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Worst Five Films of All Time - Page 2

post #51 of 95
5/25/03 at 10:41pm
While I think West Side Story is a really bad musical and film, I'd have to agree with you.
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post #52 of 95
5/25/03 at 11:16pm
5. Smokey and the Bandit 2
4. Freddy Got Fingered.
3. Halloween 3
2. Lawnmower Man.
...and the number 1 worst movie of all time is....


Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation.
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post #53 of 95
5/26/03 at 1:41am
Quote:
Dances with Chainsaws:
5. Smokey and the Bandit 2
4. Freddy Got Fingered.
3. Halloween 3
2. Lawnmower Man.
...and the number 1 worst movie of all time is....


Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation.
See, this guy has it.

Except "Smokey and the Bandit 3" is much, much worse.
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post #54 of 95
5/26/03 at 10:43am
In no particular order:

1. Moulin Rouge!

2. The Phantom Menace / Attack of the Clones
(Same bad movie, different graphics)

3. We Were Soldiers

4. True Lies

5. That movie where Adam Sandler plays a "lovable", mildly sociopathic idiot who, when confronted with adversity, inevitably triumphs in the end, thanks to a canny combination of charming stupidity and clever product-placement.
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post #55 of 95
5/26/03 at 11:18am
Quote:
Englebert:
In no particular order:

1. Moulin Rouge!

2. The Phantom Menace / Attack of the Clones
(Same bad movie, different graphics)

3. We Were Soldiers

4. True Lies

5. That movie where Adam Sandler plays a "lovable", mildly sociopathic idiot who, when confronted with adversity, inevitably triumphs in the end, thanks to a canny combination of charming stupidity and clever product-placement.
My point exactly.
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post #56 of 95
5/26/03 at 11:19am
Quote:
DVtS
[QB
The worst five films a person's ever seen should be the ones that cause the least enjoyable viewing experience, when all is said and done, completely devoid of any entertainment or enlightenment or positive impression.

That's what mine were.[/QB]
Then you really need to see a lot more movies.
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post #57 of 95
5/26/03 at 3:30pm
Quote:
Quijibow:
Wow, most of you people have really short memories or are very young....

Ishtar
Exorcist 2
Freddy got fingered
The Cable Guy
Hercules goes bananas
Forgive me for being so young and ignorant!

Freddy Got Fingered, ah yes. My mother told me about that one, I believe she went to see it as a little girl at the dime matinee.

I think this thread would've been improved if everyone had to give sound, logical reasons for why they consider their movies the worst.

Then we could really determine if "West Side Story" is truly worse than "Mothman from Alcatraz".
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post #58 of 95
5/26/03 at 7:50pm
Once again, in no particular order...

1. Batman and Robin (traumatizing...gave up my rubber nipple fetish completely after this experience)
2. Battlefield Earth (can I sue for the crick in my neck???)
3. Dude, Where's My Car (not even watching it drunk made this one funny)
4. Don't Tell Mom The Babysitter's Dead (Dear God, make the pain stop...and the cable channels stop playing it endlessly)
5. Meg Ryan movies. Pick one. Pick them all. wink
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post #59 of 95
5/26/03 at 7:58pm
Quote:
MizNomer:
5. Meg Ryan movies. Pick one. Pick them all. wink
When Harry Met Sally



wink
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post #60 of 95
5/26/03 at 8:06pm
Quote:
SmartZod:
Quote:
Dances with Chainsaws:
5. Smokey and the Bandit 2
4. Freddy Got Fingered.
3. Halloween 3
2. Lawnmower Man.
...and the number 1 worst movie of all time is....


Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation.
See, this guy has it.

Except "Smokey and the Bandit 3" is much, much worse.
TCM: The Next Generation makes Smokey and the Bandit 3 look like Smokey and the Bandit 2.
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post #61 of 95
5/26/03 at 8:15pm
Quote:
JamesLaw:
Quote:
MizNomer:
5. Meg Ryan movies. Pick one. Pick them all. wink
When Harry Met Sally



wink
It was the orgasm that turned the tide on this one for you, right? wink
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post #62 of 95
5/26/03 at 8:18pm
[quote]MizNomer:
Quote:
It was the orgasm that turned the tide on this one for you, right? wink
Yes, and it was even exciting without them using cake.
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post #63 of 95
5/26/03 at 8:21pm
You should try it without the cake sometime. Oh, and the woman having the fake orgasm, too. wink
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post #64 of 95
5/26/03 at 8:24pm
Quote:
MizNomer:
You should try it without the cake sometime. Oh, and the woman having the fake orgasm, too. wink
It's not fake when you end up with frosting for the cake!

