote:
Agent Blue:
Quote:
[b]8. Jay Leno, Collision Course
I'm surprised anyone that any other chewer but me knows about that turd. Good job.[/QB]
"hey, hey we're the monkeys..."
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