And back on topic:

6. Attack of the Clones
7. Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome
8. Willard
9. Ben
10.Scream 3.
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post #65 of 95
5/27/03 at 1:55am
The problem is when you say "5 worst films of all time", you're talking to maybe 2 people on the planet who have seen and remember every film ever released in the history of mankind.

Most people have seen a very small percentage of films that are available so they're going to give ridiculous lists like:

1.Signs
2.The Ring
3.XXX
4.The Fast and the Furious
5.Punch Drunk Love

That's the problem with these topics... nobody fucking watches movies.

Instead you should've titled it: "5 worst films you've ever seen".

"...of all time" is a bit much.
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post #66 of 95
5/27/03 at 10:42am
1 - Pearl Harbor(Bay needs to have both his kneecaps broke for this one.)
2 - Batman & Robin(THANK YOU JOEL SHUMACHER FOR KILLING THE BATMAN FRANCHISE! DO YOU SEE SPIDER-MAN WITH FUCKING NIPPLES ON HIS COSTUME?)
3 - A Walk to Remember(This has one semi-decent redeeming aspect, Mandy Moore. Shane West needs acting lessons, and so does the rest of the cast. Peter Coyote and Darryl Hannah should be bitch-slapped for taking this film. Say, wouldn't be awesome to just leave school whenever? I think our director should have learned the aspect of "realism".)
4 - The Fast and the Furious(Here's a new tip: Buy a REAL sports car. Not only will you be slick, but you'll be able to beat ANY of the "tricked out" sedans displayed in this movie. Well, Jordana Brewster is pretty hot.)
5 - Kiss of the Dragon(The dialoge was AWESOME and the acting was OSCAR WORTHY. YEAH RIGHT!!!!!! This movie blew. Bad.)
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post #67 of 95
5/27/03 at 12:27pm
Quote:
Stew:
Quote:
Englebert:
In no particular order:

1. Moulin Rouge!

2. The Phantom Menace / Attack of the Clones
(Same bad movie, different graphics)

3. We Were Soldiers

4. True Lies

5. That movie where Adam Sandler plays a "lovable", mildly sociopathic idiot who, when confronted with adversity, inevitably triumphs in the end, thanks to a canny combination of charming stupidity and clever product-placement.
My point exactly.
You think you've got a point? Don't flatter yourself.

Who cares about cheap, long-forgotten cult movies like Manos that fall flat on their faces? Even if they completely miss all of their goals thanks to incompetent filmmaking, they can usually raise a laugh through their combination of blatant cheapness, inept camerawork, ridiculous ideas and strangely earnest performances.

The worst movies, the real cinematic disasters, the spectacular failures, are the ones that have every advantage given them--blank-cheque financing, the latest advancements in tech, relentless promotion machines, big-name casts, etc.--and still fail utterly and abysmally on every conceivable level: as art, as entertainment, as so-bad-it's-good hilarity, as something to recall with even the slightest amount of fondness or enjoyment.

And all the movies I listed represent exactly that, to me (except maybe the Adam Sandler movies, which just represent the cheapest, most asinine examples of "dumb is good" garbage out there).
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post #68 of 95
5/27/03 at 1:16pm
Even so, Englebert, your picks for worst movies are all from the past 10 years. What about EARTHQUAKE? That was really boring and dragged out and all for one minute of SFX footage. Or you could call out STAR TREK: THE MOTION PICTURE for being nothing but graphics.

I understand that this is *your* list, but I just find it disappointing that the lists are wanting in variety and don't go back any further than 1993 for the most part.
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post #69 of 95
5/27/03 at 1:57pm
Englebert, you're just being a snob, and I can't say I'm particularly surprised.

To say "Moulin Rouge" is the worst movie of all time is nothing more than just elitist bullshit. I'm thinking that you disagree with "We Were Soldiers" because its one of the only Vietnam movies to not portray American soldiers as depraved, sadistic villains. That's a disagreement, not grounds for third worst movie of all time. I hate "The Contender" because its a naive, hilariously ignorant Democratic compaign commercial. But I would never put it on a worst list because its too well-acted and technically well-made.

There are plenty of movies with big budgets, casts, technology, and the like that are a million times worse than any on your list. So that excuse is just a convenient cop-out.

As Devin said, you're just attempting to be "shocking", and its stupid.
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post #70 of 95
5/27/03 at 2:12pm
Quote:
turdmuppet:
1.schindler's list
2.the pianist
3.the prince of egypt
4.the ten commandments
5.air force one
PLEASE tell me you're joking about the first one!
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post #71 of 95
5/27/03 at 2:16pm
Quote:
turdmuppet:
1.schindler's list
2.the pianist
3.the prince of egypt
4.the ten commandments
5.air force one
Please tell me you're joking about all of them.

Or at least explain what "Air Force One" has to do with you hating Jews.
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post #72 of 95
5/27/03 at 2:25pm
You guys are right. This thread would be a lot better if everyone just listed awful movies that about 98% of the population has never even heard of.

That being said...

5. Who's That Girl
4. The Astronaut's Wife
3. Wing Commander
2. Outbreak
1. Get Carter (stallone of course)
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post #73 of 95
5/27/03 at 2:27pm
Quote:
Stew:
Englebert, you're just being a snob, and I can't say I'm particularly surprised.
Your statement is wrong on every point. I can't say I'm particularly surprised.
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post #74 of 95
5/27/03 at 2:28pm
Quote:
Englebert:
Quote:
Stew:
Englebert, you're just being a snob, and I can't say I'm particularly surprised.
Your statement is wrong on every point. I can't say I'm particularly surprised.
Way to debate! I'm impressed.
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post #75 of 95
5/27/03 at 2:31pm
Quote:
Guttenberg Fan Club:
You guys are right. This thread would be a lot better if everyone just listed awful movies that about 98% of the population has never even heard of.
At least it wouldn't be a joke of AICN talkback proportions.

And there are plenty of godawful movies that played in every multiplex in the country. Isn't that what people bitch about all day on these boards? Bad bad movies. As your list was a good example, you don't have to scour the shit shelves of Blockbuster to come up with bad movies. And you certainly don't have to bash good ones to make some silly point.
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post #76 of 95
5/27/03 at 2:32pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Stew:
Quote:
turdmuppet:
1.schindler's list
2.the pianist
3.the prince of egypt
4.the ten commandments
5.air force one
Please tell me you're joking about all of them.

Or at least explain what "Air Force One" has to do with you hating Jews.
I get that impression, too. It's actually kinda disturbing. Maybe he though Gary Oldman was Jewish. Imagine if I had this as my list:

1) Do the Right Thing
2) Roots
3) Boyz in the Hood
4) Grand Canyon
5) Air Force One
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post #77 of 95
5/27/03 at 2:34pm
Thread Starter 
It's funny because I consider We Were Soldiers to be one of the top ten worst films I have ever seen, but I love True Lies and Moulin Rouge. Your list just seems to be strategically designed to be contrary to 99% of the Chewers.
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post #78 of 95
5/27/03 at 2:38pm
Quote:
Stew:
Way to debate! I'm impressed.
Give me a point worth debating, first. Your remarks are so off-base and hostile, I can't even comprehend the viewpoint I'd be arguing with.
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post #79 of 95
5/27/03 at 2:51pm
Thread Starter 
Just to clarify why We Were Soldiers is an awful movie:

1) Chris Klein
2) Piss poor direction
3) Piss poor cinematography
4) Piss poor direction
5) Bad performances by everyone except Sam Elliot
6) Awful sequences with the wives
7) It glazes over the Vietnam war and makes it seem like a cut and dry conflict like World War II appeared to be
8) Chris Klein
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post #80 of 95
5/27/03 at 2:53pm
Quote:
Stew:
I'm thinking that you disagree with "We Were Soldiers" because its one of the only Vietnam movies to not portray American soldiers as depraved, sadistic villains. That's a disagreement, not grounds for third worst movie of all time. I hate "The Contender" because its a naive, hilariously ignorant Democratic compaign commercial. But I would never put it on a worst list because its too well-acted and technically well-made.

There are plenty of movies with big budgets, casts, technology, and the like that are a million times worse than any on your list.
And maybe explaining why, other than shock value of course, you would list those movies.
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post #81 of 95
5/27/03 at 2:59pm
Quote:
Sean Bateman, Causal Chewer:
Just to clarify why We Were Soldiers is an awful movie:

1) Chris Klein
2) Piss poor direction
3) Piss poor cinematography
4) Piss poor direction
5) Bad performances by everyone except Sam Elliot
6) Awful sequences with the wives
7) It glazes over the Vietnam war and makes it seem like a cut and dry conflict like World War II appeared to be
8) Chris Klein
Christ Klein accounts for about 8% of the film. The direction is nowhere near that bad, especially when you consider that it kept you aware of and made understandable complicated battlefield strategy covering a long period of time.

And point 7 makes zero sense. The battle in question was the first major battle of the war, in many ways before any of the convoluted bullshit the came with it in the later years. And since this was a movie not about the politics (as every other Vietnam film) but about the soldiers on the ground in the heat of battle, this is not a valid qualm. "Saving Private Ryan" ignored most of the politics of WWII but its irrelevant because that's not the story they set out to tell.
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post #82 of 95
5/27/03 at 3:10pm
We Were Soldiers is an unbearably solemn and "important" blockbuster--Gibson's trite pontificating in the church, what's-her-name helping the "cabbie" or whoever-the-fuck deliver death notices back on base or some such complete bullshit, and so on and on and on--yet it's treatment of war is as sanitized and as gung-ho as any Rambo shoot-em-up, and just as suffused in macho mythologizing garbage (the commander making sure to get on and off the chopper first/last, like that should mean shit).

As an offensive piece of war-movie-as-propaganda, I suppose something like The Green Berets might give WWS a run for its money. But nowadays, the Wayne movie is seen as the joke that it is, and its relative cheapness and relatively modest production values make it seem almost sad and quaint. Taking into account not only its budget but the massive self-stroking egos of those involved, I have no problem nominating We Were Soldiers as the most obnoxious, arrogant and stupid war movie I've seen, possibly only rivaled by the insultingly awful A Soldier's Sweetheart, and therefore a worthy contender in my "Worst Movies of All Time List".
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post #83 of 95
5/27/03 at 3:12pm
The Fast and the Furious still sucks.
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post #84 of 95
5/27/03 at 6:07pm
01. The Wild World Of Batwoman
02. Zarkorr! The Invader
03. Starship Invasions
04. Bulletproof Monk
05. The Loch Ness Horror

Edited because I just couldn't do 5 films.

06. Sadomania
07. Eegah
08. The Humanoid
09. Starcrash
10. Defcon 4
11. Battlefield Earth
12. Manhattan Baby
13. Warrior Of The Lost World
14. Megaforce (it sucks but it's entertaining)
15. Stroker Ace
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post #85 of 95
5/27/03 at 7:08pm
Oh, c'mon! ZARKORR! THE INVADER can't be any worse than KRAA! THE SEA MONSTER. Where else can you find a hero that is the most average person on Earth? Now that's a great concept, and just watching the tiny hologram of the hottie give him such a major slap in the face is hilarious.
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post #86 of 95
5/27/03 at 8:17pm
Well, see, after I saw Zarkorr I made the decision that I would rather stick my dick in a blender than watch Kraa (which was advertised as coming soon on the Zarkorr video)or any other "films" from this team.
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post #87 of 95
5/27/03 at 9:16pm
I just remembered the movie that very well may be the worst and the best of all time, at the same time.

American Flatulators.

If you have not seen it, burrow into the molten hot core of every bargin bin you can find, brave the foul stench, and search. You won't be disappointed. Best $.50 I ever spent.
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post #88 of 95
5/27/03 at 9:58pm
Behave. That last post was completely unnecessary.

Thank you.
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post #89 of 95
5/27/03 at 10:13pm
Quote:
kittyinjammies:
Behave. That last post was completely unnecessary.

Thank you.
What she said.
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post #90 of 95
5/27/03 at 10:19pm
Who the fuck gave him 9 votes?
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post #91 of 95
5/27/03 at 10:44pm
Quote:
005:
Even so, Englebert, your picks for worst movies are all from the past 10 years. What about EARTHQUAKE? That was really boring and dragged out and all for one minute of SFX footage.
Dude, I laughed my ass off when "The Big One" hit. Especially when that one dude in that tall office building was when thrown around his office and then was "flung" out of his own window! My parents scolded me when I was laughing, but I told them: "How can you take this seriously?!" Glad to see someone feels the way I do.
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post #92 of 95
5/27/03 at 10:52pm
Quote:
pubicpudding:
you dont know what its like to be a sand nigger in a jew world so back the fuck off
I was trying to think of an appropriate reply, but I think this stands best on its own.
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post #93 of 95
5/27/03 at 10:56pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
pubicpudding:
you dont know what its like to be a sand nigger in a jew world so back the fuck off
If he doesn't get kicked off the boards for that then nothing is innapropriate.
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post #94 of 95
5/27/03 at 10:58pm
Quote:
pubicpudding:
you dont know what its like to be a sand nigger in a jew world so back the fuck off
Coming this fall to the WB!
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post #95 of 95
5/27/03 at 10:59pm
Quote:
Sean Bateman, Causal Chewer:
Quote:
pubicpudding:
you dont know what its like to be a sand nigger in a jew world so back the fuck off
If he doesn't get kicked off the boards for that then nothing is innapropriate.
We need Starchamber! STAT!
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